Sirius: Morning, loves!

Remus: Loves?

Lux: I didn't sign up to be in a harem. In fact, I don't think I signed up to talk to you lot at all.

Sirius: You said you wanted me to text you back.

Lux: Yes, but I didn't ask for you to come hairnetting your way into my life in the first place.

Remus: Hairnetting is a fair way to describe Sirius's every actions.

Sirius: You're just jealous you can't hairnet like me.

Remus: Is hairnet truly a verb now?

Lux: Didn't you know, I wrote the dictionary?

Sirius: Suppose that's possible, since you're a vampire and all. For all we know, you're the origin of the human race. The Eve of it all.

Remus: Gross.

Sirius: How old are you, anyways, dear Luxie?

Lux: Twenty one. Finishing up my last year at uni.

Lux: You?

Remus: We're both twenty two.

Sirius: Oi, don't go spilling my secrets. We still haven't ruled out of Lux is a sex trafficker.

Lux: Yes, because your age is the final bit of information I need to kidnap you and induct you into my vampire cult.

Sirius: Vampire cult?

Remus: Don't give him any ideas.

Remus: We don't think you're a sex trafficker, btw.

Lux: You'll regret not being cautious enough.

Remus: For fuck's sake, you're just as bad as Sirius, aren't you?

Lux: Speaking of which, what kind of fuckass name is Sirius?

Lux: And Remus, for that matter. What the hell is wrong with your parents?

Remus: My parents like wolves. Remus means wolf, or something like that.

Sirius: My parents just hated me.

Lux: Sorry to hear that, on both accounts.

Remus: To be fair, Lux isn't exactly a normal name either, is it?

Lux: Excuse you? The Virgin Suicides?

Sirius: You're a virgin???

Remus: You're going to kill yourself??

Lux: For fuck's sake. The movie??? Sofia Coppola???

Remus: Pretend I don't know who that is.

Lux: She's a director. It was my dad's favorite movie. I was named after one of the characters.

Sirius: Just googled the plot. Your parents named you after a fourteen year old girl who kills herself?

Lux: What can I say, my dad's a bit morbid.

Lux: Not that he has it much better. His name is Fulk.

Sirius: Your dad's name is Fuck????

Remus: She said Fulk. It was a common name in the 800s in France.

Sirius: You would know that.

Lux: I think the only reason he's not had a legal name change is because his students call him Professor Fuck.

Sirius: Is he a dilf?

Lux: I'm leaving the chat.

Remus: Okay, to be fair, with a nickname like that...

Remus: Lux?

Lux:

Lux: Sorry, I was taking a pic for Instagram. What do we think? Is it on par with the hairnet masterpiece?

Sirius: DAMN!

Lux: :)

Remus: Sirius, are we sure we're not being catfished?

Lux: You can never be too careful :)