SIX. love's a dangerous game to play

trigger warnings: mentions of abuse and blood

Tatum's head is underwater. The green eyed monster holds her by her hair and he's going to kill her. And she knows she deserves it. She's ready to die in this bathtub because she wants to feel the touch of his hands and that means her life is over anyways. She's fifteen. She knows these things. She knows how to read and do long division and she knows that boys who like to hurt girls is a dead boy inside the body of a king, unless she keeps her mouth shut, which she didn't, because she knows she's weak and hollow and it doesn't matter anymore.

Are you brave? The devil asks. No, she answers, but I am alive.

Tatum groaned in pain. Her body was stiff and burning hot yet her lips were dry. When she twitched, everybody around her gathered around the table she was on. "Tatum, are you okay?" Monty was the first to ask.

Her eyelashes fluttered on her cheeks and she let out another groan. "What happened?" Her words muffled.

"Cougar attack," Bellamy answered this time and stood beside Monty by her legs. "You got some gnarly scars on your back."

"I don't have anything on my face, do I do?"

"Uh, no, you don't." Clarke answered with a shake of her head and her brows scrunched together.

"Good," she responded weakly. "I'm too pretty to have face scars right now." It made them all laugh. "Can I sit up?"

"Yeah." Clarke and Octavia helped her shift on the table.

Tatum groaned again at the feeling her back injury. "God damn, that hurts like a bitch." She hissed through her teeth. She then noticed that Bellamy's jacket was covering the front part of her body and she looked at him through her lashes. He just smiled slightly, a light redness on his tan cheeks. She looked between all of them, remembering there was someone missing. "Is Jasper okay?"

"He's fine," Clarke answered and grabbed one of her shirts, helping her put it on. "We have to cauterize his wounds like yours but he'll be okay. You won't be able to sleep on your back for at least a few days and you'll have to be careful putting your clothes on or bending down." She explained to her.

From across the room, Jasper started groaning in pain. Clarke rushed over to him along with the others.  "The grounders cauterized the wound. Saved his life." She said to them.

"Saved his life so they could string him up for live bait," Finn responded sarcastically. "Garden of Eden this ain't."

She inspected his wound further. "This is infected. He could be septic," She informed. "As long as he doesn't catch a fever." She turned back at Monty. "Any progress on using the wristbands to contact the ark?"

"That would be a firm no." Monty answered.

"How's he doing?" Wells asked when he came through the hatch.

"How does it look like he's doing, Wells?" Clarke said harshly, her attitude catching them off guard.

"Hey, i'm only trying to help."

She closed her eyes. "Right, you want to help? Hold him down." Clarke ordered and asked ever to the heated bowl. She pressed the knife to the hot charcoal.

Tatum walked over and her eyes stayed on Jasper the whole time, his state making her feel sick. "I'm not gonna like this, am I?" Monty question, knowing what she was going to do.

"Most likely not."

"If I throw up, y'all don't mind me." Tatum announced. "I don't do good with pain."

Clarke stood above Jasper and pressed the hot steel of the knife to his wound. Instantly, he screamed in pain and it caused Tatum to gasp. She gripped Monty's arm.

"Hold him still."

She immediately took ahold of Jasper's hand and squeezed it. "It's okay, Jazz. It's okay," she assured through her building tears.

Clarke started to cut away the infected flesh on his wound causing him to scream louder. "Stop it! You're killing him!" Octavia shouted over his screams.

"She's trying to save his life!" Finn defended her.

"She can't." Bellamy stated when he entered the room. 

Wells inches closer to him. "Back off." He snapped.

"We didn't drag him through miles of woods just to let him die." Clarke argued.

"Kid's a goner. If you can't see that, you're deluded. He's making people crazy."

"Yeah, and i'm sure I was too. But did you let me die? No!" Tatum threw a him, glaring harshly.

"That's different." Bellamy stated, giving her a look.

