KABANATA 01:

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The Inspiration of the Writer

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❝ Writing seems like a long way to go for me, no matter how much I pour my letters in there's always been something that helds me back. Jealousy. That sneaky voice that doubts you on your own talent, it's just the enemy we can't stop can't we?❞ — from the pages of a deep crimson sky

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WALA NA na sigurong mas nakakainis kaysa sa tatay mong ni minsan hindi nagparamdam, tapos biglang magpaparamdam lang kung may kailangan. He's been silent during every Christmas, New Year, Valentine's Day, and even on our birthdays. So why is he reaching out now? It makes no sense.

"Mas pipiliin ko pang mag-proofread buong araw kaysa makita yang pagmumukha mo!" Nakapako ang tingin ko sa text ng hayop kong ama habang nagdadabog sa inis. Siya lang talaga ang may talentong sirain ang buong araw ko.

I was doing just fine until he dragged me over to Casa De Avaloria. If that hadn't happened, things would've been totally chill for me.

Pero sa lahat ng pagkakorap niya at sira niyang reputasyon, ako pa ang nadadamay.

Sana man lang akuin niya 'yon—kahit 'yon lang. Hindi 'yung ipagmalaki pa niya kung gaano siya kawalang-kwenta. Pucha.

"Loren, ano ba? Konti na lang, masisira mo na 'yung phone mo!" Naveen pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, stretching his arms overhead like a cat that had just emerged from a deep slumber. Quiet down, teacher's favorite.

Hindi ko na alam kung tao pa ba 'yon dahil isang tingin lang, alam na agad niya kung ano'ng mali sa pagsusulat niya.

Naiinis ako sa nararamdaman ko. Kahit hindi naman kami magkalaban ni Naveen, hindi ko maiwasang ikumpara ang sarili ko sa kanya.

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A twinge of jealousy stirs within me, a feeling that I know I shouldn't embrace. Yet, as I watch him excel beyond my own achievements, I can't help but feel a pang of envy for his success.

"Huwag ka nga dyan, Naveen!" inis na sabi ni Raena sa kanya habang kumakaway na para siyang pinaaalis.

"Hindi niya ako inaaway, hayaan mo na, Raena!" sagot ko sa kanya habang hinihila ko siya papalapit sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan 'tong babae na 'to! Parang laging gusto makipag-away!

That's just Raena for you. She's outspoken and always ready to defend me against anyone spreading rumors. When my brother and I first arrived at Casa De Avaloria, she reached out to me, and ever since, she's been a true friend.

"Bakit ka ba laging naiinis? Alam mo namang ayoko kapag may nang-aaway sa'yo," sabi ni Raena, sabay lingon sa paligid bago marahang ipinatong ang mga kamay niya sa mesa ko. "Matagal na kayong hindi okay ni Naveen—ano ba talagang ginawa niya sa'yo?"

Wala naman talaga akong pake kay Naveen. Kung tutuusin, hindi ko rin alam kung saan nagsimula 'tong pakiramdam ko na ayokong nalalamangan niya ako.

Siguro nagsimula 'yun noong senior high pa ako, noong unang araw ng klase sa HUMSS at nagpakilala kami. He received a lot of recognition, but I didn't.

Naveen has always ranked at the top of his class. Being recognized as the Legacy certainly sets him apart, doesn't it? Coming from a family of lawyers, he has also excelled in essay writing, which serves as a crucial stepping stone toward his goal of becoming a lawyer.

"Wala." Sagot ko kay Raena. Problema ko na kasi 'to, wala nang ibang dapat isisi kundi ako. At nang muling idinukdok ni Naveen ang kanyang ulo sa mesa, napasimangot na naman ako habang siya'y tinitingnan.

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As my eyes lingered on him, I narrowed my gaze, forcing myself to blink and steal a glance around the room. I raised my eyebrows slightly and shifted my posture, crossing my arms tightly in an effort to wrestle with the simmering jealousy that threatened to overwhelm me.

Talaga bang nahuhuli na ako? O baka nag-iilusyon na lang ako na kailangan ko pang magsulat? Kung hindi ko naman pala kaya, bakit pa ako nandito? Baka lagi na lang akong matatalo ni Naveen.

"I understand you might argue that you don't need this, but Loren, I've watched your dedication ever since our first year together. Yes, I can see you're still developing your writing voice, but that doesn't mean you have to constantly measure your progress against Naveen's. Your journey is your own," Raena said, a warm smile lighting up her face as she spoke to me.

