"From the top, guys. Alexandria, we really need to get this done in the next thirty minutes." The director calls, his voice piercing through the thin veil of distraction that lies across my head.

"Yeah, I've got it." I call back, my voice wobbly.

"You better. Now, from the top people." The director instructs and the crew around me rush to set everything up yet again.

I stand in the middle of the chaos, unmoving and unfazed by the blurs of movement around me. Sounds make it through to my ears, but my brain is barricaded in, silence ringing out in my thoughts. I stand with a stone in my stomach, its weight pressing me further and further into the floor. I shudder with every person that brushes against me, not wanting anymore physical contract unless its from him.

I miss him. The undeniable truth has arrived and I find myself at a loss without Theo. My anger has fizzled out, sadness has replaced it. I miss his jokes, his small smiles, his inability to swear despite me cursing around him twenty-four seven. I miss the way he would hold my hand at every possible chance he would get and when he was worried, how he'd sandwich my hand in-between both of his. How we would lie on the sofa together and watch horror films, our legs intertwined and his arms-

"Okay, silence on set please!" A voice calls and I get swept out of my thoughts. Again.

Making my way back to my starting position, I sit on the bed with my legs crossed, the silk robe falling off of one of my shoulders. Straightening my back, I inwardly pull myself together and run through my lines. Action is called and my body, despite its attempts, goes tense.

My on-screen romantic interest, Oliver, walks through the 'door' and we begin the scene. The beginning is fine and as we talk to each other, my breathing evens out and I relax into the scene. But, as soon as he begins to walk over to me, I curl into myself again, unable to stop myself from reacting in a negative way to his body coming closer to mine.

We move until I'm under him, written next in the script is when Oliver and I have 'sex' but that's just bullshit. We're only uncovered from the waist up and I have a stick on bra on, so there's really nothing to be worried about. Scenes like this are all about camera angles and good music that will later be chosen by the music guys. Editing will make it look intimate and there, you've got yourself a good scene.

But that good scene will never happen if the actors can't breathe. Or speak. Or move. And this is happening to me every time Oliver lies on top of me, supporting his weight on his forearms which lie beside my face. I stop breathing. My body shuts down as my boy goes into panic mode. It's happening again and as I gasp for air, the director calls cut and Oliver backs off immediately, looking at me with a frown.

"Are you okay? I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable." He says.

"No, sorry it's all my fault." I say but I don't get to finish explaining. My apology is stopped by the sight of a disgruntled director walking my way.

"Alexandria, I'm not sure what's going on with you but we really need this scene. You're not in it today, that's obvious. We'll shoot it next week when you're back on set. We'll just switch some of the filming times around. Get yourself together by then, yeah?"

"I will," I nod, trying to keep a straight face through the onslaught of embarrassment going through me right now. "I'll see you next week."

I rush out of there as soon as I can, collecting my stuff and saying goodbye quicker than I ever have done before. Getting into a taxi, I was relieved when I only spotted three paps on the way. Shutting the door, I blow out a breath as the car starts once I tell the driver my address. Keeping any emotions at bay, I breathe deeply as I keep my mind neutral, determined not to fall apart in a taxi again.

Paying the driver once it parks outside of my apartment, I groan at the sight of the paparazzi waiting outside of my apartment. Knowing there's no point in waiting, I slather on a brave face and make my way out, keeping my head held high.

"Are you and Theodore Williams a couple?"

"Why aren't you talking to your fans?"

"Is there an on-set romance? One including you?"

I practically sprint into my building, not wanting to hear anymore of the voices. They already haunt my nightmares already despite the fact that they're dying off. Maybe it's because I know that if I have one, I won't have Theo to help me through it.

The sight of my apartment is a welcomed one and I drop my keys into a bowl with a sigh, kicking off my shoes. Familiar voices echo through the apartment and I walk through, finding Clara and Isadora sitting on my sofa talking.

"What are you guys doing here?" I question, a small smile of relief on my face.

They both turn around in sync and give me sympathetic smiles. Sick of that look, I roll my eyes and go and sit in-between them, their bodies sandwiching mine in a feeling of comforting friendship.

Reaching over and squeezing my hand, Clara asks, "Why are you home so early? I thought you still had an hour of filming. I was going to order you food."

"I couldn't film the scene." I croak, my emotions boiling to the surface as my weaknesses come tumbling out.

