I spent the entire day in my head. Everything that usually distracted me: music, eating, movies, funny dog videos... They were all like the sounds of nature. Present yet nonexistent.

Constantly, I found my eyes wandering to the box in the corner of my room. At times, I felt like venting my anger by destroying it. Most times, I found myself battling the urge to log into SimuDate.

Through all this, simmering beneath the surface of my mind, was the last conversation I had with Clinton.

I was 22 and lonely.

Being caged in my mother's house with no tangible plan made the situation worse. Next to that was my past. Tanya was the first girl I fell in love with in high school. She was 15 and I was 17, which, now that I think about it, was probably illegal. But surprisingly, sex was the last thing on my mind when I was talking to her. I wanted her to be by my side. I wanted to love her. But she wanted that with Clint.

Then Yvette. I had met her in college; we took the same English classes. She was beautiful-not as cute as Tanya-but voluptuous and sexually inviting. With her, I wanted sex. I wanted to fulfill my sexual fantasies and desires. But along the way, we fell in love-till I found out that she was engaged to another man from Harare.

Just recently, it was Janet. Even as I considered putting on the helmet, I thought about how college had altered my view when it came to dating. When I was young, I just hoped for the girl I was interested in to say yes. But there was life after that. The maintenence of that flame which one had worked so hard to spark.

There were girls who I knew were interested in me. But I found myself picturing our relationships together, and it made me keep my distance. I didn't love myself. I was very aware of my flaws. I had scared a lot of people, including some friends, away because of my insecurities and paranoia. I was self-centered, and I wanted to be the focal point of everyone's lives, even though they were peripheral to mine. I am emotionally selfish, and I don't deserve love. Even if all goes well with the BETA program and I meet someone, will I be able to keep them interested in me?

I have this darkness. This intense fear of neglect and abandonment that introduced itself to me when my father left and my brother abused me. If the man who raised me and the one who I looked to as an alternative scarred me, how could I trust someone who didn't even share the same blood as mine?

I spent my present haunted by the past and threatened by the future. It left me in a state of anxiety. But I didn't want to let that define me. I wasn't the only one who had gone through what I had gone through.

I had to be honest with myself. I was damaged goods. My mother always told me that I was young and still had more to see in life. But what I had seen had left me with wounds that constantly bleed through.

I placed the helmet next to my laptop. I went to the kitchen, boiled a pot of water, and filled half of my bathing bucket. I mixed in a pinch of the crystal and put it in the pink metal floater. I almost failed to plug in the USB due to my shivering hands. The helmet hugged my skull and whirred. The water whirled and rippled. I opened Google Chrome. I clicked on the MeetFirst bookmark. I clicked the three dots in the top left corner next to the website logo. I opened my profile (barely, since the shivers had evolved into quakes). Below my profile picture was a loading sign that wasn't there the last time I was on the site. It settled into a link that read SD.BETA.com, followed by a slew of numbers.

As my mouse clung to the link, the sound of my laptop fan, my heavy breathing, the buzz of the helmet, the crickets outside, the fridge in the kitchen, and a dog barking in the distance somewhere all accompanied one thought.

Don't do it...

I clicked on the link.

It's only after nothing happened that I realized that I had shut my eyes. I opened them and realized that the screen had changed. It was obsidian black, so black that it seamlessly blended with the thick darkness that filled my room. In the middle of the screen was a cursive SD. Below it were the words "Welcome BETA TESTER #67".

Below that was a pink button, with the text 'CONTINUE' in black. I figured that I probably had to fill in a few details before whatever was supposed to happen happened. I relaxed, comforted by the fact that I might still have time to back out. My hand steadied as I clicked the continue button.

When I was 12 years old, I had a boil the size of an orange appear under my lower left jaw. It was around this time that my mom and dad started disagreeing a lot. It was so nasty that I had to be admitted to the GreenGrove clinic. I was slated for surgery to drain the pus that had accumulated in the ugly lump. It was the first time that I experienced the effects of heavy anesthesia, but, apparently, it wasn't the last.

I was dipped into heavy darkness. The scene before me faded away, and my head felt like it was becoming a lump of cotton.

Then I was falling.

I had never gone skydiving, but I was 110 percent convinced that that was exactly what it felt like. I was screaming my entire way down, twisting and writhing as my clothes protested in flaps and slaps against my flesh. I faced down, arms spread like a bird just booted out of a nest on the peak of the highest mountain. Then a different shade of darkness appeared.

On the surface was a riddle of different-colored arrows that were floating above multicolored silhouettes. I shut my eyes and braced for impact. I prayed that God would accept my soul into heaven and that he would also bless my mother with a steady heart so as to not take the death of her lastborn son too hard.

Then a calm female voice said,

"Welcome, JohnWes45"

I opened my eyes and realized that I was suspended just a few feet above the dark gray sand. I spun myself up on my axis and began to descend. My feet softly met the ground. On my body weren't the clothes I was wearing when I logged on. Instead, I had on the striped black t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and black Air Force 1's I was wearing in my full body profile photo. On my neck and wrist were the silver cross and the silver stone bracelet with a metal crown, respectively.

