tw: abuse. 

"Sorry nalimutan pala yung sauce nung seafoods." Me and Ali looked at the side where tita Thiara came from, holding a bowl that contains the sauce of the lobsters and crabs. 

"Salamat po," Ali said with a smile on her lips. 

Tita Thiara smiled back at her, "O sige na, maiwan ko na kayong dalawang dalaga." she said before walking back to the kitchen. Me and Ali made sure first that no one is around even a maid. 

She look at me and wideneed both of her eyes a bit, "So? What happened?" She ask, I bit my lower lip as I am contemplating if I should tell or not. Cause I think it's something too shallow for me to even stress about. 

"Ali try this, this is good, also this and this." I started handing her foods that she eventually reached for. 

"Okay, let's eat muna, I know it's something serious when you're being like this." She said before putting some carbonara on her plate, ham, and lasagna. On her other plate there she put some lobsters and grab legs. 

"Uy, sarap nga!" She said when she tasted the carbonara. 

"Mahilig talaga sila tita magluto 'no?" She ask and I slowly nod while slowly chewing on my food. 

"Sarap talaga, sayang wala dito yung iba, I'm sure si Jax mae-enjoy dito ngayon." She added and I nod. 

"Yes, but if they're here, I won't be able to tell you my problems." I said that caught her attention. She place down her fork and wipe the side of her lips using a tissue. 

"Ready ka na bang sabihin? Okay  lang naman if hindi eh, naiintindihan naman kita." She said but I shake my head. 

"No no, I'm ready na, I'll tell." I said and she nod before grabbing a cupcake. 

"So what happened nga?" She ask before taking a bite of her cupcake. I fidget with my hands before taking a deep breath. 

"Last night... I greet mom a Merry Christmas..." I said while looking down on my hands. 

"Oh, what did she replied?" she asked and based on her voice, she sounded excited, sadly I have to break her excitement. 

"She didn't replied, she just... seen it, as in... no replies." I replied before having the courage to lift my head up and look at her to see her confused expression. 

"Grabe naman si tita," she said pouting a bit, "As in no reactions from her?" she ask and I nod. 

"Kahit emoticons wala, just... seen. Binasa lang niya and maybe even got pissed because of my message. She just hate me Ali, she just... she could have just killed me when I was still in her womb." I said before feeling the tears building up in my eyes. 

"Okay kalma, kalma ka muna." She said and I nod before picking up the tissue close to me and wipe my tears, 

 "I know she has a reason why she let you live." She said which caught my attention. 

"You think so?" I asked and she nods. 

"I'm sure she have a reason, everything has a reason, you're alive for a reason." she said and I bitterly chuckled. 

"Yeah, to be mom's stress ball. Someone-- or something she can beat up when she's stressed." I joked before chuckling. 

"Napapadalas ba?" she ask, the worry in her voice is too obvious. 

I shake my head, "As I grew older... I learned my lessons, when she's mad, I should stay in my room. When she's mad I should be out of her sight or else she will let out her stress at me." I said as I felt another batch of tears on my cheeks. 

"I should stop being nosy. I should not seek for her love and care just like when I saw a kid." I said and that's when tears starts flooding down my cheeks. As I remember how I was abused as a kid. 

"I told you this many times already, I'm sure you're tired of it--"

"No, i-kwento mo lang, let the emotions out. I know the only time you get to be true to yourself when it's just the two of us." Ali cut me off, my head snap up and look at her direction where she's giving me a genuine smile. 

"Go lang, kwento lang, I'll never get tired of you, Lory." She said and just by her words more tears started to stream down my cheeks. 

I took a deep breath as both of my airways starts to get clogged, "I was two, my memories begun at the age of two. For unknown reasons the traumatic ones are what I remembered." I sobbed, I put my hands on my eyes thinking I can stop my tears. 

"I was just asking for milk, but she... dragged me to the bathroom and started showering me with hot water. She filled the tub with water and... she was drowning me. I was crying... I was asking her to stop. I was... I was out of breath but she kept going. Then..." I can't help but to pause just to cry and sob on my hands. 

"Then she drag me out the bathroom... she was treating me like a mop..." It almost came out as a whisper. 

"She threw my toys at me, then the milk powder then hot water. I remember how painful that was... I was two, Ali. I was two when I expreienced how cruel the world is." I sobbed before finally removing my hands form my eyes. I look at Ali who's already crying. 

"That's when it started. I grew up with bruises... almost everyday. I only feel safe when I'm with my lolo and lola. But once I'm with my mom... I feel fear and unsafe. I feel... scared for my life. I was a kid! I was a kid and yet I already feel scared for my life!" I exclaimed, almost shouting. When I realized what I just did I covered my mouth, scared that anyone might hear me. 

"Masama bang maghangad ng pagmamahal mula sa nanay, Ali? Is it wrong to seek for care, attention and love from my mother? Wala na nga akong tatay, tapos yung nanay ko ganun pa." I said before wiping my tears. 

