CHAPTER 12

~ listening to HEAVENS GATE while writing this chapter (for some reason). ~

Seriously, Rostary-Chan, I think I will end up dedicating a lot of chapters of Utapri fanfictions to you XDDDD I am just THAT thankful to you for sticking around since Crystal Time. (^^) Oh, thank you for the votes as well, guys :D

Tokiya really loved Haruka... with all his life. She was his first love after all. She became the chandelier (?) when he was hopeless in the obscurity of showbiz. She bailed him out when he lost in the sea of his fans, pining for his perfection like a shoal of piranhas. She appeared suddenly like an angel in his life before metaphorically disappearing since she was married to a guy who looked almost the same to him. As mentioned, she did not completely disappear since they still met after that, only as his composer and friend. That was the ebb and flow of their relationship. It was harrowing but he had to deal with it.

But, no matter how 'picturesque' the metaphors that Tokiya wanted to paint on his unrequited love for the woman, he was not a moron. He still had a clever brain which talked him into the fact that he should get angry when Haruka made him feel so. He was not the foolhardy guy in a gore or horror movie, letting his beloved but psychotic woman to do whatever she pleased.

So, today, he decided to avoid Haruka's golden eyes especially when she cast a remorseful glance at him. He continued to be static like an effigy on his spot until a pair of lean arms enveloped his frame, followed by a bright grin.

It was Otoya, his arguably best friend in STARISH.

"Finally I can see you face-to-face, Tokiya! It doesn't feel right to only text you," Otoya exclaimed as his bubbly voice ricocheted in Tokiya's ears. When everyone plus himself typically felt that he found the redhead's whine as annoying, the blue head did not feel so.

Rather, it was so warm that his always-throttled chest slowly felt the coziness. It felt like he just found his 'home' back.

"Otoya, my turn! My turn!" The thin arms were replaced by a pair of familiar and beefier one. This time, the second friend was seven centimeters taller and bigger than him which made Tokiya felt like he was crushed by an anaconda.

Still, it felt so soothing.

"Tokiya, I miss you soooo much!! You still look as cute as ever!" Natsuki said, ignoring Syo's tongue-click.

As expected from the two peaceniks in their group. They were those people who believed that life was too short for them to despise each other.

"Oh, thanks," Tokiya hugged the tallest guy in STARISH back awkwardly. There was no way a 34-year-old man like him still looked cute right? Natsuki was still as dramatic as ever!

Not to mention they just met each other last week! Maybe Natsuki wanted to pretend that it happened otherwise so Tokiya decided to play along with the act.

From Natsuki's embrace, he could see that Cecil and Syo were pulling their funnily long faces while Ren...

It was always tricky to guess what the guy had thought about him. The oldest STARISH member was the master of both sides; concealing what he was thinking and guessing other people's feeling.

"I can't believe that we would meet here, in Masato's house on top of that! It feels like a miraculous reunion somehow!"

If you ask me, I don't call this as miraculous, Natsuki, Tokiya contained himself from rolling his eyes as soon as Haruka's lie to him crossed his mind.

"Yeah, I understand, Natsuki. But, can you please... Your hug..." Tokiya could feel his lung was smothered when Natsuki tightened his hug more.

"Why!? It's always hard to see you, Tokiya!" Natsuki cried out, literally pressing Tokiya's face against his shoulder. The blue head was internally screaming when his hands could not cover his ears when they were squeezed into Natsuki's arms. "Plus, you looked so tired. Those directors bullied you again, right!? They forced you to strip when you didn't want it, right?" Natsuki asked, loudly.

"Natsuki, please... Don't be so dramatic. You made it sound like they had tortured me."

Strip? Forced? What are they talking about? Masato mentally asked while silently watching the 'sweet' reunion. Just like what Tokiya had pointed out, Natsuki made it sound like Tokiya was abused instead of working.

Which was half-true because Tokiya had endured more than an abuse.

"You guys haven't seen each other for a long time?" Masato asked, unable to suppress his curiosity.

