I have a severe writer's block for this chapter. I was determined to update each chapter faster but yeah, no words would type themselves if I just spent a few days staring blankly at the screen before deciding to watch Kdramas instead which later became the main reason why I didn't write. I just couldn't stop watching them lol. I am sorry if this chapter is the worst. And also... the medical procedure/information in this story might be misleading since I don't do thorough research.  

CHAPTER 24

Luckily for her, Tomochika was free and willing to babysit her daughters.

"Well, logically speaking, I know it's not going to be 'for a while'. You can take as much time as you want, Haruka. Go and see for yourself how STARISH reunites."

Indeed, she could not ask for a better best friend. After shedding tears with Tomochika over the messages from Syo which was about Tokiya's dark past, the urge for her to see Tokiya and how he would patch up with his friends emerged without ado.

When she arrived at the first-class ward, Otoya and Natsuki were still hugging Tokiya. Sad smiles plastered over their faces but the most noticeable one was her husband's. It showed how much he loved this moment; STARISH without malicious remarks or glowers thrown towards one another.

"You..." Ren exclaimed with his husky but devastated voice that Haruka found it hard to believe it came from the laid-back scion. "What have you done, you idiot?"

While still being squeezed by two muscular men with different sizes, Tokiya was staring at everyone, feeling unsure of what to do. Everybody around him still looked so odd in his eyes even Masato had thrown a guess that they just knew everything.

But how? How did they and where did they come from before deciding to ambush him with their miserable faces?

"I am sorry but I have to do this, Tokiya," Himura initiated which quickly made his artist understood how did these guys become dramatic. "I got a strong feeling that I had to help you but I couldn't do it alone. Your friends needed to know what happened to you and it's a coincidence that Ren contacted me to talk about the same thing. We broke into your house and that's how we knew that... the president had exploited you."

And this is the least I can do after underestimating you before. I used to think that you're a shameless actor, Tokiya, Himura thought.

Tokiya felt like he just lost his tongue as he could not let any word escape from his lips. He stared vacantly at his manager but for sure, there was no such feeling like anger in him. He knew that Himura just wanted the best for him.

"We found everything from your laptop and diary. We're sorry to disrespect your privacy but we really did not have choices. You looked so suspicious all of sudden and we decided to ask Dr. Mayama and threaten Dr. Murano. That's how we found out your illnesses," Ren supplied, backing Himura so that if Tokiya could not accept what they did, the blue head had more than one person to lash out at.

"I was such a stupid roommate, Tokiya. I absolutely had no idea that you..." Otoya's thin hands landed on Tokiya's shoulders. "I should have realized it when you changed so drastically. I should know that when you were spaced out a lot and when you got easily angry, it meant something had bothered your mind."

No matter how much they said, Tokiya's brain could not process anything to reply to them. What they had blurted out and bombarded him with were all his pasts. Something that his heart said that it did not matter since it was way in the past.

Yet, his mind did not share the same opinion. His mind was still suffering from the sexual assaults.

"And... what's with the 'I want to sleep for a year' chant? No, what do you mean by 'sleeping' anyway? Is it just simply taking a break somewhere far from this city or..." Otoya's voice broke, imagining the worst thing that could happen to his friend. The fact that a strong-hearted guy like Tokiya could think and try to commit suicide for more than once was more than enough to scare the redhead. If only he was a single guy, he would consider staying with his friend for a while. "Seriously, I know I am stupid but now I realized how stupid could I be. You had tried to commit suicide before but I..."

"You don't need to put all the blames on you, Otoya. All of us are responsible for this matter. We're lucky because at least, Masato was always there for him. Even Masato forgot everything, I think it's logical to say that the president also threatened him to stay out of this. We know how determined the old Masato could be, right?" Ren said.

Well, I still can be determined if these kinds of things keep happening, Masato mentally replied.

"Apart from the 'almost cutting his wrist in the kitchen' part, what else did you guys find?" Masato asked.

"He almost jumped onto the railroad when he wandered around the city since he said he didn't want to live anymore but for some reason, you called him just in time to say something like everyone was waiting for him to come back home. I think it's too magical to be a coincidence even how 'twin' you both are," Natsuki stated and from his distance, he could spot a slightly shocked expression from Tokiya.

