𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮-𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚 — 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨

☕

BRENDON FELT CONFLICTED about Peter. Really, he didn't know what to think or feel about him because this boy was his boyfriend and he was always a crime-fighting spider at night who had gotten coffee with him and treated him like he was so special. But now he knows that it's all because Spider-Man was Peter and now Peter's his boyfriend. It wasn't that the superhero was some unknown person who just liked his company; it was his boyfriend.

         He didn't feel betrayed by Peter keeping this a secret, no, that wasn't the problem. The public didn't know Spider-Man's identity so of course he wasn't going to reveal it to his classmate turned boyfriend right away because things could go so badly and they could break up and then Brendon – a random civilian – would know the truth and he could, if he were a terrible person, expose his identity and then Peter's life would be over.

         So he understood that, he didn't mind it. The secret made sense and he understood why Peter would wait to tell him until they've been together longer and it's more likely that they'd be together maybe forever. That's not what he was mad about.

         He was mad that Peter was going to continue meeting him as Spider-Man and lying to him. Because Peter was lying to him. The secret identity, the shadiness...he could live with that. He understood that, but what he didn't understand was the logic to continue double timing Brendon as both Peter Parker and Spider-Man and not letting him know the truth. He was deceiving Brendon and if he was a bigger idiot maybe he would've spilled something he didn't want anyone in his normal life to know but then Peter would. That was wrong; Peter was in the wrong.

         And so he felt conflicted. Because he really liked Peter, with time that would grow into love, but he hated how Peter lied to him. He hated how Peter intentionally went to deceive him that night and then would see him the next day as Peter Parker and act like nothing happened. He hated how Peter saw nothing wrong with his actions and would've never known they were wrong if Brendon hadn't said anything about it.

         He didn't care about Spider-Man; that was really kind of cool and everything. Like, he was Brendon Winchester, a nobody, and he was dating fucking Spider-Man! That's insane. But he did care about the two-timing; he hated that aspect.

         So now he was lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, groaning to himself and turning over until he was on his stomach and his face was pressed into his pillow. It was then that Cindy walked into the room and sighed when she saw his position.

         "What happened?" she asked him as she took a seat at the foot of his bed. He just groaned in response and he knew that she was rolling her eyes, "Groaning doesn't help me, Brennie."

         He shifted his head to the side so that he could properly articulate. "It's Peter," he pouted, "He's not as perfect as I thought he was. Now I need to find someone else I can sugar baby to."

         "Peter's not even rich," Cindy pointed out.

         "Yeah, but he will be one day. And I was going to be his trophy husband but I'm not really sure if that's still on," Brendon told her.

         She gave him a sympathetic look and moved closer to him. "He told me how you found out about him being Spider-Man," she said and his eyes widened.

         "You know about that? Wait – of course you do. You're Silk and everything," Brendon said to himself.

         She nodded, "Yeah, we kinda found Harry doing drugs and then revealed our identities to each other."

         "Wait, Harry does drugs?"

         "Yes, but we're not talking about that right now. Let's solve this crisis before delving into that," Cindy suggested and he nodded, "It's a shit way to find out, so I'm sorry."

         "I'm not upset about the Spider-Man part," Brendon said as if it were obvious, but by Cindy's look, it wasn't to her.

         "You don't?"

         "Of course I don't. Why would I? You're Silk so it's not like this is my first time dealing with a vigilante or superhero person," Brendon rolled his eyes.

         Cindy frowned before nodding, "Alright, I accept that explanation. So you're not mad about the superhero part, so you're mad about how you found out?"

         "No. You're really bad at this guessing game," Brendon told her and she poked him in retaliation, causing him to yelp before explaining himself, "I'm mad that he went to Vanilla Bean and was going to be Spider-Man and pretend like he's not my boyfriend. I'm mad that he was going to intentionally lie and deceive me when he didn't have to. This wasn't a situation where I was walking down an alley and I saw him in the mask and he had to; he wanted to pretend to be Spider-Man and not know me and have a conversation. It wasn't accidental."

         Cindy nodded and went to rub his shoulders in comfort, "I get it, but he didn't mean it like that."

         Brendon rolled his eyes and sat up, twisting and turning until he was in the correct position. "Of course he wouldn't. He's a dumbass, and I mean that in the fondest way."

         "But aren't you considering being the trophy husband of someone else?" Cindy raised an eyebrow.

         He hit her lightly. "Oh, shut up," he told her, "And, I don't know, maybe I just shouldn't even consider being a trophy husband. Maybe the deception is the universe's way of telling me to get a fucking job and the one with the trophy husband."

         "I highly doubt that. You aren't the competent person in any relationship and only breadwinners can be the competent person – trophy husband fits you more," Cindy disagreed.

         He pouted, "But I don't know who else I wanna be the trophy husband of."

         "Well, if you really don't wanna be with Peter, there's plenty of other people in the world and they don't have to just come from the people you know right now," Cindy offered, "But you still want Peter a lot, I know that."

         "But should I?" Brendon questioned, "I really like him, Cindy, but he was planning on lying to me. I don't wanna be with someone who does that when it isn't need. I get that he has a secret identity and no one can know, I respect that, but he didn't have to come and continue our little coffee dates with Spider-Man. That...that's wrong."