"I just wanted to greet her a Merry Christmas and was hoping she would say the same. But instead she ignored me. I was giving it a shot. That maybe she's in a good mood and she will say the same. Maybe... maybe I ruined her mood. That's why I don't want to go with them. She would just get mad at me. Ayaw nga niya akong makita, Ali! She don't want to see me, to see my face because to her I am an accident and a mistake, I ruined her life!" I exclaimed before catching my breath. Ali just sat there, listening and looking at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"It's not your fault that you seek for her care, attention and love." She said in a low tone voice. 

"It's not your fault and will never be. It's her fault at the first place. Kasi kung noong una palang hindi na niya ipinagkait sayo  'yon edi sana ngayon... you don't feel deprived from it." She added, her words are making sense. 

She's right, if in the first place I don't feel like she doesn't care at me, I didn't feel like she doesn't love me, I might not be in this situation. If she just made me feel loved, I might be in better position now. Not like this... not suffering. 

"Kahit kailan hindi kasalanan ng anak na maghanap ng pagmamahal at aruga mula sa magulang niya. Kasi responsibilidad nila 'yon. Na alagaan at mahalin ka--"

"Well maybe nalimutan ng nanay ko 'yon. Cause all she do to me is... buy me things, she show her love and care through money. Sana maibili niya nalang din ako ng bagong nanay para gawin yung mga hindi niya magawa-gawa." I cut her off. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I wish I have a mom like tita Aleah." I said, when I mentioned her mom's name, her eyes widened a bit. 

"Or si tita Tova, maalin man sa nanay niyo ni Tobi." I added, 

"But for me... your mom is the best." I said smiling at her. 

She slowly nod, "Indeed, she's a good mom, sadly she don't have a good daughter." She said and my brows furrowed. 

"If you think you're a bad daughter, I'm worse." I said before taking a bite of my crab. 

"At least you're a strong and brave daughter, I'm a coward." she said before continue eating. 

"At least you're academic intelligent, not like me." I said before giggling a bit. 

I hear her chuckled, "Well at least you're talented---"

"Says the one who can literally stay up until 1AM to dance." I cut her off and her jaw dropped. 

"That's not a talent--"

"It is, stay up until 1AM just to dance, then have classes by the next morning, how can you live in that schedule?" I said and she begun laughing. Her laughter is contagious that it makes me laugh as well. We continue eating as we continue to joke around each other. We were just talking at random things. And from that random things, it will change into a serious one. Then to a paranormal one, then back to being a random topics. That's how it goes when you're with Ali. She doesn't run out of topics to talk about. And those are one of the reason why she's the best. 

"Alam mo sabi nila kapag daw nanaginip ka na nahuhulog ka tapos bigla kang nagigising, ibig sabihin daw tumigil yung puso mo sa pag tibok tapos nag react yung brain mo na mamatay kana kaya nanaginip ka ng ganun para magising ka." She said while enjoying her mouse cake. 

My bros furrowed as I place down the glass of lemon juice, "Hindi naman ganun yun, saan mo 'yan nabasa?" I asked and she smiled, "Wala lang... sa internet ganun." she replied and I can't help but to chuckle and shake my head. 

"Ay, speaking of internet, yung mga account natin doon, 30-50 years from now, ang daming magiging dead account kasi mga namatay na yung nasa henerasyon natin." she said and I snorted, "Gusto mo simulan ko na?" I asked and she showed me a confused expression. 

"Gaga, nasisiraan ka nanaman." She joked which made me burst out laughing. 

"Delikado kana sa buhay, sira ka. Sinasabi ko sayo, kapag na mental hospital ka hindi masaya doon." She added and I just chuckled and shake my head. 

We finished eating around 6PM, I can't believe we took 3 hours in just eating and talking about random things. I ask her if she wants to go to my room to stay a bit longer. She said she needs to be home by 7PM so we only have an hours to stay in my room.

"Diba may banyo sa may dulo noong hallway?" She ask as I am setting up the TV and speakers.

"Yes, why? May banyo naman ako dito." I said pointing at my bathroom door. 

She shake her head, "Doon nalang, may hahanapin kasi ako doon, may naiwan yata ako doon dayi" She said before exiting my room before I could even talk. Weird, ang tagal na ng huling beses na nakapunta siya dito. I also didn't remember her to go there the last time she was here. Or maybe she did, I just really have a poor memory in terms of random details. 

It's been more than fifteen minutes when she still haven't came back. I stood up from my sofa and was about to go out when the door opened and spit Ali out. 

"Saan ka galing?" I asked, 

"Oh, kumuha lang ako ng tubig sa baba tsaka nitong candy." She said, holding a strawberry candies she probably got from the kitchen. 

"Paos ka?" I ask when I noticed her voice changed and her eyes widened a bit, "Ay weh? HAHAHAHA, ikaw lang nakapansin, gagamutin ko nalang sa bahay." She said before entering my room. 

We started watching some kpop performances, some concerts or just listening to music. We didn't have much conversations anymore until she needs to go home because it almost 7PM and the sky is already dark. 

"Sa New Year libre ka?" She ask when we reach the gates of our house. 

My brows furrowed, "Why?" I asked, she smiled at me, "Punta ka sa bahay, New Year morning if want mo lang." She replied, my mouth formed a small 'o' before slowly nodding. 

