sleep had not come to me in 18 hours.

i was refusing to fall asleep.

 i couldn't.

if i fell asleep, i would run the risk of dreaming of her.

and then, those dreams would become nightmares, unanswered questions floating in the darkness.

what if i couldn't do it?

what if i couldn't save her?

what if i woke up and she was gone?

my fist slammed down on my desk, a loud thud echoing through the house.

my bedroom door flung open, and there stood my mother, a concerned look etched into her fair skin.

"cole? are you alright?"

"never better," i muttered, my eyelids growing heavier.

"is this about that girl?"

"yes."

my mother placed down the laundry basket and advanced towards my bed. 

she patted the spot beside her.

hesitantly, i sat down.

"maybe, instead of focusing on her mental health every day, you should be focusing on yours."

as if it was on cue, my mouth stretched open, a yawn slipping out from my lips.

she produced a weary smile.

"get some sleep. she will still be here tomorrow."

"and what if she's not?" i whispered. "what if she's gone when i wake up?"

her arm wrapped around my bare shoulders and she placed a gentle kiss on my temple.

"nothing's going to happen to her, i promise. now, get some sleep."

i nodded and she left my room, leaving me in the dark with my thoughts.

my battle against staying awake ended, and sleep consumed me.