"The one with Oliver?" Isadora asks, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

I nod my head and Clara sends me a questioning look. "Why not? You're usually so calm and collected for those scene."

I try to put my thoughts into words but a lump in my throat stops me. A tear trails down my face and I swipe it away angrily, in frustration and embarrassment. Clearing my throat, I try again.

"I-I think it's because I knew that I wasn't going home to him. I felt so vulnerable and enclosed. I kept seizing up and eventually, the director cancelled it and said we'll do it next week."

I shut my eyes, covering them with one of my hands. Arms from my right and left enclose me and I relax into their hold, knowing it's trustworthy and pure. Sighing, Clara lifts her head we all sit up. I wipe my cheeks again, surprised to find them so wet with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Alex."

"It's not your fault, I'm just being stupid."

"Stupid? That's the last word I would use to describe it. You've just lost the love of your life and they're expectung you to film a highly intimate scene. This is the most reason you've had in days, Alex." Isadora soothes, running her hand up and down my arm as she displays sympathy for the first time in her life.

I squeeze my eyes shut at the mention of love of my life because I know he was. God, he really was. Sure he had imperfections, but he was perfect in every way for me. So perfect I'm now questioning why I ever questioned our relationship. How could I do that?

"Fuck, he really was." I say, my voice cracking at the end as hot tears come tumbling down yet again.

"Why don't you phone him?" Clara asks

"Because although I may not be angry, I still don't know if our relationship is going to go any further," I stop and take a big breath of air, trying to cool myself down from my emotion overload. "And what if he doesn't want the relationship now? We blew up in each other's faces and I walked out on him after practically labelling our relationship toxic. It's understandable if this is what he wants."

"But you both equally blew up, it's not like you're the only one to blame here. Don't just blame yourself." Cara reminds me.

I ignore her, knowing I'll do that anyway. "I couldn't even look at him when he was here. Like I physically couldn't meet his eyes because I knew they would break me. He nearly broke me just by being in the same room, I felt like I couldn't breathe." I cry, my tears rolling off of my face.

Clara look away from me with a frown on her face - she was always a supporter of Theo and I's relationship since she found out about it. Clara, Isadora and I are cast into a spell of silence as we sit, mulling over our thoughts.

I continue to take deep breaths, trying to cool down my burning cheeks and steady my shaking body. My eyes finally dry up and I make a vow to keep them that way. Outside, the looming summer storm that has been threatening for days has finally burst - raindrops pelting off of my windows and echoing across the room. My emotions have burst much like the rain, but I think I'll be suffering for longer than the streets will be.

"You're going to get through this." Isadora whispers into the silence, breaking its fragile hold.

I take her hand into mine and squeeze it, "Thank you."

I sigh and make my way into the kitchen, rolling my eyes at the flashing visible through the window. Ever since the article came out, there's been constant paparazzi at my building. From the window in my kitchen, their flashes glimmer in the window, reminding me of what's outside.

Coming through, Isadora squeezes my shoulder and murmurs, "I've got a night shoot, only a scene though, so call me if you need anything. I'll see later, okay?"

"Thank you." I call back as she walks out of the apartment.

I'm just about to ask Clara what she wants to order for dinner when my phone rings. Recognizing the number, I answer it immediately with relief.

"Hey, Dad." I smile.

"Hi, honey. How are you?" He asks.

They still don't know about the fight. They only know about is the article. A piercing pain makes it way through my chest as I realise I'm going to have to explain it all over again, which will undoubtedly make me cry yet again.

"I'm good. How are you?" I lie.

"Fine, fine. Now, your Mom and I saw the situation outside of your apartment and we were wondering if you wanted to come around to our hotel? We could have Chinese if you wanted?"

I steady myself against the counter, placing a hand to my chest as a warm feeling spreads through it. "That sounds amazing, I'll be there as soon as I can."

I hang up the phone and explain the situation to Clara. Dragging her with me for moral support, we just about make it through the back of the building and into a taxi without being noticed - the pounding rain was too distracting to any passerby's. The drive is short to the hotel, my Mom and Dad are staying for a week and they only arrived last night.

Getting to the hotel, there's only one member of the paparazzi, my abrupt plans throwing off anyone who was trying to follow me. Clara and I make our way through the hotel quickly and before I know it, I'm being wrapped in my Mom's arms and handed a bowl of noodles.