Sobrang tinamaan talaga ako dun. Kita niya naman kung pa'no ako pinahiya ng prof namin kanina.

Ngayon, heto na naman ako, nag-proofread na naman. Pero siyempre, wala naman akong karapatan magreklamo. Mas okay pa sa akin 'yung mga sinasabi ni Raena na criticism, pero kapag galing na sa prof ko, hindi ko talaga siya matanggap. Sobrang harsh lang niya, honestly.

A soft chuckle escaped my lips. "Palitan mo na 'yung prof natin, ikaw na lang magturo. Promise, magsisipag pa akong magsulat!"

Raena gazed at me with her gentle eyes, extending her hand in my direction. As our eyes locked, I noticed her shoulders tense, and she let out a deep sigh that filled the air between us.

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"You can confide in me, Loren. I promise, I won't pass judgment on your writing. If you ever feel uncertain, you're welcome to share your work with me as many times as you need." A gentle smile graced her lips as her gaze met mine.

"'Wag na, ayos lang talaga, Raena," sabi ko sabay tawa. Tumingin na lang ako sa kanya at napangiti, kahit may kaunting kirot.

"Baka nga tama si sir... magaling lang siguro talaga akong mag-info dump. Kaya bakit pa ba ako nandito?"

"Utter nonsense!" Raena exclaimed, her palm striking the table with a sharp emphasis as she fixed her gaze on me. "That's simply not true! Other professors, including Prof. Gia, truly appreciate your writing and see your potential. You have a remarkable talent for painting scenes with vivid descriptions!"

"Baka hanggang doon lang talaga ang kaya ko," sabi ko sa kanya habang napapailing at nakatitig sa mga papeles ko.

"Huwag ka nga! Magaling ka naman magsulat. Akala mo lang 'yan at gagaling ka rin. Hindi mo kailangang i-pressure ang sarili mo," paalala sa akin ni Raena.

Wala talagang ibang nakakaunawa sa 'kin kundi si Raena. 'Yung mga poetry niya sa Instagram, doon ako kumukuha ng lakas para magpatuloy.

She understands the depths of my self-doubt as a writer, and Raena has a remarkable gift for lifting my spirits whenever those unexpected blues creep in.

Alam ko na walang madaling daan pagdating sa pagsusulat. Sa halip na malungkot dito, mas mabuti pang pagtuunan ko ng pansin ang pag-aayos ng pagsusulat ko. Everyone who begins writing experiences this.

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Working in this industry requires a high level of preparedness. It's not really for those who feel like lost little chicks. Writing is all about being ready for anything that comes your way from others. You can't just expect people to automatically love what you write.

That's what I'm dealing with. I struggle to write well, which leads me to constantly compare myself to Naveen. I can't help but notice how easily he seems to succeed, while I feel like I have so much to improve. It really brings me down, and I dislike feeling this way.

"Pardon me, knock knock," came a voice at the door. My eyebrows arched in surprise as I caught sight of Reed stepping through. A warm smile spread across his face, lighting up the room. Si Raena, tingnan mo ang itsura! Mukhang stressed na siya nang makita ang kakambal ko.

She reached for her backpack, her fingers brushing against the familiar texture of her comb. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, a wave of anxiety washing over her as her complexion drained to an even paler hue. Stealing a quick glance at Reed, she felt a surge of determination mixing with her nerves.

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Gritting her teeth, she gathered her dark, curly hair, bringing it forward, rich brown strands intertwined with vibrant red highlights framing her face. Hayop na kambal 'to, sinabi ko na huwag kang magpakita rito!

"Ayos ka lang?" tanong ko sa kanya, at napangiti siya nang kaunti.

"Pakisabi kay Raya, bitin pa 'yung sampal niya sa kambal mo. Hindi na talaga ako magkakagusto sa engineer, I swear!"

"Wala naman akong crush na engineer, so 'di ako relate."

"Luh, hayop ka! Damayan mo naman ako na-ghost ako, 'no!" sigaw ni Raena sabay yugyog sa 'kin.

Eh paano ko naman malalaman? Problema nila 'yon ni Reed. Hayop talaga 'yung kapatid ko dalawa pa nga ang pinaiyak! Hindi bale na nga, makaalis na dito sa room dahil tiyak tinext na nga rin 'yan ng animal naming tatay.

As I cast a quick glance at my laptop, silence enveloped me. My gaze lingered on the screen for a moment before my fingers reached toward the vibrant violet wireless mouse beside me.

