Adora's week away goes better than she'd hoped, and she returns to the alliance. Bow is just happy to have her and the baby back. Glimmer... not so much.

Set just before & during S4 EP8.

Also, sorry it took longer than usual to update. If ya'll are interested, my reason is at the bottom.
kisses.

~

The door knocked loudly, making both parties jump. "Whoever is knocking at this time of day?" The first one asked, beginning to walk over. The second one grabbed the first one's arm tightly. "Be careful. The Horde are about... you don't know who it is," They warned. The first one rubbed the second one's hand softly. "I can take care of myself, you know?" They asked with a small smirk. The second one muttered beneath their breath. The first one chuckled softly as they approached the door, peering through the gap. They reeled back with a gasp. "Hey, come here!" They hissed. The second one rushed over, peering through. "Oh my god..." They mumbled. The first one ripped open the door, ushering the young woman in. "Adora, whatever are you doing out in the woods in a storm like this!?" The first one exclaimed. The second one gasped sharply. "You... is that your baby?" They asked. Adora sniffled softly, pulling the blanket cover over Violet's head. "Yeah... um... can-can I stay here? Just... just for a few hours?" She gestured to the storm. "I can't take her out in this,"

The first one draped a blanket over Adora's wet shoulders. "Of course you can. Stay with us for as long as you need to,"

...

Bow raced around Adora's room, desperately looking for any kind of clue as to Adora's whereabouts. Glimmer huffed from the bed. "Listen, if she wants to run away scared, then I say let her," Bow turned, frowning deeply. "Glimmer, she's our best friend. How can you say such a thing?" He asked. Glimmer crossed her arms. "We have a war to win. We can't just drop everything and chase after her," Bow blinked in quick succession. "Um... aside from the fact that she's our best friend, who is struggling a whole fucking lot, but we'll just circle back to that," He paused, levelling the Queen with a mixture of anger and concern. "She's She-Ra!" He exclaimed. "She is quite literally the strongest we have," He began flicking through her drawers as well, sighing with each empty outcome.

"Listen, we were doing just fine without her. The Rebellion can keep going without her if we need to," Glimmer argued. Bow's eyebrows jumped in shock. "You call a complete skiff-wreck of a failed alliance from ten years ago, where nobody was talking to anybody, and each kingdom was left to fend for itself "just fine"... really?" He snapped. Glimmer petulantly looked away. "Ok, moving away from the Rebellion stuff," He sat next to her on the bed. A teddy rolled to his leg. Bow picked it up, looking at it curiously. He'd won this for his newest niece, initially, at a fairground back when Adora first joined. But when Bow caught her hugging it tightly on the night before he was supposed to give it away, he simply let her have it and bought a new one.

"Glim... do you even know how much she's struggling right now? Not even with Vi, though that's a whole 'nother conversation," He broached. Glimmer looked up slightly, pouting softly. "She is fighting against everything she'd ever known. Her friends, her customs, her beliefs, her life... her best friend, who just so happens to be the reason she's fighting in the first place?" Bow listed. Glimmer's eyes hardened. "Yeah, well, she made her choice," She snapped. Bow puffed softly, pulling the shirt on the bear straight.

"She's gonna kill me when she finds out..." He pulled out a book from between Adora's bed frame and mattress. He put it forcibly into Glimmer's arms. The Queen looked at it, confused. "What do you want me to do with this? Read you a story?" She snapped. Bow rolled his eyes. "It's her diary, you fool. It's what she writes in,"

"I know what a diary is, Bow," Glimmer cut in. Bow nodded. "I know. But this is where she writes the stuff she can't tell us," He pointed to a dog eared page. "Like there..." Glimmer hummed dubiously as she flicked open the dog ear.

Dear Catra,

You are my enemy now, and you always will be. I know that now. All this time, I had hope. Hope that you would see the light. Hope that you would realise that Etheria is a beautiful place that needs to be saved, and not destroyed.

I have no more hope now, and that makes me sad. So sad. Because I miss you Catra, and I will always miss you.

I miss your smile, I miss the gleam in your eye when you would beat me in a race during training. I miss laughing with you when we would play a prank on one of the other cadets in the barracks. I even miss you snoring in the bunk above me... (which you totally did)
Those are the things I remember when I think about you. I'm going to try to remember the good things about you, instead of the bad ones. Because those break my heart.

I'm sorry things ended up like this, I really am. But even if we could go back in time, I wouldn't do things any other way.

Love, Adora.

And then a note, scribbled on the bottom.

I will never send this, but it feels good to write it down.

Bow watched Glimmer's reaction carefully. "She... she really loves her... doesn't she?" She asked softly. Bow hummed. "Looks like it," Bow agreed, having already read this entry before. He flicked the page a few times. "This is about Vi... and I think it's why she ran away," He said softly.

Diary.

