I didn't reread this chapter thoroughly so sorry for the mistakes.

CHAPTER 31

While Tomochika did not waste Tokiya's handkerchief to wipe her tears, she was quiet until they arrived in her apartment.

"No, please don't call him! I don't want to see him," that was what Tomochika said, along with more tears streamed down her face when Tokiya suggested that he should call Eiichi to comfort her.

That was when Tokiya could spot the cause of her heartbreaking state.

When she finally could control her overwhelming emotions, she offered him to take a shower in the guest room and Eiichi's clothes which he habitually left some since he always spent the night there.

Eiichi might show up anytime to pick up his belongings but she did not care. She was no longer his future wife anyway.

"No, I don't think I can do this," after they both finished with their bath, she left the living room abruptly before heading to the kitchen. With the sound of knocking bottles, Tokiya instantly knew what she was up to.

She took out two bottles of wine which she was gulping down one of them.

"Tomo..."

"I need this, Tokiya. Then only I can sort out my mind and tell you the whole story."

Reluctantly, she was right. More she got drunk, the smoother her talking became. Tokiya did not ask for the details but she blurted them out like bullets. It showed how much she bottled up. It showed how much pain she had immersed herself into.

"I broke off with Eiichi," she said as the introduction. Spotting how much Tokiya's eyes widened, she added, "I know. It's surprising, right? But for me, it's not. I know it's going to end like that because unlike you, that person is in denial regarding his mental illness. He didn't seek an expert's help because he believes nothing is wrong with him."

"A mental illness? Eiichi?"

"Yeah. I know we shouldn't self-diagnose but most probably he suffers from Othello syndrome and PTSD. He always thought that I cheated on him," she stated before more sips of drinks followed. "And also the fact that he has a cruel father. Basically, Otori-san and that Saotome are the same. Saotome tortured you to gain profits while his father abused Eiichi since he was young, also to gain profits. He wanted Eiichi to be perfect."

"What?" It should not be surprising when any famous celebrity appeared worse than his public image but to know that it happened to Eiichi was still surprising for his mind to process.

"But I think that Raging Otori has a much crueler side, though. He tortured his own son. Just like Eiichi, he got jealous easily and that's why none of his marriage could stand longer. When something dissatisfies him, Eiichi would be his punching bag. Ah, you know what? On that day when Masato joined you guys as the instant guest for the interview, that bastard hit Eiichi because he couldn't overshadow you both."

Tokiya knew Tomochika was no longer in her right mind when she blurted out too many details. Out of people in this world, he should not be in the list of the people who could know the Otori's conflicts.

"Eiichi and you have a lot of similarities. He wasn't born with a natural talent, unlike Eiji who can sing without even trying. But, just like you, he loves music. It's his comfort and passion so he struggled to be an idol. People claimed that he could debut because his father wanted it but people couldn't see how much he loved to be an idol. As for HEAVENS, they make his life shine. They gave him the reasons to never give up. Just like you and STARISH."

Is she trying to make me hate or sympathize Eiichi? Tokiya thought. His head was still spinning with what she told him.

"He's such a sweet guy when we just dated. You know a man is the most amazing when he's happy to make other people smile. He said he loved to make me smile and that's also the first time when I was truly in love. Previously, it's just an arranged relationship due to Saotome's wish. Even our relationship was also planned by Saotome and Otori in order to strengthen the so-called good relationship between the two agencies, we ended up truly falling in love. Truly to the point of it suffocated us."

More tears flowing. Tokiya could not recall when was the last time she shed her tears when he was around.

Or did she actually never do so?

"Eiichi started to become obsessive since two years ago. Every time I worked with guys, he would be restless. He called me so many times to know either I was really working or not. Either I was sitting in the same room with the lead actor or was there any director who wanted to flirt with me... you name it. It's maybe because I was his first girlfriend and he didn't want to lose me."

"At first, I tried to understand him. I know it's stupid to stay with an abusive boyfriend but to know that he turned out like this not out of his choice and the fact that I was still in love with him made me refused to leave him. I thought to myself, he needed me. If I supported him to cure himself, he would be fine but..." More sobs escaped as she put down her glass before wiping her tears again. "He hit me every time he met me, Tokiya. He's the worst when we starred together in the movie."

