I take a late lunch, which bides me some time. The others gather in the breakroom. I can hear them laughing. I barely manage to tune out Morgan when he asks me how the first day is going. He doesn't prod when I give him a short reply.

Starting work on a Friday was a terrible idea. Also, I am not getting the hang of multi-factor authentication. Garcia has to come to unlock the system for me twice before the day is up. The second time she comes in after I've just returned from the bathroom, half an hour before the day is over.

"You know, if you open up the multifactor authentication preemptively, you won't time out as quickly," Dr. Reid says across from me.

I look up at him. He's got to be my age, or even younger. If he were a doctor, he would only just be finishing his research right about now, maybe within the last two years if he has a baby face and he's actually thirty.

"What is your field of study?" I ask. "Or, your field of medicine? Forensic psychology, right?"

"Here we go," Agent Morgan beside me chucks the pen he was holding across his desk. He leans back in his chair, clasping his hands together and putting them behind his head, like he is lounging on a beach and his computer doesn't have the photos of a dead man on the screen. "This should be good."

"Well, I am currently working towards a bachelor of arts in philosophy at an online college," Dr. Reid explains. "It's more time-consuming than you would expect. I also have bachelor's degrees in psychology and sociology, and I hold PhDs in mathematics, chemistry, and engineering."

"Funny," I say, rolling my eyes. I turn back to my computer, hoping it doesn't time out. I'd rather not call back Garcia.

Agent Morgan laughs. I look up. He's got a charming smile, but his arrogance is not exactly desirable. I should expect as much from an agent in the BAU. Federal agents in this town aren't known for their humility.

Dr. Reid looks at me, "what's funny?"

"Your prank on the new girl," I say. I look away from him to Agent Morgan. "Did you put him up to this? I may not be a profiler, but I'm not stupid."

Agent Morgan continues to laugh.

"I was confused too," Agent Prentiss says. It's the first she has really spoken up. "Actually, he had to bring in the diplomas before I truly thought no one was tricking me."

"How do you have three separate PhDs?" I ask, looking up at him. "You're a baby."

"The kid graduated with a bachelor's in mathematics from MIT at sixteen," Agent Morgan says. "He's a boy genius."

I just stare at him, trying to do the math in my head. The shortest master's programs take a year to complete. Getting a doctorate often takes five years, but I've heard that subsequent ones are faster. If he is insanely clever, he could get his first PhD four years after graduating from a master's program. Sure, each doctorate is faster than the last, I don't know anyone who holds three doctorates, let alone three doctorates, however many masters, and three bachelor's degrees while working towards a fifth.

Even graduated with his first bachelor's degree at sixteen, he would have to be thirty-five and I would still be incredibly surprised by his tenacity. They have to be those crappy PhDs that you can get within one year. The ones that may give you bragging rights to your dumb cousin, but not the kind that real researchers get.

"It's impressive," Agent Jareau says, barely looking up from her work.

Impressive isn't the word that I'd use. Ridiculous is.

"Where are your degrees from?" I ask.

Dr. Reif blinks, "well, there's Caltech, MIT-"

"What's the point in getting that many degrees?" I ask, shaking off the fact that they seem like actual real degrees.

"It's fun," Dr. Reid says, his voice a bit higher.

"It's expensive and time-consuming," I say. "What is the point in getting a bachelor's in philosophy when you already have three PhDs? You could just sit in on guest lectures at Georgetown and read Das Capitale and it would be just as effective. More even, since you aren't wasting your time writing assignments about Hobbes' opinion on the family or if Mary Wollstonecraft would approve of bra-burning."

Agent Morgan laughs, "we've been asking him this question for years."

"He guest lectures at Georgetown," Agent Jareau offers.

I feel my jaw tighten. I'm doing some research work there, helping a professor. Estelle is getting her PhD there, and she's not even allowed to guest lecture yet. No one is quite as bright as Estelle.

"I like learning," Dr. Reid adds.

"You don't need five bachelor's degrees to prove you like learning," I mumble.

Agent Morgan nearly cackles beside me.

I try to turn back to my work. I've timed myself out again. This time, I listen to Dr. Reid's advice, and I manage to log myself into the computer on my own. My nose scrunches. There is barely any time left in the day anyway. I try to finish familiarizing myself with the system by finishing my practice data set. The others are shutting down for the day when I am plugging in the rest of my results. There is barely any time for me to log off before the others are waiting for me, holding the elevator.

We have to go through security again to exit, but I don't mind. I'm called in again to be examined. The thought I had in the interview, which made me think Agent Hotchner was engaging in psychological warfare, pops up again. All of this must be some cruel initiation process. I didn't go to college in America and never joined a sorority, so I wasn't ever hazed. This must be what it feels like.

At least they wait for me outside. The bar that they usually visit isn't far from here. The day has me entirely exhausted. The sky is dark because of the upcoming winter, and every year it seems as though I forget how dreary the weather is at this time of year. I try to hang out at behind their pack, but Agent Prentiss joins me.

"I'm new too," she says, her voice quiet. "We just got back on Sunday from Guantanamo Bay. It was my first case with them."

"How'd it go?" I ask.

She shrugs, "I mean, we managed to prevent a terrorist attack."

I can feel myself smile, "I meant, how was it working with them." I gesture up to the others. They seem to be too distracted to listen in. "They seem... sympathetic."

