A/N: Family Beginnings is still happening! But Goddestroyer27 requested a story about Babby Undyne being introduced to Babby Papyrus, and I haven't been able to get the concept out of my mind. I took a few deviations and made it far longer than it needed to be, but here's the monster (LOL GEDDIT MONSTERS) that prompt became.

Think of it as a nice appertif for the feels train that's about to come into the station. ;)

(This is also not the self-indulgent project, though this was also very self-indulgent because MY BROTP.)  

~

                There were two things wrong with Papyrus' current situation in the fourth grade: one was that he was very short, and the other was that he was the only skeleton in the class...in the entire school, actually. And, while there was a great variety of monsters in the Underground, Papyrus had yet to see any other skeletons outside of himself and Sans. Well, and his parents obviously, but they weren't, strictly speaking, skeletons anymore.

And sometimes the kids at school could get really nasty about it. "Bonehead" and "numbskull" were pretty much his nicknames; Sans made the same jokes, of course, but it was different when he said them. They weren't as...mean. Papyrus brushed them off best he could, though. You didn't make friends by fighting, after all.

But then his books were dumped in one of the waterways by the school. And he found heaps of trash in his locker. And his homework was stolen and copied, and he'd be the one who'd get in trouble. So something had to be done.

He couldn't tell Sans. He was already working very hard at the Core to make up for their parents being gone, and he could barely make it through dinner without falling asleep at the table. He didn't need to worry any more than he already did.

The only solution was to take matters into his own bony hands.

So, when he went to school and saw Gio, a particularly large rock monster, sidle up to his locker, he knew it was time to put his plan into action.

"Hey, Papy­-wuss," Gio mocked, earning some snickers from a few lookers-on. "You wanna know why you can't fight anyone?"

Papyrus set his jaw and didn't respond. He jumped in fright as Gio slammed his locker shut.

"Because you don't have any guts." Gio roared with laughter, and the others joined in. Papyrus swallowed, then looked up at Gio defiantly.

"You know, you might have actual friends if you were nice!"

A chorus of "Ooooh"s rose up around them—half at the fact that someone stood up to Gio, half because they were sure Papyrus was going to get his butt kicked. Gio looked around at the other kids, then scoffed.

"Man, what a loser."

Papyrus sucked in a breath. This was what he was waiting for. "Gio, why would you say something so mean about yourself?"

Another "Ooooh" rose up from the crowd as Gio sputtered in response.

"I-I wasn't talking about myself, you dweeb!"

"You're not a dweeb! You should really stop thinking so low of yourself."

"I don't! God, you're so annoying!"

"You know, even if you think you're annoying, I'd be glad to be your friend. I think—"

"Shut up!" Gio grabbed the front of Papyrus' shirt, nearly making him choke. "I'm gonna punch that stupid smile off your face!"

"I-I'm not smiling!" As he struggled against Gio's grip, he realized that he might have gone too far. "That's just how my mouth is!"

"Then you're not gonna have a mouth anymore!"

Papyrus cringed and shut his sockets. Just as he prepared for a teeth-shattering punch, he heard a girl shout, "HEY!"

A gasp went through the hall, and Papyrus peeked his eyes open to see who it was. A fish-girl who looked a little older than him was frowning hard at Gio, her yellow eyes burning with anger.

"Only wimps fight people weaker than them," she snapped. She balled her hands into fists and held them up. "If you wanna fight, fight someone tougher than you!"

Gio abruptly let go of Papyrus' shirt. "I-I wasn't gonna fight him. We were...it was just a joke, Undyne!"

"That's a load of crap!" Undyne marched closer to them. She quickly grabbed Papyrus' arm and pulled him behind her as she glared Gio down. "So you listen here, punk. Either you apologize to this kid, or I'm gonna make you wish you stayed home today!"

Gio shrank back, looking meekly between Papyrus and Undyne. Finally, in a tiny voice, he said, "Sorry."

"I couldn't hear that. Say it again!"

"Sorry!"

"You gotta mean it!" Undyne raised her fist threateningly. Gio cringed and held up his arms.

"I'm sorry, Papyrus! I won't bother you again!" he said, sounding as if he was about to cry.

Papyrus glanced between him and Undyne, then said, "That's okay. I forgive you."

Undyne crossed her arms. "And you better never pick on this kid again." She whirled around to look at the other students. "And none of you better bother him, either! I'll suplex anyone who does!"