Tokiya could feel something bitter in his throat. He was their co-star but he did not notice the tension between the couple.

"He was stressed out with the comments from the fans about our chemistry despite he's the male lead. I don't know why but he seemed to feel the most inferior to you. He couldn't accept the fact that you could overshadow you in everything. When he couldn't control his anger, he would pick a fight with me, he justified himself when he punched me... It hurt, Tokiya. I no longer could feel his true love. I felt the most insulted when... when he forced me to sleep with him just to prove that I was his. I lost count on how many times he raped me, Tokiya."

It was Tokiya's typical reaction when someone vented on him. He was prone into not saying much what he thought until the other party finished their talking but it did not mean his heart was hard as a stone. Right now, mixed feelings battled in him. He was burning with rage knowing how terrible their relationship was, unlike their title as the sweet and most favorite couple of the country.

"I got pregnant once," she confessed this truth for the first time. She was bound to bring the secret to her grave but for some reason, she chose Tokiya to share the secret. She trusted him which she suddenly stood up. "You wait here for a second."

"What? Hey, Tomo..."

"Just wait here..." she repeated from her bedroom before coming out with an ultrasound picture. "It's only 4 weeks when I found out that I carried her."

"Your baby is 'she'?" He asked back as the grief flowed through his veins.

"Nope but I hope she is. I am afraid if my first child is a son, he'll become abusive like his father. What a stupid thought, isn't it?" She chuckled, eyes still staring at the ultrasound picture in Tokiya's hand. "She's dead when Eiichi hit me. I was about to tell him but he hit me since he spotted me and you met in your dressing room to rehearse our lines. It's unfair for the baby, right? I might not anticipate her but I love her the moment I know she was in me. Since then, I don't want Eiichi to know that he had a child with me or else, he would use the excuse to claim me like his possession."

This is getting more disturbing, the blue head thought. His close female friends were only Haruka and Tomochika so he could say he did not have much experience when it comes to this kind of friendship. Haruka used to burst into tears when he was with her before. She was stressed out with her composition which might uplift or make STARISH disband. At that time, despite his seemed-to-be-aloof demeanor, he cared about Haruka a lot. He was lost in what to do to cheer her up and at the end of the day, his cheesy head only managed to come up with dedicating his song, 'Crystal Time' for her before leading a sort-of-date with her during the festival night. It was the most wonderful celebration for him when in the midst of the loss, his awkwardness in playing the games due to his inexperience managed to make her laugh.

It was certainly one of her most favorite expression for him. Even the date was cut short by other STARISH members' anger for making them wait for too long, it was still wonderful and remained as a beautiful memory. Even he never knew that his feeling at that time was already reciprocated by her, he would never forget the moment.

That was it until he was forced to forget Haruka and the next thing he learned that she ended up dating Masato.

And now, he encountered Tomochika's agony when he believed that she was happy with her life. She was always bright and optimistic. It must be upsetting for her to endure everything alone for so long and Tokiya was the one who could relate to her the most.

"Eiichi had left a lot of scars on my body," she stated. Typical Tomochika, her speech started to be incoherent and only someone who put up with her drinking habit so many times like Tokiya could understand her. "Right here," she touched her collarbone, "Right here," she stroked her neck, followed by her waist. "But the most painful was when he kicked my stomach, when he kicked my baby... He left me right away, without being aware that he was hurting both of us."

His hand which shook against the glass desperately restrained itself from crashing the object. That was how much his anger towered over his system. Eiichi's cruelty was too much and when his dear friend was the very unlucky victim, all he could do was to make Eiichi pay for the consequence.

But how?

That was when his eyes settled on the ultrasound picture. The dark but cute spot from the picture sparked him an idea right away.

Should I...

"Ah, talking too much makes me sleepy I guess..." she mumbled, almost slamming her head against the table. Tokiya was faster, supporting her head right away.

