44.
chapter forty-four
the first step
is the hardest

All thoughts of social media, messaging, chats, and whatnot fled my mind as soon as I saw the concerned look in my mom's gaze.

It started out with a simple, "How did the outing go?"

"It was excellent, Mom! Drew took us to this expensive café that also has another chic hotel above it. Ash ordered my beverage, and it was amazing! It was a plain vanilla and lavender latte, but the taste was so soothing! You must definitely try it! I'm sure—"

"Serena." Her voice was firm. She crossed her limbs, motioning for me to take a seat on the sofa and shooting me a tentative look.

"What, it was totally cool! We even managed to meet Lusamine, and the good news is the Void is totally taken care of," I supplied, taking short breaths in between to fill her in with everything I had managed to gather from Misty on my way home. "She's dismissed everything, and her research tools are now being handled by Faba, who's intent on destroying every evidence of ever handling the malicious intent! What's more is that Gary and Misty—"

"You're rambling." It didn't take long for her to figure out the insecurity that had found a home within me. "You don't ramble without a proper trigger."

I chewed on my lip, gaze lowering to the carpet. "I—" Words seemed to elude my mind as if I were pointing a fire extinguisher at a building being swallowed by fire.

Mom didn't press me. She never did, but she had a method of snatching the words out of my mouth. A cup of hot cocoa steaming against my palms had me spilling the tea.

"Ash reunited with his parents."

"Is that a great thing?" Mom clapped her hands together. "He's finally got someone who can shower him with familial and physical affection."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Even though I had empathized with that... how could I turn so selfish?

"T-they are shifting to Pallet... in Kanto." My voice broke, but I forced myself. "After this year."

Silence.

My heart hammered against its enclosure. My fingers trembled in greedy trepidation.

But her voice broke me out of the suffering—her gentle, reassuring tone that always sent a whole load of warmth to my chest.

"It's natural to be apprehensive about being separated from your soulmate. Especially since you've only just met. It's been, what, four months?"

"Five."

"Yes." I looked up at her, the mirroring blue eyes filled with a resolve I lacked. "I don't expect you to want to stay away from him, while I ache for your dad even after eighteen years."

It was barely visible, but I could still spot them: the creases of years of loneliness, the pain of missing your other half, the sorrow of losing ourselves in something that could wash you over.

I had just woken the feelings up, without actually meaning to.

"I am so sor—"

"You don't have to apologize." She smiled warmly. "You've been everything I could ask for."

Tears stung my eyes, and I blinked rapidly to keep them back. That didn't stop me from throwing myself across the table at the woman.

"And you'll find everything you ask for too."

"How?"

Mom's hand ran through my tangled locks, freeing them gently. "The first step is the hardest."

— xoxo —

The moon was beautiful tonight. Too beautiful to be watching alone. I wonder if Ash was watching the same starry skies? But perhaps, he was probably catching up with his parents.

The thought spread foreign warmth within my chest. Not once had I sensed anything off from him ever since I left. It had been a pleasant tingle of the chord that connected us.

He must have missed them a lot, huh? I mused, propping myself on my hand. The chill air blew through the glass sliding doors of the balcony, ruffling my clothes and tousling my hair. Maybe he'll be a bit happier. Smile a little harder.

My throat constricted. He was grinning widely, his mouth lopsided to the left as if it were attracted to that side of him. Lush black covered nearly a quarter of his glowing amber eyes, their swirls just deep enough to get lost in.

My shoulder felt warm with his grip... that lingering clasp of his fingers on my bare skin, on the sleeveless turtleneck sweater I had been wearing the day we went on our second date.

The photo suddenly turned blurry, the screen dimming with lack of activity, but my fingers felt numb—too lazy to tap and keep the memory refreshing on it every five seconds, with every timeout.

But I didn't.

Water rolled down my face, clouding the better of my emotions. The phone fell to the soft mattress, sinking in despair, as I cupped my hands to my mouth.

He shouldn't know this.

My eyes shut tight just as the screen went black.

He shouldn't know any of this.

The wind blew my tears cold, the moonlight caressing the darkness that the room had plunged into. That I had dove into.

Or I would be asking too much.

The place I called my haven had turned cold all of a sudden. My muscles gave way, and I followed the same fate as my phone, sinking into my pillow instead. The bright hair that adorned me managed to fall over my face, obscuring the ethereal scenery outside.

What a chilly night.

My fingertips grazed the cool metal of the phone's exposed sides. Almost mechanically, the red button was activated, and the device screamed one final vibration.

Silence.

Then came the muffled sob.

I buried my face into the pillow, almost choking the breath out of my lungs. Anything, if he can't hear me. Feel me. Anything.

The reality was hard. If he were leaving in less than six months... where does it take me? To step away? Yes. Probably that. Because it was the first step.

And the first step was always hard.