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I took in deep breaths as I built up courage to knock on Octavian's office door. It has been two days since I've had my talk with Octavian and Ana. Ana dropped in once a day, making that special dish for me which in fact did have rice. It was made from rice and lentils so they basically lied to me. But I don't mind because it did taste good.

Lydel has been living with me since the past two days and I'm loving it. The twins drop in from time to time to check up if I'm doing alright. Everything has gone back to normal and school has started except my brothers won't let me out of the house. I even had to listen to a lecture from Zion for going down to the gardens alone. Something about going down the stairs alone. Now, I can just roam the first floor and can go up and down the stairs only when there is someone with me.

Octavian hasn't visited me since our argument. I asked if he was free but zane said that he was drowned in work. I wanted to believe it but I couldn't help but think that it was all my fault. I didn't want to hurt him but I did and now I didn't know how to talk to him or at least try to.

I raised my hand to knock on the door of Octavian's office but before I could, I heard Octavian's voice from inside, asking me to walk in. I walked in quietly, making as little sound possible. I slightly raise my head to see Octavian working behind his desk in silence. Numerous papers were scattered on his tabletop with a plate of uneaten food. He looked up in concern but I avoided his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed as he gestured me to sit down in the chair in front of his desk.

I quietly settle down in the chair as I look at him. He waited for me to speak up and I took my sweet time building up courage. Octavian's actions didn't seem forced or tense of any kind. He just looked stressed so I was hoping that he was not angry, I mean there is no way to tell with his guarded expressions and cold eyes. It was really difficult to figure his emotions out at the moment, unlike me, duh.

"I wanted to apologize," I muttered softly, looking down, suddenly his matt black pen seemed very interesting.

"For what?" he asked, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Isn't he offended?

"For snapping at you like that. It was very disrespectful and I shouldn't have been to rude about it. I'm just really sorry. I don't know what came over for me to react in such an impudent way and to disrespect you like that," I finished, this time looking in his eyes.

"No, no you're not apologizing for that. That was my mistake, I was pushing you too far and you were right about the trust. It has been too long for you to trust us blindly and I'm proud of you for standing up to someone when you're not comfortable. I'm really sorry for pushing you so hard. I'm sorry that I kept going even when you asked me to stop. I just hope you can trust us enough to open during this time. We just want to help."

"It's alright," I said softly. I slumped into the comfortable chair as I focused on my lap. We both sat in silence. I didn't want to leave before Octavian dismissed me because well, he's Octavian. But I also felt my anxiety creeping up as I sat in front of Octavian with his gaze burning into my head.

"Now that you're already here, we need to have a talk," Octavian said, keeping his pen down and folding his hands. My head snapped up, eyes wide a I question him wordlessly. "Your carelessness that landed you just the ER," He clarified further, making me put on a blank expression.

"What about it?" I asked softly. I didn't know what I had done wrong. I was doing everything he wanted me to and there was nothing I had done that Octavian should consider careless. Just before Octavian could answer, the door opened and the twins sauntered in. Octavian grumbled something about knocking but it wasn't loud enough for the twins to hear.

"You called me," Zane stated as Octavian gave him a curt nod. He adjusted the file in his hand before sitting down on the sofa pushed against one of the walls on my right side.

"I just tagged along," Zion shrugged as he gave the door a small push to close it. But before it could fully close a foot appeared right in front of the open door, effectively stopping it from meeting the closed one. Everyone's head turned to the intrusion as the door swung open once again, this time, my second oldest brother appeared, clad in a full suit, his tattooed hands stuffed into his pant pockets as his eyes narrowed at me.

"Nobody informed me of a family meeting," Dorian remarked as he walked in closing the door behind him. He strided alongside the wall before leaning against it in a corner. He had a clear view of my face as well as Octavian's.

"Dorian," Octavian acknowledged his younger brother, "I hope you will behave yourself here," He said, narrowing his eyes as well. Two of my scariest brothers were having a staring contest and I couldn't lie and say I wasn't scared. To be in a room full of men, alone, is not what I had on my to-do list. I was scared to be alone with one male, one very intimidating male, let alone four.

Finally, Dorian caved, making me sigh inaudibly, "I will try," He shrugged. Octavian gave him one last look before turning his attention to me. I quickly averted my eyes, trying not to make eye-contact with him.