After sighing heavily, he carefully put her on her bed. He was so wrong when he thought that the drama between them would end at this moment.

Instead, for a certain reason, when the clock passed 10 p.m. and Tokiya thought he could leave her alone, she shifted restlessly in her sleep.

"Why?" He asked when she opened her eyes, grimacing while touching her stomach.

She sat up, staring at him with teary eyes.

"It's hurting sometimes," she said, still touching her stomach side. He was positive that she did not exactly feel the pain but rather, she was talking in her sleep. It showed how much her mixed memory with Eiichi had made her mind tangled, being puzzled between the dream and reality. "The bruise is big, Tokiya... and it's painful... Do you want to see it? I can show you," the moment she wanted to lift her blouse, Tokiya found himself immediately settled on the bed, restraining Tomochika from doing something that absolutely unnecessary.

"No, don't!"

"But I need to show my friend the bruise. It's so painful..."

"No, no! That's okay. You shouldn't easily lift your blouse like that because I am a man!"

With the supposed-to-be wise suggestion, she stopped. Her stunning face stared at him with an unreadable expression which sending the blue head to internally pray that she would not come up with more embarrassing acts.

That was it until a warm smile spread over her red lips. From almost giving the idol a heart attack for being bold, she surprised him with a peck on his nose.

"I think I just become more and more comfortable with you, Tokiya. I trust you more than anyone," she said, softly. Tokiya never thought that the always bubbly voice could turn into something sweet and comforting like this. "Unlike your offensive title, you're really an amazing man. That's why I started to fall in love with you."

The confession almost made Tokiya fall off the bed.

Wait... what's she up to now? It's always unpredictable when it comes to her, huh?

They said that drunken people tended to be brutally honest but...

Was she sure what she meant? Like... a while ago, she just talked about how sweet Eiichi was and now, she was confessing to him? How was he supposed to react?

"I did feel guilty about falling in love with you when I was still his fiancée but I couldn't help it. It just naturally happened," a pair of hands suddenly cupped his cheeks and at this moment, he knew they almost crossed the line and he needed to stop her. "I love you, Tokiya."

As worried as he got, Tokiya immediately but slowly pushed her away when their lips almost met each other.

"Please don't, Tomochika," he said, a gentle smile followed suit. Tomochika had seen countless expressions from him but this time, it was strange but so pleasant that she thought that she was in a paradise. "Please don't do something that will make you feel rueful later on. I am sorry but as your friend, I think it's my position to stop you from kissing me."

She could not help but stare at him questioningly.

"But, why?" She asked. "I don't kiss you because I found that you're hot neither to take advantage of you. I want to kiss you because I want to be affectionate to you, I want to love you more."

His smile was still there but it was so wonderful that she could stare at it forever.

"That's why I stopped you, Tomo. I know what kind of person you're. You never take advantage of me and you're one of the very few people who treat me as a human with dignity, not some toys to play with," he said. "I appreciate you. I love our friendship so that's why I stopped it before the kiss happened. I don't want anyone of us to regret it since it's not mutual. You're still confused and broken and I believe, on the next day, you'll regret had you kissed me."

But for sure, you just made me love you more and I don't even kiss you yet, Tokiya, she thought. He was so lovable in her eyes. When she saw how upset and hopeless he was with endless problems that he had to face, she had this urge to protect him, to show him that he deserved to be loved for who he was and not because what his body could offer.

"You're an amazing man, Tokiya," she said it again. It was sincere, comforting and apart from how Haruka used to describe him, he felt the sincerity. He felt her warm feeling. "My heart is choosing the right person this time and I am so glad. At first, I think that you're cold. No, you were a really cold person before you warmed up to STARISH. I thought that you're a selfish person but when Haruka said to me that you comforted her when she was stressed out, when Otoya said that you're the one who encouraged him to never give up, I thought that you're not bad. Maybe your family background had shaped you up into who you're. And then, when we become closer, I realize that you'll be the best of you when you care about that person. I know you only see me as your friend or maybe just Haruka's friend but I love how you are always there for me. And before I realize, I love you, not only your personality. Maybe I didn't always visit you when you were sick just because you're my friend. Rather, it's because I always miss you. I want to see you every day because I love you, Ichinose Tokiya."

