I sat on the plane rubbing my neck, it was swore from Michael nearly slamming me into the wall. I haven't stopped crying since last night. They didn't even let me tell the kids bye. My flight left at 5am. I was shaking and crying still and was in physical and emotional pain.

I entered the house, only hearing my foot steps. I went up stairs to Michaels room and just laid in his bed. I know. I wanted the divorce. I still do but before.... knowing Michael still wanted me, it wasn't hard cause we still loved eachother but now.... it's like deja vu from when he left me. I can't believe he put his hands on me.... 

I laid in his bed all day, suddenly I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. And his door opened, "what are you doing home?" Jennifer asked confused. "He sent me home." I sniffled. "He what? Sent you home? Why?" She asked extremely confused. I rolled over facing her. "oh my god, your face! I'm sorry but you look a mess." She said with her huge belly. I nodded. "He talked to Joe." I said softly. She looked at me surpirsed. "He answered my phone and Joe told him everything I guess." I said as a tear slid from my eye. "What happen after that?" She asked scared. I sat up, pulling my shirt down showing her the bruises on my shoulder. "He pinned me against the wall," I said then moving my hair back showing her the bruises on my neck, "he held me by my throat." Jennifer gasped, "then he held me by my hair cause he told me to leave but I said I wasnt leaving without the kids. He held me up by my hair till I agreed to leave without the kids then dropped me on the floor," I said showing her my bruised knees. "You need to file charges!" Jennifer said mad. I shook my head, "I knew I should've never started seeing Joe." I said softly. "You deserve to move on." She stated. "I know but we both knew if he found out which he did, it will make the divorce harder. And it already has. He told me I was disgusting and he was gonna start fucking Lisa now." I cried. She hugged, "wait right here. I gotta make a call." She said. She went into the bathroom but I could hear her clear as day. She called Michael. "No you listen to me Michael! You ever, EVER lay your hands on her again. I will make a report to the police and child services." I heard her. "I'm being serious. I'm done with this. I'm not gonna see her like this anymore cause for some stupid reason she ever loved you and because your 'Michael Jackson' you are not gonna get away with doing this to her. What if someone did this to Aubrey or Harmony? Huh? Exactly. Don't test me asshole." She said then hanging up. She walked out mad as hell. "Babygirl you better stop kicking cause mommas mad." She told her baby.
"Let me feel your baby." I said reaching out to feel her stomach. "I miss being pregnant." I said sad. "Girl it isn't fun." She sighed sitting next to me.

She spent a couple hours with me then went home. I spent the next 3 days just laying in bed, haven't ate, haven't showered.....

I laid in bed, just watching soap operas crying. "Mrs. Jackson. Mr.Jackson is on the phone." One of the maid said. Yes we still have a home phone.  She handed me the phone. "Hello." I answered. "The kids just boarded the plane. Get yourself together cause I swear I even get a phone call from the kids mad at me, I will screw you over in this divorce. I told them your mom was sick so you flew home. And you ever have Jennifer call me again threatening me like that I will not be paying for your new house, you can live with your damn mom." he said mad as hell. "Okay." I said through my tears. "I'll be calling tomorrow to discuss further topics regarding the divorce. Tom is gonna write up our agreement but can't file till were done touring sadly. Then you can whoring around some more." He said unpleased. "Michael... just let me explain-" "explain what? That you knew a guy for a month then fucked him. Sounds pretty easy to me." He said mad. I covered my mouth crying, "okay." I replied. I hung up. 

I got up and showered, I cleaned the house and did my best to make myself look okay. I had to call my mom and tell her that the kids think she is sick and whatever else but I didn't tell her what Michael did to me. I just told her Michael and I weren't getting along so we thought it was best if I left.

