Its been two months since I've talk to her. I couldn't talk to her. It wasn't to hurt her. It was to stop myself from hurting her more. I was doing nothing but digging myself a deeper hole. I love her, god knows I always will but I guess it's really over. She slept with someone else. I know I got oral from Lisa but that wasn't intentional. That whole night makes me sick. It happened so fast. Lisa has been trying to be with me since the tour started and I kept telling her no, I love my wife. She literally pushed me onto my bed and pulled my pants down and just went at it. I was so shocked, I didn't even know what was going on. I was her one and only.... and now I'm not and it's ripping me apart. I didnt let her explain cause I can't handle hearing about it.

The night my mom told me I was acting like my father really got to me. I am not my father. I have to do better. A lot better. I've been having an over the phone session with a therapist to help me. She made me write list of what is right and wrong with myself and Amber and my list was far too long. I knew I wasn't exactly the best person but I never realized how bad of a person I am. It's killing me. I can't look at myself, I tore my marriage apart, I've hit my wife multiple times...... I don't deserve my family, I don't this life.

I sit on my bed having a panic attack, I'm losing everything. This has been happening almost every night. I grabbed my phone and started texting Dre, "Do you hate me?" I asked. I set my phone down,rubbing my hands down my face, how do you fix a person as fucked up as me. Amber has tried for years, I thought I was better but here I am, still the piece of shit I was 15 years ago. My phone went off, she texted back, "I couldn't even if I tried cause I have tried." She said. Its awful how a person like Amber could love someone like me. When everyone had given up on me, she was there. She always believed in me.... till now. I have no one....

I sipped on my bottle of vodka as I look out the window of the penthouse I was staying in. I felt my phone vibrate, "Hello?" I answered unwillingly. "Daddy?" I heard Harmonys sweet voice call back.  I smiled lightly. "Hey princess." "What you doing daddy?" She answer.  "It almost midnight babygirl. Why are you up?" I asked concerned. "I don't feel good." She said sad. "What doesn't feel good?" "My tummy." She said as she started crying. "Where's your mom?" I asked.  "Sleeping. I don't wanna wake her." She cried.  I sighed..  "I'll wake her up babygirl. I can't do anything from here." "Okay daddy. I love you." She sniffled. "Love You more." I said hanging up. I hung my head, knowing I had to talk to Amber. I dialed her number,  after 3 rings she answered.  "Mmm hello?" She answered. A lump formed in my throat, "hello?" She said again. "Um Harmony just called me." I said.  "Michael? " she questioned. "Yeah." I said with my eyes closed trying to get through this.  "Why did she call you?" She yawned.  "Her tummy hurts." "Oh, why didn't she get me?" She asked. "She didn't wanna wake you." Then it was silent. "Oh I hear her crying." She said getting out of bed. She took the phone with her, I heard harmonys crying getting louder. "Oh my God! She threw up!"  She gasped. "Okay I gotta go." She sighed. "Okay....bye." I said hanging up. I gripped the phone, hating I'm not there to help. We are finally in the states, but I'm all the way in Miami. I heard my door open, I looked back to see Lisa. I turned back around,  taking a big swig of my vodak. I gotta be drunk  to deal with her.  I felt her hands rub my chest. "I'll be in your room." She stated then walking away. I took another big swig then followed. She laid on my bed, my hands were still shaking. "Still having panic attacks?" She asked. I nodded running my hands through my hair. "What did you do with those pills I gave you?" She asked. "They're  right here." I said pointing to my night stand. "Take them. They'll help." she said. I took them in my hand, and went into the bathroom. I throw my head back, throwing the pills in my mouth. I'm gonna have to be really fucked up, to fuck her again. I feel disgusting even touching her. I swallowed the pills and stood there for a good 5 minutes. I walked out, back to my room taking my vodka bottle, chugging it. I don't even taste it anymore. I looked over to Lisa as she was trying to be "sexy"....  "mikey...." she whined. I rolled my eyes, I had my phone looking at pictures of Amber. "What are you- ugh! WHY! She left you! She fucked someone else! She doesn't want you, I do!" she shouted. This is how she got me to sleep with her the first time, shouting at me how much Amber hates me. I closed my eyes, everything was getting blurry and distraught. I pushed her aside, walking out the room but only to find my whole body smacking down onto the floor and everything went black.

AMBERS POV

I just got Harm cleaned up. I had her in my bed. I stroked her hair , trying to get her to sleep. It was nice hearing Michaels voice. I miss it. He didn't sound okay over the phone, something is definitely wrong but he wants nothing to do with me, and it makes me sick. Like legitmently sick, I've thrown up from the thought of it.

It's 3am and my phone start ringing again, I am not sleeping tonight am I? I looked at my phone and it was Frank, that's strange... " Hey Frank," I answered tired. "Michael is in the hospital." He said in a panic. My body stiffened. "Wait what? I just talked to him at midnight." I said confused. "This just happened, I can't give you information over the phone. There's a private jet waiting for you and his mother. We need you both here now. I called Ashley and she is on her way. It's bad." He said. "Okay. Do I need to bring anything?" I asked trying to keep myself together. "No, we just need you, we know he's gonna want you. Just get here soon. I'll meet you at the airport to pick you up. Paul is out side waiting for you." He said hanging up. He had everything ready, this serious. I started packing a bag as fast as possible, Ashley came in the room, "is he okay?" She asked panicked also. I shrugged. "They won't tell me anything." I said wipping my tears. The two older ones woke up, "Mom, what are you doing?" Ben yawned, as Aubrey looked worried. I'm not gonna lie to them. I took a deep breath and sat them on the floor next to me. "Something is wrong with daddy. He's in the hospital in Miami. I have to go be there for daddy. I don't know what's going on, I will call you guys as soon as I find out." I told them.  Aubrey automatically starts crying, and begging to come with me. "Honey, I've gotta go. I can't take you with me but I'm gonna bring daddy home." I told her kissing her head and grabbing my bag to leave.

