Title: His Broken Butterfly

Author: Ni_sha_sha

Cover: One of the best covers I have seen on Wattpad arguably. It looks so professional! It's relevant to your title and plot and eye catching. The words are clear and easy to read.

Blurb: Good description for your story though it's a little long. Some editing corrections I was not able to inline comment:
1. Delete the comma after 'problem' in beginning of 4th paragraph.
2. Period or exclamation point after 'wrong' in 4th paragraph.
3. Delete comma after 'with' and insert the word 'like' so it reads as ' She has her own problems to deal with like the embodiment of bitchiness that is called Samantha Carlton who justifiably hates her.'
4. In the second to last paragraph, change first sentence to read as: What happened to clichè high school worries like prom, crushes, and Queen Bees?

Introduction: I am confused about the purpose of your little blurb in the first part of your book before your author's note. Could just be me.

But that aside, it also didnt make sense me as to why Vanessa would be confused as to why popular boys would want to hang out with her when she just said she knows that she is gorgeous. The reason becomes very obvious. So instead of just saying she knows she pretty, allude to the horrible thing she has done that has made her more of a social outcast. Then her confusion as to why the populars want to hang with her would be understandable.

Characters: I will be looking closely at Vanessa, Samantha, Archer, Lauren, Bianca, and Zac. Those are the ones I feel have the most to offer for review purposes but I will reference their relationships with other side characters.

VANESSA- You have given yourself a difficult task as an author to have her be your MC. I still think the idea of being in the shoes of the girl who you'd more likely hate in another novel is unique and refreshing. That being said, it's a delicate line. This book is a redemption arc for her. It's obvious she regrets her decision to get with another girl's boyfriend... but arguably more for the fact she has faced bullying because of it.... she hasn't yet taken the steps to make things right with her ex-friend whom she had betrayed. She is still playing victim, a very paranoid victim. This fact you have established well. You have said you are worried about her being too flawed, but I do not think so. From this point onwards in your book, you have an opportunity for her to start being more self reflective and really change for the better.

I don't think an MC has to be totally likable and always in the right for the readers to like the book. But in order for readers not to get annoyed enough to stop reading, a MC has to 1. Have justified reasons for the things she or she does so readers are rooting for them or 2. She or he has to reach a point where they will "grow up" that readers are looking forward to. Just a note to keep in mind as you continue this story.

Vanessa's relationship with her mom is strained... to say the least. She seems down right afraid of her at times. But what teenager isn't? Haha.
The first time we see the mom she caught vanessa in the hospital. Up until this moment, I was very concerned. Then she said "get your behind back here or you'll need another hospital to put you back together by the time I'm through with you."
I'm not sure if this had the intended effect you wanted. Up until this point, I was scared of her mom catching her. But this line was more hilarious than threatening. I just don't entirely understand why her and her mom are estranged and I should at this point in the book.
Then Archer showed up wanting to see the mom and I didn't know what to think. Vanessa was being the most useless MC not getting any answers for me lol. Sixteen chapters in and I still have no idea why archer comes to see the mom at her house.... like I know the mom is a surgeon and its implied that perhaps she fixed his jaw at some point but the fact of him coming to a doctor's home for a check up is super unrealistic that it just throws me off. I would suggest redoing it to where vanessa can find out archer is her mom's patient by vanessa having to go to her mothers office for some reason.

ARCHER: This dude is one rude ********. Pardon my french... I get that it is just a part of his character and can be funny at some points but.... his and Vanessa's transition from not standing the sight of each other to becoming kinda friends is lacking. Vanessa is more than capable of just walking away from his attitude but she doesn't. Nothing about him is likable to me. In chapter 11, he gave her some MAJOR attitude for absolutely no reason. And then we as readers and vanessa were supposed to warm to him better the next minute cause he showed a decent side to a little sister.... didn't work for me. I honestly ship her and Zac more even if he kinda seems like a perverted idiot lol

His whole conflict with Brian is a new thing to me. I did not like Vanessa's thoughts at the end of chapter 11. She kinda brushed off the whole thing and even wondered why archer seemed so upset about Samantha cheating....but I liked that I was given an answer as to why archer didn't just go up and catch samantha and Brian red handed in a later chapter. It does show a bit of restraint on his part knowing about the consequences.