"Not to mention that there were a lot of occasions where he almost could kill himself. I think he had tried all possible methods," Ren remarked. "Maybe that's why the old you suddenly brought him to your favorite waterfall in Kyoto. Just to clear Tokiya's mind with nature."

"So you really were that desperate to die, huh?" Masato remarked, his grief weighed down his voice. "Had I late from stopping you, it's possible that I never saw you again after I lost my memory, right?"

All Tokiya did was staring at his blanket. He was ashamed of his stupidity and the fact that they all knew everything that he had suppressed in his head. A diary was a good way to express his stress and he always used his laptop for his personal stuff so, in this situation, he knew there was no use to respond or come up with excuses. They would never listen to him.

"Do you have something to say, Tokiya?" Syo asked. It was something new for Tokiya to hear the guy's soft voice instead of a yell or just a plain insult. He should talk in this kind of tone more.

"I don't think he has any, Syo. I bet he's speechless since we finally knew everything," Cecil concluded which was so right and if Tokiya was more childish, he would lock himself in the bathroom until all of them gave up and left him alone.

"That he sacrificed his life for us... For us who were too oblivious and even ditched him before," Natsuki said, smiling lovingly at Tokiya. "But now, not anymore. It's the time for us to fight for him as much as how he fought for us."

Meanwhile, Haruka could not care less with her tears since what mattered the most was STARISH was taking the first step to heal Tokiya's invisible but deep wound.

During these past days, Masato had been in a severe mood.

It was all because of how terrible Tokiya's suffering was and it was also thanks to Masato's stubbornness to be there for his friend when he consulted his doctor.

"You don't have to come along, you know. I am not your son! You don't need to know every single thing about me," Tokiya said, almost tumbling when Masato grabbed his arms and refused to let him go. To make it worse, the doctor just chuckled at their childish drama as if they were the cute four years old twins. For the first time ever, the immature side of Tokiya really wanted to push Masato off his wheelchair and left him there alone.

"But I am your friend! I deserve to know your condition! Who knows you are currently suffering from heart failure since you're stressed out a lot. Given your mysterious personality, I know you won't tell us so I can't trust you anymore!" Masato declared.

"Just allow him, Ichinose-san. Even he's not your guardian, I think he deserves to know since he cares about you," the doctor supplied, attempting to provide the solution.

"Yeah, thank you so much, Mr. Doctor! Plus, people might think that you're the worst person ever for fighting with someone on a wheelchair so you better don't be stubborn. Either you like it or not, people will end up sympathizing someone disabled like me."

Said the disabled guy with God-knew-where-did-his-arms get-the-sudden-strength.

"That's so cheap of you, Masato."

Despite the argument, they both ended up in the doctor's office which Masato never thought that he would be half regretted. During the consultation, it was the second time for the sick but loving father of two kids really wanted to pounce on their evil president. At that juncture, he was positive that the old Masato slowly had reincarnated in his body.

"From scale 1-10 with 10 as the worst, which number would represent your fatigue, Ichinose-san?"

"Ten."

"Is the level of your fatigue is consistent throughout the day?"

"Yes, every day."

"How's your emotional state right now?"

"Tired."

"Do you have any new stressor in your life?"

"No, but the original stressors are still there."

Couldn't he be more negative with his answer? Does he seriously feel those things all the time? Just how does he live? Masato thought. His blue eyes were eyeing his friend carefully so that he would not get caught.

"Apart from getting medical help, the initiative to take your health seriously must also come from you, Ichinose-san. It's good that you don't smoke or drink alcohol but there are people who suffer from cancer even they don't consume those things. Why? It's because they can't control their stress. Stress does weaken your body."

Even it was normal for a busy and not-so-young person like Tokiya to suffer from any kind of illness, Masato just could not accept the fact.

The fact that Tokiya's body and mind turned weaker from protecting his friends.

And also the fact that he still wanted to do so after so many years.

"What the hell are you guys thinking!? Who told you to give the recordings to the police?"

