The clock marks 7, once again it's time to wake up. Yui gets up from her bed disappointed that she didn't die in her sleep that day, or the day before, or even the day before that. As if she hoped that by sleeping her body would get used to the feeling of inaction and finally accept it as her truth. But unfortunately that is not the case: Yui did indeed wake up, and as all adult humans who are consciously roaming Earth, she has to fulfil her daily tasks and put up a cheerful mask. She is an idol afterall, so it would be weird for her to show up all mushy and messed up. She is an idol afterall, her job is to lure people into a dream like fantasy where everyone is happy and most importantly pretty isn't it. How could she ever let anyone see this side of her, this melancholic vengeful and cynical girl. Sometimes, she does wish that someone sees her for who she is and not who she aspires to be.

"Does it have to be so difficult to be authentic in this city?" Yui mumbles to herself as she stares at her own reflection in the mirror. The figure in the mirror stares back as if mocking her, mocking this imperfect version of her. There seems to be a split inside of her, who she is on stage is so pure and perfect, the absolute opposite of her authentic self. She thought this career would encourage her to love herself more but it did the exact opposite. But it's alright because she has gotten used to keeping everything inside for now. She has learned to put on a smile even if her heart is breaking and her soul is bleeding out. Yui does wish though that someone, maybe any of her fans, took the time to look deeper into her, to fully analyse the songs she writes, then they may see the pain hidden deep underneath. She often wonders if the pain is leaking out, or she is acting weird. She can't afford to be seen as weird, she can't ever. In fact, she has to simply be perfect, there is no other way.

Yui does have the unusual habit of writing her diary entry in the morning though, usually people do it at night. But as the busy super-famous star that she is, she has no time to write at night. Yui could only squeeze in time during her small breakfast to write something about herself. In a way, she feels her diary is her one true friend, as it wouldn't make any judgments of what is going on underneath. So just like that she begins writing at a steady pace. Her handwriting is not the prettiest but it's very easily readable. Seldom, she would add small doodles to decorate the notebook, as if it's her way of making light of the identity crisis she is going through.

"Dear diary,

There is something eating me from the inside out, as if it is rotting and bursting my guts open. The desire for or even the need to feel desire appears to have diminished into nothingness. I fear what is left of me are scraps of fear and anger, or a concoction of jumbled mental anguish. I can not find a way to describe this sickening feeling that is eroding me slowly but surely. I want to tear open the skin to reveal the insect underneath. I want to crawl into the brains of the living and suck it dry of its sustenance. Maybe I should describe it as a splitting experience, when my mind is divided into two equal parts, fighting, trying to take over. I want to shift and transcend to a different version of myself, then maybe I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. I can't seem to breathe or speak normally, as if a nylon bag has been put into my mouth and stripped me of any human functions. I feel like a parasite in the world of humans constantly trying to fit in and find my place knowing full well I am simply different. Do you see a way out? For me, I can't see a way out of this but to suffer tirelessly. Everyday feels the same, and maybe I'm just doomed for eternity.

Yui, July 9th 2019"

Then as if that never even happened, she stands up and gets dressed up for her gigs. There will be a big show today, a huge source of stress even for Yui. She has to appear stress free all the time, so her members have a stable anchor to rely on. What if she breaks and falls apart. Yui uncannily and slightly grimaces at the thought and lets it wash through as if it never really happened. Maybe then, everyone will finally understand her existential pain.