It was three a.m. and I was awake with my thoughts. After seeing Sasha front row and center for my glamour walk, I'd practically run from fashion show. I had no idea how to explain to my fake almost girlfriend that her fake bad boy modeled on the side. Bad boys smoked, bad boys rode motorcycles, but bad boys did not strut. Jesus, since when did I strut? It was day two of this charade, and I was already exhausted. And I hadn't even done anything yet, just the thinking required to keep up the charade was enough to waste my energy supply. So, instead of further pretending I was sleeping, I got up to drink some milk.

            My head was pounding, and I didn't know if I could do this seventeen thing anymore. So I did what any rational grown man would do; I called my big sister. So after she yelled at me for twenty minutes for interrupting her beauty sleep, I told her my whole story. She listened, making humming noises here and there.

            "So what do you think," I asked Reese. "Am I a total moron for doing this? Is there any way to salvage the 'Sasha' situation?"

"Here is what I think," Reese said. "This is about more than a job. If it was about the article, you'd just get a new girl to toy with."

         "No," I said. "I don't like Sasha. She's foolish enough to like me as this character, then I don't like her. I like Kelly, but she is unavailable."

"Uh huh," Reese said. "Can we just discuss the elephant in the room?"

"You're not in the room," I quipped.

"Still," Reese said. "I think part of why you care so much is because of what happened with Lisa."

          "Don't say her name," I said. "And I am over it."

"Really, then why can't I say 'Lisa'? If you don't care, then why did you flip out when that Britney girl brought up bad boys?"

"Lisa made her choice, and I let her go."

"But have you? I mean, isn't Sasha just a big ole' Lisa patch for you?"

"Sasha and Lisa are incomparable, sis."

          "How so," Reese said. "How is Sasha so different?"

"Well," I said. "She has red hair. Lisa, on the other hand, has blonde hair."

"Wow, you've really changed your type, baby brother."

"Sasha is good at her job," I said. "And, she isn't totally spineless. She did chastise me for being a jerk. And she hasn't called me yet."

"So maybe she isn't susceptible to bad boys after all," Reese said. "Maybe she isn't a good target."

           "She is," I said. "But I've blown my cover, and she'll never call."

"She will," Reese said. "Although, I think you should reconsider your whole concept."

"Excuse me," I said. "What is wrong with the idea? I like it, I will prove that women go gaga for bad boys with no good results."

             "The point isn't to prove that bad boys are bad," Reese said. "The point is to show how good it can be with a regular guy. So maybe you flip the script. Sasha, typical bad boy lover, falls in love with a star wars loving, call of duty playing, horribly geeky guy who is really sweet and thoughtful."

"Women like Sasha don't want sweet and thoughtful," I said. "They don't know how to be treated well."

           "You've gleaned that from your two interactions," Reese asked.

"No, I know from personal experience that whole 'nice guy' thing doesn't work."

"I knew this was really about Lisa," Reese asserted.

"It is not," I said. "It's about all the women like Lisa who are so damn gullible. I have a rare opportunity to speak to them, and preach the truth."

         "Look, bro, what Lisa did was awful."

"I don't want to talk about it," I said.

"Well, you need to," Reese snapped back. "Just because you wear a costume and put on an act doesn't make the past disappear. It just doesn't."

"Well, whatever," I said. "I am stuck here in this crappy situation, and I just want to impress Kelly."

          "No you don't," Reese said. "You're not up awake at night because Kelly has a boyfriend. You can't even sleep because things got weird with Sasha."

"I don't even know Sasha."

"You don't even know Kelly."

"Why are you so anti-Kelly, anyways?"

"Because," Reese said. "I think you have no shot with her."

            "So," I said. "Maybe I need a rebound crush."

"Like a feisty red head who challenges you?"

"Goodnight Reese," I said. "You've been no help at all."

"Wait," Reese said. "I have an idea."

"I am listening..."

           "Ok," Reese said. "Among my list of jerky things guys do, here is my biggest pet peeve. When a guy texts you all the time and refuses to call. Like you're not worth the effort to speak, but then he is texting you. It sends mixed messages."

"Ah, thus still being a bad boy move," I said. "But I don't have her number."

"Oh, Kellan," Reese said. "I googled this girl twenty minutes ago. I've already got her number on face book. She really is naïve if she still thinks it's safe to have your phone number listed online."

            "Wow, you're creepy sis," I said. "So I should text her in the morning."

"No, do it now," Reese said. "Another creepy guy thing is that they only text you at night. Like clearly they want a booty call, but they don't want to pay for dinner first."

"What if she wants a booty call?" I asked.

"Bro, this is just a text message."

"Ok," I said. "Here goes nothing. Wish me luck."

           "Good luck Kellan," Reese said. "I hope you get the girl."

"You clearly haven't been listening," I said. "I want to break this girl, nothing else."

"Uh huh," Reese said. "Goodnight."

I loved my crazy sister, if for no other reason than giving me a phone number. I sent out a text before I could second guess, hoping it was a good move.

KELLAN: Hey.

I never said I was a creative type when it came to texting. A moment later I got a reply.

SASHA: Who is this? It's super late dude.

I laughed to myself, feeling a bit guilty. Had she been sleeping, dreaming perhaps?

KELLAN: I'll give you a hint: I'm sexy as hell and I'm the last man you kissed.

SASHA: Is this Kellan? Aren't you too busy modeling or something?

KELLAN: Well, I realize it's not as glamorous as Starbucks, but it pays the bills.

SASHA: Ha, I guess you're right. So how'd you get my number? Are you stalking me?

I paused. Did bad boys stalk girls? That Edward Cullen guy did, but he also sparkled. Bad boys definitely don't sparkle.

KELLAN: In your dreams, beautiful. I was just wondering why you were following me today.

SASHA: I did no such thing. It was a coincidence.

I smiled, imagining her getting all annoyed at my comments.

KELLAN: Uh huh, you know you can't get enough of me.

SASHA: Dude, I don't even know your last name.

KELLAN: That wasn't a denial.

SASHA: Kellan, what the hell do you want. I have to work in an hour.

KELLAN: I was thinking you could come over and entertain me.

God I hoped she didn't say yes.

SASHA: Seriously bro, you're booty calling me before you've even taken me out on a date.

KELLAN: Are you asking me out?

SASHA: No. God, you're so insane.

KELLAN: I'm insanely handsome.

She stopped replying. I knew I had to make a move.

KELLAN: Fine. Would you want to go out sometime?

SASHA: Depends, what do you have in mind?

KELLAN: I don't know, how about dinner?

I was being nice, which I wasn't supposed to do. But I couldn't lose her either.

SASHA: Dinner. Wow, you really put some effort into that plan.

Touché, my dear Sasha. Way to stand up for yourself.

KELLAN: Fine, we'll get Italian food and ride off into the sunset. Are you happy?

SASHA: It's better. Pick me up from my work at six.

KELLAN: Fine.

SASHA: Fine.

          And with that, I was back in the game. Now I just needed Kelly's advice on what the hell to do on the date to survive this whole charade. And hopefully I could stick to the plan and avoid any further surprises.