Above me, spinning lightly and bobbing in tandem, was a gray arrow labelled JohnWes45 my Simudate username. I looked around me. The figures I had seen before were of the same appearance. Profiles with arrows showing the predominant color of the clothes they were wearing, with their usernames on top. Some were not as confused (some were actually talking), some were in the same state of slow comprehension, and others were still falling into the...

I looked past the people and saw that the area we were in was closed off by a giant dome. After SaucyPants89 landed, the dome lit up pink. A similar colored truss-like grid formed above and closed off the arena.

The same voice that welcomed me filled the place.

"Welcome BETA testers to the SimuDate BETA program."

The extremities of the arena ejected multicolored confetti. The rainbow atmosphere was accompanied by trumpets and piano melodies. I clapped along when I noticed that others were doing the same.

"This program was started by Collin Frost and Derrick Sternoff in order to revolutionize the online dating experience."

Before us appeared holograms of someone who looked like he took LSD and went on spiritual journeys, and another man who sort of looked like an angry Robert Downey Jr.

"At MeetFirst, we pride ourselves on taking revolutionary steps in the online dating world. Our main mission is to allow potential couples to know as much as digitally possible about each other before deciding to meet in person. We are the largest dating website in Zimbabwe, and we will not tire till we are the best in the world."

A huge heart appeared with silhouettes of a man and a woman kissing, then a man and a man, then a woman and a woman.

"May you please direct your attention to the panels before your avatars?"

Before me had appeared a gray panel at some point. It basically looked like my Simudate profile. Age, bio, hobbies, and the type of relationship I was looking for. But below my details was a feature I hadn't seen before. Next to a black winking Emoji was the word winks.

"As you can see, a new feature that is exclusive to the SimuDate program has been added to your panels. In SimuDate, another user displays their interest in you by winking. Of course, since this program is to test the functionality of the program, testers will be allowed to easily wink back and link with their matches. However, in the final product, users will only be able to wink back after paying a certain monthly fee."

Ofcourse...

"We shall commence the program after you all complete a short survey that shall appear on your panels in a few."

A loading sign spun on my panel, but I noticed that others were already typing on floating keyboards. I figured that internet connection speed played a role in how seamlessly a user interacted with anything in the virtual world.

Finally, a question popped up.

"How was the experience of being transported to this virtual platform?"

Unlike most surveys, it didn't have any recommended answers like okay, fine, or terrible. Below the question was a space. I raised my hand, and just below it appeared a gray keyboard. I typed okay and pressed the enter button. Surprisingly, the virtual keyboard felt the way it looked: glassy and cool. Another question popped up.

"Are you experiencing any feelings of nausea or motion sickness?"

No

"Are you aware that this is a virtual platform and is not, in fact, a dream or a spat of insanity?"

Hmmm

Yes

A face that was clearly a caricature of Wesley Frost popped up in an arms-wide jump and smiled.

"When you are done with your panels, all you have to say is 'Close Panel', and when you want to open it, all you have to say is 'Open Panel', try it!"

The stadium was filled with different intonations of the same phrases. The commands really did work. Although some kept on doing it till their panels froze,

"That's not the only function you are in possession of, though. If you feel like you have to leave to return to the real world, all you have to do is say 'log out'. Whenever you want to return to the stadium, you just plug in your headset and either click on the link to the stadium or simply say 'log in'. It should also be noted that sharing this link with anyone who is not a BETA tester will result in appropriate reprimand."

Appropriate reprimand...sounds kind of dictatorial.

The voice must've noticed that her last statement made everyone feel a little uncomfortable because she explained further.

"Each of your headsets is unique in that they are linked to your Simudate profiles and secured by a locked IP and MAC addresses. In simple words, if anyone who is not you tries to access your MeetFirst portal, or even if you try to access it from another machine or place that is different from where you are at this current time, you will be locked out until you return and confirm through biometric authentication that it was truly you attempting to log in."

Someone behind me whistled lowly.

"Talk about security."

People began to experiment with the log-out and log-in features. Random users blinked out of existence around me.

"Log out," I said.

I was back in my room. No falling, no screaming, no nothing. It was like...I can't compare it to anything. It was like leaving the SimuDate stadium, I guess. I scanned my body; I was still intact.

"This is insane. Log in."

Just like logging out, I was back in the stadium smoothly.

"Okay, okay," said the voice. "Let us not act like little children. Even though our users safety is priority number one, there are things we are still testing with the program, so it would be wise to not overdo any of the features unnecessarily."

I suddenly felt a wave of relief wash over me. I can't believe this was actually happening. It was true; it was working!

"By the way, my name is Elizabeth Quest, and I am the head of marketing here at MeetFirst. I have sent my email and WhatsApp number to everyone's contact log, which is another new feature you will find on your panels in the notification bar. Please, please, please! Do not be afraid to contact me with both good and unfortunate news. But till then, happy dating everyone!"

NOTE FROM AUTHOR:
THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR READER FOR STICKING AROUND. PLEASE VOTE AND LEAVE ANY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IF POSSIBLE.

-EMOLYON