"Yeah, this guy is sooo popular and busy. To be able to meet him is like meeting the Prime Minister," Instead of Otoya or Natsuki, Syo responded faster. Thanks to his swiftness, he received a jab in his arm from Ren.

"Watch your mouth, Syo. This is not the right time to pick a fight," Ren murmured. "We don't want Masato to feel something is wrong, right?"

"But, still..."

This feels... weird somehow, Masato thought. Sure, he was an amnesiac but he was not that oblivious. His brain still functioned well to differentiate between who were really welcoming towards Tokiya and vice versa.

"Shinomiya Natsuki... Ichinose Tokiya... Aijima Cecil..." Masato recited his friends' names. He lifted his long fingers in chorus with the number of his teammates that he had mentioned. "Jinguuji Ren... Ittoki Otoya... Kurusu Syo... and the last one is me, Hijirikawa Masato."

"Woww," most of them exclaimed while giving a round of applause to the scion. They looked like a bunch of proud parents after their children successfully memorized the whole alphabet, especially when Masato was also as excited to share the good news.

Tokiya was much calmer. He was so happy for Masato's progress but he felt awkward to express it when others were here. Still, he curved in a small smile.

Harumi will be happy is she knows this, he thought.

He never made an eye contact with anyone other than Masato. He felt stiff and restrained especially when he noticed how sharp Cecil and Syo's glare at him.

As if he is a plague...

"To be honest, I felt happier with this than when the first time my daughter could read Italian words," Ren said, pretending to shed tears. "Not to mention the doctor himself said that Masato's memory shows a good progress."

"Yeah, I can feel you. All this time, Masato only remembered Syo's full name," Otoya said, half-whining.

"But, still," the youngest member among them, Cecil interrupted with a jovial tone. "Did you just recite everybody's names according to our acronym? Is it on purpose?"

"Yes, I did. I know this sounds ridiculous but when I did that, it made me more proud to be a part of STARISH. It reminds me that I am the H of this mind-blowing group," Masato said. His sincere smile and the way his voice carried his true feeling brought the same response from everyone.

Everyone including Tokiya.

"No, Masato. That's not ridiculous at all. In fact, it's so heart-warming when at the same time, a certain guy desperately wants to become less as a STARISH member," Cecil said from the corner of his mouth, obtaining a scowl from Otoya and Ren.

Well, that's how you're going to play, Cecil? Tokiya thought. He suppressed his hand from balling into a fist. He could not convey any sort of obvious gesture. Those guys knew him way too much for him to conceal what he really felt.

"What do you mean, Cecil?" As expected, the innocent Masato would ask right away and this was the situation that the peacemakers like Otoya, Natsuki, and Ren tried to avoid.

It had been a long time since all seven of them could meet like this...

"Nothing," Cecil formed the sweetest smile and if it was not because throwing a vase to people was dangerous, Tokiya would do that for sure.

"I think the acronym suits us well," Masato said. A bitter smile suddenly formed over the pale skin which made the others edgy. "It ends with H which is me. It feels like all the letters stand for our lifespan. Obviously, I will die first."

"Hey, don't say that," Natsuki's voice sounded louder to Masato since he just sat next to the scion, in unison with others' gasps and whines.

In the interim, the glacial Tokiya was speechless.

How could he say he will die first...

"What the hell are you saying, Masato? Now, you made me sad," Ren said, stifling his anger from being palpable.

"Hey, guys. I am sorry. I was just joking," Masato said, anxiously. It was true. He was joking but apparently, it appeared like a bomb threat to the others.

It really showed how much they cared about him.

"Well, for your information, your sense of humor is the worst this time, Hijirikawa Masato," Syo said sarcastically. "It's always bad but so far, this one is the pits. I literally could feel a cold wind blown to this side."

"That's how lame your joke is, Masato. It's upsetting," Otoya said. His red eyes shimmered with wretchedness.

"Okay, okay. I am sorry," Masato waved his hands, regretted his action right away.

