Authors note: Guys.... lol. This book has plenty more chapters coming so please be patient. I'm not gonna spoil it but please trust me, but I love how much you guys care though. Makes my heart happy. Truly. You guys are so loyal. But I'm working a full time job and have family issues and currently going through a rough patch so please be patient with my updates. Motivation is hard to find right now.

I've been texting Joe for 3 weeks. This is so weird to me, I mean I've been with Michael since I was 19, I've only been with Michael. Talking to another man makes me wanna vomit, it doesn't feel right but this is just to get my mind away from Michael and in the thought of moving on. I'm finally letting Joe take me out and I'm nervous.

"Do I look okay?" I asked Jennifer. "You look hot. Joe won't be able to keep his hands off you." She said. I took a deep breath looking at myself. "I know this is hard, and you don't have to do it." She said. "I... I wanna do it." I said still not confident. "No matter when you date after this divorce it's not gonna feel right." She said. "I know...." I said.

I walked in a nice restaurant and searched for Joe. I spotted him as he walked over and grabbed my hand gently leading me to our table. "Hey." I said shyly. "Hi. You look amazing." He said genuinely appreciating my looks. It warmed my heart. "Thank you. You look handsome." I smiled as we sat down.

"I feel like I know you but I really don't. Why haven't I ever seen you before?" He giggled. I took a deep breath, "Well I'm not from her but I moved here with my soon to be ex husband." I said finally revealing my divorce to him. "So you're getting divorced?" He asked surprised. I nodded shamefully. "And he's just letting you go? Wow." He said amazed. "No, he faught against it for a while and still is against it. But it's for the best." I said. He nodded, "divorces are hard. I remember my divorce a couple years ago got ugly. Hopefully yours won't end up like mine." He said leaning back. "We won't let it get ugly, were keeping it civil for the kids. We agreed to keep it smooth and civil, were going through his lawyer and that's it." I said. "You think that's a good idea? He could screw you over pretty fast like that." Joe said. "I would go into detail but I really cant. We've already set up an agreement and everything cause if I go another way he gets screwed and then the divorce will get ugly." I giggled nervous. "Did he tell you that?" He asked. "No no no, I went to other lawyers and it was a mess. This is the best way for us. But anyways what happen with your divorce?" I asked. "Fell out of love, she started cheating, I started drinking. It got toxic, never violent but just got ugly and then I filed for divorce and it got uglier. I got weekends with my son's and she didn't want me to have them at all." He said rolling his eyes. "Oh wow. I could never do that to Michael." I said. "Good. It isn't fun throwing kids back & forth." He commented.  "So you have 2 boys?"I asked smiling.  He nodded, " 13 & 15." He giggled sipping his water,  "your kids seem nice. The little one is fiesty." He laughed making me laugh.  We spent the whole night laughing and talking. It was nice,  I couldn't tell you the last time Michael & I connected like this besides having sex. He walked me to my car,  "So does this mean I can take you on a second date?" He asked shyly. I smiled looking at the ground slightly embarrassed. "If you don't,  it's okay.  I know dating after being married is hard." He said.  "No no, I'd love to go on a second date." I giggled. "Great." He smiled. He hugged me and left a kiss on my cheek, & "Call me & we can set something up. I had a good time.  Have a good night."  He said then helping me into my car.

I laid in my bed just thinking about the date. I had fun but in my heart it didn't feel right but it's gonna feel like that no matter what though, right? My thoughts were interrupted by my phone. It was a text from Michael. It said "I know I fuck up a lot but I will always love you and you'll always be my wife." He said. He's been doing this since we got into that fight and he told me I'm the reason why he cheated. I usually don't text him back but tonight I will.
"Nothing you say will fix this. So just stop." I told him.
"I'll never stop." He replied.
"Your just wasting your time. Go to sleep."
"I can't sleep, i cant stop thinking about you."
"Good." I replied.
"How?"
"Now your suffering the way you made me suffer." I texted.
"When I left you, you were mad I didn't want to work through it, now your doing the exact something. Leaving. Not wanting to work through it." Oh the fuck he didn't. I hit the call button, he answered quickly, before he could even speak I lost it,
"Don't you dare compare this to when you left me! You got up and left me! Just left! You didn't try at all. I tried! I fucking tried Michael but you were too blind by your side bitch to notice. You didn't want our marriage, I did but you never fucking change, so I'm fucking done! Done!" I hollered crying. "I'm changing." He stated. "No. You still got that bitch on your tour, in your fucking hotel rooms, in your room." I said.  "I told you-" I hung up. I don't want his excuses.
He called back but I ignored it. He needs to let it go.

"I feel bad leaving the kids." I admitted. "Amber. You've been there since day 1for those kids. You need some girl tine. We got the kids." Jennifer giggled. "Right. Okay I'm leaving. Thank you." I said Hugging her.