Every monster in the hallway gave a quiet nod of agreement. Undyne spat, then waved them off.

"Now go on, get to class, you punks!"

Nearly everyone ran to their respective classrooms, and Undyne headed down the hall, back toward the middle school classrooms. She stopped, though, as she heard a loud, "Wowie!"

"Huh?" She turned to see Papyrus staring at her with wide, starry sockets.

"That was amazing! How did you get to be so tough?" he asked as he ran up to her.

"Uh...I was just born that way, you know?" she said, giving him a big grin. She dropped it as she crossed her arms. "And I really, really don't like it when strong people are mean to weaker people. It just...it makes me so angry, I could...NGAH!"

Papyrus jumped as Undyne punched a nearby locker hard enough to dent it. She let out a huff, then turned back to him.

"Look, uh, Papyrus?" He nodded as she got his name right. "If anyone, anyone, bothers you again, tell them you're a friend of Undyne's, okay? Then no one will mess with you." She grinned again. "And if they do, I'll kick their butts so hard their moms will feel it!" She looked up as the bell rang. "Aw, crap, it's time for class." She gave Papyrus a little wave, to which he gave a big one in return.

"Bye, Undyne! You're the toughest!" he called, then ran to class with a huge grin on his face. He couldn't wait to tell Sans about how he made the coolest friend today.

~

"Seriously, Pap, we could've just gotten you a cake."

"This is much better than a cake will ever be!"

Sans and Papyrus stood in front of the recruiting office for the Royal Guard. Papyrus, currently vibrating with excitement, had asked for only one thing for his high school graduation present: he wanted to join the Royal Guard. Sans guessed that he'd gotten the idea from the 12th grade assembly the Royal Guard did at the school every year, and, honestly, he hadn't shut up about it since—even when Sans had casually pushed some leaflets for the University and Puzzle Certification Programs his way. So, really, what could he do?

He shrugged. "Hey, y'know, this is your present. If ya like it, I can't argue."

Papyrus gave a quick nod in agreement, then sent a grin Sans' way. "You know, you could join, too! It might be better than that boring job you have now!"

He just barely caught Sans' grimace before his brother turned it into a grin. "Nah, not my thing. Besides, I couldn't get in; I suffer from corporal tunnel syndrome."

"Sans, you promised no puns today!"

Sans laughed. "Sorry, bro. Sorry. But you know me, I can be a bit of a..." He looked up; Papyrus was glaring at him so hard he was shaking. "I can be a bit forgetful."

Papyrus let out a sigh of relief, then looked back up at the recruiting office. Well, this was it. Now or never. Despite his excitement, a nervous knot formed in his stomach. He glanced over at Sans.

"You...think they'll let me in?"

"Of course. They'll be tripping over themselves to have someone as cool as you join the Royal Guard."

Papyrus nodded. "That's right! And when they accept me, I'll be even more cool!" So, with confidence, Papyrus strode up the stairs to the door. He took one last glance at Sans, who gave him a thumbs up, then stepped inside.

He walked up to the receptionist's desk, holding his head up and throwing one end of his bright red scarf over his shoulder.

"Hello! I, Papyrus, would like to join the Royal Guard!"

The receptionist, a wizened fish monster, gave him a smile. "Of course, dear. Just fill out this form." She handed him a clipboard and pen.

"I will! I'll fill it out amazingly!" He quickly took the clipboard and sat in one of the seats. He filled in his information so quickly that his pen was almost smoking; in less than five minutes, he was back at the receptionist's desk.

"I have filled out the form!"

"Well, aren't you quick? The captain will call you in when she's ready."

"Then I will wait!"

He returned to his seat, sitting up very straight and still. Minutes ticked by. Periodically, he'd hear a name shouted from behind the door, and a monster would quickly shuffle in. Shortly after, they'd shuffle out; some looked excited, some looked defeated—one gingerbread monster came running out crying after thirty seconds. But Papyrus was patient. He'd get his chance, and he was sure he'd be accepted.

Finally, after what felt like ages, he heard a harsh voice shout, "Garalde!"

"That's me!" He nearly stumbled over his feet as he got up, and, with no real recollection of getting from point A to point B, he was in the Captain of the Guard's office.

He hugged himself excitedly as he saw her. To think, he was in the same room with Undyne. CAPTAIN UNDYNE!!! The youngest ever Captain of the Guard!!!!