Later, in the evening, all six of them (Masato still counted himself in even he did nothing) was given an earful by Tokiya.

"We did that because we will drag those assaulters to the jail. Is that what a good citizen supposed to do?" Syo said. Sure, he was annoyed when Tokiya did not even thank them but he himself did not say sorry either for being harsh to Tokiya before. "They assaulted you, Tokiya. We can't just do nothing like an idiot and..."

"The first thing that you smart people need to consider is you just picked a fight with a VIP who will use their money to misfire your plan. Second, they sure will mention the president in their statement and guess what? He'll ruin your life. Just like how he did to mine," Tokiya said back. Despite his throaty voice, he was still determined to knock some sense into them.

"We know that. The bastard is so powerful. We're aware of it," Ren answered.

"Then, why!? Do you really have nothing to do other than bringing up something that old!?"

"It's because we care about you, you dumbass! Why is it so hard for you to understand!?" Syo shouted back which Otoya immediately squeezed his shoulder.

"Screw the care stuff. More than ten years had passed and each of you has your own life to deal with. I am an adult and I can handle my own life!"

"Tokiya, they just tried to help..."

"My point is, you will risk your wife's and children's life as well, Masato," Tokiya cut him short with a glare. "They will suffer as well. Is that what you want?"

"Then, what about you? You protected seven people at once and now, you are complaining about us protecting you back!? You shouldn't do that from the start if you're going to be like this!" Cecil shouted back.

"If repaying my so-called good deed is what you are trying to do, I must say that you should forget that. It's unnecessary. Plus, we're all good with our lives and it has to be that way. There's no need to fight for anything. I am not one of you guys anyway."

"Who said that you're not one of us anymore? Even the president already set the date for the news conference, we'll stop him," Ren said, using his typical tone when he expected people to follow his order. It was charismatic but suffocating at the same time.

"Guys, stop that. I don't think yelling at each other is going to resolve anything," Natsuki said. Breathing a heavy sigh, he put his hands on Tokiya's shoulders as sincerity was cast in his eyes. He tended to be an observer every time they encountered Tokiya and yelling at each other was supposed to be the last thing they should do. "Tokiya, I know what you feel. You don't think you need us because deep inside, you still felt hurt with how we ditched you and almost asked the president to remove you from STARISH, right?"

Tokiya's eyes sized up.

"During those times when you suffered, you needed our support, right? You needed us to back you but we..." Natsuki's large hands squeezed Tokiya's shoulders. "I don't know about everyone else but I did have some resentment against you. 'Why people gave The Stripper a chance to shine and not the rest of us?' 'Why can't the rest of us obtain the same opportunity as Tokiya?' I admit that's what I always thought before."

"I thought I worked as hard as Tokiya but what has gone wrong? Why he's always the main character when I am only the supporting character? Even when I was informed that it's you who suggested my name, I was so stupid to realize your intention. You just wanted to be in the same movie with me but all I had in my mind was you just wanted to show off that you're better than the rest of us," Otoya added, a bitter smile spread over his lips as his red eyes met Tokiya's blue eyes. "We thought that it's unfair when someone provocative like you ended up representing STARISH. Yes, we did feel ashamed and intimidated by you."

"A lot of people compared me to you, Tokiya. They said something like I should just stop being like a ladies' man when STARISH already has you. When I was young, I used to hate you because you got everything. You got all the attention," Ren supplied. He curved in a sad smile which showed how much he regretted feeling immature. "I think that the rest of us worked hard just to make you shine more. As I grew up and met my wife, I realized that being a ladies' man is not important when you already found the only person who you want to love forever."

"We know. It's too late when we realized that we should patch up with you. We know we're too cruel when we wanted to remove you from STARISH. We're... we're so sorry for that, Tokiya," Natsuki lowered his head for a while, letting the guilt towered over his senses before he lifted his head again. "I know this is way too late but please allow us to help you. Let us fight for you instead of you fighting alone. It's okay if you don't want to forgive us. We totally understand that. If you need time, we'll wait for you. After all, I heard somewhere that the more we love somebody, the more we get hurt. That shows that you love us so much, right?"