"No, it's not. Sorry if Jasper's an inconvenience to you and your little minions out there but we're not letting him die. We're not letting anyone die!" She shouted with a red face.

He clenched his jaw as he stared at her. "Look at him. he's a lost cause." He pressed on and motioned to the broken boy on the table.

"That's not true. Not if I can seal the wound." Clarke butted in.

"Clarke—"

"Octavia, i've spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there's hope, there's hope." She interrupted the girl.

"This isn't about hope, it's about guts. You don't have the guts to make the hard choices. Neither of you do,"  Bellamy referred to both Clarke and Tatum. "I do. He's been like this for three days. If he's not better, i'll kill him myself."

Tatum looked at him with disgust. "How can you be so heartless?" She almost spat.

He stared into her eyes that were laced with pain and feelings of betrayal. Just the other day she was close to death and he carried her back to camp. She's alive. And now they're back to fighting like they did before. Bellamy wouldn't admit it but he didn't want to hurt her, but he had something to prove, so he pushed back his personal feelings and looked at his sister. "Octavia, let's go." He ordered.

"I'm staying here," Octavia dismissed and Tatum was grateful that at least one Blake sibling was on their side.

She watched Bellamy leave the drop ship and she couldn't hold back how she was feeling. "Power-hungry, self-serving jackass, son of a bitch. Who does he think he is getting to make decisions like that? The Chancellor? Doesn't care about anyone but himself.  He's worse than Murphy." Tatum rambled in a fury. She immediately looked between Octavia and Wells.  "Sorry, no offense."

Octavia shook her head. "None taken."

"Let it all out." Said Wells, not thinking about telling her off.

"Yeah, Bellamy is all that. But he also happens to be right." Finn claimed.

Tatum groaned. "If you start too, i'm going to explode."

Tatum decided she needed a break from them torturing her best friend before her head would explode. The sounds of Jasper's screams made her dizzy. She was never good with pain. Just the feeling of her back hurting was enough for her to want to throw up. She needed to clear her head. 

The fresh air blew on her sweaty skin and she took a deep breath, still feeling a bit dizzy. From across her,  she spotted a little girl sitting by herself and watching the others work on the wall. Tatum walked over to her and smiled. "Hi." She greeted kindly.

She looked no older than thirteen. Her dirty blonde hair was wrapped in a messy braid. She looked at the older girl. "Hi." She responded shyly.

"I'm Tatum. This is the first time i've seen you."

"Yeah, I usually try to stay back. I think i'm the youngest here. I'm Charlotte."

"It's nice to meet you," Tatum smiled again. She glanced around the camp, not seeing anyone she knew. She decided maybe a walk would be best. "Do you fancy a walk with me?"

Charlotte thought about it then shrugged. "I guess it can't hurt."

The girls walked through the woods side by side. "What did you get sent down here for?" Asked Tatum.

"Assaulting a guard." Charlotte answered.

She laughed. "That's what i'm talking about. Wish I did that."

"You killed someone, didn't you? Your boyfriend? Riley Evergreen?"

Tatum's smile fell into a straight line.

"Did he hurt you?" She asked next.

Nobody knew the situation between Tatum and Riley Evergreen. It was likely they never would because Tatum wouldn't dare share it with just anyone, not even the people she grew up with. But it was the first time somebody ever asked her that question. "Let's just say he wasn't a good person." She answered simply but her tone was quiet.

Charlotte nodded lightly. "Are you okay?"

Another question. another very important question. Tatum nodded firmly, letting out a breathy laugh. "Yeah, yeah i'm okay. Thank you for asking."

The two continued their walk through the woods, talking and getting to know each other. Charlotte reminded her of someone she used to know. Someone she wished she could've known longer. When they passed by a tree, Tatum screamed when an ax was flung in her direction, landing in the tree next to her. She clutched her beating chest.

"Tatum? I could've killed you." Bellamy's voiced boomed and she turned to see him standing farther away from the tree. He was hunting with some of the older boys from camp.