With a gentle tug, I extracted the USB from its port, the faint sound of disconnection echoing in the stillness.

As I watched the screen, it spent a few lingering moments loading before displaying the words, "Shutting down, please wait."

Gradually, the screen faded to black. I gently placed my hand on the laptop, closing it with a soft click. Lifting it carefully, I nestled it back into my bag, urgency pushing me to act swiftly.

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"Raena, baka matunaw si Reed sa tingin mo!" natatawa kong sinabi habang bahagya ko siyang tinulak. Grabe kasi! Konti na lang, parang sasapakin na niya 'yung kakambal ko.

"Gagawin ko na talagang male lead 'yang kupal na 'yan sa story tapos red flag pa! Puta, makaganti man lang ako! Ano'ng patawad-patawad? Pwe!" sigaw niya, habang ako naman napailing na lang at natawa. Kaya kami close ni Raena, eh magkapareho kami kung paano mag-isip.

Inaasahan ko na talagang minsan mag-o-overtime ako sa klase, lalo na kung News and Feature Writing ang subject namin.

Feature writing grants you some creative freedom, providing an opportunity to vividly portray the scene and infuse the narrative with the essence of the experience while still conveying the facts.

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A feature writer has the ability—and the responsibility—to present the subject in its most artistic and captivating manner.

This is precisely why I chose to write about exploratory essays: to convey how they have influenced my journey in journalism. This experience serves as my foundation for improving my writing and navigating my path in the publishing industry.

I chose a different path. While I didn't aspire to be a reporter, my true desire was to connect with authors and immerse myself in their books—it's a passion that has always guided my goals.

"Sige na, hihilahin ko na palabas 'yung kambal ko, ha. Pasensya na talaga sa ginawa niya." Sabi ko habang inirapan si Raena. Nakakahiya talaga 'yung mga pinaggagagawa ni Reed! That fool should have told Raena how he felt if he didn't like her. I don't think it has anything to do with his course anymore.

"Hmm," tinanguan lang ako ni Raena. "Sige na, Loren. May kailangan pa akong basahin para sa Ethics and Law."

Para akong napatigil sa sinabi niya. Oo nga pala, ang dami pa naming readings. At kung Ethics and Law na ang usapan, aba, mga topic na mabibigat 'yan tulad ng libel, privacy, at freedom of the press.

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May case study pa kami. Grabeng parusa naman 'yan! Required ba talaga mag-aral? O nag-aaral ka lang dahil pinahihirapan mo ang sarili mo? Alin ba talaga doon ang sagot?

Media ethics are super important because if a journalist wants their work to be seen as real news or journalism because they have to stick to those ethical guidelines. Op-eds and opinion pieces are just that—opinions—not actual journalism.

So, journalists should either avoid those types of pieces or make it really clear when they're sharing their personal take.

Ngumiti ako. "Mauna na ako, ha. May reunion pa kasi ako. At please lang, Raena, ilayo mo muna ako sa case study natin. Hindi pa ready ang frustrated writer na 'to para mag-revise." Tinuro ko pa sarili ko habang kumakaway sa kanya, tapos dumiretso na ako sa pintuan para harapin si Reed.

"Oh, come on, Loren! Don't be like that!" Raena exclaimed, her voice filled with frustration. She let out a heavy sigh, dropping her hand in exasperation. Her eyes lingered on me, filled with concern, as if the weight of her feelings pressed down on her.

Tumingin ako kay Reed, umusog siya at inangat ang kamay, na parang nahuli ko siya sa isang bagay, tapos tumawa pa siya, "Wala akong ginawang masama. Hindi ko nga kinausap 'yung kaibigan mo."

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With a sharp glare, I warned him through clenched teeth, "Keep your distance from my friends!" My arms folded tightly across my chest, I stood my ground, determined to protect those I cared about. Sinabi ko sa kanya na kung may lalandiin siya, huwag sana ang mga kaibigan ko.

Nagiging dragon ako kapag niloloko ang mga kaibigan ko eh. Sige, subukan lang niya. Upakan ko siya!

"Saan ba tayo pupunta? Ang dami ko pang drafts eh!"

He tilted his head slightly, a subtle gesture that directed my attention toward him. "Sabi ni Lola, miss ka na raw niya."

Pupunta naman ako kay Lola kung 'yon lang talaga ang gusto nila. Pero 'pag nakita ko pa 'yung walang kwenta kong ama, 'yun ang hindi ko talaga kaya. Tinapon niya lang kami dito sa school na 'to na parang wala lang, tapos ngayon tatawag lang siya kung may kailangan? Para lang ipagyabang na naman kami? Alam ko na 'yang style niya.

