Silver

"Can I speak to you about something?" Darrin asked, his head poking around the door.

Silver waved him in, wondering what this was about. He didn't normally request a chance to talk, they just talked. The request made it something unusual. Something Darrin didn't know how to broach.

"If this is about you keeping Kiran's secret from me, then he already explained everything and I honestly don't disagree with what you did. I'm glad I heard it from him instead of you."

"Uh, no," Darrin said with a grimace. "That wasn't exactly what I was here to talk about. But I'm glad you guys got it resolved!" he said brightly.

Silver settled onto the couch in her sitting room, smoothing her skirts out around her. Darrin sat across from her, his knee bouncing up and down nervously. He always had so much energy.

"I-" his mouth twisted in hesitation.

Silver rubbed the fold of her dress between two fingers. The vibration of the fabric soothed her, the motion subconscious.

"I like Mari," he blurted out.

Silver blinked a few times and still did not understand. "Who?" she said stupidly.

"Mari- she's a servant. She works in the kitchens, mostly. " He stared at her expectantly, waiting for her reaction.

"Oh. Oh," she said. "I think I know who you're talking about. I spoke to her when I was looking for Kiran the other day. Her Matchmate's a ferret, right? "

Darrin smiled. Literally, his face lit up.

He really likes her. How did I not notice this? Silver thought to herself.

"That's her. She's so smart. And sweet and pretty," he rambled.

Silver smiled at him fondly. This was a development she had honestly never considered. She'd never really thought about what his brother would look like when he was head over heels in love.

"You like her a lot," Silver commented.

Darrin sobered abruptly. He swallowed.

"I can't," he said.

Silver narrowed her eyes at him.

"Explain. "

"It won't work, it's never gonna work and I'm just making it harder on both of us by spending so much time with her. I can't marry her, now can I?"

He was already thinking about marriage. How long had he liked Mari. Loved her? Her brother was a gentle man underneath all the jokes and it looked like he'd fallen hard.

"Why won't it work? Father married Mother, and she was a servant. "

"That's just it. Look how well that turned out. Father loved Mother, and had to watch her die of magic deprivation. He'd never let me marry anyone outside of the noble class because of it. "

"Mari has a Match." Silver felt the need to point out the obvious.

"True. But it still weakens our bloodline. With our house in the condition it's in... It's just not possible."

Silver didn't say anything for several seconds.

"You've obviously put a lot of thought into this," she said slowly. "How long?"

"How long have I liked Mari?" Darrin asked, understanding her meaning.
"A couple years. I've known her a while now. " He laughed a little at himself. "Obviously. Since we both live here. But I've only been spending time with her this past year. "

Silver nodded. Then she had a sudden thought.

"Why are you telling me this now?"

Darrin blushed.

Silver nearly laughed. He was embarrassed!

"Ah... Kiran may have seen me with Mari in the gardens. "

He smiled at her innocently, overbright. Silver did laugh then.

"Well I'm glad you told me. I don't know Mari that well. I'll have to change that. "

Darrin smiled. "Don't take up all of her time. Save some for me. "

Silver laughed at him again. It was good to see her brother happy, genuinely happy. Then she sobered.

"I'm rather oblivious, aren't I? I don't really know any of our servants personally. I've come to realize I'm a rather selfish person. I've never thought about the servants. They're just there. "

Darrin twisted his lips, trying to come up with a tactful way to agree.

"Yeah, Sil, you kind of are... But it's understandable. It's the way our world is. The way our society is. You were raised to be this way, to assume that everything is given to you. And you work hard and do a good job, but it doesn't exactly make you... Friendly."

Silver didn't like it but knew he was right.

"Ever since I Matched to Kiran, I've started to realize it. I don't reach out well, or pay much attention to anything other than what I need to. I'm... not very loveable, am I?"

"Silver," Darrin said, and that was the first hint that he was very serious. He almost never called her by her full name.

"Of course you're loveable! Everyone is different and you have a hard time making friends. You can be a very serious and distant person and you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. And Mother dying affected all of us poorly. You withdrew into yourself. That does not mean in any way that there is something wrong with you or that you are incapable of loving or being loved. You are a beautiful, talented, intelligent young woman. So I don't ever want to hear you say something like that again. "

Silver was a little taken aback by Darrin's impassioned speech.

She smiled without much conviction. "Thank you, Darrin. I love you too."

Darrin got up abruptly and pulled her up as well, into a tight embrace.

"I do love you, little sis. Never forget that. "

And he mussed her hair that her maids had spent nearly an hour that morning getting into an elegant half-up half-down hairdo. She didn't mind too much though.

She tickled his ribs in retaliation.

He laughed and released her.

He admitted softly, "I'm glad you know now. "

_______________________________

Kiran

I find Mari in the kitchen, preparing food. The kitchen is quiet for once, the servants having already made and served dinner.
Mari has sandwiches grilling on the cooktop and salad already on two plates. She's slicing up fruit and doesn't notice me come in at first.