I hate being a mother. I love like Violet, but I hate being her mother. I had no mother growing up, so I don't know what I'm doing. The closest I had was Angella, and she's now dead... because of me. Shadow Weaver? No. The closest she ever did to mother me was NOT have somebody beat me or starve me because I "underperformed"

Angella taught me how to look after myself in pregnancy; and without her, we'd both be dead. I would've died in the woods if it wasn't for Angella telling me how to give birth safely... well... as you can when your body is being ripped in half.

But I can't grieve Angella... she wasn't my mother. She was Glimmer's, and Glimmer alone can grieve her. I have nobody. But that's ok. I like being alone. I can't hurt anybody that way... I hope.

Bow watched Glimmer's reaction carefully. The Queen remained neutral. "What about that one?" She asked, flicking to another dog eared page.

Diary.

It's official. I fucked up. I even fucked up being a mother; the one thing I'm supposed to be good at, without being special. I have PPD. Apparently that's super bad. It's because I don't molly coddle my daughter. She's fine in the nursery... they take better care of her... I think. All she needs me for is my milk. She's already used and destroyed my body, so what else does she need?

Looking back on it (it's been a few days) that's a bit harsh. She's a baby. She doesn't even know when she needs to crap, let alone what else she needs... but... I don't believe the doctor. I don't have PPD. Because people with depression are mopey as hell, right? They self harm, Bow said. I don't do that... not anymore. But it was fine in the Horde. SW always said: "Any self-inflicted injuries are good. It means you know where to improve on for next time"

Hopefully I don't do anything really stupid.

Then, in a new colour, scribbled below.

I FUCKED UP.

Glimmer remained silent as she flicked through some more pages. Bow held the teddy tightly, only somewhat calmed by the distinct smell of vanilla from Adora's shampoo. She put the book down, staring into the air at nothing. Bow waited a few moments before reaching out to her shoulder. "Glim... are-? He trailed off. Glimmer abruptly put the book down. "We're all struggling, Bow. We don't whine and run away when shit gets hard," She snapped. Bow gestured to the book, sputtering. "Seriously? Did you read the same as I did!? She is in pain Glimmer!" He argued. Glimmer puffed. "Never mind the PPD and the struggle with Violet!" He added.

Glimmer spun around, gesturing wildly. "Then she shouldn't have been a slut and fucked around!" Bow was left reeling as Glimmer disappeared with a pop

~

Adora woke up slowly, somewhat confused. "Ah! You're awake! Come, breakfast is downstairs," Adora blinked in confusion. "Um... why am I here?" She asked, looking around the very pink room. "Oh! Sorry. This is Calliope and Thalia's room. The others have got the kids stuff in. This was the only one with space... and a cot," Adora glanced to her side, seeing Violet making sounds in the cot as she wriggled in her sleep. "Oh... yeah. I-did I come here last night?" She asked, playing with the threaded blanket. "Uh huh. In the storm, no less," A new voice said.

Adora folded in on herself slightly. "In my defence, it wasn't storming when I left," George scoffed. "Did you leave two days ago? Because it stormed all day yesterday," Adora glanced down. "I-I'm sorry. I'll leave. I just- let me get my stuff," She began to move about the room, briefly stopping to sneeze. "Nope! Not happening!" Lance grabbed her shoulders, forcing her into a fluffy chair. Adora squeaked in surprise. He put the back of his hand against her head. "Yup. She's got a fever,"

Adora could only watch in shock as Bow's dads milled around. "Um... I've had fevers before... I know how to look after them," She said. Lance continued moving around frantically, much like Bow did. George pointed to Violet. "Yes, but you didn't have a newborn then. Sometimes, fevers on breast-feeding mothers can be something else. Like mastitis," Adora winced. "Is... is that bad?" Lance brought a thermometer and shoved it in her mouth. She squeaked in shock. "It can be, but if it's caught early, it's easily manageable. A few of our girls have had mastitis before, with their kids. So we know the signs," George raised a brow. Lance pulled it back. "101. Adora, is your breast sore?"

Adora sputtered. George face palmed. Lance glanced around, confused. "It's just a question! Prudes," He mumbled. Adora cleared her throat softly, "Um.. I guess it kinda hurts when the nurses made me use some machine... but not usually when Vi feeds," She thought. "Well... sometimes she pulls, but I've heard thats normal," George hummed. "Calliope had a clogged duct. Could it be that?" He asked. Lance nodded. "Could be... Adora, which side do you usually feed her on?"

Adora groaned.

...