She tossed back her ponytail and scowled at him, narrowing her one eye. "You gonna just stand there or you gonna sit, punk? I haven't got all day."

"Sitting!" Papyrus quickly dropped in the seat across from her. She rolled her eye, then pulled up her feet to rest on her desk as she looked at his paperwork.

"Papyrus, huh? How old are you?"

"Seventeen!"

"You know you gotta be eighteen to be in the Royal Guard, right?"

"A-actually, you have to be eighteen by the time you're done with basic training! Which I would be! Because I turn eighteen in two months and basic lasts six!"

Undyne arched her eyebrow at him. "Well, aren't you a nerd? Still, kinda like your enthusiasm." She turned back to look at his paperwork.

He fidgeted as she flipped through the pages. She seemed to be taking her time; maybe she could only read half as fast with one eye? But the tension was killing him. Finally, he blurted, "We went to school together! I mean, you still had two eyes then. B-but even so—"

She looked up at him, then frowned. "Everyone went to school together. There's only one school."

"I-I mean, I met you at school! You..." His sockets were bright as he sat up. "You stopped the other kids from bullying me!"

Undyne's eyebrow furrowed, then she snorted. "You and about eighty other kids. Can't remember all of ya." She brought her legs down and held up Papyrus' papers. "Okay, this stuff? This is crap." She tossed them into the trash can. "It means nothing. I need to see that you've got what it takes to join the Royal Guard. And you, Papyrus?"

He leaned forward, sockets wide.

"You definitely don't." She leaned back again, resting her hands behind her head. "Now get out of my office, punk."

Papyrus' shoulders sank. "U-um, is that...is that your way of saying 'Welcome to the Royal Guard'?"

Undyne opened her eye. "No?? It means get out of my office or I'll throw you out."

Papyrus didn't move.

"I was serious, you know.'

Papyrus continued not moving. After a moment, Undyne huffed and stood up. She walked over to Papyrus, who was still trying to rationalize that he'd been rejected, and easily picked him up out of the chair. She kicked open her office's door and literally threw him out hard enough for him to go straight through the window.

Sans, who'd been waiting outside with a "Congratulations" balloon, jumped as he heard the crash of glass. He hurried over to the window, where he saw Papyrus stuck, head-first, in the little flower garden outside.

"So, uh...take it you got in?"

After a bit of effort, Papyrus got his head unstuck. He fell back into the dirt with a sigh. "She said 'no.'"

Sans' sockets widened, and he let go of the balloon to crouch beside his brother. "Aw, it'll be okay, Pap. I know you must be disappointed, but believe me, this isn't the end of the world. You'll prove..." He fell back as Papyrus abruptly sat up, slapping his fist into his palm.

"That's it! I need to prove myself!" Papyrus looked up, sockets bright. "A paper doesn't mean anything; I need to show Undyne that I'm a perfect fit for the Royal Guard!" He hopped to his feet and, with a bright "NYEH-HEH-HEH!", ran off to figure out the perfect way to impress Undyne.

~

"Okay, but really, Pap. There's still time for you to apply to the University. Or you could be a puzzle-worker, like Dad was! You used to love—"

"Sans, please! I am trying to think! And put your mask back on!"

Sans sighed, but he did indeed pull on the paper plate mask with an angry face. It'd been a week since Papyrus had been rejected by the Royal Guard, and he'd been holed up in his room figuring out the perfect way to impress Undyne with his human-hunting ability.

Obviously, the answer was to capture a human!

But, unfortunately, it didn't seem like a human would conveniently fall in the next few days, so he had to improvise. Sans had...well, he hadn't volunteered, exactly, but he hadn't said no when Papyrus asked. So here he stood, with Papyrus' near-perfect human mask as well as a shirt that had "HUMAN" written in big, black letters (just in case the mask wasn't obvious enough.)

Papyrus took Sans' arm to check his watch. It was nearly ten...Undyne would be coming through Waterfall any moment now, and he could put his plan into action. He moved Sans to his place.

"Now, brother, remember the plan. When I say 'Oh, Undyne, fancy seeing you here!', you come out from behind the rock. Then I will say my line, and you will take exactly three steps forward, springing the trap. Are we clear?"

"Actually, we're opaque."

"Sans, would you—" He stopped with a gasp as he heard the clanging of armor. "That's her! Remember the plan!"

Papyrus quickly stepped out as Undyne came through the area. "Aha!" he cried.

Wait. That wasn't the right line.