"You better be," Syo clicked his tongue. He never grew tired in lifting his fedora every time it covered his eyes. "If what you said is true, then I will be the second one to die, followed by Otoya. That's ridiculous, you know?"

"Okay, okay. I think Masato got enough dressing-downs already," Ren said, clasping his hands together. "I think it might be fun if we do a quiz for Masato."

"What quiz?" Natsuki and Masato asked, nearly in chorus.

"Well, let's see...I think we should pick different facts about us and ask Masato which member we refer to. You know, just to let him know some crazy or absurd facts about us. How's that sound?"

"Interesting!" Natsuki exclaimed without ado.

"Why not? We'll avenge on Masato for throwing the lame joke!" Cecil cried out.

Harumi, when can I see you? Ojichan really wants to go back home now, Tokiya thought. He stared at the door, silently hoped that God would answer his prayer. He came with a present for the girl so he wanted to give it to her on his own.

Just what was Ren thinking? Pulling a fun game among themselves so that Tokiya who had avoided them for years would feel isolated.

Yet, he got a totally wrong idea. All Ren wanted was for Tokiya to feel that he still had a place in STARISH. They never ditched him.

"Wow, I have never seen you guys this ardent before," Masato said, eyeing each one of them before settling on the aloof Tokiya who curved in a small smile right away.

Come to think of it, Tokiya is quieter than usual today. Maybe he's still tired from his works, Masato mentally commented.

"Of course. After all, it's rare to have all seven of us together. Normally, it's six," Syo said, emphasizing the numbers.

"Stop that," Ren mumbled, followed by Natsuki's disappointed look.

But apparently, Syo and Cecil were too 'fired-up' to pour scorn on Tokiya.

So, you also want to play the same game with Cecil, huh, Syo? Tokiya thought.

"I know, right," the innocent Masato said, smiling at Tokiya who awkwardly returned the chummy gesture. "Now, Tokiya is also here so it makes this gathering more meaningful."

Tokiya almost snickered at the naïve remark.

Not really, Masato.

The random quiz was unpleasantly started with a question about 'which one of us debuted five years earlier than others as a child actor?' which was obviously Tokiya. The blue head could spot Ren's attempt to make him join the game.

But Tokiya was too unmotivated to show his interest in reminiscing about their old friendship. Everything felt so boring to him and he could not care less about the potluck.

When Masato quickly and correctly answered it, Otoya brightly explained to the scion that Tokiya would attend Saotome Academy while working as HAYATO at the same time in order to debut again.

"No wonder Haruka said you were her idol back then, Tokiya. You're so determined to achieve your dream," Masato commented. "Haruka told me that she wanted to become a composer after she heard your singing. You must be inspirational for a lot of people, right?"

Inspirational? Me?

Back then when they were still under training in Saotome Academy, Haruka bluntly told him that it was him who helped her find her dream. It was so shocking to the cold him who at that point, only focused upon his dream to debut again as himself without feeling bothered to make friends...

Let alone to fall in love with such a random girl.

"No, I am not that good," he replied, flatly.

"Say someone who won tons of The Best Vocalist awards," Ren said with a smirk but he was responded with a blank stare from Tokiya before the blue head shifted his attention towards Masato again.

"Your singing skill is so amazing. I am so jealous of you, Tokiya."

Did Haruka's husband just say he was jealous of him?

How paradoxical.

"Okay, the next question. Actually, I am so eager to ask this," Ren said. "Back then, you were selected to be auditioned for a historical musical. So, one of us was willing to be the heroine so that you could practice hugging your female lead. Unfortunately, you couldn't hug the 'girl' till the end because... I don't know. Maybe the 'girl' was a man like you. Can you guess who's the girl?"

"Oh, that one!" Natsuki and Otoya cheered while despite their resentment, Syo and Cecil puffed out his cheeks in order to restrain himself from laughing.

The only one who had kept his poker face but boiling inside was Tokiya.