Bow's tracker pad vibrated in his back pocket. He pulled it out quickly, pressing answer call. "Adora!?" He called hopefully. She'd been gone nearly three days... with no sign of her anywhere in Etheria. She was good at hiding, he'd give her that. "Sorry to disappoint, son," Bow sighed softly. "Hi George," He said softly. George grinned. "I wouldn't be so down, Bow. We know where Adora is,"

Bow inhaled sharply. "Is she safe? She just took off without saying anything... and-and she has PPD, and she-oh, I'm worried she'll do something stupid!" He rambled. George put his hand up. "Relax. She's fine," He assured. Bow sighed softly. "That's good. Is... is she with you?" He asked quietly. George tilted his head slightly. "She was... but she's left now," Bow frowned. "Where's she gone?" George hesitated. "Dad, please, tell me. I need to know she's ok!" He begged. George held up his hand. "Bow. She didn't want us to say. She told us that she needed some time by herself," Bow whined. "Dad... please! I promise I won't look for her! I just... if something goes wrong... and I don't know where she is," He mumbled. George sighed heavily. "Fine. But I'm telling you now son... she's not in a good place. She's like a wounded animal. If you go to her, she'll get scared and run away again, quite possibly far enough to never be found," George said firmly. "Do you understand?"

Bow nodded.

George sighed. "She's gone to a woman called Razz... apparently, she's magic, and can only be found when she wants to be. She's deeper in the woods than we are," Bow sighed, chuckling in relief. "That's good, that's ok... I know Razz," He put his hand on his heart. "I know she's safe," He grinned at his dad. "Thanks!"

...

"Razz? She's crying again! I-I don't know what to do!" Adora cried, frantically bounding Violet, to no avail. The newborn continued wailing loudly, fisting the air. Razz bumbled over, tutting. "If you are stressed, the baby is stressed. Relax, Mara," Had Adora not been frazzled beyond her wits end, she would've scoffed in laughter. As it were, she was. Adora lowered herself into one of Razz's beanbags, inhaling and exhaling slowly, deeply. Her frantic bouncing slowed to a softer approach, gently tapping Vi's back. Slowly, her wailing quietened down to a soft cry.

Adora gasped in shock, smiling at Razz. "I told you. Babies, especially young ones, feed off of the mother's emotions. If mother is happy, baby is happy. If mother is sad, baby is sad. You get it?" Adora nodded softly. "Yeah... I think I do," She mumbled.

...

"Razz!" Adora sobbed, pulling at her hair. "She's crying, and I don't know why!" She choked on a sob as Violet continued to wail loudly. "Have I hurt her?" She paced, tears burning her eyes. Razz bumbled in sleepily. "Mara, dearie. Whatever are you crying for?" She asked. Razz guided her hands softly. Adora continued crying as heavily as her daughter did. "She-I don't know!" She wailed. "Vi won't stop crying!" Adora wiped her eyes. Razz tutted. "Is she clean?" Taken off guard by the question, Adora's tears stopped momentarily. "Uh... what?" She asked. Razz tutted, slapping her arm. "Is she clean? Does she have a clean nappy?" Adora hesitated slightly. "I-I changed her... about half an hour ago," She said finally. Razz hummed. "Is she fed?" Adora subconsciously touched her chest. "Um... yeah... just-just before I changed her," Razz hummed again. "Is she safe?" Adora sniffled, wiping away the remainder of her tears. Violet continued to scream loudly in the cot that Razz had fashioned for her. Adora turned back to the crazy old woman, nodding. "Then she is fine. Sometimes, babies cry for no apparent reason. They have no other way of saying things," She said.

Adora's lip wobbled as Violet continued screaming as if she was being murdered. "But how do I stop the screaming?" Adora asked, grabbing her hair. Razz slapped them away, smacking her knee with a broom. Adora's tears were for a different reason. "You can't. If the child is clean, fed and safe, you can take a few minutes to yourself. To clear your head," She said. Adora's breath shuddered. "But... but how will I know she's safe?" Razz pointed to her hand. "Clean, fed, and safe. If she is all three, then she is fine,"

...

The next day found Razz teaching Adora about the difference pitches of cries and what they meant. "Mara. Her cry. What is it?" Razz shoved the baby into her face. Adora fumbled with her lunch, hastily putting it down and accepting her baby. She listened. "Um... high?" She asked over the wailing. "Good. And what is she?" Razz moved about her room. Adora cautiously sniffed. "She's clean... um... hungry?" She tried. Razz shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not the baby," She exclaimed. Adora rolled her eyes and lifted her shirt. Violet latched on quickly, drinking fast. Adora grinned as she looked up at Razz. "Good. So high cries are hungry cries,"

Later, Razz shoved the baby into her face as Adora was brushing her hair... for the first time in two weeks. Leave her alone! She'd had a rough two weeks! Adora's hair fell loose as she held Violet close. "Good holding, Mara. She will feel safe like that," Razz praised. Adora had long given up on the idea of Razz calling her by her real name... so she just stuck with it. Violet cried loudly. Razz nodded. "What is the cry?" She asked. Adora listened. "Um... it's... it's not a hungry cry.... so... dirty? She needs changing?" Adora asked, already moving to the table.

