Title: Naughty List For Christmas

Author: IronDragonMonkey

Cover: I am not crazy about the cover, but that is not to say it's not a good cover. I am just so thrown off by the women's expression and her pink-pink lipstick clashing with the red bow that splits the two images. It may be better if the dog pic was on the bottom, maybe... while I like the red bow because it correlates with the vague christmas theme this story has... I don't know. I just think a whole picture of a dog and a woman together would be a better alternative. Really had me thinking in circles to figure out why the cover was throwing me off.

Blurb: Good, for the most part. Two notes here. One, the quote used "all roads lead home." I know Melody says it in the book... but it doesn't really relate to the overall themes of this book. This book seems to be about... a lawyer figuring out the world doesn't revolve around him...? Or that he shouldn't "borrow" money? Or he should... be more aware of his girlfriend's ... perspective? Or maybe that dogs are worth getting for Christmas... maybe I'm not totally sure what the morale of the story is, but you know what... this is a plot note... anyways, the quote doesn't make me want to read this book nor does it seem to relate to whatever theme it was going for.
Two, I think it needs to be made more clear in the blurb that Hunter turns into a dog. When you say he got himself in trouble and is trying to  keep his girl's ex away from her but this task is made hard cause he is a dog... I didn't know what to think. My first thought definitely wasn't that he actually transformed into a dog. At first, I misread it as the ex is a dog then Hunter is a dog (as in a term used to describe guys that are horn dogs.)

Introduction: There is no author's note ot prologue or character page. This story is a one part one shot.  So... I'm going straight to the character analysis.

Characters: There are three characters- Melody, Hunter, and Chase. That is the perfect number of characters given that this is a one shot.

HUNTER: He is an attorney who gets cursed or voodooed or something at the beginning of the story. Basically, he was just sitting in his office and had made the decision to "borrow" a client's money to reserve a vacation package deal. The moment he does this shady business, BAM, he is turned into a dog by an unknown power.
He seems egotistical and shallow... in that he forbids his girlfriend, Melody, to get a dog because he believes that all of his exes left him for a dog... for real. He is so narcissistic that he cannot stand the thought of his romantic partner paying attention to anything or anyone outside of himself. So that's him. In a nutshell. I would like to say he changed for the better by the end of the story... I'd really like to...

MELODY: This girl doesn't know what she wants. She seems to want a family.. but admits that she doesn't think Hunter will give her one (see above reasons) But I will say that I love that both characters, Melody and Hunter, have unique voices when you switch between them.
Melody is described by the blurb and Hunter as a girlfriend that just does whatever Hunter tells her to. He says "no dogs" and she's like cool, okay... he doesn't even know why she agreed to this because he mistakenly assumes she may hate dogs like he does.
Turns out, she has had a dog before and watched him die and she doesn't want another dog cause she can't just replace her old dog. Sweet. I liked this. We as readers know this... cause we went to her POV.. would've been great if Hunter found out this about his girlfriend. Like she could've put a collar on him and explained to dog Hunter that it used to belong to her old dog... I just think she could've told the dog (Hunter) how she was really feeling about everything and he finds out that she didn't tell his human self before because she is afraid he won't like these parts of her that she hid away to be his "perfect" girlfriend.
Now did Melody talk to Hunter as a dog? Yes, but the babble was meaningless and didn't help them become closer and thereby justifying the end...

Chase: while I love the names of hunter and chase, there is not much to say about this character. He is a plot device to make Hunter mad and jealous. But that's okay cause it was funny. One thing I just can't make sense of:

Here is the timeline I got-
Melody and Chase are dating. They go out to fancy restaurant.
Melody spills pina coloda on her and goes to bathroom where she witnesses a girl and Hunter breaking up
Chase proposes to Melody. He wants her to give up her career after they have kids.
Shes like "nah, I want both". They break up but remain friends.
She meets hunter again and they start dating
Nine months later, here we are at the beginning of the book.

I didn't understand why Chase and Melody broke up... Chase is described as a great listener and he obviously still loves her and wants kids like she does. It seemed to me like he would compromise and understand her need to keep her job. But she just dumps him and goes for Hunter, who doesn't seem to share any common goals with her.

If Chase was unwilling to compromise, as in he was like "no, you're gonna be a stay at home mom and that's final" or if he suggested she just put her career on hold until kids are out of daycare age... a better explanation of what went down would really help (but I'm sure you had word count limits with this) Chase having a girlfriend is mentioned... but it serves no purpose to this short plot. (If you expand this story to normal novel length, then I can see him having a girlfriend would create more drama and conflict... but it is wasted words in this short story.)

Grammar: Other than a few mistakes here and there that I pointed out as I read, it was top notch. Can't think of any consistent note.

Plot: I already mentioned some plot points that I think should've happened to build up to Hunter and Melody's happy ending and really take their shallow relationship to the next level. I don't know what lesson Hunter learned or was supposed to learn through this.

I know that this story was made for some christmas contest.... so I'm sure there was a word count that limited you and that's why some of this is not fleshed out and the ending seems a little rushed.

Vocabulary/Descriptive language: impeccable. I have a lot to say about the ending and plot points, BUT your writing skill is top notch. I made comments about how you describe a place in your storytelling and it looks so effortless. Your flow is so perfect. Your story just feels full. I wouldn't change anything about how you word stuff or describe stuff. You are better than me at it.

Ending**: As I said. Feels rushed. Um, the way Melody realizes it's him is genius BUT her being all lovey dovey with a dog was so... weird! Like, they had no idea how Hunter turned into a dog or if he was EVER going to change back... but she seemed just fine about the man she loved being a dog. It's like she wasn't even shocked by this really shocking discovery, and may be okay with marrying him in this form... that's why I'm saying it was weird lol especially given that she had one foot out the door about to leave him when he was a human... but him being a dog made her change her mind?
I would've liked it better if he made a character change at the end. If he had realized he needed to grow up and care more about what his girlfriend wanted... stuff he learned about as a dog. Would've been great if he stopped her from leaving by turning back to a human and having a heart-to-heart with her, begging her to give them another chance. (Yes this eliminates her ever finding out about him being the dog while he is the dog... but... I'd consider it.)

But nope. He just turns back to his old self for no reason, or no reason I could fathom. She calmly asks (as if all this didn't happen, cause she living in her headspace or something) what he wants for christmas. He smiles and says a puppy..... WHY??? Is it supposed to symbolize that he is selfless enough to care for something other than himself? Actually, I know that's what you were going for, but honestly I didn't feel it. Because the story wasn't really about him just hating dogs in general... it seemed more about him being self centered in all his relationships and almost losing Melody because of it.
Point is this story has an opportunity to be deeper than it was, be a great message, and make more sense. Shame to let great potential go to waste, but as with all my reviews, you don't have to take my advice.

You're a brilliant writer and I have nothing but respect for you! Hope you liked the review.