She furrows her brow, but then nods her head, "they're less intimidating than they seem."

"I'm glad they will be interrogating you as much as me tonight," I try to smile, but I hate it.

She seems to offer the tiniest bit of a grin. Soon enough, we are in the bar and ordering drinks. Agent Morgan pays for drinks for Agent Prentiss and me. The eight of us manage to fit in a round booth in the corner of the bar, chatting.

Agent Prentiss is the first who is forced to spill details. She tells everyone her last post was a desk job, and that she travelled around a lot as a child because of her mother's job. Agent Jareau, whom they all refer to as JJ, seems to be the most interested in her. It's a brief discussion though, and mostly seems to be for my benefit since she has already been working with them for about two weeks.

"What's your deal, Cole?" Morgan says.

"You're the profilers, you tell me," I say, mostly as a joke.

Then, I see the flash of a smile on his face, and I immediately begin to regret it. If I had a notepad, I'd prepare a memo to send to myself on Monday morning; these people take jokes seriously.

"You shouldn't get them going," JJ shakes her head. "Never ask a profiler to analyze you."

"She's a big girl. She can make her own choices," Morgan starts to grin.

Agent Gideon gets up and excuses himself. He heads up to the bar with his empty glass. Agent Hotchner follows after him, also with a glass.

"I'll let JJ and Garcia guess first," Morgan offers. "It's only fair that we give them a shot."

Garcia takes a sip from her tall glass, pulling at the straw to avoid her lips. She swallows when JJ looks at her, "that's not fair. If I wanted to know anything I could go through her files."

"You do work quick, baby girl," Morgan laughs, rolling his eyes.

I can feel myself go pale. How much of my background check could she access? The Section Chief assured me that the profilers in the BAU don't make it a habit to investigate one another. She did not hide that she thought my concerns were stupid. She trusts her team, so I really should not be concerned. Agent Hotchner told me he hates secrets, and he went through all that the FBI had gathered on me intensely. They seem to think I have nothing to hide. Maybe I'm paranoid. My twin seems to think so. Maybe I'm not. Garcia is confident in her abilities though. I'm sure if she wanted to see things, she could find them.

"I've got one," Prentiss seems to perk up. She looks at the others, and then at me. "Your first language is French."

Already, this feels like a terrible idea. At least, this way I can find out what they see in me without having to offer my own information. Instead, of vocalizing my concern, I nod, "my last name is Bouchard, and my master's in mathematics is from France."

"It wasn't the last name that I noticed, actually," Prentiss offers. "Earlier you said the word sympathetic when you meant friendly. It's a mistake that isn't uncommon by French speakers."

"If you two start speaking French to each other, I'm going to get Reid to read a French dictionary," Morgan jokes. "His next degree is going to be in French, I swear to it."

Dr. Reid has been unusually quiet for most of this conversation.

"You have more than one master's degree," JJ chimes in. "The way you specified that your master's in mathematics is from France implies there were multiple degrees, likely in different countries as well."

"The other is in criminology," I offer. "That degree is from England. The one in mathematics wasn't a research degree, and only a year. It was basically to help me get used to software and data collection. I didn't find it easy during my master's of criminology, so I added on another degree after. It seemed like a better idea than a certificate at the time."

"Why choose the BAU?" Morgan asks. "A pretty thing like you would do great in the hostage rescue team. You're like a snake charmer."

I take a swig of my drink. There isn't much less, so I finish it, "you tell me. You wanted to guess, right?"

"You want to be the best," Dr. Reid says.

I look at him, waiting for him to continue. He seems stiffer now than he did in the office. His shirt is buttoned just as high as it was in the office, and his sleeves are cuffed the same way. Yet, he looks disheveled, but only so much that I don't think it's intentional.

"What makes you say that?"

His cheeks turn a bit red, "well, it's just... when I mentioned that I had three doctorates, you seemed frazzled. You have two master's degrees. I imagine you aren't used to running into people with more education than you. You think getting so many degrees is a waste of time because having one is enough prestige. So, I'm assuming that while you do like learning, you want everyone to think you are perfect. The BAU is the best of the best. If I had to guess, your English degree is from Oxford or Cambridge, probably a BSc as well. Inferiority complexes are decently common in elite schools, due to the imposter syndrome."

"I'm going to fill up my drink," I say.

I struggle to squeeze out of the booth, but I manage to make it out of the lion's den. Neither Agent Gideon nor Agent Hotchner is at the bar. It's better that way. It's a busy Friday night, so I have to wait a bit to order my drink. If it wouldn't cause a quick rift with my new coworkers, I would just leave.

I've decided that I hate profilers.

"He isn't very good with people," JJ walks up beside me.

I shrug, tapping my foot, "I'm fine."

"It doesn't take a profiler to know that you are lying," JJ says. I try not to look at her, hoping she will stop talking, but she doesn't. "Morgan's talking to him right now. I bet he will apologize at work on Monday. Reid has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth, so don't take it personally."

All I can do is nod. Maybe she is right, but all the more reason to dislike him. At least I have all weekend to grumble about alone before I'm forced to see Dr. fucking Reid sitting across from me.

~~~~~

The enemies has absolutely begun. Actually, I'm so excited. I like Cole. I think she's the best kind of bad guy to root for. What do y'all think of her now? I'm excited to start meeting some other people that matter to this story next chapter (ones we don't already know)!