Razz clapped her hands. "There you go! You're getting it now!"

...

The day after that had Adora nearly in the shit after a murder charge. She'd been peacefully sleeping, for the first time in a long time - as best as she could... maybe Bow's dads were right in that something wasn't right... something felt odd... in her chest. But nevertheless, Adora slept well. At least until Razz screamed an uncharacteristically Razz scream. Adora threw back the (falling apart) covers, throwing herself into the living area. "Razz!?" She croaked, not fully awake yet. "Mara! Get the pots! They are going to fall on the baby!" She cried. Adora's heart fell into her feet. She dashed at the cot, hauling the baby out, and throwing herself over her form.

Or tried to.

Her daughter shimmered as Adora's hands held contact, disappearing into nothing. She sputtered, looking around the cot, patting the mattress in deep confusion. "Razz? What-" She halted her words. Razz bumbled into her vision, holding Violet as she gurgled. "Ah! You did it!" The crazy old woman exclaimed. Violet gurgled from her arms. Adora blinked, eyes flicking from the cot to Razz to Violet to the cot. "What-what do you mean?" Adora's legs were already moving over to Vi, grabbing her tightly and holding her against her shoulder. Razz simply grinned, gesturing to Adora. "You did it! You protected the baby!" Adora rubbed her daughter's back softly, confirming she was definitely in her arms. Her heart stuttered in relief. "I-I'm confused. What-what-" She stuttered. Razz tutted, shoving her to the side as she moved to her broom. "You thought you were a bad mother for not loving her. A bad mother would not risk their health for their child,"

Adora glared heavily, cupping a hand to Violet's head. "Razz!" She hissed. Razz waved her hands. "Bah! At least you know you love her now!"

...

Adora sat in her bed reading one afternoon. Violet had began to fuss slightly in her crib. Razz had said that sometimes babies just do. They just like the sound of their own voice. She'd claimed. It was some meaningless book about the magicat race, written by somebody called Cyra, the former Queen.

Apparently, the magicats were a friendly tribe, open to helping all that needed it. They'd take in anybody and help them, no matter their species. Ultimately, their kindness is what got them killed in the end. An enemy snuck in, slaughtering most of them in a well placed fire. Those who survived hid among a planet Krytis, and those who weren't lucky enough to get away hid amongst Etheria's forestry until they died of old age. The last known generation was born around Adora's time, seventeen/eighteen years ago. Violet's whining grew louder. Adora put the book down with a soft sigh. "What's up baby girl? Huh?" She heaved herself (still only just two weeks postpartum, mind you) off the bed and sat on the floor by her daughter's crib.

Adora poked her hand through the bars, gently grabbing Violet's tiny toes. Her crying immediately quietened. Adora felt a small smile grace her cheeks. She gently pulled the toes about, muttering some crap from her book. Sue her. She had no idea of any baby rhymes! Violet's eyes met hers as she stopped crying. Her violet eyes shone brightly, as bright as her mother's once had. Adora hummed softly, rubbing her foot through the bars. Violet blinked softly, scanning her face.

Adora gazed back, blinking softly.

If she noticed Razz come in, then leave again, she didn't stop gazing at her daughter.

...

The seventh day of Adora's absence made itself known in the castle. Glimmer had been more snappy and.... prickly... without the assistance of She-Ra. Bow thinks it's because she feels guilty about how she spoke to Adora last. Whenever glimmer felt she'd messed up, nine times out of ten, she'd be ratty and... a challenge to work with. Bow had told her that Adora was staying with Razz, purely on that reason. So Glimmer knew she was safe.

What Bow didn't expect was to find Glimmer cleaning off bits of forestry out of her hair late one night. "Uh... Glim? What's going on with the hair?" He asked, leaning against the door. Glimmer growled. "Nothing," She spat. Bow picked off a twig. "Uh huh. Somehow I doubt that," He flicked the twig into her bin. Glimmer grabbed the sink tightly. "I thought I could find her," She said quietly a few minutes later. Bow sighed softly. "Adora can't even find Razz on a good day. What makes you think you could? She's magic," Glimmer grumbled. "I just..." She cut herself off with a sigh. Bow hummed as he rubbed her shoulder. "You miss her," He said. Glimmer glanced up, and for a second, Bow saw the fragile little girl inside from six months ago.

But then her eyes hardened as she slapped his hand away. "No. I miss She-Ra. I miss winning the war. Without her, we're eating shit,"

Bow sighed heavily as she disappeared with a pop.

...