"Huh? Oh, it's you." Undyne pulled off her helmet with a frown. "Any reason why you're standing in my way?"

"Uh..." What was his line? He wasn't ready for this kind of pressure. "Undyne, I...uh...there's a..."

"Fancy seeing you here," Sans whispered from behind the rock.

"Oh! Undyne! Fancy seeing you here!" Papyrus said, hands on his hips. Nailed it.

She stared at him. "This...is the only way to my house. Look, if you'd just—" She frowned and leaned around Papyrus. "What the hell is that?"

Papyrus turned, then feigned a loud gasp of shock as Sans took slow, hesitant steps out from behind the rock. He raised his arms.

"Ahhhhh. I'm a human. Ahh," Sans said, wiggling his arms in the air.

He could have been a little more passionate, honestly. And, now that Papyrus thought about it, cutting holes in the mask might have also been a good idea; then, the attack would have directed at him and Undyne rather than two feet to their left. Well, nevermind. He could work with this.

He threw an arm out in front of Undyne with another loud gasp. "Look! A human! But never fear, Undyne! I, Papyrus Garalde, have thought to set up a trap which will leave the human completely japed!" He turned back to Sans. "Human! I will fight you!"

"Ahh, I'm a human."

"Human, please turn slightly to your right!"

"What? Oh, sorry." Sans turned slightly, then raised his arms again as he took two steps forward. On the third step, though, his foot caught on a tangle of sea grass, and he fell forward, face-planting into the dirt before he could stop himself.

"What? No! Sans, that wasn't in the plan!" Papyrus' hands went to his skull, and he looked up at Undyne. "I-I mean, this was exactly my plan, human! Now, behold your doom!" He pulled a little remote from his pocket, looking up at the cage he'd attached to the roof of the cave. He hit the button on the remote.

Nothing happened.

He hit it again.

Still nothing.

"I will catch this human! Just..." Papyrus scowled as he walked forward, still hitting the button. "I just...this worked when I tested it!" He slammed his fist on the button a few times.

Meanwhile, Sans sat up and pushed the mask back, coughing up a bit of dirt. He looked up at Papyrus, and then up more as he heard the creak of straining ropes. His sockets widened as he saw a few strands start to unravel. And when it fell, Papyrus would be right in the way.

"Papyrus, you gotta..."

"Sans, what did I say about breaking character?"

"No, but—" His eye glowed blue as he heard the snap of the rope, and he quickly grabbed Papyrus' soul and heaved him off to the side. As he hit the cave's wall with a yelp, the cage came crashing down in a spectacular, certainly-would-have-been-deadly-if-you-were-beneath-it heap.

Sans panted, still reeling from the fact that Papyrus absolutely could have died. Papyrus groaned, already aching from the manhandling. And Undyne stared at the scene with wide eye.

Papyrus sat up, rubbing his skull. "Sans, look what you've done!" he snapped. "Now we can't—"

A loud snort cut him off, and Undyne burst out laughing. Papyrus and Sans both stared as she clutched her stomach, then sank to her knees. She pounded the ground as she continued laughing, tears seeping out from under her eyepatch.

"OH MY GOD! Tha-that was...that was the FUNNIEST DAMN THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!"

Papyrus perked up. "Does that mean I'm in the Royal Guard?"

"Wha-what?" Undyne looked up with another snort. She shook her head with a huge grin, wiping her eyes. "No, god no. Definitely not." She laughed for a bit more, then let out a giggly sigh as she finally stood up. "But thanks for the laughs, dude."

Still shaking her head and chuckling, she made her way past the wreckage to continue her route. Papyrus' face fell, and he let out an irritated groan as he fell back to lay on the ground. Sans pulled off the mask, then crawled over to his brother.

"Pap?"

"That should have worked. It was a foolproof simulation!"

Sans sighed, then laid down as well, setting his skull beside Papyrus'. "Look, buddo. You gave it your best shot." He looked over at his brother. "Maybe you could take some time and do something else for a bit."

"But I don't want to do anything else!" Papyrus looked at his brother with wide sockets. "How else will I be able to be popular?"

"Bro, there's more to life than being popular."

"That's easy for you to say. People like you." He sighed, looking back up at the crystal-flecked ceiling. "If I can find a way to work with Undyne, maybe I'll be as cool as she is. And then maybe I can finally have some real friends."

Sans sighed. "Look, Pap, I don't want to discourage you. But sometimes you have to do things that you never really wanted to do in order to get the things you want. And..."