I've tried to make my walking more noisy; I've startled many a person since my arrival on Attaliesia because of my soundless tread. A deliberate step, a small scuff of the foot- these have been deliberate efforts to alert people to my presence. Simply appearing in front of people with no warning is no way to convince people of your friendly intent. It only added to the suspicion and mistrust many had for me.

Burnemarr of course always follows me and he is by no means silent, but it has not stopped people from mentioning how "unnatural" it is for me to move so quietly.

I'm a Llyadoran creature, whose very existence is magic, and they have a problem with the way I walk?

I even startled Silver in the beginning. Now our bond is so strong she always senses my approach.

Burnemarr leans in the kitchen doorway. It has no door and is extra wide so that servants can come and go with ease while carrying heavy serving platters.

For a man of his size, he's very good at making himself unobtrusive. He took up a fair bit of the doorway, his dark skin blending into the evening shadow, his arms folded across his chest.

Other than Silver, of course, he is my closest friend. I was so grateful to have him. I brushed a hand along a counter as I entered the room, deliberately making a small noise to alert Mari of my presence. She turned from the counter where she had been slicing a damson, knife still in hand.

"Kiran!" she said, with pleasure and a little surprise. "I didn't expect to see you so soon."

She flushed with remembered embarrassment from our last meeting.

"Darrin is speaking to Silver," I explained. "I thought I'd come to see how you're doing."

Ferri circled Mari's neck to perch on the other shoulder. Ferri had told me where they were. Benefits of telepathic speech.

"Oh," Mari nodded, in response to what I had said. "Do you know how long it's going to be? I'm making food for me and Darrin."

I shrugged. I had no idea. Darrin didn't like serious conversations, so perhaps he would get it over with quickly. Or maybe he would dance around the subject for a long time. I honestly didn't know him well enough to say.

"He's telling her about you. I don't know how long that will take. You know him better than I do."

Now all the color left her cheeks.

"He- he's telling her about me? He's been putting it off for so long. I know he's not sure what to say."

I winced in apology. "It's my fault. I'll never be able to keep it from Silver, now that I know. I thought it would be better coming from him than me. "

Mari nodded in agreement. "And it did need to be done at some point. Darrin and Silver are really close. I'm surprised it's been this long, to be honest. "

She turned back to the sandwiches to save them from burning.

"Do you think it'll ever work?"

She muttered it in the direction of the cooktop, but I knew the question was intended for me.

I opened my mouth and closed it again, wanting to choose my words carefully. The whole thing had come as a surprise to me, but in another way I should have seen it coming. I remembered back to when I'd asked Ferri about the Theris siblings and she had been most fond of Darrin. Neither Mari or Ferri had ever said an unkind word about Darrin, and everything they had ever said was complimentary. I should have seen it. I was just too busy with my own life to wonder about hers or Darrin's. I wondered if that made me a bad friend. Because Mari was my friend too. She had been the first to guide me through work in the mansion. To teach me Attaliesian. She had been patient and kind.

Telepathy made everything so much easier, I thought to myself. I had never had this concern with my Llyadoran friends. It was so much harder to hide something when you spoke in thoughts.

"Is he good to you?" I asked quietly. The concern I'd had when I first saw them still lingered a bit. After the day I'd had, I wanted- needed- to know that she was in the relationship by choice, that anything he did to her was something she wanted.

She turned around quickly, surprise written all over her face.

"Of course! Darrin is a good man. He would never-" her voice trailed off; she couldn't even think of saying he would do something like that.

You think I would let that happen? Ferri asked, tone slightly offended.

I've seen how the nobles treat anyone beneath them. And honestly? Sometimes we can't stop it, I replied. I spoke from experience.

Ferri slunk down on Mari's shoulder.
You're right, and that's the worst part, she said. If anything happened I wouldn't be much use. But I would certainly fight til my last breath before letting anything bad happen to Mari. And Darrin... sincerely likes her. I respect him a lot. He treats her very well.

I nodded, accepting both of their opinions on the matter.

"Then if you really like him and he really likes you, of course you have a chance. You should never throw something like that away. I know you and Darrin don't have it easy, especially with how society is here. But it's not impossible and you definitely shouldn't write off what you have just because of a class difference. "

In the back of my mind a little voice said that applied to me as well. Silver and I didn't have it easy either. Like Darrin, Silver was expected to marry well and strengthen House Theris. And yes, it was too early to talk about marrying Silver- I'd only known her for a couple weeks and she was only sixteen!- but I already knew it would kill me to see her with another man. But who knew if it would ever work out for me and Silver. I was Llyadoran, and that was the only thing lower than the servant class. And marrying a Llyadoran had certainly never been done. There wasn't any precedent here. I would have to forge the way myself.