For pity's sake, just stop your craps, Ren!

"You even said something like 'hugging occurs when your feelings reach a boiling point. How am I supposed to hug a girl who I meet for the first time?'" Natsuki imitated Masato's Samurai-esque voice.

Masato's face turned red.

What's wrong with the old me? Has he always been that poetic?

"That was so poetic, Masato," Syo said, sending Masato to have his jaws dropped.

"As expected from the Saint," Cecil remarked with a smirk. "Even a hug scene with a stranger will be a trouble for him."

"Don't say that, Cecil. It's so embarrassing! I don't know where should I put my face," Masato said, covering his handsome face with his hands. If his legs had no trouble to walk by themselves, he would run instantly and hide in the toilet. "But I wonder who he is... the one who helped me with the hug scene."

"Oh, I wonder who he is," Ren lifted his eyebrow, enjoying Masato's perplexity.

Natsuki and Otoya also rubbed their chins to raise the air of suspense and mystery except for Syo and Cecil who quickly disliked where this conversation was going.

While for Tokiya, this was downright suffocating.

"Hmm... Is it you, Otoya?" Masato asked, diverting his attention to the sweet redhead. "You seem like you don't bother enough to be a girl..."

"Nope!" Otoya confirmed, shaking his head. "The clue is he's manly and muscular."

"Oh..." Masato's eyes moved to each of his friends before putting two and two together. "It can't be Ren! I bet everybody will puke if he becomes a woman!"

Everybody burst into laughter. Tokiya could not help but cover his mouth from visibly chuckling.

Indeed, everybody will puke.

"That's harsh, Masato. I am still cut out to be a girl, you know," Ren flipped his hair ostentatiously which almost received a slap from Syo.

Did Ren ever realize that he was too masculine and big to be a maiden?

"The only thing that makes you look like a girl is your long hair. Why don't you just cut it already? You have a daughter for heaven's sake! I bet she confuses you with her mother," Syo bashed.

"I know, right," Masato agreed. "Then, is it really Ren?"

"Nope. The person is so quiet and can hide very well," Ren said, eyeing Tokiya who could not help but glare at him.

"What? Does it mean the girl is you, Tokiya?" Masato's jaws dropped. The reaction was so funny that Tokiya could not help but chuckled. "That doesn't suit you at all!"

"What are you so surprised at? I just wore a kimono and..."

"There are so many things to be surprised at when it comes to you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Tokiya is an actor after all, Masa," Otoya said, making sure that Masato did not turn more dramatic than he should be.

"He would do anything for the sake of professionalism," Cecil explained.

"He has more experience anyway," Syo followed.

Tokiya was not stupid. He knew there were people who disapproved his presence and wished that he would disappear from their sights. He tried hard to match their vibe because he felt bad for Masato but since Syo and Cecil also tried hard to touch a raw nerve...

Okay, then. It had been a long time since he showed them how did it sound when the quiet Ichinose Tokiya got savage with his words.

"Yes, they're so right. I am professional after all. I can be anything, be it a man or a woman. A doctor, a psychopath, an agent... Oh, I can even play a role as a gigolo since I am disgusting myself."

The unsettling quietness quickly layered the room. Syo who fixed his fedora froze with the sarcastic remark. Cecil turned away but obviously did not have anything to say. Natsuki and Ren looked at each other while Otoya nervously shifted his glance between Masato and Tokiya.

"Tokiya?" Masato remarked, indirectly asking another blue head either he really meant what he said or vice versa. He did not expect the harshness would appear in the midst of the conversation.

"Why? Did I say something shocking?" Tokiya's face was blank but anyone could tell that he just attacked both Cecil and Syo with more savage words. "I am sorry if they sound too offensive. Sometimes, I got carried away with my latest role. It's a coincidence since my current role is a psychopath. Again, I am sorry if you don't find it comfortable, Masato."

"Oh, it's okay. I am... I am fine. No need to apologize," Masato answered, still felt immobilized with the sudden change of mood.

