CHAPTER 1

Okay, Haruka. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this!

Those lines had become a charm for Hijirikawa Haruka. She had to be mentally stronger when her body could not obtain the rest that it deserved. She clenched her small fists while her stocking-covered legs were fidgeting out of nervousness. No matter what kind of hard slog she had to swallow previously, they were no match with what her mind, body, and soul were fighting against now.

Haruka exhaled a heavy sigh before making her way into the vast and luxurious bedroom. Deluxe furniture appeared from her right and left but her golden eyes only fixed a certain tall figure, standing by a window while holding a picture.

Even though his good look was not the reason for Haruka to marry him, it did not stop Haruka from adoring her husband whenever he was around. Despite the blank and ashen demeanor, his face still looked attractive, especially when his blue hair fit the shape of his face impeccably. His blue eyes flashed their lure as they stared at the neighborhood which was mostly occupied by celebrities. His other hand was placed against the maroon curtain, sending Haruka to hope for an embrace from the pale-skinned but tender arms.

"Good... Good morning, Masato," she greeted anxiously as soon as she stood right behind him. Her fingers were still playing with each other, channeling her restlessness.

The said man slowly turned to see her. The fact that her eyes met his was enough to make Haruka blushed like a fangirl. So, when Masato smiled handsomely before enveloping her petite frame in his warm embrace, she felt like she just owned a paradise.

Wait! Why is he hugging me all of sudden? Does it mean... He remembers me? My husband remembers me?

"Good morning. I am sorry but what's your name again?" His soft and innocent question stabbed her heart smack-dab. The paradise that she just saw in her head was razed in the blink of an eye.

No, he still doesn't remember me.

As they pulled away from each other, Haruka moved her face muscle awkwardly, attempting to smile at her husband.

"I am sorry for not introducing myself earlier. My name is Hijirikawa Haruka," she said. The woman still felt upset when he did not remember her but when Masato's face leaned closer, she also leaned to blush furiously instead.

"Hijirikawa Haruka," Masato rubbed his chin while his eyes observed her intently.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Hijirikawa," he bowed while smiling brightly. "I am sorry but who are you? Do I know you?"

He blurted out a set of the same questions which telling Haruka that the blue-haired man would never spare her a place in his heart and mind. Masato's brain would randomly act like an eraser; expunging everything about her. No one could tell when he would lose his memory again since the pattern was fickle.

Yet, Haruka never felt apoplectic towards the guy because he did not choose to forget his wife. Instead, his system reacted oppositely of what his old self actually wanted.

Everyone knew that Haruka meant everything to Hijirikawa Masato.

"I am your wife. I carry your surname which is Hijirikawa," she replied as calm as possible.

"Huh? For real?" Masato looked adorable as he widened his blue eyes.

"Yes. Your name is Hijirikawa Masato."

"Oh, I see. And you are my wife," Masato stared at Haruka with a puzzled expression, much to her dismay. She yearned for the moments when Masato's eyes only glued to her. Along with his blushed face, he would remark that she looked so beautiful.

The first time Haruka heard such a compliment was when Masato confessed his feeling to her. Despite the sincerity, Haruka still found it hard to believe. Her husband was an idol from a popular group, STARISH, so collaborating with a lot of celebrities including beautiful actresses had covered a large part of his life. While Haruka, she was just a composer of the band's songs. She treated all of them as her friends and she never thought that her plain look could match their level. Marrying a famous idol had never become her goal but the destiny had plotted something unexpected but wonderful for her.

Since eight years ago, not only she shared her life with a loving husband like Masato, she was also convinced with;

"I am telling you the truth. I believe that a husband always sees his wife as the most beautiful woman in his world. That's why he married her. And I believe her husband will be always the one who can see her beauty when others say that she is ugly."

Was what Masato said.

"No wonder... Wait, the guy with the long hair..."

"Ren. His name is Ren," Haruka found it hard to make her face contorted with a smile as another harsh reality hit her.

It was... Masato just forgot what Jinguuji Ren meant in his life. It never crossed his empty mind that despite how annoying and carefree Ren was, the guy was a good teammate and childhood friend.

"Yes, yes. He was the one who asked me to hug you if you visited me. He even forced me to write a reminder in my diary," Masato explained as he threw a glance at his black diary which was on a small table. "But I sincerely want to apologize for not being able to remember you even you are my wife. I really wish I could," he gave her a small but apologetic smile as he showed her a STARISH's picture and Haruka when they won the Triple S decisive concert. "And even though I know these guys are my friends, I still can't tell who is who. I guess my brain grows older than it should."

"It's okay, dear. It's not your fault. Don't push yourself too much," Haruka encouraged as she caressed his cheeks.

Now, it was his turn to blush. His eyes sized up when her delicate fingers stroked his eyelids.

"So... What should I call you, Miss Wife?" Masato smiled as her fingers reached his lips.

She chuckled. "You can call me Haruka."

"Haruka," it felt weird when the deep voice awkwardly said his own wife's first name. "Okay, I will call you, Haruka!"

"Good," she continued to pamper him with her warmth. Her fingers were running every inch on Masato's face and he liked it so much.

"Do we have children?" He asked excitedly as Haruka was about to kiss his nose.

