CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
butterfly's repose — part two
" 𝖘𝖆𝖑𝖙 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖜𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉. "

     𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐔𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏. It started out with just Dallas and Emery, but the two older students had asked them to mention it to their friends so that they could expand a little. Selene and Remus would be finding out whether Dallas and Emery had done their part at their next group session after lessons had finished for the day ─ exactly one week since the last transformation.

     Selene was recovering okay from the October strain, no better than usual, but nothing worryingly worse. The days seemed longer, slower, especially when it got darker earlier, and the evenings just seemed to drag on.

     By the time it got to the end of the day ─ when Selene and Remus had double Potions to finish off ─ Selene was tired, her back ached, and her head was pounding from where the post-transformation haggardness was weighing on her despite a whole week passing.

     Potions with Slughorn wasn't the worst of lessons to end the day off with, however, and Selene was motivated enough to power through.

     They didn't have assigned seats when it came to practicals, which Selene knew today's lesson would be structured around. You simply walked into the classroom, noted which potion you would be making for the next hour or so and then off you went. They had been studying Rat Tonic ─ a riveting concoction ─ and Selene knew before she even read the board at the front of the class, that that was what they would be brewing.

     Which is why it was a different kind of nice when Remus walked into the classroom, briefly checked over the instructions on the blackboard and then scoured the room for her in particular.

     Selene knew it was her he was looking for when their eyes locked and his dimples popped out and then, having located his target, strode casually over to her, and perched on the stool beside hers.

     It was nice because it was so natural. Remus knew he needed a partner to complete the potion alongside, and he knew he wanted to do it with Selene. It was an easy choice, it seemed, for Remus. Selene didn't know they had reached the point in their relationship when one party could assume they were going to work together and the other would oblige happily.

     She didn't know until now, but she liked it.

     "You get the ingredients and I'll set up?" Selene suggested once the class had officially begun.

     Smiling contentedly, Remus nodded once and headed off in the direction of the classroom's store. But before he had completely walked away from her, he stopped, spun back around on his heels and walked back over to their shared bench.

     "Thank you for being my partner," Remus said to Selene, "I really can't handle James anymore."

     Chuckling at Remus' tired expression, Selene found herself unable to look him in the eyes. "You're very welcome, Remus," she said, before glancing over her shoulder and watching as James Potter idly sat at his bench, useless. "I applaud you for lasting this long."

     "Believe me," Remus huffed, "it was not easy."

     They made good progress faster than most of their peers and their Rat Tonic was brewing up . . . as nice as Rat Tonic can, they supposed.

     But just when things were running smoothly, when their cauldron was filled with a perfect green liquid and their teamwork made for great efficiency, one tiny slip-up made it all void.

     Selene was going one way, Remus the other, and somewhere in between reaching across the bench, their hands got tangled and one of them accidentally knocked the cauldron off its stand so that it toppled over, and the contents spilt over the worktop.

     But, most importantly of all, it didn't just coat their bench with a glossy emerald sheen, but Selene got caught in the crossfire, and she couldn't step away quick enough. The almost-complete Rat Tonic trickled onto her arm where she had managed to catch the cauldron and stop it from smashing on the cobblestone. The liquid soaked right through her robes and onto the freshly cut wound, the transformation from a mere few days ago had brought about.

    Selene could feel the liquid sear through her skin, burn past her flesh, leaving an agonising sting in its wake. It felt like someone was pushing their finger deep inside her wound, crushing and twisting until they reached bone.

     Selene tried her hardest to suppress the wail that wanted to escape her windpipe, that wanted to relieve her of pain in any way it could. But this kind of potion didn't cause harm, as such, to the average human skin. Rat Tonic was only toxic to rats, obviously. It only caused her so much torment because she had already been harmed. And by herself, of all people.

     Selene managed to turn away from Remus before he got so suspicious as to why her face was contorting in such panicked discomfort. But her hunched back and hushed gasps of strain must have caused some kind of wariness.

     And anyway, Professor Slughorn gave her away before she could so much as cover the flaming cut.

     "Miss Vervain." Slughorn stood in front of their desk. He must have seen what had happened even if the spillage had caused nothing of a racket. His face was twisted in concern and Selene only prayed Remus had gone temporarily blind. "I think it would be best if you went to see Madam Pomfrey."

     Selene wrapped her fingers around where the potion had coated her wound and squeezed, hoping the pressure would distract her from the pain. She stood up as straight as she could and held her breath as she spoke. "I don't think that will be necessary, Professor. It's just a small spillage." A small spillage she was currently wishing was a Wound-Cleaning Potion and not Rat Tonic. Even Wolfsbane would do.