"Astria," Octavian started softly, "I know there has been something going on and you have been going through some stuff. But I need you to take care of yourself. And I remember asking you to do so. You said you would," He said, pressing on some words. I kept my face blank in reply. I couldn't make out what he was trying to do. Mom was always trying new ways to crack me, I did not expect Octavian to go with sneaky ways when he could literally do whatever he liked and no one would know what happened. He could fucking kill me and bury me somewhere on this humongous estate and no one would even question him about my disappearance.

I froze for a moment at my thoughts, he could really do that. I needed to be extra alert around him. If mom's reasons seemed ridiculous, I wouldn't put anything past the man sitting right in front of me. It made me realize how comfortable I was being in this house. They were still the Crawford brothers and I was still a stranger, one slip up and I would be lying in a ditch somewhere.

"I-I am taking care of myself," I muttered, focusing on the wall beside his head. Zane took that moment to open the file, shuffling through some pages before speaking up.

"Here it states that you haven't eaten or drank anything for the past twenty-four hours, maybe more, except water, of course," Zane said. Is that what this is about?

"That doesn't sound like taking care of yourself," Octavian said in a clipped, monotone voice. I looked at him blankly but a flash of fear passed my face the moment I saw his icy stare. So, we were back to where we began. To be honest, we never left that point, maybe he was just pretending. Pretending to care and then hurt me later, just like mom said he would. "Explain," He said that one word with so much intensity that it made me spill all the beans, even if I didn't want to.

"I didn't tell you something," I said, softly. I was freaking out on the inside, ready to flee if anything went wrong but I doubted if I would go far with the built men beside me and the ridiculous amount of guards outside.

"I know and are you ready to tell me that now?" He asked. I knew he was talking exactly what I was talking about. And Of course he knew, he knew everything, except my past.

"I got an E on my Maths Test," I muttered, defeated. My head hung in shame as I gazed at my lap. I wanted to be perfect like them but it was useless trying considering I couldn't do anything. Literally.

The more moments passed, the more I realised how I didn't fit in with them. They were famous, they were perfect. Excellent in everything they did. While I was unknown, clumsy and dumb. Messing up everything I did.

"An E?" Dorian exclaimed loudly. I flinched slightly, but did not raise my head. He sounded outraged at the grade I had gotten and honestly, I didn't blame him.

"Dorian, lower your voice please," Octavian snapped. It was clear that he was irritated at his younger siblings but he still managed to keep a calm, leveled voice.

"You can't expect me to stay calm when she is literally failing," He said, his voice still held anger. I kept quiet, guilt eating me from the inside. The brothers were fighting because of me, I didn't know how many times this had happened before and I was the cause of it.

"That is exactly what I expect you to do," He said, an underlying threat in his voice, "Now, if you will let me talk," He said, making Dorian shut up and go back to his previous position.

"I knew that but how does this have any connection with you starving yourself?" He asked, narrowing his eyes a little. At this, my head snapped up. He is taking the act a little too far now. Even mom would take the blame for something she did, why is he acting as if all of this was my fault? It's not as if I enjoyed the pain of an empty stomach.

"I don't get it," I started softly, "You're the one who asks me to do the stuff and then you act as if it's all my fault. I was just doing as I was told." I don't know from whenever the sudden burst of courage was coming from but I was glad that it was coming.

"Are you saying I asked you to starve yourself to death?" He asked, narrowing his eyes but he didn't seem angry. Or maybe he was angry but he was good at hiding it.

"Well, not directly at least and isn't starving to death a little bit of an exaggeration? I just passed out so it's not that big of a deal," I muttered, looking down again. Their gaze was too intense, it made me feel like I was a criminal, I did something wrong and I should spend the rest of my life regretting it. In short, they scared me. Kind of.

"Astria, sweetie, you had severe hypothermia. You almost flatlined. If timely care was not given and had they been not careful enough, you could have gone into cardiac arrest. It was quite a big deal," Zion said softly, his hand landing on my right shoulder, probably as a way to provide comfort but I flinched back. I felt him retract his hand but did not dare look up. I knew he was hurt by my reaction but I couldn't help it.

"Astria, do mind telling me why you refused to eat for an entire day?" Kctavian asked even though it was more of an order.

"Because I got an E on the math test," I replied in the smallest whisper ever.

"As a punishment?" Zane asked, his pitch higher than usual.

"It's mum's punishment. If I get anything lower than an A, I don't get lunch, lower than C and I don't get to eat anything for the whole day," I replied. At this point, all the anger, hatred and fear vanished and sadness and pity took its place. I couldn't help but feel sorry for how my childhood was spent. I was having difficulty coming up with a moment I was truly happy and unafraid. I realized how every second, every moment of my childhood was just filled with fear and terror. Of my own mother.