Adora snuck back into the castle late on her seventh night. Juliet had seen her initially, holding up her sword in threat. Adora waved her hand with wide eyes, frantically nodding to her sleeping baby. "Shush! It's only me!" She hissed. Juliet lowered her sword with a squint. "Adora?" She asked into the darkness. The blonde approached the guard slowly. "Jesus, where the hell have you been?" Juliet asked, patting her shoulder. Adora rolled her shoulder softly. "Um... busy," She answered vaguely. Juliet hummed quietly, then leaned in close. "Some advice from the last week?" She asked like a crook would. Adora snorted. Violet decided she didn't like that sound and began to whine.

Juliet's eyes widened slightly, but Adora tutted as she bounced the baby softly. Violet grumbled as she drifted back off. "Anyway," Adora prompted. Juliet straightened. "Ok. So... the war's not gone great. The Horde claimed more territory, by destroying more of Sea Elf village," Juliet began. Adora frowned. "Woah, hang on. Sea Elf village? Doesn't that mean they-" She cut herself short. Juliet looked down briefly. "Yeah. They got Salineas..."

Oh no.

"When?" Adora mustered out. "The morning before you left. It was a secret attack. Double Trouble, the shapeshifter, was actually Flutterina. They staged the whole thing and kept us busy while the Horde seized Salineas," Adora cleared her throat softly, switching Vi to the other arm. "And... how... how are the others?" By others, she means Mermista. "Most of the alliance are holding up ok. Mermista's, understandably, upset. Her Majesty is... tense... we'll say," Adora rubbed her forehead. "Right... ok," She sighed softly. "Thanks, J," She smiled thinly, moving to her room.

Juliet grabbed her arm quickly. Her grasp lingered for a second too long on Adora's biceps, then let it go with a flush. Adora felt her own cheeks flush. "Um... as a friend... and not a Royal Guard..." She began. Adora shifted the bag she was holding. "Yeah?"

Juliet hesitated. "It's ok. We're all soldiers in this war," She tried for a joke. Juliet cracked a smile. "My uh... my sister suffers from PPD whenever she has children... and has done with my three nieces," Adora looked down, suddenly ashamed. "So, uh... if... if you need help... I'm kind of a pro at it," Juliet finished. "My sister said it's sometimes easier to let a stranger help. They don't know the full story, and therefore can't judge,"

Adora flashed a tight smile with a sniff. "Ok... thanks..." She shifted Violet slightly, but her chest lit up in pain. She gasped sharply. Juliet stepped forwards. The pain left when Adora shifted Violet back to the other side. She glanced up. "Um-Juliet?" She asked. Juliet nodded. "Uh... what... what does mastitis look like?"

~

When Adora woke from her brief nap (read, exhaustion based unconsciousness), she woke up cold, shivery and in pain. Her chest felt hot - too hot. She slowly sat up, blinking away the spots. Her hands shook as she lowered the blanket. She touched the area of her chest that felt the hottest. A bolt of pain shot through. She yanked her hand back, gasping softly. Adora hands shook with chills as she forced herself out of bed... whilst she still cold.

A main symptom of mastitis, according to Juliet, was pain in her breast. Fevers, chills and muscle aches followed swiftly, bringing along headaches, nausea, and vomiting. And they came on quick. Like... less than a few hours after the initial pain. Her entire body shuddered with violent tremors as she shuffled to Violet's crib. She leaned over, picking her up, and putting her against her non-hurting side. Adora's vision grew spotty as she walked, desperately aiming for help. Grabbing a wall for support against a sudden dizzy spell, Adora resulted in knocking on the first door she could reach.

"'lo?" The voice mumbled. Adora knocked again, unable to form coherent sentences. The door creaked as it opened, revealing Bow in all his glory. "Hey... you ok?" He asked. Adora abruptly passed Violet over, slumping against the doorframe, shivering violently. "Adora!"

And her vision flickered out.

...

Glimmer dozed quietly by Adora's bedside. The stupid (utterly stupid fucking dumbass dickhead) had only gone and gotten mastitis. Realistically, Glimmer knew she couldn't control it. But it didn't make her any less of an idiot in Glimmer's eyes. Apparently, she'd come back late in the night, rocking a raging fever (that she apparently didn't notice), and about six shades paler than she could be. In the dark, nobody could tell she was unwell. In his dopey heart eyed love fest, Bow had taken Violet for the time being, instead of her being put in the nursery again.

Somewhat missing her best friend, Glimmer settled into being by her side instead. While Glimmer loved talking about her feelings, admitting she'd fucked up... that was something else. She could acknowledge that she had missed Adora a lot... and was a bit too harsh. As she often did when she was troubled, Glimmer dreamed of her mother that night.

