Music: DARK WALTZ performed by Haley Westenra

https://youtu.be/XS-fBWGtd5s

She spun around. Where was she?  The sensation of floating, bobbing, drifting, enveloped her. It was relaxing, hypnotic, seductive.  Her eyes opened to reveal she was within a river of effervescent matter.  Turning again, she saw beyond the boundaries of her empyrean confines.  Stars, planets, swirling galaxies, against a landscape of silent blackened skies.  

She was ... something, yet also nothing, within a current which flowed, rippled and shimmered. Glancing down she could not see anything of herself. How could this be?  Suddenly, this was no longer a pleasant experience.  She could see, and sense, yet she did not exist? 

Spinning herself around again, she felt fear rising.  And, where was everyone else?  There was no-one. Nothing else.  She was alone.  Her non-existent heart started to beat loudly, it's rapid cadence echoing throughout the shimmering flow.  "Hello? Is there anyone here?" she felt her lips move yet no sound came forth,  the words formed only in her mind. Her plea sounded desperate nonetheless.

     "I am here."  A voice spoke softly.  "Always here."  His voice. 

She spun again, but still, no-one.  She heard her heart beat faster. "Where are you?" she called.

     "I am beside you," came his reply.

Again she turned, more frantic, anxious.  In frustration, her invisible eyes shed their spectral tears. "I cannot see you," she sobbed.  

The familiar sensation of his arms around her waist instantly calmed her, even though he remained obscure, invisible, as did she.  In a ghostly dance, he led her through the realm of the Twisting Nether.  They floated upon a shimmering, golden path which underwent a subtle change in hue, taking it through the spectrum and back again, before it repeated its polychromatic pattern.  Their movements were as fluid as their surroundings, gentle, unbroken, surreal.   "You do not need to see me to know I am with you," he said, lovingly.  He changed direction, waltzing her back from whence they came.  

     "But I want to see you," she whispered. "I want to touch you."  Once more he spun her away, the feel of his invisible embrace guiding her, sweeping her around in circles, the fluency never breaking.  Smooth, graceful, beautiful.   

     "Perhaps one day..." he said.

     "Soon?" she interrupted, almost pleading.  A split second later more questions filled her mind. "But, you will begin life again as a child, a mere boy.  How long will  I have to wait until I can know you again?    Will you look the same? Will you know me?"

His voice delivered a gentle laugh.  "We will always know each other, Sarah. Until that day, however, look for me within the pages, for there I abide.  And I am alive in your heart, just as you are in mine."  Without warning, she felt him disengage from her.

     "No!" she cried. Her effervescent arms flailing in front of her "Come back. Stay with me."

     "You will find me in your journal.  Go home, my love.  All is not lost."  His voice trailed off into the distance.

     "Khadgar!"

     "I am with you. Always," he responded his voice now a mere whisper.  

Sorrow engulfed her.  She felt the ghostly beat of her heart start to fade. She was withering, dwindling, until only one ... beat ... remained...

She inhaled, gulping in air, the pain in her chest sharp, cutting,  bringing her abruptly awake. She pushed herself up, back hard against the headboard.  Even realising it was but a dream, her rapid breathing still did not slow immediately.  

The bedroom door opened and in walked Lukha. Her face filled with concern when she saw Sarah bolt upright, her eyes wide. "Sarah! What is the matter?" The young draenei crossed to the bed and sat on its edge. Automatically she reached out and took Sarah's hands.

Her concern and unending kindness, helped Sarah to gradually relax.  "It is nothing to worry about," she said, although her face said differently. "It was just a dream. I'm fine."

     "Are you sure?"

     "Yes, quite sure."  A need to yawn came over her. She removed a hand from Lukha's gentle hold and raised it to her mouth.  She smiled apologetically.  "I should not be yawning, I slept well."

Lukha smiled. 

     "And I have made a decision, " Sarah continued quickly.  "I'll move back home today." 

     "Only if you feel ready, Sarah. There is no hurry.  You are welcome to stay here as long as you need."