While Papyrus normally tried to listen whenever Sans got serious, he couldn't focus right now. He had to find a way to join the Royal Guard. He'd go crazy if he didn't. After all, Undyne had helped him all those years ago, and if he wanted to be even remotely as tough and cool as she was, this was the only option. So he'd find a way to do it. Even if it took ages, even if it took all the work in the world.

The thought of being able to work with Undyne to protect the innocent and weak, it filled him with...

...really, really wanting to be part of the Royal Guard!

"Like, I never thought my life would...Pap? Pap, are you listening?" Sans propped himself up on his arm as Papyrus sat up.

"I need to go." He abruptly hopped up to his feet. "I'll meet you at home, brother!" he called over his shoulder as he ran off.

~

It took a couple hours of searching, but Papyrus finally found what had to be Undyne's house. After all, it looked like an angry fish; who else's house could it have been, Shyren's?

Papyrus took a deep breath, then knocked on the door. Nothing. He knocked again. He heard several loud swears on the other side of the door, which then opened, revealing a tired-looking Undyne in pajamas and a matching eyepatch.

"Who the hell—ah! You again!?"

"I want to join the Royal Guard!"

"It's midnight, no!" She started to close the door, but Papyrus quickly pushed back.

"Please let me into the Royal Guard!"

"Why are you asking me right now!?"

"Because I want to join the Royal Guard!"

"All that you're looking at is a Royal Spear in your face!" Undyne snapped. "Now get out of here! NGAH!!"

With a shout, she slammed the door shut. Papyrus stumbled back, then set his jaw and stood up straight. "I'm not leaving until you let me join the Royal Guard!" he shouted through the door. He crossed his arms and stood stock-still. She'd break eventually, he was sure of it.

~

It was around six hours later when the lights in the house finally went on. True to his word, Papyrus was planted in the exact same spot—arms crossed, sockets forward, and ready to confront Undyne about his future in the Royal Guard.

He did, however, look up as he heard a window open.

"Oh my god!? You're still here?" Undyne cried as she stuck her head out. Papyrus nodded.

"I told you, I'm not moving until you let me join the Royal Guard!"

"Don't you sleep?"

"Will that get me into the Royal Guard?"

"OH MY GOD." She shut the window, and Papyrus resumed staring straight ahead. After a few minutes, the front door opened. He perked up as Undyne walked out. She looked him over for a moment, then held her head in her hand with a sigh.

"Papyrus, right?"

"Yes, that's me!"

"Look...I'm still not sold on you joining the Royal Guard." She huffed and crossed her arms, falling silent for a moment. Finally, her yellow eye focused on him. "But...I like your passion. So I'll tell you what: show me your special attack."

Papyrus blinked. "My what?"

Undyne frowned. "Your...special attack? Y'know, your signature move?" At Papyrus' blank look, she exclaimed, "You don't have a special attack!?"

"No, I do! I have a really cool special attack! But...it needs...updating. Because I have learned several cool new moves since developing this cool special attack."

Undyne snorted. "Okay, y'know what? When you, uh, update that special attack, come back here and show me, and maybe I'll let you into the Royal Guard."

Papyrus' sockets widened. "Maybe?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe is almost a yes!" Papyrus stood at attention, giving Undyne a salute. "Don't worry, Undyne! I won't let you down! I'll have the coolest special attack you've ever seen!"

~

It took ages to get Sans to help him with the special attack. He knew that he worked a lot, and he respected that. But he just kept promising like he always did, without doing anything. And things only got worse once he started...well, whatever it was he was doing with the Royal Scientist. He was rarely home now, and when he was home, his nasal cavity was always stuck in notes and textbooks.

But finally, finally, they got to work. Sans showed Papyrus his own special attack ("Wowie! With a special attack like that, you should be in the Royal Guard!" "Aw, you're just saying that." "But really, Sans, why aren't you? You're a good fighter, and—" "Hey, ya wanna learn how to make bones float?" "YES!!!"), and he'd instructed Papyrus as to how to use different combinations of attacks to make his special attack...well, special.

After a few weeks, Papyrus developed an amazing special attack. Even Sans was impressed with it. It was powerful. It was deadly. It was perfect. He called Undyne up and asked when he could come over to show her, then spent the rest of the week buzzing in anticipation. Oh, she would be so impressed.