"Mom!" Glimmer cried, rushing at her form. Angella hugged her tightly. "Oh my sweet Glimmy," She cooed. Glimmer cried into her shirt. "I've been an awful friend!" She sobbed. "Well... you haven't been the best," Her mother teased softly. Glimmer huffed into her shirt, still the same pink leotard as usual. "They understand," Angella tried a moment later. "No they don't! Nobody understands!" Glimmer cried. "If they didn't understand, would they still be your friends?" Her mother asked. Glimmer hesitated. "Bow and Adora fight your corner every day. They are your friends, and they do understand. Perhaps Bow, not quite as much... he has been fortunate enough to not lose anybody yet. But Adora? Glimmer, my sweet, that girl will understand more than anyone. I would argue that we do not understand her. That girl has been through thrice what we have, my daughter," She wiped a tear away from Glimmer's eye. "Contrary to what she claims, Adora understands you better than Bow, I would dare argue. Try. You might not be disappointed."

Glimmer reached forwards to hold her mothers hand and say how much she mis-

She was abruptly pulled out of her dream to the sound of somebody throwing up.
or trying to, at least.

Glimmer rubbed her eyes roughly, stretching as she sat. Once her eyes cleared, she gasped. "Oh my god, Adora!" She leaped up, rushing to her friend's aid. Adora was leaning over at the side, squeezing a bucket so tightly the plastic warped beneath her grip. She strained into it, panting heavily. "Woah, stop! Stop it!" Glimmer tried to force her back by her shoulders. Adora shook them off, continuing to try and vomit into the bucket. "No!" She gasped. "I need to-to-" She strained into the bucket again, panting loudly. "Get it out!" She forcibly retched again, the bucket completely warping beneath her grip.

For a split second, Glimmer was convinced Adora's eyes glowed bright blue. But she blinked, and they were back to their usual grey/blue colour, dulled with fever. Glimmer pressed the call button, settling into holding back Adora's loose hair as she dry heaved... to no avail.

She sobbed at the sight of the healer. "Help her! Please!" She cried. The healer walked over, absently feeling for a temperature. "Hmm. For the fever, I'll give her some more acetaminophen," The healer said. Glimmer frantically gestured to her (still trying to vomit - to no avail) best friend. The healer hummed. "It may just be confused brain signals because of the fever. But I'll administer some granisetron anyway,"

That night was rough. Glimmer had never felt so scared. Adora's fever had climbed to a near dangerous level (of 108), worrying all the medical staff that she may not even make it through the night. Glimmer had done her best to supply cooling spells, but her emotional attachment to Adora was a problem; magic relied on concentration.

But then, at just gone four am, her fever finally dropped to 102. Still very bad, but much better. Then at five thirty, it broke. And it broke hard. She sweated through several shirts, and at least five more blankets and bedsheets. But she pulled through... and Glimmer left before she could apologise.

~

Four days later.

In the five days that Adora had been home, the Horde had seized another three Salinas based villages... and recaptured Elberon... and attempted to destroy the Whispering Woods again. All of this rubbed everyone up the wrong way; Adora and Glimmer most of all.

"I know it's been tough going since losing Salineas, but we're picking up the pieces. I'm sure we can turn this around. I mean, we captured Double Trouble..." Bow paused, looking briefly at Adora. Her face remained neutral as she gently rocked Violet in her chest carrier. "They're...refusing to talk to us, but still..." The faces in the room didn't change, so Bow turned to Adora's horse. "So, uh... Swift Wind! You just got back from scouting the Southern Coast. What does it look like?"

Swift Wind grinned. "On fire!" Adora snorted softly, jumping her brow. Typical Swift Wind. Bow audibly hesitated. "Anything more... specific?" Swift Wind struggled with his words for a second. "On lots of fire!" Adora rubbed her head in frustration. Bow rubbed his hands. "Okayyy... Adora!" She raised her gaze. "You came from Plumeria; what's their status? Any good news?" He asked. Adora almost felt guilty at her answer. She sighed. "Perfuma is securing the Whispering Woods and Frosta reports that her kingdom has not been breached..."

"Great!" Bow grinned.

"...yet..." She added under her breath. "But the Horde's working on it. Day and night. Nonstop,"

Bow clapped his hands loudly. "Well...that is...ooo-kayyy. Because Sea Hawk, Netossa, and Spinnerella just saved everyone in Sea Elf Village...with Glimmer. Who didn't tell us she was going, but just...kind of showed up," He chuckled awkwardly. Adora whipped her head to glare at the Queen. Glimmer looked away for the briefest second, before matching her glare. "Oh, we're still doing that? The whole "not telling anybody where I'm going! Oops! Let's just hope I don't die!" Huh!?" Adora snapped. Glimmer curled in on herself slightly. Adora softened her tone slightly. "You ​​​​​​​can't just keep going off on your own,"

Glimmer hummed mockingly. "Hmm, where have I heard that before? Oh, right. When I stayed here to find the Horde spy and Salineas fell!" Adora's temper flared. "That's not fair. We didn't know!" Glimmer scoffed. "No, because you ran away scared!" She snapped. Adora blinked in quick succession. "What?" She whispered lowly. Glimmer's eyes widened slightly in regret. Adora reigned her temper in as best she could with a measured breath. "Even if I stayed here, we still wouldn't have known. Double Trouble fooled everyone," She said. Her eyes burned with an intensity she knew all too well: holding back tears.

