LOSING GAME

❝The toughest part of letting go is realizing that the 
other person already did.❞

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I watched her as she left the restaurant. I wanted this to be special for both of us. She will be leaving for LA in two weeks. She always wanted to go there to establish her own fashion line. I never doubted her passion and her love for fashion one bit but I think I overestimated her love for me. I never thought she would be up for giving up our love so that she could chase her dreams.

I just don't understand what happened to us suddenly, we were fine yesterday but what changed so much that she wanted to break it off. She was acting strange ever since I picked her up from the house. Silent, reserved, and overthinking.

All the words are thrown at each other, all the lies spat on each other's face and all the unsaid words lingering in the air were suffocating. I emptied the glass of bourbon before paying for the so-called date and left.

The cold air whooshed as the little droplets of rain hit my cheek. I couldn't help but wonder how she would get home. I was her ride back home. Just the thought of her was enough to remind me of all the words she said today. I no longer knew whether she meant what she said or she was just saying those to get rid of me.

I got into the car and started driving to the hospital.

It didn't take more than thirty minutes as I found myself entering the hospital room.

"Hey, Carter!" My mother tried to sit up on her bed, I quickly moved to her side to help her sit up. "I just have an ever-growing tumor, not a broken back, Car." She tried to joke about her situation and slightly laughed at her own dark joke. I didn't answer, I just smiled as I looked at her petite figure. Her laughter was cut short faster than it had begun with a fit of cough.

"I have gotten used to it, Car, don't worry." She stopped me from leaving when I was about to go and get the doctor. It might seem normal to her, she has accepted the fact that she is going to die and doesn't fight against it.

"Mom, this is not something to get used to." I tried to reason with her. I can't just let her give up.

"I can't fight it anymore, Car. It will just keep coming back. I'm tired of it, Car. I would rather accept it." She said as her low voice filled the room. I don't respond. I don't know what to say. I don't want to lose her too. "It's okay, Car" I didn't know that I had been crying until she reached up to me and wiped the tear that rolled down my cheek.

I don't know for how long we had been like this when my mother finally decided to speak. "What happened?" She asked softly as she ran a hand through my head, "I know something was wrong the moment you entered this room, tell me what's wrong?"

"We broke up... Bree and I," I said as I sat back in my chair and focused my attention on anywhere but my mother. A frown made its way to her face when I forced myself to look at her. I could see that she was curious to ask more but was afraid of how I would react, "I don't exactly know why... we just yelled at each other at one point and I said things I didn't mean which just escalated. I wanted this date to be special for us before she leaves mom. I don't know what to do"

"Oh, Car," She doesn't say much as she pulls me in an embrace. "Why don't you take some time to think this through? I know how much you love each other, I don't want you guys to leave it like this." I don't answer her, I just nod in response. She smiles slightly as she pulls away.

"Go home and rest, Devon will be home alone and Helen will be arriving only around midnight." I nod and tuck her in the bed. "I can take care of myself, silly." I smiled at her one last time before leaving the room for her to rest.

✽✦✽

"I can't accept this, Carter," Xavier said as he handed me back my resignation letter. Xavier Stewart, my boss, and Bree's father was staring me down as if I had done something wrong. Last night, even after having a talk with my mother, I still couldn't shake out the words she said to me.

I never loved the person who would do anything for money.

If anybody was using, it would be you.

I decided that it would be best if I resigned from her father's company. I could always look for another job. He had only given this job because I was his daughter's boyfriend anyways, not for who I am.

"Why not Mr.Stewart? You gave me this job because of your daughter and the promotion was because of your daughter too I suppose. It would do you so much favor to pay for one less person." I tried to reason with him to accept my resignation.

"I may have given you the job because of her but the promotion was for your hard work and the extra hours you put in. I am not ready to lose one of the best employees." He said, trying to reassure me. "I don't know what happened between you and Anne but you'll always be my favorite person at work and my son outside this office. Nothing's ever gonna change that."

I looked at him, grateful and happy to hear those words from him. "Now back to work," He said as he patted my back before taking the letter and putting it in the paper shredder. I smiled at him before going back to my office.

Nothing has changed, the way her father looks at me, the way my mother loves her, or the way day is passing. Everything is the same and normal, except that we aren't together now. The pain is still fresh. I knew that we were never meant to be together the moment I laid my eyes on her but I hoped maybe that we will be able to work our differences. Just maybe that I could keep her. I just don't understand, why did we stay together for this long only to get hurt? Why did we keep coming back for each other when we clearly know that we were never meant to be together? Why did we try to build a relationship that was only going to fail? 

Why did we try so hard to play the game we knew we were losing?  

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