21 Feb 2019 3:24am
U.S.A

Everyone talks about depression. But not sure enough people talks about what lies beyond it. Especially about the addiction of depression. Crazy, right? Actually, it's not as absurd as it sounds. Depression is not a random blue day. It's not something you catch, after a series of misfortune. And definitely not something you can just "get over with."

You have to learn to cope with it and keep on living.

Someday it's not that bad. You can still see the sun a bit further towards the horizon, despite the grey clouds hanging above your head. Someday, your smile lasts a little bit longer than 15 minutes after a joke was told. Some others, you just can't be bother.

You have everything. They said. Why are you depressed?

Good question. I wonder why sometimes.
I guess I am addicted to depression.

When you falling to the bottom of the pit, it's a terrifying experience, and it still does haunt me until this day. However, when you've lived at the bottom for so long, you adapt. Adapt to being surrounded with darkness, with the fear of the uncertainties, and the unexplainably overwhelming sense of loneliness.

Adapt to that voice at the back of my head, telling me, "it's not gonna work," "they will soon realise that you are not who you are, but a coward and a fraud."

Now that the darkest days are behind me, I should be free!

Or am I?

It's hard explaining to others, that sometimes when everything is going too well, I need my little dose of pessimism and my catching up with the voice to keep me grounded.

Apparently, depression doesn't disappear. It only became more manageable.