i felt grey. i felt hollow. i felt heavy.

i felt as if i was dying, yet i was not even close to dead.

all i was wishing is for someone to gently caress me, scratch my itch and place a soft kiss onto my fore head.

i just wanted - so desparately - to slip into the arms of my (once) lover, rest my head on his neck, so that he would hug me, hold me close and would (again) help me to bare my piling weight inside my chest.

that was just me.

now that i was alone, staring into my once filled heart.

i want to escape, away from this burden weighing my soul.

i felt like i was drowning, drowning in my own head and thought.

i felt like i was just dying.

i should have.

long ago.

...

I woke up from my dream. No, their dreams. That was just me sneaking into an innocent girl's dream and take away her willing to live.

...

"Hi," I would say. "I'm your worst nightmare."

And that was it. I let her collapse because of her own fear.

...

Another time when I killed someone that I remembered so clearly was when I tried to kill a suicidal maniac.

Things turned out to be pretty hard, a lot harder than I had expected.

"Hi."

"Hi, the name's Dazai Osamu."

"I'm....."

What should I say? 'Your worst nightmare'? It really did seem like a joke.

"You can name me." 'Cause I do not exist.'

It sounded so stupid.

"....Well that seems to be a stupid thing to say." He chuckled. "Cause I'm gonna be dead in a few minutes."

"Bless you."

Yeah bless you. Just go die and I'll finish my job here.

I wanted to say that. Aloud.

"Hey, you know what? I used to hold someone dear in my heart." He said vacantly, as if he was talking about some random guy out there but not himself.

"So where is she?"

Dazai....Am I right? He turned to me, with a face carried only pure sadness and guilty, he gently said.

"You killed her. But I should be the one to blame."

I remained silence.

"I wasn't there for her when the love of my life need me the most. I wasn't there to comfort her, to tell her, to whisper in her ears that everything is gonna be alright. Yet I ignored her, forgot about her only to continue drowning deep into my own sin." Dazai wore a painful expression on his face.

"..." I inhaled. "That's definitely your fault."

"I'm glad you get it." He smiled genuinely. "Hey, are you from heaven?"

I slowly answered the brunette's question. "Heaven does not exist."

"Ahhh...." He exhaled. "Then I shall do my best right now."

With that said, he took another step off the roof.

Wind was caressing my cheek, and I still couldn't understand human being.

How can they have feeling while I lack of it?

What a shame.