Haruka slowly dropped her hands to her side as she could not conceal her shock.

"Ye... yes, we have."

"Ah, it must be these little girls," Masato excitedly grabbed a pink frame from a nearby table.

Haruka glanced at the picture which showing their precious daughters. The picture was taken during their second child's birthday party. Both of them were smiling brightly with the older one carried the younger one in her small arms.

"What are their names, Haruka? They are so cute! The younger one looks exactly like you!" Masato exclaimed as his finger stroked the glossy surface of the frame.

"Hm... The older one is Harumi. She is eight years old," Haruka pointed out at Harumi who has long blue hair. Unlike Mitsuki, she resembled her father. "While the small one is Mitsuki. She is three years old."

"So adorable," Masato did not have any recollection of his children but the sight of them was so endearing that it grabbed his full attention. "Where are they, Haruka? Can I see them?"

Her smile faded. "They... They are at my friend's house. Don't worry. I will pick them up this evening."

"Oh, really?" Masato could not help but be slightly disappointed. "Okay, then. I will see them this evening."

Haruka could not stand to see the sad face but she had no choices. She had to tell him a white lie.

"I will bring your breakfast, okay? Please rest a lot."

"Wait, Haruka!" Masato quickly grabbed Haruka's hand.

"Yes?" She swallowed an invisible lump in her throat as she silently prayed that Masato would never bring up another question about their children.

She just could not take it.

Masato slowly pulled Haruka towards his direction before cupping Haruka's small face in his hands.

"I love you, Haruka," he whispered as he planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

Haruka swore that the sudden confession was enough to shove her tiredness away.

"Masato..."

"Ren said I married you because I love you. He encouraged me to say that every time I see you so that our bond will stay in my mind even the chance is quite slim. It must be tiring for you, right? I am sorry for being sick like this," his sincere remark was so heart-breaking for her that she wished it never popped out in his mind.

She did not deserve his apology. She did not even deserve Masato's love in the first place.

"Don't say that dear," Haruka answered as she also wrapped her arms around the out of shape body. "I love you too and you don't have to apologize for your disease. It's not even your fault. To me, the fact that you accepted me as your wife was greater than what I did to you. I can't thank you enough, Masato."

Thanks, Ren. Thanks, everyone, Haruka's heart whispered. Ren and other STARISH members knew how challenging it would be for her to juggle with her beloved job, nursing her sick husband, and taking care of their children. She never complained anything to them but they were always there to be the backbone for her.

As soon as Haruka shut the door, she leaned against it. Silence filled the air as she attempted to calm herself down.

As expected, the thrill that she received after the affectionate moment with her husband did not last long. Instead, she was distracted by how many saddening changes that Masato underwent.

His hoarse voice... It used to be deep and enchanting.

His skinny body... It used to be fit and well-proportioned.

His memory... It got worse every time she talked to him.

The big question here was how was she supposed to endure other changes when those three had already torn her heart apart?

When he suddenly paralyzed from the waist down, could she handle it? How about when he passed out frequently or vomited blood? Could she face them robustly?

What about the children? Would they lose their father at such a young age? They still needed Masato.

"Mommy!"

Talk of the devil.

Two small girls ran energetically towards her. As usual, Harumi, the first daughter would hold her sister's hand, leading her all the way to their parents' bedroom.

"Harumi, don't run too fast. I don't want you both to trip," Haruka sighed in worry before her children hugged her waist. When they giggled at each other, it was obvious that they ignored her caution.

"But mommy, we want to see daddy," Harumi remarked as she looked up to match Haruka's eyes.

"Daddy! Want daddy!" The orange-haired Mitsuki left Haruka's waist as she put her short hands up and jumped excitedly.

There was no way Haruka would allow her daughters to meet Masato in that kind of state. Masato was sick. He did not remember anything about his family. He was physically weak now and the girls were too young for accepting something shocking like that.

"Maybe next time, dear," as soon as she answered them, Harumi bit her lips in dissatisfaction while Mitsuki just titled her head in a confused manner.

"You always say that mommy," Harumi whined slowly. She pouted while her blue eyes stared forward, showing a small protest.

"Daddy is sleeping so let's not disturb him, okay? Wait in your bedroom and later I will help you with your homework, okay?"

"Okay," Harumi replied lazily before reaching Mitsuki's hand.

A heavy sigh escaped from Haruka's lips as soon her daughters left the corridor.

I just don't want you both to see what happened to daddy. I don't want my daughters to feel sad. 

A/N after a tiring but crucial rewrite

So, basically, I just described a little bit more in detail what Masato and Haruka felt to each other. Tbh, I think Masato deserves Haruka more than Tokiya (I am talking about the anime) but I ship her with Tokiya more than with Masato (lol, so absurd!) so I found it hard to portray how Masato and Haruka talked to each other as the lovers or married couple. 

And about Masato's personality, since he is old-fashioned and sometimes poetic in anime (sometimes, unlike the more direct Tokiya, the dense me couldn't even grasp what the heck did the poetic Masato talk about), I am afraid I can't portray him 100% in character but I tried my best to make him not too OOC. 

So, do you have something to say about this chapter? Then, feel free to drop a comment ^^