Despite others' bitter chuckles since it was clear that Natsuki was trying to lighten the mood, Tokiya did not feel the urge to respond. In fact, it was not funny at all since Natsuki's words were true.

He still loved them. They already won a special spot in his heart that nobody could steal it even his own parents and that was why he felt deeply hurt. What they had done to him left a painful scar and deep inside, he found it hard to forgive them and let them behave like his family once again. He found that it was easy to live alone... once again.

But in this situation, another side of his mind urged him to ignore his friends' plan. It was because another situation that he really wanted to avoid but his friends were still oblivious of it.

"Either I still felt hurt or not, that's not really important," he said, much to others' shock. They knew it indicated that this conversation would not end positively.

That was when Natsuki and Masato realized that Tokiya was clutching his blanket with his shaking hands.

But why?

"The consequence after the public know about this... it'll be too much. Our society is still skeptical about men being assaulted. What will people think if they know a man like me was..."

"Why should you bother about what people might think when you're the one who's suffering? It's your justice that we're talking about here," Otoya remarked but he quickly sealed his mouth when Tokiya's sad eyes met his.

"But you guys want to do this to prove to those people that I am innocent, right?" Thus, whatever they had in their minds in order to persuade Tokiya vanished. "At the end of the day, it's the people that we'll be concerned about the most. You're defending a guy with 'The Stripper' title on his head and do you think people will believe that? I tell you what, with my indecent image, they can easily spin the people a yarn and claim that I am the assaulter instead. Trust me. It'll work in that way. Plus..." his lips quivered as a lot of disgusting faces maliciously crossed his mind. "I don't even want to remember about it. You guys don't have any idea how awful it felt when someone treated you like a toy, touched your body recklessly. It's... it's so disgusting and I don't even want to recall it. That's why I need the antidepressant, you know. To stay sane."

Tokiya's heart-rending remark ended up raising two questions in their heads.

What should they do when the victim himself refused to be rescued? Which step should they take next when the victim himself just wanted to let the culprits escaped?

Those questions still lingered in Masato's mind even when he was already at his home, combing Harumi's hair. His blue eyes were emotionless as his hand caressed his first daughter's long hair. Without him being aware, Harumi also pulled a similar expression. Sitting between Masato's long legs while her blue eyes were staring blankly at the grey sheet. Their similarity appeared so cute in Haruka's eyes, who just sent Mitsuki to bed.

"What's wrong with you two? Both father and daughter look so worried," Haruka said, a wide smile plastered on her face.

"Huh?" Harumi and Masato exclaimed, finally leaving their deep thoughts.

"Really? I am not aware of that," Masato leaned forward, staring into Harumi's eyes. "Did something bother you, honey?"

"Yes. It's Tokiya ojichan," Harumi said, sending her parents to look at each other. "I think I need to grow faster and become a doctor. I don't want Daddy and Tokiya ojichan to be sick any longer."

Her parents cracked a smile. It was obvious for them that Harumi was still sad after visiting her beloved uncle for the second time this evening. Masato stroked her hair lovingly as the familiar warmth that the little girl always let him felt reached his heart again.

I wonder if I'll still be there when you grow up, Harumi.

"I know I am not in the position to worry about other people but Tokiya..." Masato remarked when he and Haruka were leaning against the headboard. "His consultation with the doctor was also worrisome."

"Why? What happened?" Haruka replied as she pulled the duvet to cover up to their waists. "Were you also there when Tokiya consulted the doctor?"

"At first, Tokiya didn't allow me to be there," Masato remarked with a deep chuckle. Even it was a short moment, it was fun and heart-warming to see Tokiya's flustered and embarrassed face instead of him constantly looking 'dead'. "But, I kind of... waaahh, come to think of it, it's embarrassing. What kind of crazy..."

"Why? Did you just grab his arms and didn't allow him to go anywhere unless you could tag along?" Haruka's pink lips spread a knowing and proud smile. "I know you would do that, honey."

"Wait, you thought so? Am I originally that kind of person?" Masato said, pointing at himself. "I don't know what was I thinking at that time. Come to think of it, I felt like I was possessed. I was so determined to know his condition since he's my friend."