"Mom!" Ben hollered hugging me. "Is grandma okay?" He asked. "Yeah she's doing fine." I giggled. The other 2 came running to hug me. "I missed you guys!" I gushed squeezing them. They all ran off as Ashley entered. "Thanks for taking them while I handled stuff here." I said giving her a hug. She gave me a disapproving look, "You need to put more makeup on your neck." She said. I was speechless.  She was about to walk away but I grabbed her arm, "did he have her around the kids?" I asked desperately. "She was there the whole time, and they were all over eachother." She told me. "Infront of the kids?" I asked mad. She nodded, "I don't think the kids noticed." She replied. I grabbed the home phone pissed, damn I wish he wouldn't of broke my phone, I barely know anyone's number. I called his phone, "hello?" Lisa answered, "give the damn phone to Michael whore." I said mad as fuck. "Excuse me?" She said shocked. "GIVE THE FUCKING PHONE TO MICHAEL!" I yelled. "What the hell do you want?!" He freaked out. "Do whatever the fuck you want with Lisa, I don't give a shit anymore but for you to be all over her in front of our kids and our nanny? You are so unprofessional. It's like you want to fuck up our kids! This time was suppose to be for you and the fucking kids you ass! And then your all over her the whole time? Maybe you are a bad dad!" I hollered. It was silent. I knew I hit a nerve. "You are gonna regret saying that." He stated. "Oh what are you gonna do, choke me again? Rip my hair out? Oh wait you already have." I spat. "Go fuck Joe, slut!" He shouted mad. "Maybe I will!" I could hear him huffing through the phone he was so pissed. "You want this to be ugly, don't you?" He asked with his teeth. "It's either your way or the highway right? It's gonna get ugly if it's not what you want right?" I asked. "You know what, I'll deal with your ass tomorrow. I have company staying the night." He said referring to Lisa. "Let her stay the night! Fuck her, get diseases, get her pregnant! I don't give a fuck." I said. "At least it won't take fucking years to get her pregnant." He replied. Wow.... I can't believe he just said that. "You know what you win." I said as I started to cry. "This is what you want right." I said through my tears. He hung up

I went outside for a walk. This is going to get bad, I know it will. I had to calm down. After my walk, I started to make dinner and the kids were being wild and I love it. They kept my accopied. I brought them all into Michaels bed with me cause his bed was bigger. I probably shouldn't co sleep this much but I love my babies, i love cuddling them. I woke up determined to have a good day! I woke up early and made them breakfast and sent the two older ones to school. It was just me and harm and we did arts and crafts and fun stuff like that. It hit about 11am and Michael called. "Hey daddy!" Harmony squealed. "Me and mommy are having so much fun!" She smiled. "I made you lots of pictures and we all slept with mommy last night . Okay here's mommy." She said handing me the phone.  "Hello." I answered softly. "Go up to the library so we can talk about this divorce arrangements." He said. I got Ashley so she could watch Harm. I went up to the library. "Okay I'm here." I said. "You better of not slept in my bed last night." He said. "I wanted to sleep with the kids. My bed isn't big enough." I said softly. "I don't care, I dont want you in my bed." He said irritated. "Okay." I said. "Okay so here are the arrangements we have so far. I will buy you your house, but it can't be unreasonably large. Just big enough for you and the kids." He said. "That's fine." I replied. "We'll do the same arrangements we did last time. I'll give you $800 a month for the kids, so the means food, bath stuff, whatever else. But it's only for the kids not you." He said. "Okay." I replied. "You only get Ashley if you help pay her." He stated. "You said you'd share her with me." I said. "Yeah if you help pay her." He said like I was stupid. "I won't be using her." I replied in frustration. "Fine. Oh and you will no longer have access to any of my accounts as of yesterday. I will buy you another phone only so the kids and I can contact you. I find out there's any other numbers in there I'll shut it off and I will be having someone check it." He said. It's like I'm a damn prisoner.  "Okay." I agreed because he is paying for it. "Can I at least have Jennifer my mom and your mom's number in it?" I asked. "Yeah. Oh and you have to pay half of the kids tuition for school." He stated. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. "What?! How the hell am I suppose to come up with that money Michael?! That's over $7,000!" I freaked. "Not my problem." "What happens if I can't pay it?" I asked freaking out. "Then you violate the contract, I'll take you to court then you my lose having the kids as much as you will. I told you'd regret saying that shit to me last night." He said mad. I couldn't even breath, "you'd really do that to our kids?" I asked softly. "Well you obviously can't afford to take care of them." He said matter-of-factly. The tears came, and I was freaking out. "You'll get a card with money on it for the kids starting tomorrow. I find out you use it for anything else I will screw you in this divorce." He threaten. "You already are!" I cried. "What about stuff I need?" I asked. "You are not my wife, your not my problem." He stated. I was sobbing at this point. "You know what, maybe I should get my own lawyer." I said. "Do it. You cant afford a good lawyer. You'll get even more screwed." He said.  I couldn't  stop crying, "to think that you're someone that my brother use to call his best friend is disgusting. I can't believe I ever loved you." I cried. "Here we go. Keep running your mouth Amber. See where it gets you." He threaten. I couldn't even speak. "You want me to lose the kids. You just want to keep hurting me till you drive me over the edge. When will it stop?" I cried. "You're not gonna guilt me." He stated. "Do you agree to this agreement or no?" He asked sternly. "Do I even have the a choice?!" I holler. "Not really." He replied uninterested. "You can't do this Michael! It isn't fair. You didn't want me to work, wanted me to raise our kids, and now you're throwing me out expecting me to come up with this money with in 4 months?!" I cried. "You don't want to be married to me but want to live off my money." He stated like it was a joke. "Just until I can get on my feet! I have to get to use to paying bills and working again. I gotta find a job and everything." I sobbed. "Not my problem." He said in a uncaring voice. "Okay." I said having a panic attack. "Don't be over dramatic, you'll be fine." He said. I shook my head, "Okay. " I replied. I had to go with what he said. If i didnt he would make this harder. I just gotta figure it out. "I g-gotta go. Harmony is waiting for her lunch." I said trying to calm down. "Alright. Jason should be getting your phone now so I'll be calling it later today." He said hanging up. I wipped my face, trying to calm down. I had to figure How to get through this....maybe Katherine can help me...