Sarah smiled and placed a reassuring hand on Lukha's. "I know.  But, I intended to move back once I had made that initial step the other day."  She looked at the young draenei seeing the unspoken questions in her eyes.   "I will be fine, Lukha.  It was ... excruciatingly difficult, when I went home just after the memorial service.  But, yesterday, somehow, it was a little easier. I think I realised that, at home, he is still with me. I know he is no longer with us physically, but I'm not willing to let go yet.  I can feel his presence there in the little things like ... his favourite mug, his favoured vintage, his cologne, all his pens, pencils, crayons which he loved for his sketching,  Atiesh of course, and his study, which is a real treasure-trove of all that made him the incredible, powerful, devoted mage he was.

     "It will still take time, I know, but if I do not return now, I will only find it harder to do so later. I will miss Khadgar forever, but I have to function, and I have to do right by our son. He should be in his own home with his own things."

The young draenei nodded. "I understand."

Sarah had always appreciated Lukha's kindness, but it wasn't until recently she truly realised the friendship that draenei offered too.  It helped her face an uncertain future with a little more credence.  The draenei leaned forward and gave her a friendly hug. "I will let you get dressed, and then come and have breakfast."

Sarah nodded, and Lukha left her to get ready.

  Music: FOR THE MAN I LOVED by Karliene   

https://youtu.be/EMTIoUe8jYs

It was strange, how only two days before, she had dreaded stepping over the threshold of her home. Now, having spent her first night in her own bed, she felt strangely at peace.  Ocel, although he had never displayed any signs of discomfort or agitation while they stayed with Lukha and Taril,  seemed more...content, somehow.  She looked lovingly at him as he chortled in his baby chair, cooing at the little mobile which dangled from the carry handle.  She sat in the old easy chair in front of the big open window, and let the warm breeze wash over her.  She pulled her feet up to the side and rested the journal Khadgar had written about her, on her thigh. 

With her fingers caressing the embossed leather, she marvelled at the beautifully bound book which was filled with the words of the man she loved, and it was all about how much he loved her.  "Look for me within the pages, for there I abide,"  he had said in the dream.  Smiling she opened the book and started from where she had left off, the day she had discovered it.

Only stopping to tend to Ocel and grab a bite to eat for herself, she spent most of that day absorbing his words.  From the time of his torment as he had secreted her away in his quarters in Dalaran, she read how Vindicator Ocel had told him he should not fight what he felt for her.  She smiled as she read about his agitation, finding her with the elf in the inn, A Hero's Welcome.  He made her relive the argument they had in the streets as she stormed off to his apartment, threatening to move in with Tassarion.  Then the night she led him to her chambers in the keep and loved him for the first time.  Her eyebrows raised at some of his detail, but she smiled warmly.

She felt her heart fracturing again, however, when she read of the pain he felt when he had ordered her sent home through the rift.  She had expected his account to have skipped forward to when she returned, but it did not. Instead, it described in detail, his inner anguish, his agony, his feeling of excruciating loss during the time she was gone from Azeroth.  

He spoke of seeing her face every day, of smelling her perfume, imagining the touch of her soft skin in the hazy moments before he woke each day.  If she had ever doubted how much this man had loved her, then now she knew with utter certainty, he loved her truly, madly, deeply as no other ever had, nor likely ever would again.

By the time nightfall came round, she was almost three-quarters of the way through the journal. She had, however, ensured their son was fed, bathed changed and laid down to sleep before she continued with her reading into the night.  It was like a classic, a definite couldn't-put-it-down story.  There was also much laughter in some of his words, moments of hilarity, silliness and comic timing. 

The mood darkened a little, however, as she approached the time of the pending assault by the Void.  There he had voiced his fears of inadequacy, a dread that he would be incapable of protecting his precious family.  He voiced too, that he sensed negative thoughts entering his mind, anger, bitterness but above all... fear.  