"What?" Syo murmured when Ren glowered at him.

So much for making everything peaceful without sarcasm.

Luckily, the tense air was replaced by a sound of knocking door from outside. A blue-haired girl appeared with a smile before running slowly as soon as she opened the door.

"Wooow, all uncles are here!" Harumi exclaimed before bowing to them. But, it was obvious for everyone that her eyes were searching for someone in particular.

That was when Tokiya and her met eyes, smiling at each other chummily. She scuttled before wrapping her arms around Tokiya's neck.

"Finally, you are here. I miss you so much, ojichan!" Harumi exclaimed with a wide grin while the others could swear that other than talking with Masato and Haruka, the reserved Harumi looked the most jovial when Tokiya was around.

"Me too," Tokiya pulled away from the hug before caressing her long hair. "You look even more adorable. How do you do? How's the extra class?"

"Hmm... to be honest, I am so happy to know that you would here, ojichan. I couldn't even focus in class," she smiled before playing with his fingers. A wide grin still plastered on their faces and only they knew what did it mean.

"I see."

"Ojichan..." For some reason, Harumi acted cutely while her hands swayed Tokiya's big hand.

"What?"

"Where is the thing that you promised?"

"The thing? What is it?" Tokiya tilted his head playfully.

"That thing..." She followed suit, making her long hair reached her back.

"Oh, do you mean this one?" Tokiya reached a paper bag which contained a princess doll.

"Yeayyy, you bought it! Thank you, ojichan! I love you!" The usually quiet Harumi hugged Tokiya again before kissing his cheeks.

For Masato, it was completely acceptable when the father's friend cherished the daughter. Yet, it was upsetting when because of disability, it did restrain Harumi from asking him to buy things for her.

Since he could not do what Tokiya could do.

Not to mention the kisses and the 'I love you' part, Harumi never did that to his other friends.

No, Masato. Don't be so petty. It's just a gift. They're just the kisses, he mentally convinced himself even he did not know why he had a bad feeling about this.

"Let's play together in our playroom, ojichan. We have so many new toys. Plus, I want to show you the photos of my new friends," it was obvious to Masato how close and comfortable his daughter to Tokiya. She even wanted to show him the same things that she showed to her father but not to other uncles.

"You should ask permission from your Daddy first. It's impolite to bring me straight to your playroom. Where are your kiss and hug for your Daddy?" Tokiya pointed at the blank Masato.

Yeah, said someone who was just being so impolite with his choice of words a few minutes ago, he could hear his inner self just scorned him.

"Oh, I forgot," Harumi quickly approached Masato before hugging and kissing his cheeks. "I am sorry, Daddy. I am so excited to see Tokiya ojichan."

"It's okay. I can tell that you're excited," he replied with a smile.

"So, can I play with Tokiya ojichan?" She asked, cutely.

"Sure, honey."

"Yes, I got the permission! Let's go, ojichan!" As Harumi dragged Tokiya all the way to outside, the room was still engulfed with silence.

"Well, they seem...close," Masato said.

"Yeah, they do," Otoya agreed. His bubbly expression was no longer there. Instead, he was struggling to pull a smile.

"Is today the first time he came here, Masato?" Cecil asked.

"No, it's actually the second time."

"Oh..."

"We look the same but our life is very different, right?" Masato asked, particularly to no one. "He still reaches the stardom while me... I can't even walk by myself."

"Don't say that, Masato. Trust me. Reaching the stardom is not always the good thing. Having a family who loves you sincerely is much better," Syo said. It was comforting but he also tried to say that no one should wish to have Tokiya's life.

So popular but empty inside.

Why are there so many dramas between these two? As if the fact that they love the same woman is not enough, Ren thought, bitterly.

As for Otoya, there was something bothering him.

You sure are very honest right now, right, Tokiya? You didn't even bother to hide how much you disliked sitting with us.

Fuh, it's complete~ Please let me know what do you think about this chapter, okay? It will be a great help for my writing. Thank you! ^^