Tatum looked at him, then the axe, and back at him. "I think you missed me by a few feet." She stated.

He laughed sarcastically. "What are you doing out here?"

She set her hands on Charlotte's shoulders. "We were just taking a walk." She answered.

He looked at the unknown girl. "Who the hell are you?" He asked rather rudely.

"Charlotte."

"I almost killed both of you," he continued. "Why aren't you guys back at camp?"

"With that guy who was dying, I just couldn't listen
anymore," Charlotte replied and her eyes trailed down to the ground.

He looked at Tatum, one of his brows flicking up.

"I just needed a break from there."

"There are grounders out here. It's too dangerous for a couple of little girls." A boy, whose name was Atom, commented when he came and stood by Bellamy.

She glared at him. "Little? I can throw better than both of you." She said with a scoff.

"And i'm not little." Charlotte added fiercely.

"Okay," Bellamy nodded. He motioned to Tatum with his finger. "Tatum, come here."

She raised an eyebrow and stepped up forward. When she got to his side, he handed her a knife. "Throw wherever you want." He told her and motioned with his arms to the open nature around them. She gave him a weird look and he sat his hands on his hips.  "C'mon, little Miss Hot Shot." He teased slightly.

She shook her head. "Don't call me that."

"You've gotta let me give you a nickname sometime."

"When you stop being a self righteous asshole, then we'll see." She snapped. She looked away from him and in front of her for a target. When she found it, she smirking and threw the knife at a fast speed. 

It flew past the tree making Atom and Bellamy laugh.  Bellamy covered his mouth with his fist to hide his laughter and he placed a a hand on her shoulder.  "Sorry Blue Eyes, maybe we can keep trying." He said with an obnoxious grin on his face.

"Yeah, maybe you can actually hit a tree." Atom insulted with a loud laugh.

She smirked and titled her head. "I wasn't aiming for the tree."

They stopped laughing and looked at each other in confusion. Atom gave her a weird look before going to the spot where she threw the knife. They waited for him to come back. He came back with a dead bird in his hands, the knife she threw stick in it. Charlotte laughed. "Wow." She said with a wide smile.

The boys looked at her with slacked jaws. Tatum looked at Bellamy and smirked. "Don't worry Freckles, i'm sure I can teach you." She mocked him.

Charlotte giggled and he sent her a blank stare.  "That's cute, Tatum. Very cute." He said sarcastically. He turned to Charlotte. "And as for you—" he took out a sharp knife and handed it to her. "You can't hunt without a weapon."

"Bellamy, I don't think—"

"Nothing to worry about, Tatum." He interrupted and looked back at the girl. "Ever killed something before?" He asked while she gripped the knife tightly and silently shook her head. "Who knows? Maybe you're good at it."

"Yeah, like someone over here." Atom interfered and his eyes went to Tatum.

She glared and twirled the knife in her hand. "Keep talking and the next target will be between your eyes." She threatened.

"Okay, okay, come on," Bellamy butted in and took her by the elbow. Her and Charlotte following him through the woods. "What did you mean by you needed a break?"

She looked his way. "What?"

"You said you needed a break from camp. Is it about Jasper?"

"I just don't take pain very well." She answered timidly.

"Why not?" Bellamy continued to ask.

She didn't answer. She looked around the woods, staring at the trees and the clouds, and avoided eye contact with him. Bellamy frowned when she saw she was ignoring the question. "Are you in pain?"

She locked eyes with him. "Depends on how you're asking." She responded and her tone was different. It was unexplainable.

His eyes didn't leave hers until Atom's voice broke him for his trance. "What the hell is that?"

They turned to where he was looking and Tatum gasped when she saw a yellow fog coming toward them. "Run!" Bellamy shouted. He grabbed her hand and they sprinted off with Charlotte following behind. They hurried through the forest and searched for a shelter. "Come on! The caves are this way!"

The three of them ran as fast as they could to avoid being hit by the fog. Adrenaline rushed through Tatum's body and she felt like she could run for hours.

