LOSING GAME

❝When everyone said that love is equal to pain,
no one ever said that betrayal is more hurtful than heartbreak itself.❞

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The fear of betrayal, the feeling of helplessness, and the feeling of losing everything I loved are the most heartbreaking. But still, I hope, standing here and hoping that what I heard was all a nightmare. That everything I heard and thought was just an illusion but everything is perfectly alright. I am alright. I really want to believe that what Isabel told me was wrong and Carter wouldn't do that. I want to believe that Carter's love for me is stronger than the desire for power. But as time's ticking, I am only being proven wrong.

I looked around the room anxiously and was nervous. I could hear the heavy footsteps approaching my room. I didn't move or make any sign to acknowledge the presence of the intruder as my room door opened and closed shut behind them. I know who it is.

"Anne, Carter is here," I heard Helen say, as she entered my walk-in closet. I don't respond to her as I take in shaky breaths trying to control my nerves. Helen has been working in my household for as long as I remember, she has always been there for me. I know she could sense my nervousness even though she was still five feet apart.

"Are you alright?" she asked, worry etched on her face, as she turned me around to face her. I just nod, not meeting her eyes, before getting my purse from the table. "It's just like any other date night Anne, you're going to be fine."

No, you don't know. I thought to myself, I gave her a tightlipped smile nonetheless before walking out of the closet and out of my room.

Today wasn't like any other date night. Carter never took me out to expensive restaurants, there must be a reason behind it. But what Isabel said keeps coming at me.

It's all coming true, what Isabel said was all coming true.

I take slow steps trying to take as much as possible before I face him. With each step, my mind was racing through the possibilities of how the night might end or if it will end at all.

I sucked in a sharp breath when I saw him sitting on the huge couch waiting for me. He was in a suit, it was perfectly hugging his muscles. All I want to do right now is jump into his arms and kiss him senselessly. But I can't, we have 'plans'. He is perfect. I study his features trying to memorize them well. I don't know what tonight might bring us but I want to remember it all. I could see that he was nervous as he was fidgeting with car keys in his hand.

His eyes met mine when he heard the sound of my heels clicking the marble staircase. That moment when our eyes met, is when I realized that he is no longer the boy I fell in love with. He is the man I loved. A man with the power, desire, and dream. A man who craves control and dominance. His eyes held a whirlwind of emotions that I couldn't quite comprehend.

What Isabel told me only made me think, Is our love strong enough to save itself and us? When both of us aren't even capable of saving ourselves

"You look gorgeous," He whispered, once I reached the last step. I smiled, taking his hand in mine, that he had extended like the gentleman he is. He gave a peck on my lips before bidding our goodbyes to Helen before leaving for the restaurant, where Car had made a reservation for us.

The car ride was silent, it wasn't uncomfortable but it was nerve-wracking for me. The slight humming of the radio and the sound of our shallow breaths were the only sounds heard. We would look at each other from time to time but neither of us was ready to have a conversation.

We came to a halt in one of the luxurious restaurants I have ever seen. We walked past this place just a few days ago, making fun of the people who walked in and outside of this place. It's funny how we're the ones going to walk into this place today.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed him walking out of the car to open my door. I slipped my hands into his extended hand as I got out of the car. The interior was as grandiose as the exterior. I couldn't help but marvel at it.

"You are oddly quiet tonight," I felt his hand snake through my waist pulling me closer to his chest. I inhaled his citrusy-musky scent trying to ease the knot forming in my stomach. There weren't many people in this section of the restaurants, any table that was occupied was at least two tables away from us.

"I'm just tired," I muttered as I sat across from him.

"From work?" He enquired trying to keep the conversation going. I just nod at him, afraid that he would see right through me even if I just say a word. "Well, tomorrow is Saturday, we don't have to work, we could go somewhere away from all this stress. What do you say?"

"Would you like a drink sir and ma'am?" The waiter arrives, saving me from replying to him.

"Just wate-"

"Bourbon please," I replied before Car could answer him. The waiter looks in between us before nodding at us and going off to bring our drinks.

"You don't usually drink...you despise drinking," Car states, bringing my attention back to him. "You seem different... Is everything alright?"

I know I am acting different and distant from the one he loved but I'm still me. But he isn't the one I loved. I never loved Carter who would do anything for the money, power, and position. I loved Carter who would do anything for me, trust me no matter what I did and believe in me as no one has ever done. He seems so much different today and it hurts to see him.

"You seem different too," I say in a firm tone, my voice was calmer than I expected it to be. "I guess, we both have changed a lot." I know the sternness and hostility in my voice will make him look at me. But what I didn't expect was the quiver in my voice and the hurt in his eyes. He understood that there is an underlying meaning to it.

"Sir and Madam, your drinks." The waiter was back to take our orders. The tension between us has skyrocketed as the words left unsaid and questions unasked float in the air, ready to strangle us. I take a huge gulp of the liquid, using the chill and burning liquid to soothe my nerves.

"I can't do this," I mutter, lowering my gaze, once the waiter is out of hearing range. "I can't pretend like we're alright," I don't try to hide the pain and quiver in the voice as those words tumbled out of my mouth. I can't take this anymore.

"What do you mean by that?" His voice was strained as if he was trying to control his temper. "What do you mean by-pretend like we're alright? We're alright."

"No, we're not. I never loved this person in front of me," I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and my throat clogging in as I tried to keep myself together. "I never loved the person who would do anything for money."

"What?" He seemed to be confused, surprised, shocked, and hurt. The mixture of emotions that I never wanted to see in his face but I painted them there. "That's what you think of me? That I'm with you only for your money?"

"That's not what I thought but you made sure to prove me wrong," I said looking straight into his eyes.

"By how? By trying to make this last date night before you leave for LA, special for you eh?" We both were beyond furious now and tired of words being thrown at each other. "Or are you doing this because you're leaving?" I could see his hands clenched into fists trying to control his anger. "I didn't love the girl either, who is always paranoid, assumes the worst of the situation all the damn time, and who would lie straight to my face." His voice was loud and dominating as he got up from the table banging the table, making me jerk up.

Every word that he said felt like someone was stabbing my heart repeated with a knife. "I don't know why we're wasting each other's time when we both already know that we don't love each other," I got up trying to leave but his raspy voice stopped me in my tracks.

"So, that's it huh? All these years of 'pretending' only to leave like I meant nothing to you." I don't answer him, I just gawk at him. I can't believe he thought he meant nothing to me. "Everyone was right about you. You just used me all these years."

"If anybody was using, it would be you." I walked away, I couldn't look back at him. The ache in my chest was increasing with each step away from him and away from what we had all these years.

I hadn't thought this night would end like this. Was this our end? Was this what we worked so hard for? Was this our end all along? Were we just trying to build a relationship that was going to fail? I knew that we were never meant to be the day we first kissed but I hoped we would work or differences but I was wrong.

Why do we all try so hard when we already know that we're going to lose?

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