She sat on the balcony of her floor, a cigarette in her hand and Cas' head on her shoulder. "This has been nice."

"It really has been," Cas said, his head tucked by her neck. She could feel the way his mouth moved along her neck. It was nice. It was sort of comforting.

Alyx exhaled the nicotine from her lungs. "You don't feel like someone who likes parties."

"I usually don't. I think I just like you."

Alyx's face was probably red as fuck. She was lucky that Cas couldn't see it. Taking another drag of her cig, she thought about it. He didn't like parties but he came to this one just to see her. He ended up seeming like he was having fun, so was he? "Did you have fun last night?"

"Yeah," Cas said, pulling away from her neck so he could look her in the eye. "I loved dancing with you and I'd do it again and again and again as long as you enjoy it too."

She didn't know him. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn't know Cas outside of whatever it was that they had last night. She didn't know his major or what his favourite colour was. Not that it would matter, if he was majoring in English, she'd probably still kiss him.

"Tell me about yourself," Alyx asked him, taking a soft and short drag, cocking her head and sort of taking in his soft face, his many freckles, and his curls.

Cas shrugged, his brown eyes moving away from her and turning to look out over the campus. It wasn't busy. It was a Saturday morning. But some students were moving around, going from point A to a point B. "I'm the middle kid, my older sister is kind of scary but can hold a conversation and my younger brother is a frat bro who wants to be a pilot."

"But who are you, Cas?" Alyx asked, her voice low, and Cas just... sat there. He didn't make any sort of movement, just so still that Alyx wasn't sure if he'd heard her at all. It felt like perhaps a question she wasn't allowed to ask. A question that she couldn't put out in the world because if she did, then everything would break.

He exhaled, his breath warm in the slightly chilled air. "Fuck if I know." And then he laughed slightly. Alyx joined in a bit because fuck if she knew either. Fuck if any of the kids on this campus knew who they were. "Who are you, Alyx?"

"I'm an only child who grew up in California. I miss it every day. I dance, I'm a dance major. I like to party and spend time with people. I like being in a group. I don't like lying and I don't like being left alone when I'm sad or lonely."

"You've got a good grasp on who you are," Cas said, his voice sort of far away from Alyx's ear.

Alyx shrugged, pulling the last vestiges of nicotine from her cigarette and putting it out on the concrete of the floor. "Yeah, well, I don't know, those are just things about me, they're not who I am. So fuck if I know who I really am."

Glancing at Cas, Alyx saw something she maybe wasn't meant to see. He looked at her so softly, his eyes relaxed and his breath slow. He was looking at her like she held the stars in her eyes. As if Alyx was a celestial being and he was a worshipper, sitting at her altar day and night just waiting for her to acknowledge him. She wasn't sure if she liked that.

"You feel real," Cas said, under his breath. She wasn't sure if she was meant to hear it. He wasn't looking at her, his eyes on the horizon. It wasn't like it was said for her benefit, it felt like Cas needed to hear it. She tried to ignore it, tried to leave that feeling behind.

Alyx dropped her head on his shoulder and his arm came up to hold her in the crook of his body, pressed against his side. He was stable and she didn't feel like she was floating back to California like she usually did. She felt like she could do so much if he just stood there and watched.

"You feel real," Alyx whispered, her head buried in his side, and she hoped he heard it because it felt like he needed to. But she wouldn't hate if she got to keep that thought to herself.

Her body against his felt familiar, her mind flashing to the fuzzy feeling of dancing next to him, running her hands down his chest. Dancing against him, her chest pressed to his with her arms around his neck. It was familiar and Alyx wondered, sitting on the balcony, whether or not there was a reason for that.

There had to be a reason for that. But even if there wasn't, Alyx would like to keep pretending like there was. It was comforting in the same way that Cas was to her. His body sat strong and hers curled into him, on the hard and cold concrete of the balcony, the bars of the railing before them, almost made the world look like it was in a jail cell, apart from the two of them. Separate from them, forever.

They'd get up in a bit, probably go to find some food, perhaps a cafe, but until then Alyx would sit there and be comfortable in the unknown, as long as Cas was there with her.