It's beginning to look a lot like christmas.... so i wrote some angst c:
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There wasn't much Bryce wanted this Christmas. He wanted snow, he wanted his kitties to stay warm and healthy, and he wanted his friends to have a good holiday, too.

But truthfully, there was only one thing Bryce wanted this Christmas. The presents under the tree wouldn't matter if he didn't have Ohm here to help open them.

All Bryce wanted for Christmas this year was for his boyfriend to come home, for him to come back and relax in Bryce's arms.

All Bryce wanted for Christmas is Ohm.

That was all he needed. He would gladly trade every last present he had to make sure Ohm showed up at his door, wrapped up in a big, warm jacket and with the same, smug grin on his face.

They’ll kiss each other under the mistletoe, and then they'll go walking around, shopping and enjoying the winter weather. Like a fairytale, almost, now that Bryce thought about it.

Ryan would be here in about three hours, according to the text he just sent.

Bryce giggles excitedly, unable to contain his happiness. He looks over at the Christmas tree, standing big and tall in his living room, shining a warm glow across the room. The presents underneath were neatly wrapped, though a bit tattered from the cats playing with the ribbons.

Bryce had made Ryan cookies, cut into cute gingerbread men and stars. Bryce had figured Ryan would want to help decorate them later, so he held off on doing it himself. Bryce had also brought out Ryan's favorite blanket, a big, fluffy quilt that they loved to cuddle under while watching movies.

He scurries around the house, tidying up whatever he could find to keep his mind off of Ryan's upcoming arrival. Of course, though, Bryce had cleaned beforehand, and was soon sprawled out across his bed with nothing to do but count the minutes until Ryan came through the front door.

There's a knock at his door, suddenly, snapping Bryce out of his daydreams. He shoots out of bed, runs to the front door, and immediately opens it.

Standing in the doorway, with a dorky grin and arms stretched out, is the man of his dreams. Bryce grins and leaps into Ryan's arms, sending the two toppling backwards into the snow.

Bryce doesn't care, though. He nuzzles his head into Ryan's neck, smiling and giving little, loving kisses to the cold skin.

“I missed you, I missed you so, so much, I really did,” Bryce murmurs. He can feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and he hugs Ryan tightly, overwhelmed with emotions.

Ryan chuckles softly, pulling Bryce closer, a hand rubbing his back lovingly. “I know, baby. I'm here now, though. It's okay. I told you I'd be home for Christmas, didn't I?”

A kiss is pressed to Bryce's forehead, and then Ryan is sitting them both up, carefully pushing Bryce off of him. He looks at Ryan, then laughs, watching as Ryan blindly searches for his glasses in the snow.

“Hey, what's so funny, huh? Ever seen a guy look for his glasses?” Ryan pouts slightly, giving Bryce a hurt look.

“You look silly, that's all! It's a cute silly, though, I promise.”

Bryce wasn't lying. Ryan did look silly at the moment, with his hair wet with snow and sticking out in all kind of directions, and his clothes all messed up. The fact that he was squinting so hard while digging through the snow only added to it, making Bryce smile.

Bryce wasn't sure how he got so lucky.

“Your glasses are stuck in your scarf,” Bryce finally points out, smiling even more as he watches Ryan fumble with them.

Ryan, now with his glasses on, turns to Bryce, and chucks a handful of snow at him.

Oh.

So it's gonna be like that, huh?

Bryce wipes snow off his face, giving the best glare he could at his boyfriend. He grabs some snow, packs it into a ball, and throws it at Ryan.

It misses, unfortunately, because Ryan stands up and runs away, cackling like a madman. Bryce grins, grabbing another snowball and starting the hunt for his boyfriend.

It didn't last all too long, though, because when Bryce sees Ryan eating his cookies through one of the windows, Bryce rushes back inside to scold him.

“Ryan! We were supposed to decorate those before eating them!” Bryce pulls the plate of sugar cookies out of Ryan's hands, setting it back on the table.

“I-”

“Don't talk with your mouth full!” Bryce cuts Ryan off, crossing his arms and shaking his head. “I swear, sometimes I wonder why we date.”

Ryan rolls his eyes, swallows, and then tries again. “I was sampling them, Brycey. You're a wonderful baker, you know. Are these supposed to be shaped like little people?”

“Really? Thanks, honey! And yeah, they're like little gingerbread men! I figured we could cover them in sprinkles or whatever you want.” Bryce smiles warmly, despite the shiver that goes through his body from his shirt, wet and cold from the snow they had been in.

“Baby? Oh, baby,” Ryan coos. “Bryce, go take a shower or change your clothes, at the very least. You'll catch a cold like that.”