Then his last series of entries.  She sobbed openly as she recalled their feud in the camps the night before the battle began.  She felt so guilty to have used the word "cursed" when she said she loved him.  But, she was blessed with the knowledge that even when she had thought him lost to her, his love had shone through in the most sacred of ways.  Here it was, penned for all eternity, to take with her through the years.

There was still a few pages remaining, but she was weary and decided to wait until the morn to continue.  Leaving the book open on the sideboard, she padded her way to bed, feeling warm, safe and above all loved, even though he was gone from the world.

      "I hope ye dinnae mind lass, but ah thought ye might appreciate a wee bit time tae yersel'," Gwen said.  The dwarf had came knocking quite early, hoping to take Ocel for a walk. She loved pushing the pram, and Sarah got the impression there was perhaps a little dream there for Gwen.  As it was, she had no problems at all allowing her to take Ocel out for a jaunt.  "It'll be good for the lad too," Gwen carried on obviously feeling the need to justify her wanting to take the babe  a walk.   

Sarah finished getting Ocel dressed and into the pram.  "It's quite alright Gwen, you may take him for  a walk any time you wish, providing I am not away with him already, myself."

     "Oh, ah'm fair chuffed ye feel that way lass.  I dae sae love the wee sowl."

     "Well, he's been fed and changed so he should be fine for a good while yet."

     "Wid jist efter lunchtime be a'right wi' ye? Ah've a grand walk I'd like tae tak' him."

Sarah smiled. "Of course it's alright. I have included a little bottle of flavoured water for him, should he get thirsty."

     "Lovely. Right! Ah'll be oan ma' way then.  Enjoy yer mornin'."

The moment Gwen was out the door, Sarah rushed back to the living room and picked up the journal.  

Khadgar had expressed how deeply ashamed he felt for not having supported, comforted her with the news of her being unable to have more children.  This was a painful read for her, but it also helped to know he had not dismissed it as she had thought.  He said that he knew there was no way he could feel the pain she must be feeling about this, but, he wanted her to know it would never change how he felt about her.  The fact she had given him a miracle in Ocel, was so much more than he ever thought he would be blessed with.  

He promised that all going well after this battle, he would ensure that she and their son, would know without a doubt that they were treasured, precious and more than he could ever have hoped for. She needed to take a moment or two after reading that. She toyed with pouring some wine, but decided it was indeed too early for that, and so settled for a cup of honey mint tea instead.

He wrote of her immortality.  Again, he assured her it would never make him love her any less. He hoped to love her so much during his lifetime, that when the time came for him to depart, she would forever know that the love which he felt for her was eternal, everlasting, as immortal as she was herself.

At that point, she needed to stop.  How could something so beautiful and heartfelt, be so unbearable at the same time?  She was oddly relieved to hear someone at her door.  Placing the journal on the sideboard she went to answer it.

A slow smile crept across her face as she was greeted by a beautiful night elf. Her hair, darkest blue, eyes shining silver and the famous lop-sided smile was all it took for Sarah to know exactly who this female was.  "Arcaena!" she said enthusiastically, opening her arms to embrace her.  

The night elf happily fell into her arms. "Thank you!" she whispered. "Thank you, very much."

     "Oh, my friend, you are so welcome, it was the least I could do. And I confess, a little selfishness on my part. I just didn't want to lose either of you."

As they embraced, the seven and a half foot frame of Illidan leaned up against the door frame.  Sarah was astounded by him. Apart from the fact he was a striking male, the legendary amber eyes were quite unlike anything she had seen before. "My!" she said merrily. "Don't you brush up well!"  They all laughed heartily. Illidan hugged Sarah, he too thanking her for the gift she had asked the Naaru to bestow upon them. "Please, please come in!" she said.  

She almost closed the door, when the sound of someone clearing their throat stopped her.  On pulling the door open wide again, she was met by Drew and Bernie, Mel and Mick. "Oh my god!" She smiled. "Come in, all of you." She hugged Drew tightly, her best friend, who she almost lost and had never really shown how relieved she was that he had survived.  