         Cindy sighed, "Peter didn't mean it like that, and I'm not saying this to invalidate your feelings because they're real and you shouldn't have to just accept his choices, but just because you feel this way doesn't mean you will forever and you shouldn't decide whether or not you're going to end things with him based on it."

         Brendon thought about her words before nodding. It seemed reasonable and Winchesters were never known to hold grudges, but this was something bigger than an argument or stealing a shirt. But he just didn't know.

         "You're right, but I still...I don't know. I mean, I don't wanna talk to Peter right now or at all until I figure this out but I also feel bad if I don't. Like, I don't wanna make his anxious about it or anything," Brendon admitted to her.

         Cindy rolled her eyes but a smile still appeared on her face, "If you really needed a sign that you still liked Peter, it's that. You still wanna make sure he's not sad about this even though you're the one who's been bombarded with this."

         Brendon shoved her lightly, causing her to laugh as his cheeks turned red. He didn't even realize that he was saying that and what it meant. Of course he still cared about Peter, he couldn't even dream of day when he wouldn't because he had thought and dreamed about the boy for months now, but that didn't equal wanting to be with him

         He knows that he promised Peter that he wasn't going to break up with him; that he just didn't needed some time to think things through but as he had that time, as he thought through that night and the events that occurred, his feelings about them, he just didn't know anymore.

         An overwhelming part of him wanted Peter; wanted that future he had been imagining ever since he saw the boy, but maybe that was just a dream and not a reality. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be because he couldn't see himself getting over the deceit.

         But he still wanted the boy, still wanted to hold his hand and kiss his soft lips, see his cheeks turn a blush pink when he got flustered or embarrassed, and that probably mattered more. He still wanted to be with Peter even though he got hurt by the boy and that had to mean something.

         "I still want him, Cindy," Brendon told her, "I just don't know if I should right now."

         "Like I said earlier, all your feelings and emotions are valid," Cindy assured him quickly, "If you still want Peter right now then stop looking for someone else and proclaiming that romance and your future as a trophy husband is dead. You want him and you know that now and later, when you have all these feelings worked out, you can be with him again. But maybe you should tell him that. Not now, obviously, but soon, just to let him know that you're really not going to break up with him and you still really like him, there's just some emotional shit to get through."

         Brendon nodded at her advice, mulling it over. He could that. Not now, like she said, but in a few days when there's been more time for him to collect all his feelings together.

         "Okay, thanks," Brendon earnestly said to her and she smiled at him, "Now, what's this about Harry being a druggie?"

         The Moon girl sighed at that and looked down, "Like a month or two ago Peter and I saw Harry doing drugs. I haven't said anything to him and neither has Peter because we're waiting for Harry to come to us with this but he just...he hasn't. Like, I don't wanna push him away by exposing that we know about his addiction because then I'm scared he'll isolate himself and it'll become worse, but I also don't just want him to continue doing this."

         Brendon looked down. He had never imagined any of his friends doing drugs. Sure, he had seen Harry drink many times, but he had as well at the few parties he had been to. Everyone drank at college, it was commonplace, but not everyone did drugs and he didn't know how to approach that. It was different, it was worse, and he understood why Cindy and Peter hadn't come forward about their discovery.

         "I think," Brendon started carefully, thinking over his words as he spoke, "that we need to talk to him. Not, like, intervention style or anything – that'll freak him out and everything – but just calmly. Like, maybe only one of us so he isn't bombarded and everything's exposed that he was keeping from us. And then that person can just ask them why he's doing drugs and how long. Just ease him into everyone else knowing."

         "Wow, I hadn't really thought of that," Cindy admitted, "I was just so caught up and everything else I didn't even think of that – I mean, I kinda forgot about Harry's addiction for a while because I was so busy. That's actually a great idea, Brennie."

         He found himself smiling at the praise even though he probably shouldn't have due to the topic. "It's been known to happen," he still played it off, "I think it should be you. You're the one who found out and you're closer to him than Peter. At least, I think so. Peter's never at their dorm so I guess you know him better."

         "Maybe," Cindy said, "But I'm not really good at these sorta things. I'm blunt and offensive, more analytical than emotional and I'm shit at softening the blow on things and Peter's too awkward to ever bring up an issue like this. I think...I think you should be the one to do it."

         Brendon blinked in surprise and took a visual lean back from her, "Me?"

         She nodded, "Yes, you. You're good at dealing with your emotions and comforting people. You're the obvious choice."

         He didn't believe her. He was never the obvious choice for anything. He wasn't the best at anything either because all of his friends were either insanely smart or had honed their skill in a particular area and he hadn't. It was weird and oddly comforting to know that he was the best at emotions and people even when that wasn't as big of a deal as physics or politics and everything else in between.

         "I might," Brendon said, "If you really think it's the best decision."

         Cindy gave him a sympathetic look before nodding, "Of course I do. I wouldn't have said anything otherwise if I thought differently."

         He was comforted by the faith she had in him, how she believed him his abilities and recognized them even when he remained ignorant to his ability. So, he smiled at her and leaned in for a hug, which she graciously returned.