"This is amazing." Clara groans as she pulls another forkful to her mouth.

My parents sit at the end of the double bed, their feet touching the floor as they balance their plates on their laps. Clara and I sit opposite them on a small sofa, a fluffy rug sitting between us.

"Yeah, thank you so much." I say, looking up at them with a small smile.

"It's quite alright, girls. You need to eat more, though, Alex. You're looking a bit thinner than usual. Is everything okay?"

The words hurt and the curious eyes on me nearly break my defenses, but it's the concerned look both of my parents wear that competently shatter them. The dam falls down and my emotions come pouring out.

"Um...Theo and I's relationship is kinda over."

"Over?" My dad asks, setting his bowl on the carpet as he turns to me with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, we called it off. Kind of. It's complicated." I sigh, running a hand through my tangled hair.

"What happened?" My Dad asks.

That's when the piercing pain of emotions in my chest returns, but I continue to persevere as I tell the story once more. The story of how we questioned each other, how we shouted, swore and then gave up. Except the only thing is now I don't tell the story and get angry or emotional, I get frustrated and sad. By the time I've finished speaking, I feel as though I've just explained my whole life story to my own parents.

My parents look through they've lived through my life again, too. Subdued and concerned, lines form on their foreheads from worry. I look up at them questioningly and my Mom just shakes her head at me. Twisting around to see Cara looking confused too, I sit in silence and wait until one of my parents begins talking.

"I'm so sorry that happened, honey. You alright?" My Dad finally asks, breaking the silence.

I shrug my shoulders. "Not really. I miss him."

"That' understandable. I'm just a bit surprised because after the hospital I thought he would rather die than let you get hurt."

"What do you mean?" Clara murmurs, speaking my thoughts.

"He was so committed to her. He actually ran into us before he came into your room, Alex. We were in the waiting room and he flew around the corner to get to us, running to get closer to you." My Mom pauses, taking a deep breath. "And when we talked about your relationship later that night there was so much pride in his voice that I was immediately reassured. You deserve somebody so proud to love you that they will sit in the middle of the night and talk about you to their parents."

Silence settles over the room. Chaos reigns inside of me.

"Wow." Clara whispers, breaking the silence.

"I know this doesn't help you. But if you're unsure about the situation, I just thought more knowledge about it would be useful."

"Thank you," I say, my voice low as I keep my head down whilst trying to figure everything out. "It's just so confusing."

"What you had was real, though? Did he make you happy?" My dad asks.

"Incredibly so."

My parents nod solemnly, knowing that what I need right now is silence. My mind whizzes over the new information and as my parents and Clara talk around me, their voice are muffled as a realization dawn on me.

It's him. It's always going to be him.

"What are you thinking, Alex? You look as though you've seen a ghost." My Dad laughs.

"I think I've made a mistake. I think we've made a mistake." I state, my voice shaky with adrenaline as it starts to trickle around my body.

"What do you mean?" Clara asks, turning her head to look at me.

I keep my eyes down as I murmur, "I mean, what was I thinking? It's him. It's us. We've gotten through stuff before and now I'm just going to stop everything because of one more? If he really cares that much for me then surely we can make it through this. I mean Mom, you're probably the most realistic person in this room and you're shouting about how much he loves me."

"I wasn't shouting. I was merely stating." My Mom shrugs, folding her arms across her chest as my Dad rolls his eyes.

"What about that Doug guy? You didn't fight against him." My Dad asks, looking at me through furrowed eyebrows.

"Because I was scared. Theo's never one to go on a long a spiel and I was afraid we were in the honeymoon phase that would end once we went public and then we would break-up. Not fighting against Doug was easier. As was pushing Theo away that night as well."

My support team nods in agreement. Cara beams at me and her encouragement makes me utter my next few words, no matter how irresponsible or reckless they may be.

"I think I need to go and see him."

~~~~~
Author's Note:

Where is Alex going? What is she going to do? Let me know what you think, let's have a chat!

I think the gif above describes me perfectly as I planned out this chapter...and the next one ;)

Which by the way is available on Inkitt right now! For FREE! It's all there waiting and all you have to do is click on the link in my bio and follow the instructions. It's pretty easy, honestly and this is coming form someone who's a bit slow at technology, ahaha :)

I hope you have a great weekend and I'll see you all next Friday!

Much love,

Jade x