"Sure, what time?" I asked, "Ahm... mga 10AM ganun, sisimba pa kasi kami nila mama at papa." she replied and I nod. 

"Sure sure, I'll try, I can't promise." I said and she giggled, "Sinabi ko rin 'yan noong nag-aakit ka na pumunta ngayon sa inyo eh. Pero look at me, pauwi na HAHAHA!" She said, bursting out laughing. 

Napatawa nalang din ako dahil sa tawa niya, "Okay okay, I'll try, ingat ka pauwi, chat me when you're home." I said and she nods. 

"Sure sure, bye, Merry Christmas ulit!" She said and I smiled at her. She started walking away and even gave me a wave when she's meter apart. 

When she's further, I went inside the gates and inside the house to take a rest. 

When I went to my room and lay down on my bed, I feel... I feel somehow relieved. I feel like something inside me that has been wanting to come out is already set free. I feel... okay... somehow. I feel... nice after the talk with Ali. Well... it's always like that. I always feel lighter after a day or just few hours with Ali. I  don't know what magic is in her but just by talking to her makes me feel good. 

Few minutes of laying down on my bed, I received a message from Ali saying she got home so I was able to sigh in relief as I'm sure she is now safe.

Before I could even fall asleep on my bed without changing clothes, I immediately jumped out of bed and went to my bathroom to take a shower, brush my teeth and change into pajamas. I did my skin care and more before laying down on my bed to sleep. 

I woke up by 9AM, surprisingly early. But instead of going downstairs to eat, I decided to play some music in my room while I paint at the terrace. The weather today is nice. Not too sunny but it's not raining. It's cloudy and a cold breeze keeps on hitting my face. 

I just painted a sunrise that my imagination just gave me before I decided to head downstairs. There's still foods from the Christmas, but I decided to have cereals. I put cornflakes, Froot Loops, chocolate flavored cereals and many more in one large bowl before I put some milk in it. I didn't eat in the dining and instead brought the large bowl in the living room while I watch something from the TV. 

When I finished my bowl, I rummage through the fridge to look for something else. I saw a strawberry cake that looks nice so I took it out from the fridge and took a slice for myself. I brought it back to the living room and continue eating. It served as my brunch so once I'm done eating, I decided to head upstairs. 

But I have nothing to do, since it's a good weather, I took the opportunity to take a dip at the pool. 

I spend my whole afternoon swimming or eating by the pool area. By 6PM I finally decided to  leave the pool and took a shower since the pool water damaged my hair a bit. I'm still drying my hair when I feel sleepy. So I didn't bother eating dinner and just went straight to bed. 

Days pass so quick that it's already New Year's eve in few hours. I learned my lesson not to ruin my mood and just enjoy my moment. I'm wearing a colorful, polkadot shirt from Gucci paired with some jeans and colorful shoes from Gucci too. We waited for the countdown before setting up the fireworks.

We had a lot of fireworks, colorful one, big once, loud once. The other houses in the subdivision light up their  fireworks too making the whole subdivision colorful. After the setting up of the fireworks, we had Media Noche, my titas said that we should serve lots and lots of foods so we will have lots of foods for the whole year. I didn't know that when they say a lot is this a lot. This is like 3x of our foods on Christmas. 

As much as I want to taste everything, I cant. I got full already. I had some tea to digest the foods I ate before heading up to  my room. It's a new year, a new starts I guess? I hope... this year will be good to me. 

I stayed up for more hours. Watching some concerts in my room and read some few chapters in the book I'm currently reading. What made me curse is that I realized it's 6 in the morning. Because Ali messaged me that they're going to the church already. 

to Alipangot:

Hey, sorry I won't be able to go, patulog palang ako. 

I sent it with some crying emoji that she reacted the laughing emoji. 

from Alipangot:

Ays lang, matuloy kana, matutulog nalang din ako mamaya. Happy New Year ulit! 

I reacted heart emoji to her message before I fell asleep.

Just like what I thought, I woke up around 2PM, the first I did is head downstairs and eat. Leftovers can still feed lots of people. I ate the foods I didn't get to taste last night. I'm done eating when I suddenly got an idea. 

"Excuse me, pakibalot naman po nitong spaghetti, shanghai, itong isang buong manok, itong fruit salad, ahm... what else, oh, this pork liempo, and this pancit po." I told the maids, while they prepare the foods I asked them too. I head upstairs and get change into some shorts and a hoodie. I put on some sneakers and grab a bag where my phone and wallet is before heading downstairs. 

When the food is ready, I brought it outside and ask kuya Therence for his keys. I hop on his motorcycle and drove off. 

"Ahm... excuse me... nasaan na po yung mga workers dito?" Tanong ko sa taong mukhang taga dito naman. The hut is here, but it's closed and no one is around. 

"Ah pasensya na miss, hindi ko napansin eh. Pero ang alam ko ay tapos na ang ginagawa nila diyan." he replied before walking away. My lips parted a bit before checking Inin's contact. He didn't told me they're moving out. 

Is this another series of hide and seek? Do I have to look for him everywhere again? Probably not, I have his contact, I can just message and ask him. 

"Happy New Year!"