     Slughorn tried to communicate with his eyes that this wasn't a suggestion, but a demand. All of the professors knew of Selene's condition ─ and Remus' too, but that also meant they knew the two should never know of their tragic similarity ─ of course, but that only made Selene even more opposed to special treatment. She didn't need her professors stepping on eggshells around her, treading lightly as if she were a fragile plate that could shatter any minute. She just wanted a normal school experience.

     But having accepted that was never going to happen for her years ago, Selene bowed her head and mumbled, "Yes, Professor."

     Selene caught Remus' eyes as she headed for the door. His brows furrowed but she couldn't differentiate between confusion and worry. Either way, he had noted the exchange that had just happened between her and the professor and whatever it was concerning, wasn't just a small spillage.

     The hospital was completely empty when Selene arrived. She explained what had happened to Madam Pomfrey and the woman didn't hesitate to bandage the girl up.

     "I know what you're going to say," Selene said with a sigh. "I need to take better care of myself."

     "That wasn't what I was going to say at all, Selene," the nurse replied softly, rolling Selene's sleeve up to give her as much room as possible to apply burn serum to the wound to clear up the pain the potion brought on.

     "It should be," Selene said, her eyes wandering away from her exposed arm and towards the ceiling she had stared up at so many times before.

     She wasn't expecting it but for some reason, Selene was annoyed at herself. For getting herself sent back to a place she tried so hard to escape. For acting so stupidly in class ─ stupid enough to almost expose the strange cut that stretched the length of her forearm. For being the sick kid, the one always getting out of lessons for reasons never elaborated on.

     "I'm here enough, don't you think?" Selene asked, allowing herself to chuckle humourlessly.

     But it was at that moment that a worried classmate, walked in through the hospital doors, having come straight from the dungeons at the end of his lesson.

     "I just came to see if Selene was okay," Remus muttered, taking cautionary steps inside the ward.

     Selene abruptly stood up. Madam Pomfrey hadn't finished freshly bandaging where the potion had hit her skin. Remus couldn't see her wound underneath but she still had to deter him in some way.

     "Why wouldn't I be?" Selene asked, forcing a polite smile as she spun to address him.

     "The potion was almost boiling hot, Selene," Remus said, a wrinkle forming in between his brows, as if the fact was obvious.

     But no . . . it wasn't. The cauldron had only ever been on a low heat to avoid boiling the tonic completely. It was warm, yes, and that certainly didn't make the pain any better, but it wasn't boiling, as Remus had mentioned.

     So, what was he trying to say? That he didn't want her to feel embarrassed for reacting in such a way? Trying to suggest that anyone would have hissed in such agony? Was he saying he understood why she reacted the way she did? Or trying to get her to confess something else?

     Madam Pomfrey must have noticed Selene's hesitation, as if she was buffering, struggling to respond. "Not anything some burn relief can't help," the nurse inserted herself into the conversation hoping to suppress any further suspicions Remus might have.

     "Exactly," Selene smiled as brightly as she could. "Thank you for checking in, Remus, but Madam Pomfrey can help me just fine. I'll be okay."

     "Oh, okay," Remus looked almost disappointed. Did he want to stay?

     More importantly, did he hear what Selene was talking about when he first walked in? Because nobody needed to know the extent of Selene's visits to the hospital wing. It would beg too many questions and bring far too much stress.

     "Well, I hope you feel better," Remus mumbled, backing out of the ward. "Bye then." He gave a short, brief wave and then he was gone.

     Selene fell back onto the hospital bed as if exhausted.

     "That was sweet," Madam Pomfrey said absently, as she continued wrapping up Selene's wound.

     "I suppose," Selene heard herself say. She supposes? Of course it was sweet, Selene knew that. Remus was lovely, caring, and her only classmate who took the time to make sure she was okay. She knew that was sweet.

     Madam Pomfrey must have noticed Selene's tired, solemn expression. "Something worrying you, dear?"

     "Nothing unusual," Selene replied.

     "Like what?"

     "I just don't want anyone to ever find out," she admitted. And it took a lot ─ to confess one's weaknesses. Selene always saw herself as lesser, and she never wanted anyone to discover her true self. Because then they too would see her as inferior.

     Madam Pomfrey momentarily stopped wrapping the bandage around Selene's arm and tried to catch the girl's distant gaze by ducking her head and manoeuvring in a way that Selene would see the nurse in her direct line of vision. "Especially not Remus?" She asked.

     Selene snapped out of her melancholy daze. "Why would you say that?"

     "Because the two of you are friends, are you not?" The nurse said.

     "Yes, we are, but," Selene trailed off, "I don't know, I just . . . don't . . ."

     Madam Pomfrey didn't need Selene to finish her sentence ─ she knew what the girl meant. "I won't let him find out, Selene," she said softly, placing a gentle hand on Selene's leg. "I won't let anyone find out."

———————————————

short and sweet :)

well.