Katherine and I sat on the plane in silence, well of course besides my throwing up from being so worried. "At least the paps haven't gotten word yet." Kate said. I nodded, "I'm bringing him home. He's done with this tour." I stated. "I think that's a good idea." She agreed. I was shaking, luckily the flight was only 5 hours long. We got there at the break of Dawn and the paps were everywhere. I put big sunglasses on and were escorted off.

We got into the SUV and as Frank said, he was in the SUV. "What is going on?" I asked worried as hell. He took a deep breath, "I've been meaning to call you, to get you down here. He's not been himself for the passed couple months and has been drinking a lot. They won't tell me what going on, all I know is he passed out, he was walking out his room and just collapsed and he had been drinking a lot." He said. Tears flooded my face. "I don't know if he's depressed or what but he's hasn't been well for a while." He admitted. I covered my face crying.

We got to the hospital which was swormed by paps. We eventually got in the hospital. We were rushed to his room which was surrounded by body guards. "Hello Mrs. Jackson." Bill said. "Bill." I cried hugging him. Frank was the only one allowed in the room with Michael so there was a group of people outside, which included Lisa...
"Everyone back! Now! Only his wife and his mother are allowed in!" Frank shouted mad. "That's not fair!" Lisa shouted. I will choke this bitch. "You have fucked up a lot of stuff since you came into his life, your lucky you still have a job. Me, his WIFE and his mother are making the calls and Amber is the head of the group that makes the calls. And I know she doesn't want you in there." He said mad as hell. He looked to me to see what I had to say. "Family only." I said as we got to the door. Frank let us in and once my eyes landed on him, I broke down. "My baby." I cried. Katherine was sobbing too. He had machines of all types connected to him. He had a breathing tube and needles all in him. I sat next to him on the bed, facing him. I gently brushed his curls out of his face, Katherine got on the other side and kissed his head. The doctor came in, we both stood up quickly. "Hi, Mrs. Jackson. I'm doctor Davis." He said shaking our hands. "What happened?" Kate asked. He took a deep breath. "He mixed alcohol and pain killers." He said. "He's lucky to be alive, he mixed a large amount of oxycodone and alcohol which is usually deadly. Whoever found him, he is lucky they did when they did cause he wouldn't of made it another 20 minutes." He said. I was just sobbing, "how did he get Oxy?!" I freaked out. "That is what we need to find out...  Whoever gave it to him, nearly killed him." He said
"So what going to happen to him?" kate asked. "We got him stabilized. His heart stopped for about 1 minute, not long enough to cause brain damage. We're gonna take his breathing tube out, he's breathing on his own and that's a very good sign. But we do not know the damage till and.... if he wakes up." I covered my mouth trying to control my sobs, nodding. "We usually don't let people watch us take out the breathing tubes, it can be difficult to watch." He said. We nodded, making our way out.

Once I was out in the hall, tom, Frank and some other surrounded me about decisions that need to be made. They all were talking at once, I couldn't handle it. "Stop!" I shouted. Everyone was quiet. Everyone in the hall stopped and looked at me. All his crew members and everything. "The tour is over. I'm bring him home. It's done." I said calmly. Tom got close to me, "what about the divorce." He whispered while holding the papers. "Yeah, they're  getting divorce.  She shouldn't be making any calls or demands! She can't end the tour!" Lisa shouted. I grabbed the paper and got in Lisa face, ripping our agreement papers. "The divorce is off. I'm his wife and you're nothing but a side bitch still. Keep running your mouth and your ass is getting thrown out." I threatened. That shut her up. "The tour is over. Everyone is to go home besides family & frank. If you need anything Tom, you can stay."I said. Frank wrapped his arm around. "I think the tour is over guys. It's time to let him be with his family. Go home." He said. Everyone left and the doctors were finished pulling his breathing tube.
Katherine and I sat at each side of his bed. I kissed his forehead holding his cheeks, "what were you thinking baby.... we've got babies."I cried. "This isn't Michael...." Katherine said. I nodded agreeing. I sat in a chair by his bed, holding his hand. Resting my head on his bed. Then my phone rang. "Hey babygirl." I said. "Is daddy okay?" Aubrey asked. "Daddy is okay. He is asleep right now." I said.  We talked for a bit then  I told Ashley they can stay home from school today but that's it. I still am not feeling well and of course when the doctor came in I was throwing up in the trash can. "You okay?" He asked. "She's been throwing up all day." Kate said. "Let me run some test, so we can get you feeling better." He offered. I nodded. He gave me a cup to pee in and a blood sample.

He was just check Michael vitals and what not. "Talking to him may help him wake up faster." He recommended. We talked to Michael for a while, but we need sleep. Frank took Kate to her hotel and I stayed with Michael. I rested my head on his bed still holding his hand. I kissed his hand, "please wake up. I love you." I said.