But did that mean I had given up? Absolutely not! I could never give up on what Silver and I had. Everything we could have. There was so much I still didn't know about her! And I had a lifetime to learn it. I smiled at the thought.

"Do you want this sandwich?" Mari asked, offering me the plate. "It got a little dark and it's going to get cold before Darrin gets here, most likely. I'll make another one. "

I accepted gratefully. Silver and I had returned too late for dinner; it had already started and it would have been rude to interrupt. Besides, we'd had enough formal company for the day.

I sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat.

"I wonder what they're talking about," Mari mused.

I swallowed my bite before replying.

"Us, most likely. "

We both laughed, partly from nerves and partly because it was true.

"Darrin worries about you," Mari stated.

That caused me to look up from my food.

"He has nothing to fear. I won't hurt him. He's Silver's brother and you like him. And believe it or not, I don't go around hurting people for the fun of it. Only people who threaten me or the ones I love."

Mari cocked her head at me. "That's not what I meant. He's been worried for you. Me too," she admitted. "I know what it's like to be low in status. It's not always...safe. And Baronet Verdan... He's not a good man to cross."

I snorted at that. "Is anyone a good man to cross?" I asked rhetorically.

She didn't reply to that. She said something better.

"Wait, repeat that?" I asked incredulously.

"I spat in Baronet Verdan's coffee. "

I started laughing hysterically.

"You didn't."

Her smile was smug. "I stirred it in so he wouldn't notice."

I nearly choked, I was laughing so hard.

"Kiran, are you all right?" Burnemarr asked, but he was struggling not to laugh as well.

"Yes," I coughed. Then started laughing again.

"It's better than he deserves," Mari pronounced.

I finally calmed myself. "Why did you do it?"

Mari fidgeted with her hands. "I'm not blind, Kiran. I knew he had a grudge against you. I knew you would go to work for him and come back stiff and injured. I'm a servant. You think I don't recognize the signs?
So one day I was preparing his coffee. I looked up and no one was paying attention to me. So I did it.
It was an impulse. But it felt so good. Like I was getting back for every bad thing that has ever happened to you, me and everyone else that he has hurt. Even though it was a small gesture and didn't really matter in the end. It was the act of defiance that encouraged me.
It was seeing you be so strong that encouraged me.
It was knowing I'll always have this private laugh at him, and nothing can take that away. "

"I-"

I didn't know what to say. I appreciated it, the gesture and everything she had said. First Burnemarr, then Silver, now Mari, telling me they saw me as strong. My self-perception wasn't that approving. It was a much-needed boost after the beating my confidence had taken.

I also felt guilt in not realizing the servants knew what was happening. Of course they did. They lived that life too. I was arrogant in my own victimization. Like I was the only one who had ever been hurt. She was right. She wasn't blind. She was a very smart woman and it was rude of me to underestimate her so.

"You know," I said. "You know what it's like. "

She reached across the table and put her hand on top of mine.

"You're not alone, Kiran. "

The words were a cold finger down my spine. I'd been alone for so long before. It was hard for me to accept the fact that I wasn't anymore. From Ele, to Silver, Burnemarr, and Mari, I had so many people in my corner and I didn't know how to really trust them. I was trying to do it all on my own and that was stupid. Moreover, I realized that it was hurtful to them. They wanted to be there for me. I just needed to let them in.

I would get there, slowly but surely. It was hard to change habits that had gone so deep.

"I know that's the worst part of the torment," Mari continued. "You feel so alone. Like only you understand, only you have ever endured this. Like you cannot go to anyone else or you will drag them down too. But sometimes you just can't do it alone. And you don't need to. We're here, Kiran. Stop trying to do it all alone. "

I looked at her steadily and I couldn't say anything but I was so grateful.
Because sometimes you just can't lean on someone without knowing it's okay. I was holding so much weight. And she was telling me she would help carry the burden.

"Thank-"

My words were interrupted by another voice. Darrin.

"I would be upset at you holding hands and leaning in all close with my girl, but I have a more important question," he said loudly, barging in.

"Did you eat my sandwich?"

...........................................................

100 reads! It's a milestone everyone! Have a dance party with me! (Just kidding)
I realize that it doesn't seem that big to some of you... but it's a first for me. ( So seriously. Any of you like Lindsey Stirling? IT'S A DANCE PARTY!)

And just for all you wonderful people reading, I decided to update. I had 3 days off and totally intended to post a new chapter... Then got doing really important things and didn't even write anything. Important things like petting my dog. Or sleeping. Buying birthday presents. ( Why so many July b-days? Kidding. I love all of you!) Reading other books. Making covers... As I said. Lots of important stuff.
But you guys are actually reading... therefore, update!

Please, comment, everyone. It means so much to me. Anyone else out there happy about what Mari did? I dedicate that to my friend Squid who said, "I would pee in Baronet Verdan's coffee."
Let me know what you thought!