It was definitely beautiful for his empty heart. He got a lot of confessions but Tomochika's was the purest. She never touched how she admired any part of his figure. She never said how much she wanted to own him since he was handsome. She simply cared about him for who he was.

"Thank you for the confession, Tomo. It's so lovely and it almost made me cry, to be honest," he said with chuckles. "That's the first confession that I've ever received without any disturbing word in it and I really appreciate that."

She smiled back. "I am glad to make you feel that way. I don't want to see you get upset again. It hurts me and even I don't know who owns your heart, to see you happy is the priority for me. I want to see you start over, Tokiya."

This woman is nice. It's a shame for Eiichi to treat her like that.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," he said. "I guess, if you feel better now, I will go back home. See you later," he said but she was faster to hold his arm.

"Can you stay here? At least until I fall asleep again. I am afraid and I need someone to..."

"Okay," he interposed. It was not bad to accompany her. She was his friend and he believed she would fall asleep sooner.

Yet, he forgot his own tiredness. Since he put it aside for Tomochika, he ended up falling asleep faster than her.

And now, they were caught spending the night together in Tomochika's house by Eiichi. What great timing to let Eiichi know that he had no meaning in the woman's life anymore.

Yet, there was nothing to be afraid of. All Tokiya had to do was to let Eiichi know that he was the one who was in an intimidating position.

"I am sorry. I borrowed your shirt since it's raining heavily yesterday and I had to ensure Tomo not to cause troubles last night. And about your first two questions, what I mean is I just know your true color, Tomochika's ex-fiancé."

That was it. The scary demeanor that Tomochika meant, judging from how he balled his hand into a shaky fist and how Tomochika recoiled behind him. Such a great physique of Eiichi must use the strongest force to hit her and it tore his heart more. Tomochika did not deserve such ill-treatment. She deserved to be happy like other people.

"What are you on about, Tokiya?" He asked slowly.

"You know what I mean, Eiichi. That's why your fist seems to want to punch me right now," he pointed out. "Tomochika was so drunk when she told me everything. I know she's a good secret keeper but if she blurted it out when she's drunken, I must say that she's so stressed out that she might explode. She needed to let it out."

"And that's why you take advantage of her and sleep with her behind my back!?"

"And that's the only thing you could think of rather than a more positive situation? Did you seriously think that she would sleep with any guy who is in the same place with her? You should ponder back about your love for her, Eiichi. If you do love her, you should trust her. That's the only thing that could make you stay together," Tokiya stated. "I do understand that from how you were raised by your father, it affected your perception, your mentality. No one can really change how do you perceive things except for yourself. I am not here to judge you nor belittle you but as someone who was still seeking psychological treatment, you should seek for it instead of living in denial. It's not a shame if you seek for the treatment, Eiichi. It's for your future."

Deep inside, Eiichi could not agree more with Tokiya's statement. When his state of mind was finally clear and calm, he could see how much he was at fault. He lost Tomochika because he did not trust her. He lost Tomochika because he was in denial with his mental state.

But to be reminded of the devastating fact from someone who he hated more each day...

He just could not accept it. His unstable state of mind simply refused to share the same opinion with Tokiya.

"I won't accept that from someone like you. Someone who only knows how to play with women's hearts by using his figure," Eiichi said. "I am here to get my belongings but I guess I ruined the mood, huh? I'll change my mind then. You can do whatever with my belongings here, Tomo. It's not too much so you can just burn, throw them out or something... I wish you the best of luck with your life. I was hoping that I could convince you to forgive me but if this guy is here, it'll be hard. You love him anyway, right?"

I guess he still put the blame on her instead of reflecting on his mistakes, huh? This won't do, the blue head thought. His worry for Tomochika had waked his protective side.

"Then, let's make a deal," the T of STARISH suggested, stopping the leader of HEAVENS to leave the house. "If you don't disturb Tomo anymore and let her live her life, I won't tell anyone about how terrible you treat her. How does that sound? I am not saying this because I am having a secret relationship with her but as her friend, I do worry about her."