Before I could make sense of what was happening, Zion knelt down in front me, wrapping his arms around my numb form. I sat there frozen for a second, in Zion's comforting embrace without uttering a word. Seconds turned into minutes, no one moved, Zion didn't let me go. He held on, unlike so many others, he did not let me go. Maybe I was reading too much in between lines, but it felt nice to be held by someone, not saying anything, just holding me.

I felt hot tears bursting their way through as I wrapped my hands around him. I bent my chin, hiding my face in his neck as he softly rubbed my back. The musky scent of his cologne surrounded us as I bit my lip in an effort to keep my tears in. Zion made a move to release me but I just held on tighter. I had not felt this kind of comfort, someone comforting in such a manner when I was down. I was not ready to let go. He just sighed and softly caressed my hair.

A few minutes later, he spoke up, "How about we get you comfortable and in bed and you can get some rest before dinner? How does that sound?" I hesitated for a minute before nodding softly. I pulled away. I kept my head down so that my hair covered my face. Eventhough I pulled away, my hand was still in Zion's huge tattooed hands. Clearly, all the brothers had some type of obsession with tattoos. I was sure that all of them had huge tattooed bodies and full sleeves of it as well, except Zane. But I had still seen tattoos creeping up at the base of is new from time to time.

I stood up, a little wobbly on my legs but managed to walk away with Zion. Just before exiting, I turned my head back to find Octavian staring right at me but as soon as his gaze met mine, he looked away. I kept walking with Zion but couldn't ignore the stab in my heart at his actions. I don't know if he was embarrassed by having a dumb and weak sister or he was just disgusted by me or even both. The urge to cry grew and a lump formed in my throat. I just looked ahead, clutching Zion's hand tighter as we walked away.

As soon as we entered my room, Zion set me on the bed as he opened the bathroom. I heard the tap running and him fumbling through some bottles before calling someone from his phone. Moments later Gwen showed up, some bottles in her hand along with few fluffy towels and what seemed like clothes. She gave me a fleeting smile before rushing into the bathroom.

Zion came out, Gwen following him. "We've run a hot bath with some essential oils to help you relax and some comfy clothes are on the chair. You can go right in," He said as Gwen left the room.

I nodded and stood up. Just before I was about to enter the bathroom, I turned my head to look behind me, slight concern on my face. Zion saw this and understood what was going on. He gave me a soft smile and said, "I'll be right here when you come out. Don't worry." And with that I entered the bathroom, ready wash away everything that I was reminded of today.

I sat in the bath for over an hour but it didn't help, instead, more horrible memories resurfaced. Memories from when I was a child. It was as if I had forgotten about the horrible moments until today, when it all came swarming back to me. I slipped under the heavy covers with little help from Zion as he turned down the lights. It was not complete darkness but dark enough for me to fall asleep to. He silently slipped a box of tissues on the side table, giving me a slight nod as he did so.

He then pulled the covers upto my chin, tucking me in before kissing my forehead forehead softly, "It's going to alright," he whispered, "and if you need anything, we're right outside. Just holler." With that he exited the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

I stared at the ceiling, unmoving as the tears trickled that I held in for so long trickled down my face and onto the pillow. Soon, I was sobbing silently, curled into a ball under the covers.

***

Third POV

Octavian Crawford stood outside the dark grey door, a tray in hand as he knocked. He received no answer, his hand landed on the handle, gently turning it. The door swung open making him sigh in relief.

He walked inside, setting the tray down on the white table he walked towards the hunched figure under the sheets. Taking a deep breath, he softly tapped on her shoulder in an attempt to wake her up but all she did was whine and turn on her back.

Through the dimmed lights, Octavian saw the mess of tissues on her pillow side and dried tear streaks on her cheek. His heart clenched painfully, he felt as if someone had held his heart in both hands and just squished it. He believed that it was his job as the oldest brother to protect the younger ones but he failed. Everyone of his siblings had trauma and apparently, with signs Astria was showing, he was almost sure that she had suffered the most. He could not protect any of his siblings from the harsh reality of the world.

He sat down beside her on the bed, brushing the hair out of her face. He didn't have the heart to wake her up, because to him she looked like an angel, relaxed and beautiful. The dried tears did nothing to lessen her beauty. Keeping his feelings aside, he called out to her while softly shaking her.

