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"Come on, you gotta wake up hun," The soft voice whispered as I forced my eyes open. The smiling face of Ana appeared in my vision and memories of last night came tumbling back to me. "They know," I whispered, dread audible in my voice.

"I know," She whispered, softly caressing my hair. "And it's alright." She then asked me to sit up while handing me a white ceramic mug.

"Is this milk?" I asked as she rolled the curtains open.

"With a hint of vanilla, just as you like it," She muttered, petting Sky who had walked in just when Ana opened the door. She jumped on my lap making me sigh in relief, it's been too long since I got some time with Sky. She licked my face making me crack out a smile as I calmed her down.

After a couple minutes, she calmed down, settling on my lap as I sipped on my sweet warm milk. "You gotta be quick, sweetie. I'm sorry if you don't want to be reminded of it but you have places to go to today," Ana muttered from the bathroom.

"I'm not going," I said, my head hung low. My milk was now left unattended as I held Sky close to me.

"What do you mean?" She asked, walking out of the bathroom. Her eyebrows were furrowed together as she walked over to me.

"I don't think I should go meet him," I said, my voice cracking. It took everything in me to not burst into tears. I did not feel that I deserved to go pay my respects after everything that I put my dad through. I agreed with Dorian, as much as it pained me to say, I had no right call myself his daughter after torturing him like that.

"Why would you say that?" She asked, kneeling down in front of me. I could see genuine concern for my sanity in her eyes. And honestly, I don't blame her. I've been questioning my sanity for a long time now.

"It's just how I feel. After everything I put him through, would he even want me to be there? I understand now what Dorian meant. It just doesn't feel right. What if he hated me before going? What if he wished that I wouldn't ever see him again but never voiced that wish out? Because that's what I think happened. I just don't think that he would've still loved me, or even entertained the thought of me before that happened," I replied.

"That is not true. I was there when it happened, I met him when he was in the hospital and you know what he told me, he told me to get his girl, however long it takes. Even if it is after him, he just wanted you to be here, where you belong. He would never be able to hate his little princess. He knew that if you weren't here before something happened to him, the brothers would be caught up in a web of their emotions instead of looking for you," She said before taking me in her arms.

"So, it doesn't matter if you're a little late or if you weren't there when he wanted you to because he understood. Your father was a smart and compassionate man, unlike the cold exterior he showed to the world, much like your brother. And just like them, your father was incapable of hating you." I leaned into her warm body as she rubbed my hands, trying to comfort me.

She handed me the mug, somehow the milk was still warm in it. I started to drink t, deep in thought. It hurt more knowing that he didn't feel any hatred towards me even after what I put him through. I felt as if his love, his immense love could have been gone to better. Some place where it would have been appreciated.

But I understood what Astria said and even though I wasn't there when he needed me, I will try to make amends. I can't show him how much I love him anymore or much I appreciated his love but I can still try to pay my respect, respect the love that once existed with him, respect the love that still exists without him.

"How about you take a nice, warm bath?" Ana asked, her chocolate brown eyes emitting a warm glow, "I'll have breakfast ready when you come downstairs, yeah?" I wordlessly nodded as she stood up. I stood up after her, without giving it much of a thought, lost in my own mind as I lost balance. I stumbled a little but Ana was quick to spin around and steady me.

"Take it slow, Ria, take it slow," She muttered, making sure I was fine before leaving. I nodded yet again, making my way to the bathroom as Sky followed, wiggling her little bum as she strutted.

I walked out of the wardrobe in a soft fitted black crop top and grey sweatpants and walked down to the kitchen. Ria presented me with a plate of toast and eggs. I looked at it without any emotion on my face. I didn't feel like eating anything but Octavian did trust me with this food thing and I don't want to let him down. So, I sat on one of the barstools and started nibbling on the piece of bread.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was only an hour, I finally finished a piece of toast and one egg but there was still toast and egg left on my plate. I felt weirdly full, felt as if I might throw up if I ate anymore. As if sensing my inner turmoil, Ana spoke up from beside, leave it if you don't feel like eating it. Don't force yourself," She said. I shot her a grateful smile before setting my plate on the kitchen counter. I looked back at Ana who just gave a small smile and an encouraging nod as I walked out of the kitchen.