Archer and Vanessa seem like the end game couple and both are some pretty dislikable characters but as I said, charas don't have to be totally likable BUT just remember what I said about that above.

BIANCA: I like Bianca's character and she does some things I do not like. She is supposedly Vanessa's best friend.... but she pressures her into going to parties even though vanessa just wants to be a hermit for the rest of her high school days. But while Bianca is not being a good friend in that regard... in truth, many high school teens do not know how to be a true good friend. So this character flawnof Biancas is totally authentic and okay by me. She is hilarious and I throughly enjoy her texting convos with vanessa. The only thing I dont understand is Bianca's thoughts on Vanessa's past mistakes. Why did Bianca stay her friend after that drama? Or did Bianca move there after the fact? Does Bianca approve of Vanessa's involvement with another girl's boyfriend? Questions I should already have answers to.
Her crush on Jordan and her insecurity around Muna is very realistic so I applaud you on that whole thing. Jordan and Bianca is my ship. I don't know what to think of Muna but I feel that I am not supposed to so that's okay.

LAUREN: I would like to slap the stupid out of her. But that being said.... my younger sister who I am super close to would probably side with Samantha too with how much she despises cheating. Though she wouldn't have been nearly as promiscuous. The conflict between the sisters intrigues me more than the the conflict between vanessa and the mom honestly. Perhaps because I can understand how things can get so nasty between sisters. And the resentment is so wonderfully described. I wouldn't change a single scene between them.

SAMANTHA: When I learned what Vanessa did to Samantha, everything Sam said and did up to that point was totally justified even the cliche mean girl line : stay away from my man! I mentioned in a comment that we would be applauding sam for this in another novel if she were MC. Her cheating on Archer threw me off. One would think she wouldn't do that to someone after what happened to her. And how vanessa can demonize samantha is just.... ugh. Anyways, I almost don't blame sam for doing it as much as i hate cheating cause archer was hanging around with vanessa while they were a thing. I'm sure samantha told archer about vanessa and what she did with trevor, it would explain some attitude he gave vanessa in the beginning.... but yet... sam felt like they were messing around behind her back so she wanted to get revenge. All this justifies samantha's actions... unfortunately it puts the two main peeps in a pretty bad light.
I hope Vanessa and Samantha do eventually have a heart to heart and sam forgives vanessa .... once vanessa stops acting like she's the victim.

ZAC: I was beginning to think Zac was going to be Vanessa's love interest in the beginning. And I would endorse it. The locker room scene with Zac where she was only in a towel was more blush worthy and iconic to me than the scene a couple of chapters before that with Archer just catching her half naked (in her room, I think?) For whatever reason. I think it's obvious Zac has a crush on her. If you want endgame to be Vanessa and Archer, I suggest focusing on them going forward... but keeping in mind you can't 180 a character you've already established.

Grammar: Grammar for the most part was good. You have a habit of run on sentences that you try to connect with commas. Just be aware of that.

Consistent or Coherent Narrative: Yes.

Plot: I pointed out a few inconsistencies within my character analysis and throughout the book in my inline comments. The major issue I see is for what reason did the popular guys start hanging out with her.... I know it's supposed to be a mystery to her and we are in her POV but we are in chapter 16 and she hasn't once asked about the strangeness of it all. And these teenagers first instinct's going to the hospital instead of the school nurse... well high schoolers... even if they drive cannot just leave school so much without consequences no matter how popular and good looking they are.

The awkward situations that you put your character in are hilarious ie the glitter bomb.

Chapter titles are really interesting. I haven't read a book where a quotation from that chapter is used as a title. I would only suggest you capitalize some words in it. Like "Wouldn't That Be So Awkward?"

Vocabulary/Descriptive language: The story has simple vocabulary which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's easy to get through the story. I do wish there was more vivid descriptions of the setting, the emotions, and the characters.

Promo/tags: Tags are all appropriate for your story. Other tags you can add is #teenromance, #teenfiction, #boyxgirl.

Ending**: Ongoing status.

I recommend this book to any one interested in reading a funny high school romance with a girl MC who is not a goody two shoes! I will keep reading to see what happens next!