"Bellamy!" A sharp voice screamed through the forest. Tatum paused on instant when hearing the voice but Bellamy quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her away. They found an underground cave and he urged the two girls in before jumping down and closing the hatch.

She groaned in pain as she landed on the cold floor, a pain shooting up her back. "Tatum, are you okay?" Charlotte asked her with worry.

Bellamy gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry, Tatum. I didn't mean to push you."

She waved her hand. "No harm, not foul. . . Except maybe a little harm." She replied with a wince.

He grabbed her hand and carefully helped her up.  They looked around the dark cave. "It's so. . . dark."

He looked at her with a look that said really. She shrugged. "Sorry, that's the only adjective that popped in my head."

He was so easy to love. He made her feel safe. When he held her hand it felt like she was flying. He laughed at things easily. He was soft, kind, and gentle. He listened to her words. Until he wasn't anymore.

Tatum cried more than she ever had before. Her knees were pulled to her chest. She felt like a little girl. She was sixteen. At what age did she stop being a little girl?

"God, you're always crying. You're such a baby." Riley groaned, his irritation growing more and more intense.

"I can't do this anymore."

"What was that?"

"I can't do this anymore!" Tatum shouted. She stood from the corner of her room. "I can't keep doing this with you, Riley!"

"Why do you always put this on me? Don't you ever stop to think maybe you're the problem?" Riley yelled back.

"I've done nothing but love you and all you do is treat me like shit." She said through her cries.

He motioned to himself. "I treat you like shit? That's real fucking rich, Tate. Every time i've tried being there for you since your dad died, all you do is act like a fucking bitch me."

"He was all I had left, Riley!"

"Do I mean nothing to you?"

"I never said that—"

"But you were thinking it." Riley accused her. "Why don't you go be with one of your boys. Maybe Murphy, huh? It's painfully obvious he's in love with you."

He always did this. He always brought up the boys in their arguments. Accusing her of sleeping with them. Cheating on him with them. This boy ain't no good.

"They're my friends since I was kid, Riley. I would never do that to you!" She tried to convince him. Another cry ripped from her throat, a little girl cry, because she was only sixteen years old.

"Which one of them have you fucked?" He suddenly asked.

A gasp game from her. "What?"

This boy ain't no good, Tatum.

"C'mon, tell me. I know you kissed Murphy. Which other have you gotten with? Or is it all of them?" He kept throwing the questions at her.

She slapped him so hard her hand stung like it was bleeding. His hair covered his face, Tatum's eyes widened with panic. She covered her mouth with the hand. "Riley, I'm sorry—"

He backhanded her across the face. This boy ain't no good, Tatum. "Really? You're gonna do that to me?" He shouted and grabbed her hair, making her cry out. "Really bitch? I do everything for you!"

Her hand closed around his wrist. "Riley, stop—"

It should've been the last time he ever put his hands on her. She could've told someone. Jasper, Monty, Hannah, even Abby. But she never did. Tatum kept the abuse to herself in hopes that she could get Riley to stop. They loved each other. He was just angry. Anger doesn't last forever.

Each time he hit her, it was like he was kissing her. His touch was always cold but it brought her back, reminding her of the first time they met. She was just a girl. Girls don't know any better until they're caught in the crossfire. Riley was older than her. He knew better.

There was so much glass. So much blood. Tatum tried to disappear, go to a different place where she could be safe, but she'd never be safe. And she found herself wanting to be with her dad.

"Tate? Baby?" Riley stuttered uncontrollably. His green eyes were rimmed red and drool dribbled down his chin, his face crisp red.

Tatum felt nothing but pain. She withered on the floor, the broken glass cutting into her skin, the picture frames that were once on their coffee table now broken to pieces. There was so much blood. So much of her blood. Each time he called her name, the more she began to cry, and Tatum curled into a ball on the floor — not bothering to try and move. She was trapped in her own body, forever remaining in his trap. She held her belly tightly, her little girl cries echoing in the room.