She felt tears threatening.  Such was the over-flowing emotions caused by Khadgar's journal and seeing her friends all safe, and others somewhat transformed. She welcomed Bernie like a sister, knowing unquestionably, that Drew was happy with her.  Another hug went to Mel. He seemed a little awkward but she assured him he was welcome and gestured for him to follow the others through to the living room.  

Mick stopped directly in front of her.  There was a slightly difficult moment, but he approached it rather well. "I am - grateful you stood on my balls," he grinned, a tad sheepishly.

Sarah could not suppress her own grin. "Well, they better be big, because I'm watching you and if you misbehave again, next time I'll dig the heel in."

     "Well, they're not that big, but they are important to me," he smiled.  With that, they both laughed and Sarah showed him through to the living room.

She moved through to the kitchen having offered some refreshments, Bernie went with her to help.  As they put together a tray of glasses and simple snacks, Sarah was suddenly compelled to say something.  She took Bernie's hand, making the redhead look at her.  "Be good to him.  Promise me," she said.

Bernie was slightly taken aback. "I will be," she replied. "I think the world of him."

     "Good! He deserves that. He is a good man."

     "I know." The two women studied each other for a few moments.

     "Sarah," a voice from the doorway. They looked up and there was the man himself.  His face kindly, happy, but a sadness still swam in his eyes. 

Bernie took the tray. "I'll see to these and let you two have  a moment."

     "Thank you," Sarah said.  Bernie stopped beside Drew and planted a small kiss on his cheek. His mouth split into a smile and he kissed her forehead then whispered something only she could hear.  Bernie nodded and left the kitchen.

Drew walked over to Sarah and gently took her hands in his.  He took a deep breath before he came straight to the point. "We've come to say goodbye," he said.  Her fingers curled a little tighter around his. "I wish we could stay longer, Sarah, but..."

     "I know," Sarah replied, a slight hitch in her voice.  She had indeed known this was coming and soon too, but still, it was hard. "You all have commitments, jobs to go to, lives to live, it's alright I understand."

     "Yeah, but ..." It was hurting him, leaving when everything was still so fresh, so raw. He shook his head. "I wish I had never introduced you to World of Warcraft Sarah, then you would not be going through all this pain."

She pulled him closer. "Do not think that way Drew.  My life is complete by being here. I found a love which I never thought even existed. Although he is gone, what we felt for each other lives on.  And I have his son; a beautiful baby boy who also enriches my life. To have never been here and experience what I have, is unthinkable now. So please, never regret it."

Drew sighed. He was still hurting. "It's just that ..."

     "Don't worry. I also have Arcaena, Illidan, Erik, Gwen, Lukha and Taril. I am not without friends, Drew. I will be fine."

The corners of his mouth twitched, a hint of a smile. The others had made their way quietly into the kitchen. Drew acknowledged them with a glance over his shoulder. He dug into his jeans pocket and produced the sargerite and fel-blood crystal. "Okay, Sarah. Well then, if you don't mind, rather than prolong the agony, we will make our way home now," he said. She nodded. "May I?" he asked, seeking her permission to use the crystal indoors.

     "Of course," she replied, her voice a little weak. She moved back to give him room.

He knelt, touching the crystal to the ground then sweeping it up in an oval. A portal burst into life, its watery centre shimmering and rippling. First through was Mel, who thanked Sarah and wished her well. Next Mick, he afforded her a slightly awkward hug to which she playfully skiffed his still-pathetic coif. Then Bernie. She hugged Sarah for a long time, whispering that she would be in her thoughts and wishing her and Ocel happier times. 

Finally, only Drew remained. The two friends could not disguise their sadness, and fell into a tearful hug. "Missing you already!" She managed with a sob.

     "Me too," he replied, equally tearful. Then after a few moments, he pulled back. "Now, you concentrate on that little boy, love him with all you have." He turned to face the portal.

She was reluctant to let him go and tugged on his sleeve. "You will visit again, won't you?"

     "Of course I will," he replied, vexed that she felt the need to ask. "May I bring Bernie?"

     "Bring Bernie and Mel and Mick too if they wish. But no others Drew, please."

