a/n 10 months later: MORE ANGST IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHY I WROTE SO MUCH ANGST
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"You know, I always had so much on my mind that I never told you about, Ohm. I guess I worried too much about what could've been, and not enough about what was already happening.” Bryce laughs to himself, staring up at the stars.

“I always wanted to run away and disappear, off to a happier place. Cheesy, right?” There's another laugh, this one hollow and void of any joy. Bryce shivers, a gust of wind blowing past him, and then curls up into a little ball, small and frail against the cold, harsh night.

He looks to the empty space besides him, and finds himself thinking about what could've been.

About what should've been.

Ohm should've been here right now, sitting besides Bryce as they stared up at the stars. Ohm should've been here, laughing at Bryce's crappy puns and making his stupid, stupid jokes with that stupid, stupid grin on his face. Ohm should've been here, holding Bryce's hand or leaving little kisses all over Bryce's face.

Ohm should've been here right now, but he isn't. Ohmwrecker isn't here right now, though, and he never will be. Ohm was gone, and Bryce wasn't sure if he could ever get over something like that.

The silence hanging around Bryce right now is about as dead as his lover was, and the realization almost makes Bryce laugh. But the laugh gets caught in his throat, and comes out as a small, choked sob instead.

Bryce has never felt so small, so helpless and so hopeless before.

“Ohm? Oh, Ohm…” Bryce falls silent, tears falling freely down his cheeks, rosy and slightly numb from the cold. If Ohm was here, he would've told Bryce to go back inside.

But he wasn't here, so Bryce stayed outside. This spot was special to him, this spot was where they had their first date. Right here, where the big oak tree had stood before being knocked over in a storm.

Bryce remembered being delightfully surprised when he learned Ohm had planned everything out, bringing a picnic and everything. It seemed cheesy, at the time, but Bryce wouldn't have traded it for anything.

They ate, they talked, ran around and rolled around in the grass, and when the sun went down they sat and watched the sunset.

Bryce shifts his attention from his thoughts, and instead looks up at the stars. For a brief moment, the bright white of the stars reminds him less of cheesy first dates, and more of blinding, white headlights rushing towards him at full speed.

Those eyes he had grown so fond of had been staring up at him with horror, before slowly falling shut, and never opening again. Bryce remembers how panicked and horrified he had been, a burning pain in his side as he did all he could to save his lover.

It was all for naught, though. His efforts fell short, and Ohm bled out. The paramedics who came to the scene said there wasn't a thing he could've done, anyways, that Ohm was doomed either way. If he hadn't bled out, his head injury surely would've done him in. That Ohm was lucky he hadn't died on impact, that Ohm-

“Bryce?! Bryce!”

Bryce jolts, forced out of his thoughts by Cartoonz and Delirious standing over him, both with worry etched into their faces.

“What the hell do you think you're doing out here? It's fuckin’ freezing, and you don't got a jacket on! I swear, me and Delirious were worried sick.” Cartoonz shakes his head, before draping something across Bryce's shoulders.

Bryce can't  bring himself to respond. He sniffles, curling up into a tighter ball, hiding his face from his two friends. There's a soft thump on either side of him, and then arms wrap around him tightly.

“It's okay if you wanna cry, Bryce. We got you, ‘aight?” Cartoonz speaks calmly and quietly, the sound of it bringing Bryce little comfort. He leans into the embrace nonetheless, closing his eyes and sniffling once more.

The three sat on the ground, none of them saying a word. It went on like that for a few minutes before Delirious speaks up.

“We figured you would be here, so we brought you a soda. I chose it myself, because Cartoonz is bad at picking sodas. It's uh, it's orange soda because that's all they had when we was there.” When Delirious speaks, his voice sounds so quiet and weary that Bryce wasn't sure if it really was Delirious.

Bryce picks his head up, eyes red and puffy, and looks down at the cup of soda placed at his feet. He shrugs, then stares out at the empty space in front of him. Nothing seemed very interesting. It was all trees and leaves, just like the rest of the park.

There was another bit of silence, this time without Bryce sniffling every ten seconds.

“You know, I wonder if I make a wish, Ohm would come back,” Bryce mumbles. It was a silly thought, really, but at the same time…

It gave him hope. The tiniest, silliest shred of hope that maybe Ohm really would come back to life, like this was all some silly prank or bad dream.

“I fucking wish, imagine how that would work.” Cartoonz laughs weakly, staring down at the grass.

Delirious sighs, mindlessly picking grass out of the ground. “It's not fair. He didn't deserve that. You- you didn't deserve this shit either, Bryce. Y’hear me? You didn't ask for this bullshit.”

“We should get you home, Bryce. God knows how long you've been out here freezing.” Cartoonz stands up, Delirious close to follow.

“Maybe if I stay out here long enough, I'll freeze to death and get to see him again.” The words tumble off of Bryce's tongue without him realizing it, and the sudden change of tone scares him just as much as it scared his friends.

“No. No, no no. You will not think like that, Bryce, you hear me?!” Delirious is suddenly back in front of Bryce, hands on his shoulders as he stares straight into Bryce's eyes. “Please, please don't do anythin’ like that. We love you, okay?”

Bryce wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh, then break down and cry. They didn't know how weak Bryce felt right now, or how he wished he could sit there and tell them everything that was going through his head.

He didn't say a thing. Bryce just nodded his head, eyes watering all over again.

Delirious grabs Bryce's hand, then tries to pull him up. Bryce, on the other hand, doesn't move a muscle.

He felt as though if he were to leave this place, he would leave Ohm behind. If Bryce left this place, he would be leaving Ohm and their love behind, too. He would be leaving the past behind, and Bryce wasn't sure if he could truly do that.

He wasn't ready to move on. He wasn't sure if he ever would be ready to move on.

Delirious, realizing that Bryce wasn't going to move anytime soon, quietly bends down and picks his friend up into his arms. Bryce feels his momentary resolve melt, and suddenly he breaks down crying.

Bryce didn't want to be stuck on something like this. He wanted to stop being sad, to go back to the way he had once been. But when everything he did reminded him of Ohm, from eating to walking to talking and breathing and living, what was he to do?

What was he supposed to do without Ohm?

Bryce couldn't answer his question, and instead opted to cry his worries and grief out in Delirious’ arms.

The whole ride home, Bryce sniffles and sobs into his friend's shoulder, wrapped up in a jacket that wasn't even his.

Delirious has to carry him into his house, too. They go into Bryce's room, his cats all curled up in a pile on the bed. Bryce curls into a little ball underneath the blankets, too worn out to cry anymore.

His friends said goodnight, and Bryce was left alone with his thoughts once more. He wakes up the next morning, and for a split second he expects to wake up next to Ohm. Instead of crying, though, he laughs it off and goes about his day.

That night, Bryce returns to their spot up on the hill, where the big oak tree once stood. He can't help himself- this place felt comforting.  It reminded him of Ohm, and Ohm was something Bryce always wanted to remember.

“You know, Ohm, we were a good team. You were my friend, and we promised that we’d never let go…” There was a small, weary sigh, before he continued. “It’s okay. I'll be okay. I'll just wait here for you. You'll come back, right?”

The silence hanging around Bryce was about as dead as his lover, and it did nothing to bring Bryce comfort.