Gone were Glimmer's eyes of regret. "Tell that to Mer-mis-ta!" She seethed. Swift Wind shook his mane. "Hey, where is Mermista?" Sea Hawk cleared his throat, leaning in close. "She's, um, taking some "me time"," He offered nothing further. Bow clapped his hands loudly. ""Me time"! Great... We all could use some of that. So let's check in with each other more often, and Glimmer if you could-"

"-I'm not going to hide inside the castle while our people are in danger!" She slammed her hands on the table, leering at everyone from the edge. "I'm the Queen. You don't give me orders," She spat. Adora's fire roared in her ears as she leaned across Bow, almost protecting him from Glimmer's scathing blows. "Don't talk to Bow like that!" She snapped. Bow's hand was on her shoulder. "Adora, it's fine, Glimmer's just-"

"-I need to stop the Horde," The Queen interrupted. "Any way I can... We're done for today," She huffed and stomped out of the room. Adora's hand moved to her daughter's back, rubbing softly as she moved. "Ugh, fine. Clearly, we aren't going to get anything done right now," She grumbled.

~

Adora found herself feeling partly guilty for the fall of Salineas. Sure, it'd happened before any of them were even aware, but nevertheless. She should've known Catra would've tried something like this... she should've known! So, she handed Violet off to the nursery (surprisingly feeling really guilty for a change) and kept the Princess company in her wallowing. Adora transformed her sword into a mop and cleaned in silence, per request.

"Mermista? Are you alone?" Adora stiffened. Mermista groaned. "Totally..." She drawled. The doors creaked open. Adora kept mopping... at least until Glimmer cleared her throat. "I thought you said you were alone?" She asked. Adora jumped her brow, pursing her lips slightly in frustration. Mermista groaned. "I am... Deep down inside...so...alone..." Adora returned to her mopping. "Are you two gonna fight again?" She scoffed, sinking under the water. "Whatever..."

Bubbles popped up from the tub as Adora met Glimmer's stare. "I was just...checking up on Mermista, but, clearly, you have it covered," Adora's ire drained out of her in a quick swoop. She transformed the sword into her bracelet, and ran after Glimmer, grabbing her wrist. "Glimmer, what is going on with you? I know things are bad right now, but...we can fix it-" She tried.

Glimmer growled, throwing her wrist out of Adora's grasp. "Why is that always your answer to everything?!" She snapped. The ire returned hotly. "Because it's the only thing we can do," She snapped slowly, making sure to enunciate her words clearly. Glimmer narrowed her eyes. "Things are worse than ever. The Horde has Salineas, the coast is falling, we haven't FIXED anything!" She snapped. Adora's eyebrows furrowed. "That's why we need to work together instead of you pushing us away, and if you'd just listened to us, you'd know that, and why can I hear the ocean right now?!" She grasped her ears over the sound of the waves.

Maybe the mastitis was back, and she really was losing her marbles... for real this time. "Just because you're She-Ra doesn't mean you can order people around!" Glimmer snapped. ​​​​​​

and there it is. the crux of the issues.

Adora scoffed. "You just keep pushing us away! We want to help you!" Glimmer huffed. "I am Queen of Etheria, okay? Not you! Not Bow! Not anybody! Me!" She shouted. Adora chuckled humourlessly. "And what about you going rogue and leaving!? What are we supposed to do with that? We're trying our best!" She tried to argue, to make her friend see reason.

To no avail. Glimmer was on a warpath today; and Adora was simply stuck in the way.

Glimmer leaned in viciously. "You think you can just transform into She-Ra, and hit things with your sword, and it will fix everything! Well, guess what: It's not working!" She hissed. Adora's heart thudded against her chest. "Why are you blaming this all on me? It's not my fault that Salineas fell! The Horde manipulated all of us!" She thumped her heart hardly for emphasis. "She-Ra was supposed to save us. But the Rebellion's in a worse place than ever since you showed up!"

Adora's heart stuttered painfully, though not from the brief beating it received.

Adora's breath froze in her lungs. "I'm trying my best. Why can't you see that?" She begged. "Well, maybe your best isn't good enough. If it was, my mother would still be here!"

Her heart shattered.

Adora's eyes filled with tears against her will, spilling against her cheeks. She knew that Angella's death was her fault; she knew it. Her heart thudded violently against her chest, thudding in time with her blood roaring in her ears. She was so deep in her mind, when Glimmer's gloved hand reached out to grab her, Adora went into default panic mode from her childhood. She stepped back, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. Her breathing grew quicker as her brain spiralled.

No.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

​​​​​​No!

