The Crush List

A car accident killed me.

Arizona is my home. It's also the home of the worst drivers in the United States. People cutting you off, speeding for no apparent reason, not using their blinkers or driving through a red light - which is the most common road issue.

I was driving home from work and I was on the phone with my best friend, talking about this co-worker who she was convinced had a crush on me. Both my hands were on the steering wheel. My phone was connected to the car so distracted driving didn't play a factor in my death. The semi-truck came out of nowhere.

And ran right into me.

"Come on, Luce! How oblivious can you be?"

"What are you talking about?" I couldn't help but chuckle while speaking. A warmth spread through my face at the thought of someone having a crush on me. No guy, especially as good looking as Jackson, had ever expressed feelings for me so this was unprecedented territory.

"The witty banter between the two of you, the teasing, the blush on his cheeks every time you talk to him. It's obvious to literally anyone but you."

"I can assure you, Tammy, he certainly does not have a crush on me. He teases every girl we work with. That's just... how he is." Jackson was a flirt. It was a part of his nature to tease and enjoy witty banter with all the girls. Sure I was jealous, but he was a handsome man. Any woman that had eyes would fall for his charm.

"Has the thought ever occurred to you that he's covering up his feelings in case you don't feel the same way?"

"Okay, now that sounds crazy." Once at a stoplight, I reached for my chocolate milkshake with a mountain of whipped cream on top from the diner that I worked at. I moaned as the delicious flavor touched my tongue. "It's no wonder we're known for our chocolate milkshakes. I'm almost tempted to take this to Vegas and marry it."

"Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't you dare change the subject. We-"

"I'm sorry, Tammy. We're-" I stopped myself to create fake static noises with my mouth. "-breaking-" Again. "-losing connection-"

"Lucille Thomas!"

"Love you." The light turned green signalling my cue to press on the gas, but the next thing I knew, a huge semi-truck was honking and hurtling toward me. In that instant, my heart was pounding, a twinge settled in my stomach and I braced myself for the impact.

That was how I ended up here, standing in front of the golden gates in the clouds. I could only imagine how Tammy felt to have been the last person to call me merely minutes before my death.

And of course, there were my parents. The heartache that they felt when the police arrived at their door with the news. Burying their child was the worst that a parent could experience, I was sure.

Standing before me was the all mighty and powerful God. My family wasn't too religious. We'd grow up going to church on Easter Sunday and Christmas Eve, but stopped when we hit the teenage years. Courtesy of my lack of knowledge on the biblical story, I didn't have a clue as to how to greet such a heavenly being. Hence, my pathetic attempt at a curtsey. "Your Majesty."

He responded with a throaty chuckle. He gestured toward a bench that was settled outside the gates which I took a seat on, giving me an open view of the
lilac and pink-hued clouds.

I hadn't walked through the gates to Heaven quite yet, but already, I felt a wave of peace ripple through me. "I'm sorry I didn't do enough of your work down on Earth. But please let me stay."

God rested his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. "Do not worry, child. You may not have done enough of my work or spread my word, but you certainly did not do enough bad to be banished to Hell." With a snap of his fingers, a folded up scroll appears in His hand with a red ribbon neatly tied around it.

He unraveled it until the paper dragged on across the sky. Whatever it was, a list or a story, it looked like it was endless. I looked at the scroll curiously as I asked myself what it could be and why He was showing it to me. "I heard you and your friend talking about a boy moments before the crash." God handed me the scroll, but all it was was just a list of names. Some names I recognized as boys from high school and some from college. Some I didn't even recognize at all.

"What is this? And... why are you showing this to me?"

"This is the list of those who have had a crush on you."

If I still had my milkshake, now would be the time when I spit the chocolate all over the clouds. I never imagined that one guy would have feelings for me, let alone tens or hundreds of them. If anything, I thought the names of men who crushed on me could fit on a post-it note.

Landon Springs from high school who I had art class with.

Kaleb Mann who I tutored in high school.

Owen Cox who I sat next to in English class in New York University.

But there was one name in particular that stood out to me. One my friend and I were just talking about five minutes ago. I looked to God for confirmation that it was true to which he responded with a nod and a growing smile.

"Jackson Miler."