So it hurt that much more when he trudged to Undyne's house, utterly defeated. Undyne opened her door before he could even reach it, smiling at him.

"Hey, punk. You got that special attack to show me?" she asked, leaning in the doorway.

Papyrus looked off to the side and swallowed. "Um...well...not exactly." He looked up at her, browbone creased. "We...have a dog problem at our house."

"...and?"

"And...and some annoying, little white dog ate my Special Attack!"

Undyne stared at him. "Is that...a thing?"

"Yes! It's very much a thing!" Papyrus curled his hands into fists as he looked up at Undyne with wide sockets. "But! I do still have a really cool normal attack! So...so I can show you that!"

Undyne looked up at him. After a moment, a small, pointy smile escaped her. "You know what? Sure. Let's see your cool normal attack." She walked out and pointed to a dummy in her front yard. "There's your target. Go nuts."

Papyrus nodded, then sucked in a breath and focused. He summoned his magic, and he used ever technique he'd learned to create the longest, most intricate attack he'd ever done. There was blue magic and bones of every size; he managed to hold up a few bones to spell "Please Let Papyrus Into The Royal Guarld—Guard!" Every trick Sans had taught him, he put into the attack, until finally he couldn't put forth anymore.

He sagged forward, wiping a bit of sweat from his brow, then looked up at Undyne.

"S-so? Was that...was that worth a maybe?" he panted, giving her a hopeful smile.

Undyne's eye was wide, and she crossed her arms. "Uh, that was...honestly? That really was kinda rad..."

Papyrus stood up straight. "So that's a yes?"

"...but you didn't hit the Dummy once."

"Why would I hit the Dummy?"

"Why would you—?" Undyne stared up at him. He stared back. After a long stare off, she finally shook her head with a little smile. "You're kind of a weird guy, Papyrus." Suddenly, she gave him a big grin. "But y'know what? I like the cut of your jib."

Papyrus frowned, then looked down at his clothes. "Well, I'm glad you like my jib, but is that related to the Royal Guard?" He looked up at her. "Do I need a jib to get in?"

"No, I...I like your enthusiasm."

"But what about my jib? Do you want one like it? I could find you one!"

"Oh my god!?"

"I could even get more jibs! I just have to find out what it is..."

"Forget about the jibs!" Undyne set her hands on her hips. "Listen. You're not ready for the Royal Guard yet. You're not even ready for basic. But I'm personally gonna see that you get the training you need. So from now on, you come here every day for Warrior Training."

Somehow, Papyrus' sockets managed to sparkle. "Warrior training?! With you?!"

Undyne nodded. "And you'd better take it seriously, all right, punk?"

"I will!" Before Undyne could stop it, Papyrus ran up to give her a spine-poppingly strong hug. "Thank you, Undyne! Thank you so much!!"

Undyne pushed him off. "Hey, none of that! Guards don't hug their Captain!"

Papyrus blinked, then stood at attention. "Of course, ma'am! No more hugging!"

Undyne looked him over, then shook her head with a smile. "Aw, go on, get out of here. I need to get ready for my patrol."

"Patrolling?! Can I patrol?"

Undyne thought for a moment. "Uh...y'know what? Sure. Tomorrow, you can go to the Wishing..." A strange look crossed her face. "Actually, no. Don't go to Waterfall at all."

"What? But Waterfall is..."

"Rule number 1 of Warrior Training, don't question your boss!"

"Yes, boss! I will stay away from Waterfall!"

"Just...why don't you patrol Snowdin, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am! I will make sure Snowdin is extra safe!" He grinned brightly at Undyne. "And if I find a human, consider it already caught!"

~

Undyne had a problem.

The thing was...Papyrus was actually really strong. And his stamina was like nothing she'd ever seen. Add into that his insane amount of passion, and he was the ideal soldier. She'd honestly be worried for whatever poor sap had to fight him, except...

He didn't have a mean bone in his body.

Seriously, the guy was a bigger softie than Asgore, which was saying something. In all of their sparring, he took care not to hurt her. Or the dummy. Or his bone attacks, if he could help it; on occasion, he'd gather those up and tell them that they'd done a really good job. She couldn't even imagine what he'd be like in a real battle.

Well, she could, but it involved him being ripped apart and having his dust scattered every which way.

