Author: @theendofeverything03

Reviewer: @MeganHites

Book Summary: 

Rachel Winters is a bubbly girl and is liked by everyone...but her strong opinions and her bold nature annoys everyone. She wants to be an author but all of her inspiration and motivation and hopes go away as she is not able to write a good book...

Worried, her mother sends her to her aunts place, who apparently earns by letting tourists live in her house and explore the tradition. (a house stay). She goes there and meets a group of people, same age as her.

Things change for Rachel the moment she meets them. Also, get themselves in middle of a murder mystery when they find a dead body instead of ghosts... follow her on a journey of friendship, love, uncovering the murderer and becoming a successful author.

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Okay, so, I'm going to be completely honest here (don't hate me)... this summary needs some work. It's a bit all over the place. Jumping from her being bubbly, to being an author, to her mom moving her away, to her aunt renting out her home, to meeting a group, to finding a body instead of ghosts. It's just... a lot to process.

And there are some contradictions. If Rachel is well liked by everyone, how can she also annoy everyone? I think you could get rid of that entire bit and be the better for it. Let US make our own opinions up of her.

Try to stay away from doing information in parenthesis (like "a house stay"), instead try to work it into your sentence rather than it being an afterthought. Or get rid of it entirely. 

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If I were to rewrite this, I would do something along these lines:

Rachel Winters wants to become an author more than anything. Her deepest desire is to see her name displayed proudly on the shelves in bookstores, but Rachel's goal starts to feel impossible as she writes terrible book after terrible book. She loses all of her motivation and slowly her hopes fade away with it. 

Worried, her mother sends Rachel to her Aunt's place, rich with tradition and history - and, supposedly, ghosts - in the hopes of giving her daughter inspiration to continue writing.

From the moment Rachel arrives, her whole world changes as she meets a fun-loving group of tourists. Together, they discover that there's more to her Aunt's house than meets the eye... when instead of ghosts, they find a dead body.  

Rachel may have more inspiration than she ever could have imagined, but at what price? 

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Now, that can be made even better still (with better word choice, perhaps), but it's just a suggestion! If you did want to use that (I'd appreciate a mention), but feel free!

Cover:

I really like the cursive font and the divider you've used, and the picture is really pretty! But I feel like the layout of it is off... I almost feel like I'd want to see the title in the spot where the subtitle is (swap their location). Or perhaps move the title where her legs are.

Other than that, I like the simplicity of it! 

Story Media:

I love how you have a Cast page showing us how you envision your characters. Great touch! I do think perhaps you should limit it to one picture, but that's pretty nitpicky.

Also, I think your story would be better served with a cute chapter heading that shows the point of view. (I'd also leave out POV and just say the characters name). I liked the closing you did on your cast page with your own name (I presume), so if you could do something similar it would look great! 

Maybe even tailor an image specifically for each point of view you have rather than using the same one. Could even do something with your cast photos!

The page header moodboard type things look amazing! Super cute!

Characters: 

You have a really great sense of who Rachel is, and you incorporate some very nice minor details of her life that help flesh her out -- like how she loves to jog, and craves the comfort of fresh air and nature, and prefers the mornings. All little things that give her life. She also FEELS really bubbly in her actions and thoughts, despite there also being a sadness within her. 

Overall, I think she's highly likable and relatable as a main character, and well developed!

Then there's a less developed rather huge cast of side characters that I wasn't able to properly get a feel of in time. Other than her mom. I got huge waves of personality from her! And a bit from Irina, too, though I feared she had too little screentime and could almost be written out (unless she comes back later).

Compliments: 

+ I loved the dynamic between Rachel and her mother, and how comfortable they are together! It's so sad that she has very little time to spend with her!

+ The characters feel very real and relatable! They have flaws, eccentricities, and strong points that all come alive on paper. Not to mention they all have features that are quite well articulated (even the voices were thought about).

+ I loved the humor and usage of visuals!

Example: 

A piece of advice: Never keep your earphones in your main baggage. Always carry it in your haversack. Especially, if your seat is next to a lovey-dovey couple. The whole flight was a headache; constant giggling, mushy talks and what not!

+ Writer's block... oh writer's block... such a difficult demon to defeat. And every writer has one at some point. So this was very relatable and well written!

Room to Improve: 

- The prologue. Now, I'm a little bit confused because your summary didn't make it seem like the main premise was her successfully being a bestselling author and regretting it. I thought it was of the journey to become one, where she meets friends and finds inspiration. But, anyways, my major note here is that she shouldn't ask her diary "you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" because it is inanimate. I'd recommend cutting that line out. Instead say your last line (but perhaps change "well" to "And"). 

I almost wonder if it would be better not to have a prologue, though it does serve to make the reader wonder what happened to make her depressed and sad. 

Also I'm confused because is this story basically told entirely in diary format?? If so maybe none of this advice is applicable (but use it as you will). Also, perhaps you should do a "dear diary" header instead of a point of view header...

The problem I have with diary format is there's no way any human can remember all of the words people say, and most diaries are all tell and no show. It's definitely an entirely different style of writing. But if you fully commit, I think it can be successful (just look at the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series)

- Info dumping in the first chapter. Now, I could be wrong, but I'm not sure we need to be told exactly what her parents do right now. That's something that could be added when readers meet her parents and see how they interact. Or perhaps if those are her thoughts that she's thinking and feeling while jogging (since that is a good release!), then you should make it seem more like her thinking rather than her narrating for us.

Example:

I put on my jogging shoes and lock the door to my family's spacious condo behind me. Quickly, I find my favorite trail and begin to run (describe what she sees here). Every step I take brings forth my frustrations. 

Why does my mom have to be a famous world-traveling nutritionist? Why can't she be home with me more often? I just miss her. 

Thinking of her leaves this pang in my stomach that I can't fill on my own. And dad? Still a struggling actor living in LA, trying to get a good role. Will he ever give up and come back home?

He's been in a few advertisements, and even some recurring roles, and I'm proud of him, I guess. Mom keeps pushing him forward. But that means they are hardly around. And I just... miss them.

Then go back to describing her letting out her emotions with her running, etc. etc. So we get an idea of her thoughts and where her head is. 

- Tenses. This one is super tricky (and one of my biggest struggles). It seems like you are writing in present tense, but there are places where they mix. Try to stay consistent! :)

- Show not tell. I'd recommend finding some writing prompts online and practicing this skill set! This is super major and helps your growth as a writer (something I do every day, too). 

Final Thoughts: 

I think you should commit to either the diary style of writing or the traditional narrative. It gets confusing when she says things that makes it seem like she's writing in a journal, but then heavy on the dialogue and minimal on the feelings. Especially since the story is written in present tense (decidedly not journal format).

I especially like the idea of adding more pictures throughout the writing (which would be committing to diary), almost as if she's taking them and gluing them in! Plus that would be so unique and special.

Anyways, I feel like there's a very strong basis for a story here! You have a fascinating plot, great characters, and a very strong narrating voice! Wish you all the best, keep writing and growing every day!