Eiichi might look stiff and puzzled with the sudden deal but deep inside...

Hahahahhahaha. You see this bastard, Eiichi?? He's trying to make you agree with him. He's trying to conquer your fear when in fact, you hold his darkest secret! You should tell him on his face now, Eiichi! Then only he knows who should be afraid of who, who is smarter than who!

No, not now. Not when I don't destroy Masato first. That jerk is my first target.

"Suit yourself," he said before making his way outside. That was the moment when Tomochika realized that she held her breath out of anxiety.

"Hey," Tokiya held her shoulder, sending the woman to lift her head. "Are you okay?"

"I have to be okay," she said. "Even I am still anxious."

"Then, please let me know if you are in danger, okay? If it's possible, you should stay with your parents for a while since you just announce that you want to take a break, right?"

"Yes, you're right," she said. Now when she regained her composure, she could not meet his mesmerizing blue eyes. It was full of care that she could not restrain herself from blushing. "But, Tokiya..."

"Yes?"

"You... you didn't record anything when I told you about Eiichi and his problems, right?"

Tokiya laughed. "Well, I guess I can understand what're you talking about since STARISH had a lot of things to do with recordings nowadays, right?"

"I am sorry. I don't mean to..."

"Don't worry, Tomo," he guaranteed her with his sweet smile. "My mouth is sealed."

Come to my office now.

Just when he thought that his problem with Tomochika almost made his head exploded, the message from his father lifted up his spirit. Yes, the message was an order which never received 'no' for the answer like usual but there was a small hope in his heart that he wanted to vent on his father. Despite Otori never showed his fatherly side to him, it felt someone whispered in his mind that his father would sympathize him for losing Tomochika. The man knew how much she meant to him. The man knew that she was his first love and most probably his last love as well.

It sounded stupid for him to have hope for the cold-blooded Otori but...

The world would not be too cruel for him, right? Everyone had their own ups and downs, right? Maybe he lost Tomochika for good but this was maybe the first moment where Otori would really see him as his son, not only as the only idol that he could lash out and hit as he pleased.

That was why, when he was in the man's office, instead of looking away as usual, he stared straight into his father's eyes.

Please... please ask me either I am okay or not... I really want to tell you what I feel to you because you're my father.

"What made you take so long to come here? Where did you go?" Otori's deep voice was far from sounding caring but Eiichi did not give up easily. He was still hoping.

"I... I came from Tomochika's house," he said, trying to sound as dejected as possible. "You see, Tomo and I..."

"You guys always know how to disappoint me," Otori cut him short. Typical him, he never showed his interest in Tomochika and now, of course, he had no reasons to do so when Saotome was doomed. "Tokiya's name is on every single headline since his image is clean now but how about you guys? What do you guys do? Still lazing around? Should you guys do something about your incompetence?"

"Wh...what?" He refused to believe in his ears. He treasured HEAVENS forever so to hear that his 'beloved' father slurred them for the nth time was...

Downright unacceptable. His father was not there when they sacrificed everything to make the best performance. Otori was not there when the usually healthy and active Van had a bloody nose and passed out for working too much. Eiichi was always there when Nagi claimed that he wanted to give up since meeting Otori's expectation was depressing and impossible.

"We never laze around, Dad. We're still trying our best to..."

"For me, your so-called hard work doesn't count if the result is not really satisfying," Otori said. "On tomorrow morning, I want to see you here again, sharply at 8.00 a.m. I want to know what are your strategies in order to reach higher. Remember what I said? Most probably, Tokiya will pursue his album project with that Haruka even without Saotome's support. If he ends up topping the chart, you guys are doomed, Eiichi."

I guess he is still his self, huh? All he knows is Tokiya, Tokiya, Tokiya! What about me then!?

"Okay, Dad."

"Oh, I think I have to add another rule. Don't call me 'Dad' when we're working or talking about works. I think that will make you realize that your level is the same as other idols. Just because you're my son, it doesn't mean you can slack off. If only I can disown you and make Tokiya as my son, my life will be easy. You should lessen your time with that Tomochika and..."

