CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX:
THE SUPERCALIFRFRAGILISTICEZPIALIDOCIOUS

[yeah bet you weren't expecting that gif]

previously on Barking News:

Blondes are superior to other people and have more fun. Also, Alison finally found out Jason is Chew-Barka, and then they drank vodka cause vodka is the best.

Now, this week on Barking News:

"Who you talking to ?" Allison asked, gaining Jason's attention and making him look away from the camera (mobile screen? is he writing this?). Allison looked at where he was staring at before, and then shooked her head and rubbed her eyes with two fingers, like when disappointed mothers find their kids being weird, "You know what, I don't care. I found Klaus-"

Jason perked up, "Soul brother?"

"I don't know whats that and I don't wanna know, but if sou brother is Klaus then yes, I just said it weren't you listening-"

Jason raised a hand in the universal I'm innocent gesture and Allison quiets down, "Wanna come?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, so Go change out of that pink skirt -that's not one of mine where did you get it- and then we can go."

Jason twirled to show off his nice skirt, "I don't know where I found it but I love it and I'm not gonna change."

"Jason we're in the past and people are horrible-" Allison tried to reason.

Jason crossed his arms over his bare chest that was covered in glitter? -since when- and glared at Allison, "People can go fuck themselves."

Allison sighed before picking up her bag and beckoned Jason to follow her, "I have no idea how you're 50 years old."

"Nearly 60, ma dude."

Allison looked at him with shock, "You're older than Five?"

"Mhm," Jason started skipping but kept his pace slow so he was skipping next to Allison, "I met Five while he was time traveling, so I'm older."

"Robbing the cradle, huh?" Allison teased and nudged Jason, before hailing a taxi and ushering Jason inside and then sitting next to him. She gave the driver the address to apparently where Klaus lived and ignored his weird glances at Jason. Like he said, Fuck people and what they thought.

Jason shrugged with a grin, "Sure, if the cradle is for a 58-year-old assassin."

Allison laughed and they spend the rest of the ride exchanging jabs. It made Allison less tense and that's all Jason wanted.

Well, besides a really good cheeseburger.

Jason was excited to see Klaus. Don't get him wrong, Allison is the queen and he'll fight Elizabeth on it and make her hand over her crown to its rightful owner, but Klaus is his soul brother, his bro, his senpai, parabatai. He missed Klaus so much, even more than Five-

That was a lie and a very bad one, we're all disappointed in your lying abilities Jason.

But the point has been made. Klaus and Jason are very close. Besties.

Finally, after many judgmental looks from the driver, they arrived at their destination. A very fancy big house, a mansion some would say. Jason dubbed it the WBC. (not WBC as in white blood cell, as in white big clan)

Jason and Allison looked at the house before walking up to the front door and ringing the bell.

"Is he gonna have a posh British butler named Alfred?" Jason asked while they waited.

"It depends on if he lost his parents in an alley when he was younger and is now a furry."

Allison is quiet for a few seconds before exploding, "You're a really bad influence, the fuck am I even saying anymore! I'm even cursing now! Thanks a lot, Jason!"-

Jason suggested circling around the house to see if Klaus is in the gardens and Allison accepted the peace offering.

They found Klaus chilling on a pink floaty drinking something tasty and smoking a cigarette. Smoking is bad kids, don't do it.

"Klaus?" Allison asked making Klaus look at them from beneath his sunglasses.

Before anyone could make another moved Jason zoomed past Allison and threw himself in the water, making a huge wave that nearly threw Klaus off his floaty, "BESTIE!"

Klaus said a soft 'Allison' before starting to paddle near the shore where Allison was trying to drown herself - I mean where Allison was getting in the water.

"Jason!" Jason said and attacked Klaus on the floaty, making him finally fall into the pool and hugged the shit out of him, Allison joined their hug and they stood there for a moment.

"I can't believe you're batman," Jason whispered softly.

"But that's Diego," Klaus pointed out making Jason -And as much as she didn't want to admit, Allison- think deeply.

"Holy shit, you're his kid! Dick!" Jason said from between the McHargreeves sandwich hug.

Allison, who has next to zero knowledge of superheroes besides the basics of the really big ones blinked in confusion.

Klaus, a fellow nerd, knew what Jason was talking about and gasped, "I'm Dick!"

(for my dear Allisons, Dick is the first son of batman who's made of 5% sass, sarcasm, and puns, and jokes, and 95% great holy bubbly ass. It makes sense, trust me)

Allison snapped them out of their superhero fantasy, "Let's sit down, and talk."

Klaus nodded and slumped back down on his floaty, Jason imitated a starfish on water who needed air, and Allison sat on the edge of the pool.

"I thought you were all dead!" Klaus said once everyone was comfortable.

"Me too," Allison said with a grin. Jason doesn't know if that's because she's excited at the idea of her siblings dead or-

Let's not think about it.

"How did you end up in a place like this?" Jason asked and looked around, "Sugar Mommy?"

Klaus laughed, "Kinda. Dicks, drugs, Louis Vuitton. My holy trinity."

Allison laughed.

"But yeah, it's been a wild run."

"Klaus, You started a cult," Allison said making Jason's head snapped up.

"He did what? Dude-" he swam over, "I want in."

"It's not a cult, cult is a very negative word, Allison. We prefer to call it 'Alternative Spiritual Community'. And it's a shitty one, you don't wanna join believe me."

Jason pouted and swam around Klaus' floaty.

"No," Allison said with certainty, "You definitely started a cult."