As soon as I entered the living room, my eyes upon the person waiting right near the staircase. Dorian was dressed in grey hoodie and matching sweatpants, he looked tired with messy hair, dull emotionless eyes, dark circles and a disheveled look overall. I stood frozen in my steps, in fear but in concern as well. I had been there, nightmarish morning and the struggle of the previous night was not fun and to be honest he did look horrible.

"Why aren't you ready yet?" He asked, his voice gruff and hoarse.

"Huh?" The sound escaped my lips as I looked at him but I was still lost in thoughts.

"I was supposed to take you, aren't I?" He asked, not looking me in the eyes but his words snapped me back to reality, "It's already ten, so it's better if we visit in the morning. But you're not ready?" He asked.

"O-Oh, sorry. I'll be ready in a couple minutes," I said, rushing towards the stairs.

"I'll be waiting outside," He muttered, walking out of the way, "Be there in ten." He stopped abruptly as if contemplating something, "Please," He added before disappearing out of the living room, leaving me confused. Dorian never even wanted to look me in the eyes and now him doing the bare minimum just felt so great, when it shouldn't.

Abandoning my thoughts, I ran up the stairs, halfway through which Ana yelled from below, "Don't run on the stairs," She shouted as I yelled back an 'okay' before quietly running up the stairs. I mean, she can't hear me run if I don't make noise.

I threw a random hoodie over my crop top before sliding on my grey sneakers before rushing down the stairs again. This time Ana wasn't in sight so I wasn't reprimanded for my speed as I walled out of the mansion. I asked one of the guards positioned near the mansion to tell Ana that I'm with Dorian so she shouldn't worry.

Walking over to the driveway, I stood right in front of Dorian as he scrolled through his phone. As if sensing my presence he looked up and a frown quickly took place on his face. He slightly glared at me before opening the back door of his sleek white car. Quickly shuffling through some things as I was distracted by fear, he shoved something on my head. As muffled shrieks escaped me, he pushed the piece of cloth through my arm and pulled it down and out of my face. I let out a loud exclaim of relief as my lungs filled with air again.

"It's cold there and you're not dressed warm enough," He grumbled, "Get in." I nodded and got in the backseat, figuring that he would prefer to be as far from me as possible. "What are you doing?" He asked, making me look up, "I'm not your driver. Get in the front."

"Oh, right. Sorry," I muttered, getting out of the car and shifting to the front seat. The whole ride over to the cemetery was silent except a few glances from Dorian towards me. I kept looking back at all the flower shops we passed and when we crossed the few that were on our way. Dorian stopped at a red light. We had to take the next left and we would be on the cemetery grounds and on the right was the last flower shop that we would encounter before we reached our destination. Dorian didn't look as if he would get flowers for him so I did the next best thing I could.

I squeaked out a quick sorry before swiftly unlocking the door and exiting the car. Crossing the roads when the cars finally stopped, I bought arrangements of blue Iris, anemone and calla Lily. As I turned around to walk back to the car, I saw Dorian, leaning against the car that was now parked right beside the shop. I walk over, my hands full of the flowers as I avoided his eyes. He observed me with narrowed eyes before opening the door to the passenger seat before I even had the chance to try with my full arms.

I kept my down, "Thank you," I muttered. I settled down, quite on the edge as we entered the cemetery grounds. Before I knew it I was breathing harder than normal and my hold around the flowers tightened. I could feel my hands get sweatier as Dorian parked the car. The sweet scent of the flowers wafted through my nose as I tried to calm my nerves.

Before I knew it the door of the car opened and the flowers were taken from my hands. And in just a couple of moments, I was surrounded my warmth and a scent similar to Octavian. "It's alright," A voice muttered, "Just breathe." I did what was asked before closing my eyes. I did what Zane had asked me to do whenever I felt the oncoming of a panic attack. As I regained my senses, I realized it was Dorian who was hugging me and softly rubbing my back.

The moment I realized this, I pulled away. My eyes filled with confusion as I searched his cold ones for answers. But before I could understand anything he stood up making me sigh. I collects the flowers from the driver's seat and saw him offering his hand when I turned back. A miniscule smile threatened to make it's way on my lips but then the flowers reminded me of what happened today and just like that, I was back to being gloomy.