"No, you're not possessed. That's who you're, honey. You're always fired up when it comes to your friends especially Tokiya since you suspected from the start that he had a problem."

Masato nodded. No wonder.

"To be honest, Haruka..." he reached her hand, his thumb caressed her delicate fingers. "I barely knew Tokiya and I can't even remember anything from our past but for some reason, I can't stand to see him gets hurt. Maybe we're called twins for reasons. And when it turned out that he endured such assaults years ago, it was..."

"Saddening, right?" Haruka said, almost sounded like a whisper. She lowered her head as she stroked Masato's fingers back. "You felt like you're his friend but you're oblivious of his suffering. You wish you can turn back time and be there for him, right?"

"Yes," Masato admitted. "It's so frustrating and I need my memory so bad now."

He felt so useless in this depressing situation. From the way the old him always coincidentally saved Tokiya from committing suicide, it hinted that he did know the truth from the start.

That was when his mind decided to bring him to Harumi.

"I think Harumi can help him. Yes, Harumi," Masato exclaimed, facing his confused wife. "Do you know what Tokiya said to me? When he was reminded of his dark past, somehow Harumi healed him. He felt like he had to live for her. Is that a good thing, Haruka? Our daughter could stop our friend from killing himself."

Masato did not realize that his happy remark sent a very warm and pleasing feeling to his wife.

"He... he said that?" She asked back, her eyes sized up.

"Yes, he said that. He also said that she completed his life."

She did not want to make it obvious but as soon as Masato's last sentence echoed in her ears, a contented smile appeared on her lips.

I am glad to hear that, Tokiya.

Knowing more about Tokiya had created a new melody in her head. It was past midnight and when everyone was sleeping, Haruka was sitting alone at her piano, smiling at the thought of how easy for her to come up with the man's song.

It was the first song for Tokiya's first album. These past days had been challenging for her since Saotome assigned her to write a song which could fit Tokiya's current image. It was challenging because she did not know the current Tokiya. That guy was so mysterious and Haruka did not know either his Heart-throb image was his real self or vice versa.

But now, when all the truths were unfolded, she finally knew what was his true self.

She could see there was a possibility that she and the others would leave Shining Agency so logically speaking, she did not have to do her works. But, she really wanted to compose songs about the hidden side of Tokiya that they had just found out recently. His fans might adore him solely for his charm and how perfect he was from head to toe but for his friends including Haruka...

In fact, a few VIPs wanted to pay you to have a one-night stand with them but Tokiya pleaded with the president not to involve you.

Just from Syo's message, it was proved that Tokiya was a man with a strong sense of love and loyalty. He was the cold guy who was selectively loving but he would sacrifice everything once he knew who were the precious people in his life.

The fact that he sacrificed his morals, body, and sanity for STARISH and her was just simply...

"Magnificent," Haruka mumbled, pressing the piano keys. Sweet melody lingered in the dim room before she stopped randomly.

Being a friend with different gender who was also married, it was hard for Haruka to express her gratitude to Tokiya. The least she could do was to compose songs which perfectly suited his true self. For sure, if Tokiya wanted to sing again, she would compose him a lot of songs as the small presents for him. For him to start a brand new career path.

He was no longer the Heart-throb with a provocative image. Rather, she would ensure that the public only saw him as a warm man with a beautiful heart.

A man with beautiful affection.

"Beautiful affection," Haruka mumbled as she pressed the piano keys again.

"I think Harumi can help him. Yes, Harumi. Do you know what Tokiya said to me? When he was reminded of his dark past, somehow Harumi healed him. He felt like he had to live for her. Is that a good thing, Haruka? Our daughter could stop our friend from killing himself."

"He... he said that?"

"Yes, he said that. He also said that she completed his life."

The composer cracked a grateful smile as her conversation with Masato ricocheted in her mind.

Thank you, Tokiya. Thank you so much for loving Harumi even though you don't really know who she is.  

As usual, feel free to tell me what do you think about this chapter, okay? Thank you for reading ^^