He smirked. "Don't worry, we have vowed between our four selves that we will never divulge the secret. Maybe next time I will bring a football for Ocel, he might be big enough to play in the garden by then."

She smiled and nodded, then hesitantly, let him go. "Bye, Drew."

     "See you, Sarah. Take care now." Then he stepped over the portal threshold and disappeared within its watery centre.  She flinched as the whoosh and pop signified its closure.

Music: UNDER GREY SKIES by Kamelot

https://youtu.be/APkKFuu_tHs

Her eyes drifted to the doorway, where Arcaena looked on with sad eyes. Her lop-sided smile twitching. Behind her stood Illidan. He seemed preoccupied with something. At the pinch of Sarah's brows and her attempting to look past Arcaena, the female elf stood aside. Utterly unaware, Illidan stood, his eyes focused on ... the contents of the journal. 

Sarah's heart clenched. She ran over and grabbed the book. "What do you think you are doing?" she said, her voice tinged with anger. "That is private!"

Illidan did not let go of the book and looked up, surprised. "You – you understand this?" he said, astonished.

     "Of course I do! It is highly personal about Khadgar and me." She tugged at the book again, becoming more agitated when Illidan would not release his grip.

     "No its not!" His mouth betrayed a glimmer of a smile, but it was not meant to mock.

     "Yes, it is! I spent all day yesterday reading it, well into the night and again this morning before you all arrived. I have not finished it yet."

     "I did not know you understood ancient Thalassian."

She huffed. "It is not Thalassian, it is the common language, English, where I come from. Look!" She managed to free the journal from his grip and opened a page that while not divulging anything too personal, was nonetheless meant for her.

The night elf looked, shaking his head in disbelief. All he saw were magical symbols, and scripts swimming before his eyes. "I beg to differ," he said.

She turned the book back to herself and flicked through some more pages, all beautifully written in common language, easy to understand. "It is plain to see Illidan!" her voice trembled with frustration and irritation.

     "I swear, I do not see what you seem to.  Am I right in assuming that this expresses loving things to you?"

     "Yes."

     "I do not see that. What I do see are ancient, nearly forgotten symbols, scripts, spells and incantations. They bear nothing of a man's personal feelings for a woman. It is simply pure magic."

Now Sarah shook her head. This could not be. "No! It depicted everything, from the first moment I arrived in Azeroth, to our time in - Draenor.  I read up to when I told him I was cursed to love him..." Her voice faltered. Her face was then awash with the dawn of realisation.

Illidan must have experienced the revelation at the same time, for he stared at the book, then glanced at Sarah, before his amber orbs returned to the journal. "A ward of secrecy," he said. Then, as if to himself only, he whispered, "The Thalassian Secret.  All is not lost."

Sarah shuddered. She had heard that same phrase three times before. First from Farseer Drek'thar with his prophetic ramblings, then Vindicator Ocel when he spoke to Khadgar at the Dark Portal and finally in her dream, by Khadgar himself.  But what did it mean? Was this journal simply cloaked in a ward to prevent prying eyes from reading his detailed expressions of love for her? It was not a measure he had taken with his journals of years gone by, otherwise, surely, she would not have been able to read them. Or was it something else entirely?

Illidan spoke again. "Sarah, whatever you see within these pages, is a truth intended for you and only you. I cannot see it, but something else lies within these pages. I believe he intended for me to see it. I would ask if I may study this book so that I have a better understanding of its content."

Slowly, she handed the journal back to him. With a profound sadness she told him not to take it from the house, she needed it close by. He agreed. "You may use his study if you wish," she said. "And anything within it which may help you decipher and understand the book."

He thanked her enthusiastically, reassuring her he would do nothing which would jeopardize whatever lay behind the ward for her eyes only.  She nodded. 

Try as she might she could not shake the feeling that it somehow depreciated the journal for her. Granted Khadgar's words were heartfelt and that she would cling to.  But now the book held a dual purpose. One of love and one of mystery.  It somehow besmirched the personal side of it for her.