I took his hand and climbed out of the car. He closed the door behind me and locked it before leading me through the small, half empty graveyard. It was a secluded, special area for the Crawford Family to bury their family after their death. Dorian stopped abruptly looking at a grey stone in front of him. He bowed his head as a sign of respect. I did the same but kept stealing glances at Dorian. He looked tense and as if he was about to cry. His eyes were bloodshot and his hold on my hand kept getting tighter and tighter as he gazed at the headstone.

The grave had small bouquets of flowers indicating people had been in here today before us. I quietly took my hand out of Dorian's and the moment it slipped out he looked over to me with raw hurt in his eyes. But in a moment it was gone and replaced with the same cold expression as always. I shook my head a little before separating a third of my flowers. I stretched my hand out so that the flowers were now right infront of his face.

He looked at me with questions but I just gave an encouraging nod in return. He hesitantly took the flowers from my hand before kneeling down in front of the headstone. I saw his mouth move as he whispered something but couldn't hear it so I just stood there.

It was scary to know that the last memory I had of him was him with a cold, trying not to break down in front of his kids. It hurt to know that the promise I had made to see him smiling at least once again was broken. And It absolutely crushed my heart to know that he was never able to see his children grow up into respectable, powerful but down to earth men. Dorian stood up his head hung low. He walked backward until he was behind me. He nudged me which caused me to stumble a little. I craned my head a little to look behind me and saw him just look at me with a blank look.

"Stop crushing those flowers," He said. Immediately my hold on the flowers loosed as I looked at him. I was so sure he saw the fear and pain in my eyes because unlike them, I couldn't hide my emotions when they were just bursting out. As if sensing my hesitance, he gave me a small nod. After a moment or two I turned around and walked forward.

I carefully set the flowers alongside other ones before kneeling down in front of the headstone. My knees wobbled as I went down, closing my eyes. My hands fisted the material of sweatpants as I scrunch my eyes close, trying to keep the tears at bay.

The day of his funeral kept flashing in my head. I remember how the nurse's had gathered around me, trying to help me cope with the loss. They tried to calm me down but the twelve-year-old just couldn't stop crying. I wanted nothing more than to just go visit and hug my brothers, share my grief with someone who was going through the same loss as me. But I couldn't, I didn't have any money, my brothers didn't give two shits about their sister. The only one who stayed ²with me throughout that day, putting up with my tantrums and the crying were the nurses.

They were kind enough to let me watch the funeral on the Television and I still remember how someone broke down into tears after seeing me sob my heart out.

I heard footsteps behind me, as I sent a prayer to heaven, "Stay, please," I said, my voice cracking as I asked Dorian to not leave me. The footsteps slowed to stop before walking towards me. Dorian stopped on the side, watching me as I prayed, my shoulders hunched. After a few minutes, Dorian slowly walked over, He took my hand in his humongous one and helped me stand up.

As soon as I was standing, he gathered me in a warm embrace, "It's okay to cry," He mumbled. I bit my lip, weighing my options, but before I could make any type of decision, the tears flooded out of my eyes as I fisted his hoodie in my hands. He softly rubbed my back as a way to comfort me. "I'm so sorry," I said, trying to stop my tears.

"Shh," He whispered in a soft soothing voice, "You did nothing that you need to apologize for," He muttered. If I was in my right mind, I would've been surprised hearing his words but I was too out of it. He held me as I cried my heart out, mourned my father, mourned the person I wasn't given the right to mourn.

Once I wiped my tears away, I saw him look down at me, "You okay?" He asked, his head tilting a little as his eyebrows furrowed.

"Not yet," I mumbled, "But I will be."

***

A/N:

I am so sorry for the late update, idk why this happened but I'm back with an extra long chapter!!

I hope you like it, you can clearly see Dorian is trying even though he is still grumpy (newsflash: he sucks). Anyways, I know some of you will be upset over how much she is crying but y'all there are a lot of people who cry as an outlet for their feeling and she is one of them, so let her cry in peace ✌✌

So um, I hope you liked this chapter! If you did please vote and share and comment and tell me about your faviourite part of this chapter!!

QOTD: Do you like Literature or Maths better?
AOTD: Literature all the way!!

SIBLING MEME Y'ALL

Toodles

~Ash