And, after getting to know him, that thought made her absolutely sick—and not in the cool, hurling-into-basketball-hoops way, either. So she couldn't, in good conscience, let him into the Royal Guard. Recently, she'd been using their training time to teach him how to cook, using some bullshit reasoning of how Royal Guards needed to know about nutrition and how to eat in order to regain magic faster. He'd bought it, which was great, but he was still dead-set on actually being a guard.

And it was really freakin' hard to say no to Papyrus when he looked at her with those stupid puppy-dog eyes. (How did he even do that without EYES!?!?)

So she came up with a compromise.

"Listen up, punk!" she said the moment he arrived for their training. "I've got something important for you."

Papyrus perked up. "Are we done punching tomatoes? That's been fun, but I'd like to learn about noodles, too."

"We're never done punching tomatoes. But that's not what I'm giving you." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a little badge. "Starting today, Papyrus, you're officially a sentry in Snowdin."

Papyrus' sockets went wide, and he stared down at the badge. And he...didn't move.

"Papyrus? Did you hear me?"

He still didn't move. She waved the badge.

"You can take the badge."

He still didn't move. Oh, crap, she broke him.

"Do I need to call a doctor or so—hurk!" Before she knew it, she was grabbed in a spine-crunching hug.

"ThankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!!!" Papyrus bounced as he let her go and took the badge. He let out a little laugh as he looked it over. "Wowie...I'm an official sentry..." His excitement ebbed after a moment, and he looked up at Undyne. "Um...this is...can I ask something?"

"It only comes in purple."

"No, that's not it. Could I...put in a request for a second sentry? A co-patroller?"

"What?" Undyne frowned. Well, she had let the Dogi patrol together. "Sure. Got anyone in mind?"

"My brother, Sans."

"Who?"

"He was the one who was dressed as the human when I made that very cool trap!"

Undyne shook her head. "Look, I don't even know who this guy is. Why should I let him in?"

"Well..." Papyrus tugged on his scarf awkwardly. "He's...he's very strong! But he's...lazy. And I think being a sentry will be a good influence on him!"

"This isn't a freakin' charity! Why the hell would I want lazy people to be part of my crew!?"

Papyrus grimaced. "It's...it's not just that," he admitted. "Something...happened at one of his jobs—he used to work two, but now he only works one. And he won't tell me what. So he just...lays on the couch and stares at the ceiling. For hours, sometimes! And I'm worried...I'm worried that he misses his second job, so getting another job may help snap him out of it!"

Undyne's brow furrowed, and she deliberated for a long while. While being a sentry in Snowdin was just about the safest job you could get, it was still one that was pretty heavily sought out. Was it really fair to give it away to someone just because their brother asked them to? She looked up at Papyrus, who looked at her expectantly.

She sighed. Well, she was the boss. Aw, screw it, she could do as she wanted.

"Sure, he can be an unofficial sentry," she said, waving her hand. Papyrus immediately perked up.

"Thank you, Undyne! We'll both make you proud!"

"I know you will. He'd better, or I'll deal with him personally." She set her hands on her hips, watching Papyrus attach the badge to his sweater. "Hey...how about instead of training today, we just...hang out?"

"Hang out?" Papyrus' head shot up, and Undyne rolled her eye.

"Do I have to explain what hanging out means?"

"No! No, I just..." Papyrus blinked a few times, then let out a bright grin as he pressed his hands to his cheekbones. "I can't believe that Undyne wants to hang out with me! No one wants to hang out with me!" He froze, then abruptly cleared his throat and played it cool. "I...tend to intimidate most people."

Undyne snorted, then leaned against the house and crossed her arms. Her brow furrowed as she thought for a long moment. "You said we went to school together, Papyrus?"

"What? Oh, yeah! When you had two eyes!"

She nodded, looking down. "I remember you. You were a tiny little guy." She shook her head with a little laugh. "I was about ready to rip off that kid's head for picking on you. That was where I really decided I wanted to become strong. I wanted to help all the monsters who couldn't defend themselves, and then...I wanted to find a way to help break the barrier. So I could help in the biggest way I could." She gave Papyrus a big smile. "Who'd've thought a little dork would be a big part in making me who I am now?"

Suddenly, she lunged forward and grabbed Papyrus' head. "But enough of this sappy crap! Let's hang out, nerd! We can break some boulders!" she cried, giving him a noogie.

"PLEASE DO NOT NOOGIE THE SKELETON!"

"NO! You know what we should do? Competitive upchucking! Whoever can throw up with the most precision wins!"

"I AM DEEPLY REGRETTING THIS FRIENDSHIP DECISION."