"I want in," Jason whispered to Klaus while still going around in circles.

Klaus did a trashing thing, and admitted defeat, "Alright, alright, alright, enough about me. what about you two? what've you been up to?"

"Umm, well I'm living in South Dallas, working as a Civil Rights Organizer-"

"Wow," Klaus said, impressed.

"-with my husband." Allison dropped the bomb.

"A real piece of work, your husband, I'd say nice stuff about him if he had given me that piece of bacon the other day but now I have nothing but bad stuff."

"You're married?" Klaus gasped softly looking between Jason and Allison.

"Yes," Allison laughed.

Jason stopped his swimming and then out of sight, pretended to be drowning.

"Who's the lunatic?" Klaus asked making Allison laugh harder.

"His name, is Raymond Chestnut, Ray."

Klaus got a thoughtful face, which yes surprising but let him have his moment, "Wait, is he locked up right now?"

Turned out Klaus and Ray had a bonding moment over Shakespeare and had promised the man t get him and his friends who were wrongfully arrested out.

Then Allison told Klaus about the sitting they had organized today at the diner and complained about the, I quote, "bullshit charge" and how she couldn't get him out.

And then another moment about how Allison is happy without her powers and stuff.

Allison left to go to Odessa's. Jason refused to go on the grounds that 'He and his soul brother needed time to bond and restore their soul brother energy'. Allison said she didn't care and with a goodbye and hug left to boys to wreck chaos.

Klaus informed Jason of his amazing idea to go and get Ray without telling Allison, and who's Jason to turn down such an amazing idea?

So that's how they ended up in the station. Klaus enlisted the help of Ben -Ghosts do time travel!- and they set out to do what they do best.

Cause Chaos with a capital C.

It didn't take long for everyone to do their shi. Ben used his dead powers to scare the officer into releasing Raymond.

It went something like this:

Clears throat,

It was a very nice day for Officer Dickhead, he had been as racist as he could, arrested some innocent people on charge of being black. all in a good day's work!

He was sure he'd get a promotion ~\(≧▽≦)/~

Go team!

He was thinking about when he had been an asshole to a very nice lady as he unwrapped the sandwich he had made himself that morning because his asshole self had no chance of finding himself some lovely lady when the lights started to flicker.

He looked up at them before turning his attention back to the sandwich. Then something weird happened that put the fear of God in him, four points were made in his sandwich! witchcraft!

And then it floated! It honest to god floated!

Dear God, I come before You to lay my panic and anxiety at Your feet. When I'm crushed by my fears and worries, remind me of Your power and Your grace. Fill me with Your peace as I trust in You and You alone.

[prayer for when you're scared found on google]

Officer Dickhead reached for his gun and then the sandwich went flying, startling him.

And then it happened, something - someone - started typing on his typewriter.

hesitantly going forwards he saw that was being written.

"FREE
CHESTNUT
OR...

DIE"

Dickhead backed away, scared shitless.

Dear God, help him.

End of retelling.

And that's how Jason and Klaus ended up in the station, Klaus was sitting with his legs thrown up on another chair.

Jason, no longer wet but in his pink skirt and still with a chest covered in glitter -no idea how- sat next to him, sitting upside down.

He listened to the one-sided conversation Ben and Klaus were having, wishing the author could just twist it and make up some shit so Ben could be more in this book, but alas we can't all get what we want.

(The author is trying to come up with something to add Ben if not, then we get to deal with emo!Ben)

Raymond came back just as Klaus finished telling Ben not to gloat - which Jason thought was ridiculous, Ben should be gloating- and looked at Klaus with wonder, " You? you got me out?"

"I told you I have friends in high places."

Jason turned around and sat like a normal human being.

"I don't know what to say," Raymond said, voice thick with feelings, eyes full of tears, heart warm from being thought of, stomach full of butterflies, hands sweaty-

Yeah no, he was just a little shocked and touched.

Klaus waved it away, "Don't say a word."

Yeah, Ray, shut up.

Klaus sat up and walked towards Raymond with open arms, "Anything for family, Brother."

Raymond was confused, "Well, okay."

Jason wished he had popcorn.

"We are all brothers beneath the skin," Ray tried to make sense of the situation.

"No!" Klaus said and ended the hug.

Wow, Racist much?

"No," Klaus continued, "Literally, you're my brother-in-law!"

Jason pipped in for the first time, "Like me!"

Well, kinda.

Raymond looked at him for the first time, with an expression that just screamed 'what?!' and looked between Jason and Klaus.

Because his expression was so unique, I'm out of words and instead will leave you with this.

"What?"

"Yeah, man, family barbecues are about to get real weird," He slapped Raymond on the arm and walked away.

"Wait, you guys have family barbecue without me? Klaus, You're my Parabatai! I trusted you- Klaus don't run! You can run but you can't hide!"

Raymond watched them go.

"What?"

•ᴥ︎•

BONJOUR MA DUDES
I AM BACK AFTER YEARS
WITH A VERY LATE BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR OUR BOYS AND GIRLS AND GALS AND DOGS

how have you been?
Tell me about how you've been since the last chapter 🔪

Anyways, your girl was busy w stuff and getting ready for uni -cause yes, I've grown up- and thus my already ducked up schedule was more fucked.

Babbling through text, but yeah.

Also, dw five gonna be back w Jason. Let's just enjoy the mcgreeves and Jason's bonding moments.

Here, have some cookies and milk while you view the memes. 🍪 🥛