I shot a fierce glance at Reed and shoved him aside, my heel striking the floor with a sharp click before I strode off in silence, refusing to look back. He flailed his arms about, apparently finding the whole scene amusing, but to me, it was anything but a joke.

"Loren, sandali lang! Galit ka ba kasi ghinost ko 'yung friend mo?" sigaw ni Reed habang humahabol. Ugh, tumigil ka nga. 'Di ako nakikipag-usap sa mga ghoster. Bumalik ka na lang sa school mo dati. Hindi tayo bati, Reed.

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"Saan—"

Bigla akong natigilan at napalaking mata sa mahinang tunog ng gitara. Mahina rin siyang kumakanta. Hindi ko alam kung napapansin niya ako, pero ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

"In the deep shade of crimson, where shadows softly lie. You're unfolding gently, like the sun rising high. A whisper of wonder, your beauty starts to show,

Though you may not see it, I'm captured by your glow."

Nakapikit siya habang patuloy sa pagtugtog ng gitara.

As he struck the first note of the song, a powerful rumble resonated through the room, deep and velvety, wrapping around me in an intoxicating embrace. His voice dipped into a rich, low timbre, each word spilling from his lips like a potion, enchanting the very air around us. I could feel the thrill grip my heart, warmth flooding my cheeks as the vibrations and melodies lured me deeper into the music, as though I were the sole recipient of a secret love song crafted just for me.

"Oh, flowers, flowers, blooming so slowly, when will I witness your full splendor, holy? In the garden of my heart, where you take your time, I'm waiting for the moment our souls intertwine."

Hindi man perpekto ang pagkanta niya, pero damang-dama mo ang sincerity sa mga kanta niyang siya mismo ang nagsulat. Saglit niyang iminulat ang mga mata niya at nagtama ang tingin namin. At shet... parang nahulog na yata ako sa kanya.

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If there's any epitome of perfection, it has to be you, baby.

With his flowing, curly black hair that danced in the air, he possessed striking golden-brown almond-shaped eyes that sparkled with mischief. A pointed nose added character to his face, complemented by thin lips and angled eyebrows that framed his expression perfectly. Dressed in a cozy, oversized brown knitted shirt paired with crisp white pants, he radiated a casual charm.

To top it all off, the few earrings that adorned his ears, along with the rings that graced his fingers, added a touch of allure, making him all the more captivating.

"Loren!" sigaw ni Reed mula sa malayo, at napalingon ako bigla. Nag-moment ako, alam mo 'yun? Ang sama ng kambal ko! Ngayon ko lang siya napansin eh 'yung pogi sa harap ko!

"Reed, ang galing mo! Ngayon lang ako nakahanap ng inspiration tapos panira ka pa."

"Ha!? Saan!?"

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Tumingin siya sa harap, tapos biglang sumabay-sabay ang sigawan ng mga babae dahil pinagkaguluhan na yung lalaking kumanta. Ngumiti si Reed sa akin, tapos binunggo niya ako na halos matumba ako sa lakas.

"Psh! As if, little sis! Hindi ka niya kilala eh! Nako, wag ka nang umasa kay K, wala kang chance diyan!"

Sana lang pwede ko nang itapon 'yung kakambal ko, gagawin ko! Panira na agad sa love story ko 'yan. I-cancel na niyo na si Reed, grabe, nakakainis!

I couldn't help but bite my lip as I stole glances his way—once, then again, and again. He seemed oblivious to my gaze, lost in his own world. The corners of my mouth curled into a wide smile, brighter with each lingering look. My cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red, a blush fueled by my growing admiration. In my excitement, I nudged my twin brother playfully, unable to contain the thrill that surged within me.

"Sinabing—"

"Wala akong pake, Reed. Kung hindi niya talaga ako crush, aba, madali naman akong kausapin! Pilitin natin aba." Sabi ko sa kanya, tapos lalo pa akong nagtitili. With that, I took hold of the ends of my hair, twisting and twirling them playfully.

Got it. K. That's his name, then. I'll make a note of it.

From this instant onward, you belong to me. I will do whatever it takes to claim you. At pag tumingin ka, kuya, akin ka na.

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Song used:

This is the fictional song that I created for my stories. To avoid any issues with plagiarism, I intentionally refrain from using popular music. I hope you find this information useful!

I have personally written all of the lyrics.

Love in Every Petal by Nocturnal Boys