Bryce hesitates, but does so anyways. When he comes out of his room, clean and wrapped up in a Christmas sweater, Ryan is still in the kitchen, staring down Bryce's pantry.

“You have cereal, but no milk. What do I eat in that case?”

Bryce frowned, walking up and opening the refrigerator. “Yeah, sorry… I need to go shopping. Haven't gotten groceries in a while, I know. I can run and get some if you’d like. I'll pick up some takeout on the way back.”

Ryan looks at Bryce for a second, before shaking his head. “It's cool, Bryce. I know school has you busy. I'll go get the milk, and I'll pick up a pizza on the way back. You make us some hot chocolate, and we'll play some games when I come back. And we'll decorate those cookies you made, too.”

It was such a simple plan, and the idea of spending the entire night with Ryan pleased Bryce enough to where he agreed without a second thought, nodding his head with a grin.

Ryan kisses Bryce quickly, then grabs his keys and heads out the door. “See you soon, baby! Love you,” he calls as he leaves.

Bryce rolls his eyes as Ryan blows a kiss his way, then waves at Ryan from the kitchen window. Once Ryan was out of sight, Bryce set about making them their drinks.

Some twenty minutes later, Bryce is done, sitting on the couch sipping his drink from his favorite mug, the one with the cute cats on it. He flipped through channels carelessly, finally settling for some cheesy children's movie.

Another ten minutes went by, and Ryan wasn't back yet. Bryce shrugs it off, blaming the traffic or the snow falling outside. He pulls out the Xbox, grabbing a few games and setting them on the couch.

Ryan will be back soon, and they can play then, he thinks to himself.

Only, the thing is, he isn't. Another half hour goes by, and there's no sign of Ryan. Bryce is beginning to worry now, pacing back and forth around his living room, his cats following him lazily.

Then his phone rings, and Bryce practically tackles the couch, diving onto it and grabbing his phone.

He picks it up, and feels his blood run cold at the voice that comes through.

“Hello? This is St. Augustine's Hospital, is this Bryce McQuaid?”

“Y-yes.. Is there a problem?” Bryce's voice is small and quiet, and he was surprised that the lady on the other end could hear him at all.

“Your friend Ryan was in an accident, about forty minutes ago, and you were listed in his file as his emergency contact. He is currently in the emergency ward of our hospital, and is under our care.”

“Is.. Is it okay if I go over to see him?” The words fall out of Bryce's mouth without him realizing it.

Now he's here, sitting in a hospital room at 8:30 at night, slightly hungry and completely worn out. Ryan's been asleep the entire time- he's in shock, they said. There was a rather big chance he wouldn't live, they had said.

And as Bryce looks down at his boyfriend, who's laying on his deathbed in a stupid, ugly Christmas sweater, he laughs.

This entire situation was so painfully funny to Bryce, in the worst possible way, that he laughs until tears are running down his face, until he's curled up in a little ball on the floor crying from laughter.

The laughter eventually stops, though, and he's left sobbing into his hands, wanting nothing more than to go back in time and stop his boyfriend from ever leaving.

All of a sudden, though, something begins to go wrong, a loud beeping echoing through the room.

The next hour or so are all one big, big blur for Bryce.

Doctors rushed in, kicking Bryce outside to the hard wooden bench out in the hall. There's yelling, shouting, and the sound of the heart monitor going flat.

A doctor comes out, saying words that Bryce didn't bother listening to. He didn't want to listen. He knew what would be said, and he knew that the doctors didn't know how badly this affected him.

He's sent home at one point, and as he drives home, he finds that the sweet, happy Christmas music makes him want to vomit.

There's no place like home for the holidays…

The presents under his tree make him want to cry more than anything now, and he finds himself unplugging the tree's lights. Ryan's bags, which had never even been unpacked, had to be shoved into an empty closet because they reminded Bryce too much of what had just happened.

Bryce feels numb, almost like he was floating. Like he was dreaming some horrid nightmare, and any moment now he would wake up in Ryan’s arms, and everything would be okay.

The truth was that he wasn't dreaming, though, and the truth hurt Bryce more than he was willing to admit.

It didn't feel anything like Christmas now. There was a big, gaping hole in Bryce's heart, and whether it could ever be fixed or not was something Bryce wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.

As Bryce lays down in bed for the night, he finds himself thinking. About him and Ryan, about the holidays, and about his selfish thoughts.

Earlier this morning he had said he wanted Ryan to be his present this year. The thought of him saying such a thing makes him want to cry, because he really meant what he said.

All Bryce wanted for Christmas this year was Ryan.

But, of course, you can't always get what you want, and so when Christmas day came around, all Bryce could do was cry.

It wasn't the same without Ryan, and it never would be.