"What movie you wanna watch?" Joe asked as we sat on his couch. "Hmmm. Surprise me." I smiled as he had his arm around me. He turned on a movie and we sat there in silence, both engulfed in the movie. A romantic scene came on and the rooms vibe shifted. I could feel his eyes on me. I finally looked over to him, "You are really beautiful Amber." He whispered holding my face. I blushed hard, "Can I kiss you?" He asked. I thought for a second..... is this okay, fuck it... I nodded. He leaned in kissing me softly. I held his face kissing him back. I can't believe I'm kissing another man. My mind was going crazy, I stuck my tongue in Joe's mouth as the kiss got intense. He pulled me into his lap making me squeal. He kissed my neck as he grinded upward. I wasn't getting as turned on as usual... I felt his erection,  I naturally started grinding on him. He took my shirt off and then carried me to his bed. Before i knew it our clothes were coming off and then it hit me. I'm about to have sex with another man. I was naked under him. I heard the wrapper of the condom rip an he slid it on. I was freaking out. "Hey, I got you. I'll be gentle. I can see your nervous." He said as he held my legs. He slid between my legs and I felt it. This isn't right but I got to get over this though.... right? I felt him push into me. He wasn't as big as Michael so it didn't really hurt. A tear escaped my eye as I was still trying to get through this as he thrusted in and out of me. "Am I hurting you?" He asked. "No..... it's just.... it's been a while?" I said unsure of what to tell him. He smiled softly. He kept going and I completely lost it all, I'm not turned on, I'm not wet or anything and it was getting uncomfortable. I tried to fake my orgasm  to make it end quicker and lucky it worked. He came and collapsed next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and leaving light kisses down my neck. I acted like I was asleep so he'd go to sleep. After what seemed forever I knew Joe was out. I slipped out of bed slowly and got dress. I grabbed my stuff and left. I got in my car and drove home. I felt disgusting, tears spilled from my eyes as I felt this way.

"So what happened?" Jennifer asked as she dropped the kids back off. I couldn't even hid my true expression, "oh no what happened?" She asked worried. I broke down, "I feel so gross." I cried.  "Why?" "I had sex with Joe. I feel like I cheated on Michael. I can't believe I had sex with someone else. I didn't enjoy it. It didn't feel right." I cried. "Hey, it's okay. At least you got out there. It's gonna be hard." She said Hugging me. I shook my head, "I feel so terrible. I don't ever want to see Joe again. I moved too fast. None of this felt right. I just want Michael." I admitted. "I know you do but you know how that ends everytime. You getting hurt." She replied. I nodded, "I know."

For days I felt disgusting. I hated myself a little more than usual. "Mom! Franky is hungry!" Harm shouted from the other room. I groaned in frustration, Franky is a awesome dog but not exactly what I needed added onto my plate right now. I took care of the dog then Michael called.

"Hey," I answered. "Hey. What are you doing?" He asked yawning. "Taking care of Franky. You want to talk to the kids." "No actually I need to talk to you about a couple things, first Tom agreed to do the um... the divorce for us and second Aubrey has been texting me about visiting and I thought I could fly you guys out to Brazil next week." He said. I stayed silent. "Amber." He said. "Only if Ashley comes with us." I said. "Why? It's suppose to be family time." He stated. "Ha. So was last time and you see how that went. I need the help, getting the kids ready and everything. I'm not doing it alone this time." "I'll be there to help." He said. "Either you let me bring Ashley or were not going." I said. I heard him groan in frustration. "Fine." "When do we leave?" I asked. "Sunday night." "Okay, were gonna have separate rooms right." I asked. Yet another groan slipped his mouth, "I guess! Why can't we just stay in mine?" He asked irritated. "Because I don't want to share a room with your girlfriend." I stated. "Why are you so hard headed. I'm not with her." He said. "So we leave Sunday night, with Ashley and we have our own room." I said. "Yeah. Can I talk to my kids now." He said mad.

Joe has been calling me stop for nearly a month. He finally stopped though. I feel so bad but I just can't right now, I'm still trying to get my heart back from Michael. It's been a month and a half since I slept with Joe and I still haven't gotten over it. The whole flight to see Michael I couldnt help but think how was I gonna be able to look him in the eye, knowing I've been with someone else.

We arrived in Brazil and we were exhausted! We were quickly escorted to our room where Michael met us. The kids jumped all over him. "Daddy!" Harmony squealed and of course Aubrey was crying. She loves her daddy. "Awh babygirl, don't cry. I got you." He cooed  holding her. "I missed you daddy!" She cried. It did make me happy it was just us though and not his side chick. He set her down, hugging the other two again. Ashley went ahead and got their beds ready and everything. Michael came over and hugged me. I hugged him back and we stayed that way for a second. "I'm guessing you guys didn't bring Franky?" He giggled. "Hell no!" I laughed. "Alright guys, bedtime. I'll tuck you in." Michael said walking them to their rooms. "Daddy, can I stay with you tonight?" I heard Aubrey asked. "Maybe I can stay with you tonight. Your beds are pretty big." He giggled. "Yeah!" She squealed happy. He tucked them, "I'll be right back." He told them. I stood in my room checking it out, "Do you like it?" He asked. I looked back, and nodded. He shut my door, I still felt like I couldn't look at him. "Are you that disgusted with me you can't even look at me?" He asked hurt. "No." I replied. I'm disgusted with myself. He grabbed my arm, turning me around. He held my waist and I could feel his eyes burning into me. "I missed you.".  He stated. "I missed you too." I said finally looking at him. He pulled me to his body, and hugged me again. I hugged him. I buried my face into his chest. He kissed my head, "What's wrong, something is off." He asked. "I just...you know it's hard without you. I'm exhausted." I lied. "Well, me and Ashley got the kids tomorrow. Sleep in, okay?" He said. I smiled lightly, "Thank you." I kissed his cheek.