I invited her over to dinner, the kids love their grandma. Jason did bring me my phone. Katherine and I cooked dinner as Ashley cleaned a bit. "So what's going on?" She asked. I sighed, "youre gonna be disappointed in me." I warned. "We all make mistakes." She commented. I told her everything, even Michael grabbing me by the throat and everything. She shook her head, "I really thought he got over his hitting." She sighed. "I will admit he was trying to control it, I could see it in his eyes how bad he wanted to hurt me. He started crying. I really hurt him." I said.  "And he is just trying to get back at you. He'll get over this and realize what he's doing. He loves you and those kids to no end & you being with someone else is killing him. Just do not sign those papers till he comes to his senses. Don't argue with him cause it will fuel his anger. Just go with what he says for now." She said. I nodded, "You know how he is when he's angry. He'll do anything and everything to hurt you. Just ride it out." She said as we were intruppted by my phone. I answered, "hello?" "It's me." Michael yawned. "Oh."I said as I put him on speaker. I wanted Katherine to hear this for her self. "So I decided to be generous." He stated. "Okay." I replied. "I'll pay 75% of the kids tuition. But once you get working and everything, you need to pay half." He said. "Okay, but what if I get a job that doesn't pay enough for me to do that?" I asked nervous. He sighed in frustration. "Really, your still not happy?" He asked mad. "No no no. I'm happy you lowered the amount but Michael, I'll never even make a 1/5 of what you make. I gotta buy a car then pay car insurance, get health insurance ... I just don't know how I'm gonna afford all of this..." I said softly. "Well, that isn't my problem. I lowered it. That's all I'm gonna do."  "You're  not gonna let me have one of the cars?" I asked knowing this will piss him off.  "Are you kidding me?! All I hear from you is give me give me give me!" He shouted. "I'm sorry... I'm being thrown out and I don't even know what I'm doing.... I'm freaking out about how I'm gonna afford all this. I went from a lifestyle that I have everything I need and not worry about money to living in a small house and I've gotta figure everything out for myself again." I said trying to get him to understand. "I don't give a fuck. You're not getting a damn car. Go ask Joe for a car!" He said. " Gold digger." He mumbled. "I'm not seeing him!" I hollered. "I'm sure your still spreading your legs for him." He said. "I'm not." I said softly. "So it's a different guy now?" He laughed. "There is no one!" I said frustrated. "I don't believe that, you were pretty easy for Joe, so I'm sure you've let a couple other guys hit it by now." He said. And here come the tears. "Michael Joseph!" Katherine hollered. "You have my mother listening to our conversations?!" He freaked out. "No, I was just here when you called. I can't believe the way you speak to the mother of your children. I thought I raised you better. You are acting like your father!" She hollered. Everything went silent. Michael hates his father. I can't believe Katherine said that to him. I know that got to him. "Take that back." He said in disbelief. "No, you resented Joe your whole life for the way he treated me and here you are treating the mother of your children the same way. The violence, the anger, the name calling needs to stop!" Katherine said upset. "You told her about what happened in the hotel?" He growled. "Yes she did! She needs someone to go to. She messed up. But so did you and you've messed up far more and worse than she has. You've brought that homewrecker around your children and your wife when you guys were still together. You are being so hypocritical baby boy. You've beat, left and cheated on this woman and she's stuck around after most of it. I know your hurt honey, you're really hurt but don't take this out on your family! I think you need to throw those agreements out and when you come home, you two need to talk." She finished. "I want her out the house when I get back." He said. "Why?" Katherine asked. "Shes been with another man mother! I can't look at her without thinking about it, it's driving me crazy! I hate it!" He snapped. Katherine sighed, "babyboy.... How do you think she felt after she found out you were seeing Lisa." She asked. This conversation went on and I think it really helped. Of course after Katherine left I got anger text from Michael and I proceeded to follow Kate's advice in just going with it. I apologized for cornering him like that and everything else. Then he sent me this text, " I think it's best if we don't talk anymore. We'll discuss arrangements when I get home. I'll call the kids phone instead." He texted. Though that text hurt, I had to let him heal, this is a painful time.