12.
chapter twelve
that's toxicity.
or is it?

Sometimes, life was a trickle of rainbow. Other times, it was the calm after the storm. Nobody got to stay in the eye of the rage for too long. Not even the most privileged of people; life doesn't discriminate.

I took a shaky breath, keeping up my façade and nodding to Drew rambling about May's little gestures. His eyes were burning into the back of my head, drilling through my senses, but I didn't falter in the act.

"How about her appetite? She does always feel hungry, right?" I probed, crossing my limbs tightly.

"Don't get me started on that!" Drew laughed, running a hand through his hair. "Even now, she sent a text asking me to bring a velvet pasty and vanilla macchiato when I visit her."

I smiled, a pang of bittersweet happiness reaching out to their love. May didn't hesitate to communicate with Drew, neither did he hesitate to give what she wanted.

Unlike my soulmate, who isn't even ready to become my soulmate for life.

"I'm glad she’s having an appetite."

To my surprise, Drew's face darkened, a soft concern flitting through his sage eyes. "I'm glad she's asking for food, to be honest. I was worried sick when she was here."

I nodded, offering him a reassuring smile. "She'll be fine. She's strong."

Drew smiled back appreciatively before his eyes wandered to Dawn. "I feel terrible for that fight. Dawn still isn't waking, and Kenny's expelled." I felt a tug at my heartstrings when the boy's head fell to his hands, losing his ever-calm composure at once. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

I reached forward, letting my hand hover over his shoulder. He peered through his fingers, eyes wide. "If anyone were to blame, it would be me. I was the one who brought up the topic of best sketcher. I shouldn't have..."

"It was just a game," he reassured, gaining his demeanor back to some extent. "I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over something as simple as a silly gamble."

I gulped, the weight of his words bandaging my tattered heart. Withdrawing, I gave him a bright smile. It wasn't feigned, not fake, not a mask anymore.

Since Ash's problem was resolved, it was the guilt of leading this series of unfortunate events that had been pressing down on my chest, leaving it with a dull ache. Hearing someone who was part of it console me and split the pain felt like a refreshing matcha on a hot summer day.

There was a shuffle, and I turned around to catch Ash retreating from the hospital wing, a vial in his hand. A terse minute passed before Misty walked over, a takeout from the cafeteria nestled in her arms. She set it down on the table by Dawn's bed and plopped down beside me.

"Right. I think I should get going," Drew declared, standing up. I nodded in gratitude for staying back.

"Please take one of the lava cakes. I bought four." Misty indicated toward the package she had set on the bedside table. "Give one to May as well. She loves them."

"Sure, thanks!"

I watched him carefully take two of the wrapped lava cakes and pack them in his bag. With another round of see-you-laters, he left the ward to us and a gently breathing Dawn.

But the tension shifted with his absence. Silence clouded over us before Misty spoke, her words penetrating through me like a stiletto. "Why did you ignore him?"

"W-who?" I stammered, clutching the hem of my skirt and putting up an awkward smile, hoping that she'd leave me alone rather than prod. But the orange-haired girl just didn't have that in her blood.

"Don't beat around the bush, Ser. It's Ash. Why'd you let him watch you converse with Drew when you know how worked up he gets when he sees you around other guys?"

"W-well," I started, finding the right words to answer her. "He shouldn't get worked up when I talk to other guys. That's toxicity."

"You very well know why he does," Misty shot back. It was unbelievable, really, that she was defending a stranger against her best friend of months.

"Care to please enlighten me, Misty?"

"Oh, please." Misty rolled her eyes. "I mean, look at it this way. What if he's afraid of commitment because of his dreams, but also afraid of losing you?"

My mind reeled, considering the new possibility Misty had added to my list of whys and why-nots. I groaned, running a hand down my face. "Misty, this is honestly so draining."

The girl's smile softened, but it didn't fill the hollow ache within my chest. "This soulmate thing is serious. Dead serious. I might not know much about it, but I do know this."

My eyes flitted to her awkwardly shuffling. She was staring at Dawn, as if by some miracle the girl would wake up and save her from this hideous conversation.

When that didn't happen, Misty brought her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth on the chair, speaking in a hushed tone. "I might not have been there for all your interactions, but I have seen a fair few."

"Seen what?" I pressed, my eyebrows knitting together. My heart thudded at her eyes sparkling with the sincere declaration she echoed.

"The way he looks at you. As if you're the string that's tying his life together, as if you're the one keeping him sane and driving him crazy at the same time. As if you are his world."