"We just broke off, Dad... I mean... president," he cut him short. His heart suddenly bloomed with this last hope that his president would pay more attention to him. "She dumped me."

He wanted someone to side him.

All Otori did was staring vacantly. The fact that he did not look cold as usual sparked the hope that clouded his mind. Maybe Otori was searching for the words because it was not natural for him to be loving for his own son.

"Serves you right then. You guys obviously are not meant to each other. What did I tell you? Women will make your path to success rough but still, you are besotted with her. Maybe she dumped you because of your incompetence."

Eiichi lost counts on how many times his fist quivered to throw itself straight at his father's face.

"Just do the news conference or whatever. I am too busy to care," the geezer said as he rose from his sofa. "All I want to know is your plan for your group by tomorrow morning."

He left his son on his own, could not care less when no one needed to be a genius in order to realize that Eiichi was in his broken state; he was fragile and would break into pieces by any second.

Now, when the room was silent without Otori's horrifying voice, Eiichi lifted his head. He reached his breaking point when he saw his father's big portrait, just way too opposite of him. As if it was there to mock him.

As if it wanted to remind him that he was the eternal loser. The world might not be cruel all the time but he was chosen to be one of the unlucky people who got treated cruelly. His life was always full of downs.

This time, his scarce rationality could not coax him to calm down. Instead, it seemed like it understood him when he suddenly reached a small vase from the table before flinging it to the portrait. The feeling might not be as satisfying as when one day, he could explode right on the real person's face but still, for now...

He thought that the portrait deserved its fate. His father might look like he was such a charming man through the portrait which was also one of his album cover but...

He hid a devil in him.

And the devil cared the most to see Saotome's loser-esque face. He visited the once-remarkable president of Shining Agency once in a while. He had to hold his image as the so-called close friend of Saotome but his top priority was...

To laugh at the man for being a prisoner. To make it obvious that from now on, they were no longer on the same level. He finally could prove to the man that he was the winner. Raging Entertainment would be the last one standing while Shining Agency would be buried and no one would remember it in a good way anymore.

"Don't you guys have a brain!? How many times should I tell you, I don't want to see that bastard!" Saotome yelled at the officers for bringing him to Otori was not surprising. It might be ear-piercing for others but for Otori, it was the most pleasant music he had ever heard. Anything that tortured Saotome would be the best entertainment for him.

"Calm down. You will lose your energy if you keep shouting like that, you know? They won't hear you. You aren't that Shining Saotome anymore," despite how much the glare from Saotome could leave him a big hole, it never intimidated Otori. Now, when they were sitting opposite each other, he felt more ecstatic to send the man in fury. "Instead, you're just the scum of the earth. No one would respect you neither hear your demand. Stop being delusional, Saotome."

"Talk to your face, Otori," Saotome said. His dowdy appearance which no longer consisted of expensive outfit and his gloomy face with the dark circles were too laughable for Otori. "Do you think you're the winner? Not yet, you jerk. This is not the end. If Tokiya can betray me, I think the same rule will be applied to you... by Eiichi. They both are just the same."

"Oh, really?" The purple eyes widened, ridiculing his enemy. "Of course Tokiya would betray you. He is multi-talented but you wasted it by exploiting him to do something not out of his will. Of course, he would rebel and want his justice. From the start, I know you don't deserve him, Saotome. Just wait for me to make him work for me and I will show you the right way to use him," he stood up. His wish to see Saotome's suffering was done for today.

"Before that can happen, I hope that your life ends slowly but in a pain, Otori," Saotome remarked, staring at Otori's back mockingly. He knew that his smirk or annoying chuckles were enough to push the man's buttons.

Poor you, Saotome, he thought as he got into his car, vaguely gestured to his driver to bring him away as fast as possible.

You might wish my slow but painful death but for me...

I don't just wish. I'll make it come true.

Thus, the image of his favorite drug which he never thought that Eiichi used to steal it and used it to ruin Masato's health came across his mind.

As usual, feel free to let me know what do you think, okay? Thank you for reading :D