Soon her eyes opened and Octavian smiled at the bright blue eyes, similar to his, shining up at him.

The first thing Astria saw when she woke up was the smiling face of her eldest brother. She knew she was awake but her brother's smiling face forced her to think otherwise. She thought that she was still asleep and this was a dream.

She opened her mouth and an apology fell out of her lips. She didn't know what she was apologizing for, her marks, her past, troubling her brothers or embarrassing them. But she felt the need to apologize.

Octavian's brows furrowed in confusion. He had let his guard down and was clearly showing all his emotions to Astria. And Astria was thankful for that. She didn't know if he had the energy to deal with a cold-faced, stern Octavian.

"Why?" He asked as she sat up, resting her back against the pillow-y headboard of the bed.

"For everything," She said, her voice coarse. It hurt to speak but she needed to talk to him. Octavian understood what she wanted so he poured her a glass of cool water. She chugged the glass down in one go before looking back at her eldest brother who was still staring at her in concern.

"But you did nothing wrong," Octavian started softly, "I do not know what happened with Eleanore and what happened in that house but I know, for sure, that nothing was your fault. You were just child and child could never do anything so wrong that you have to use force or starve them," He said, looking right in her eyes. He could still see hesitation behind her brilliant blue eyes but he also saw a glimmer of understanding which gave him some hope.

"And how will you justify my grade?" The girl asked. She sounded defeated and her brother was determined to change her outlook and life for good while she was with him.

"You worked hard," He said in a soft voice.

"Not hard enough," She muttered, shaking her head softly.

"No, you tried as hard as you could. Now, you see Astria, sometimes the stress gets to you and even if you know your topics and it's alright. You don't have to punish yourself for it. You don't have to be so harsh on yourself. I know you're smart. All of us know that. And everyone has their highs and lows. That one grade does not define your entire academic year. I know you're smart and you will pull through this, even if you require a little help it's quite alright. Okay?" He asked, to which she nodded in reply.

She was trying to make sense of what he was saying. The girl wasn't able to wrap her head around the idea that his perfect brother didn't mind her getting bad grades given that she tried her best. It only motivated her to study harder, maybe next time with proper rest and clear mind.

Seeming satisfied with her answer, the young man stood up and walked over to the sitting area of the room. Moments later, he emerged with a tray in his hand. He set the tray in front of his sister and settled down right beside her. He gestured her to have steak and asparagus.

The sudden offer confused her but as her mouth watered by just looking at the steak, she dug in. She took small bites, a bit of hesitance in her actions as she kept glancing at her brother to see if there was any change in his reactions.

When she was halfway through her portion, Octavian finally spoke up, "So, Astria, I think we'll have to have a new set of rules while you're here," He said and her head snapped it, "Don't worry they'll be quite normal. Your curfew is still the same, I won't change that. I still want you to try your best at school but I'm just going add a little to that rule. You have to take proper rest and meals while you're studying or doing anything. Overdoing something can sometimes ruin all the effort you've put in. So, enough rest and meals should go along with hard work, okay?" He asked to which she nodded in reply, again.

"Now, another important one. You need to have three full meals everyday. I don't care what happens, you will have three meals everyday. Of course, if you want to have snacks, the whole pantry is open and at your service. You see, I'm trusting you with this one. I don't want to make you feel like a prisoner under supervision by asking our brothers to keep an eye on you meal intake. I want you to feel free and safe and know that we all respect your privacy. So, I'm not going to take that freedom away. But you still have to promise me that you'll take proper care of yourself," He finished with a short huff of breath.

Astria smiled on the inside. If felt nice to be trusted. She felt responsible enough to have her brother trust her. Even if it was for the smallest if things, it made Astria feel somewhat like a responsible teenager.

"I promise," she whispered softly.

***

A/N:

Omgg y'all, I'm so sorry for the late update. This was quite the chapter and damn was it a rollercoaster with Astria's emotions all over the place.

I tried to write it to the best of my abilities, so I hope you guys like it!! Also, our boo supporting and validating Astria, giving her reasonable rules
🥺🥺🥺.

And the little bitch only seeing the flaws of Astria 🙄🙄.

Um, anyways, so, I hope you liked this chapter, if you did, please vote and share. We're so close to 10k reads, godamnnn, y'all are amazing af 🥳🥳. Also, comment and tell me about your faviourite part of this chapter!!

QOTD: Your least faviourite character from a book you absolutely love?
AOTD: Margaret from To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

SIBLING MEME LOL

Toodles

~Ash