Before her mind could lead her hand-in-hand to a panic attack, the bathroom door swung open.

"The boys are in trouble! A seagull told me!" Adora could only watch in shock. "I may have lost my kingdom, but I'm not losing anyone else. Sea-Ra is back in action!" Mermista's damp hands grabbed her left, hauling her behind. "Let's go!"

~

"For the Honour of Grayskull!"

The transformation took less time than usual... though part of that could be that Adora's head wasn't really in the game. Still, she did her job. She-Ra felt good. She-Ra felt... right.

She landed with a grunt, throwing her sword in a horizontal arc, expelling a wave of magic energy that knocked some soldiers back. Mermista and... Glimmer... went off on the shop, leaving Adora to Octavia and a few foot soldiers. "Long time no see, cadet," Octavia jeered. "Or, should I say, Princess?" Octavia put a finger to her chin. Adora shoved a solider away by their head, keeping her focus solely trained on the Force Captain. "Or do you prefer Princess Mommy?" Adora was charging forward with her sword before the insult had even fully registered. She grabbed Octavia by her shirt, holding her high in the air. "Don't you talk about my kid," She hissed. Octavia chuckled darkly, much like Grox had back in the waste all those months ago. "I don't need to. Catra does it all for us... in her dreams, of course," Adora roared as she thrust the Force Captain against the wall. Octavia grimaced. "I've warned you. Next time, I kill you. You do not mention my kid," She warned. Octavia snorted. "You'd kill your precious Catra if she hurt your kid?"

Adora's hesitation was brief. "I'd kill anyone," She said. Octavia chuckled. Adora swung her sword at a charging solider. "Not what I asked. Would you kill Catra?" She repeated. Adora shot a bolt of magic at a group of soldiers about to overwhelm Bow. She grunted, slamming Octavia into the metal. "Yeah. Didn't think so,"

Adora tossed her over the ship before she did some serious damage.

Turning back, she realised she was overwhelmed. She backed up, bumping against something solid. She glanced down, eyes watering for a brief moment. ​​​​​​​I'll do what needs to be done.

She nodded once, and grabbed Glimmer's hand. The magic of the Moonstone and She-Ra increased their strength tenfold. It was only for a second, but nevertheless. She skidded to her knees, ducking a killing blow from a solider. Bow's sudden voice joined the song that Mermista and Sea Hawk were belting.

Unable to even come close to their enthusiasm, Adora simply stood up slowly, deliberately looking away from Glimmer's imploring gaze. She kicked the last of the soldiers off the ship, walking to the edge. She watched in sick satisfaction as the Horde soldiers floated angrily, like little red blobs of blood.

Bow was suddenly at her side, hauling her into a hug. Initially, Adora was happy to accept it. But then she saw Glimmer on the other side. Feeling all the hurt and panic from earlier, Adora shoved away and stumbled to the other side.

...

Some time later, just as the sun was beginning to set, Adora, as Adora - not She-Ra, sat on the edge of the boat, her knee up to her chin. Distantly, she wondered how Vi was in the nursery after a week without it. Any thoughts would be better than the intrusive and hurtful ones from earlier.

Suddenly, a gloved hand touched her arm. Adora didn't need to know who it was. Anger and hurt fuelling her emotions, Adora slapped Glimmer's hand and ran off in the opposite direction, hoping the winds would dry her tears. She sat near the bow of the ship, both knees tucked tightly underneath her chin. She stayed there for a while, desperately trying to ward off the budding panic attack. That'd be fun at 3am, silently under the covers, so as not to frighten her daughter. Alone... as always.

"Adora..." A voice said softly to her side. "You and Glimmer-" Adora sighed to interrupt Bow's inevitable excuses for Glimmer. She dropped her legs, leaning back on her palms and letting the wind sail through her undone hair. "I know what I have to do, Bow. I'm going to look for Mara's weapon. The one she mentioned in the message. Maybe it can turn the tide of the war for us..." She sighed heavily. "...It has to," She whispered to herself. "What are you talking about? Glimmer doesn't need a weapon, she needs her friends," Adora scoffed softly, sniffing away the tears. "No, she doesn't," She said quietly. Wanting to escape the talk, she swung her legs over the ship and began moving for the bellow decking. Maybe she could convince her body to have its panic attack here, instead?

At least there wouldn't a noise limit.

"But it doesn't matter," She said over her shoulder, fully aware Bow was still listening. "I will fix this...no matter what Glimmer thinks of me," A lone tear ran down her cheek as she descended the stairs and shut one of the bedroom doors.

~

My reasons for an irregular update.

1) Uni's kicking my ass

2) My depression is kicking my ass

3) Work is kicking my ass

4) My period is kicking my ass

5) I got into a car accident today and had a panic attack bc of it ✌️😘

yh. So... lmfao. Give me time ya'll. Keep the comments and love coming pls.