-40- The decision/ final chapter

What can I say? I returned to Seoul the same day and pretended that nothing had happened. I pretended to Seungyoun and the others not to not have seen Zhan and not to know anything.

I neither called nor wrote Zhan. I needed time, much time to think and make a decision.

And even after another three months, I had no answer. I completely broke off all contact with Zhan. I just couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. I didn't want to have to admit to him that I was to blame for all his grief.

After these three months I returned to Beijing. I got my own apartment, visited my parents from time to time but as soon as they approached me about Zhan, I immediately blocked.

I know it was wrong towards Zhan, because apart from keeping the truth from me, he had done nothing wrong. He wasn't guilty. And yet I punished him too.

He had tried to call me many times back then, he wrote me. But at some point I just blocked his number. I couldn't handle it. It was all too much for me.

And now Zhan's birthday is tomorrow. He's turning 20, and I have a big decision to make. Will I marry my best friend from before, the man I've loved for over three years now? Or do I let the day pass and live the rest of my life knowing that he, the man I actually really wanted to marry, could have been my husband and I was just too chicken to take that chance?

***

On the morning of Zhan's 20th birthday

I've been up all night. I was thinking back and forth about what to do. And now I'm standing here, in front of this hall where a wedding is to take place. Mine and Zhan's wedding.

Nine months have passed since I last saw Zhan. And I have made a decision. I will marry Zhan, but only if he wants me too. I want to ask him again. But first, ask for his forgiveness. And I hope he can forgive me.

I open the door of the hall and I see Zhan standing at the altar. Thin and weak he looks. Sad and tired. I walk towards the altar and Zhan looks at me with big eyes. He asks me what I am doing there and I ask him to listen to me for a moment.

I take Zhan by the hand and lead him out of the hall. I told him the whole story that my mother told me. I explain to him why I have withdrawn. That I never wanted to leave him, but was afraid to look him in the eye again when he learned that I was to blame for all his anger and stress.

When I finish my explanation, Zhan looks at me angrily and says, "I remember that. I remember it because I went for help. Because I wanted to know what had happened. Who I was engaged to and why. And when I found out, I tried again and again to call you and write to you and tell you everything. But you never answered.

I'm not here today because I want to marry you. I'm here because my family forced me. Because after you gave me up, I knew you didn't want me. So I finished with you, Yibo. You say you love me, you want to marry me. But I can't forgive you. I'm sorry, Yibo. But I can't."

Zhan shook his head and walked past me. I grabbed his wrist and asked him to stay. But he pulled away and left the town hall.

"You should run after him, little brother. Don't let him go." My big brother said to me and I ran. I ran out of the town hall and I looked around in all directions. Until I spotted Zhan. He was sitting on a bench near the entrance and crying.

I ran to him and put my arms around him. "ZhanZhan, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I love you, and I was just afraid of how you'd react when you found out the truth."

"As soon as I could remember, I wanted to tell you that I really want to marry you. You're the only person I could ever think of marrying. I wanted to tell you Yibo, I love you and I am happy that you are my fiancé. But you have let me down. You just abandoned me."

"ZhanZhan, if you remember when we were children, I'm sure you also remember that you were my everything back then. And that has never changed. I did wrong, yes. But please forgive me. I'm only four days older than you and therefore neither smarter nor wiser. I love you ZhanZhan, I have always loved you, only you and obviously there will never be anyone else for me. Because you were meant for me from the day you were born."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes, Zhan. You belong to me and I belong to you. It always has been, and it always will be."

"Now what?"

I knelt down in front of Zhan and took a small black box out of my jacket pocket. I open it and show Zhan the inside. A ring. I bought this when I returned to Korea last year after the competition. Because even then, without knowing about my past with Zhan, I knew that I wanted to marry Zhan.

"ZhanZhan, you are the only person I have ever loved, love and will always love. I want to live my life with you by my side and never be without you again. You are my heart, my life. My best friend and the man I love. You are my soul mate and everything I need in my life. Would you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Zhan looked at me with big eyes and asked, "Are you serious? You really want this?"

I nodded and had tears in my eyes. Then Zhan squatted down in front of me and looked at me seriously. I thought I was going to get a rebuff. But instead he smiled and nodded. "Yes, Yibo. I will marry you." He said, and I threw my arms around him.

We held each other in our arms and kissed before we went into the hall and announced our decision and finally got married.

And even now, three years later, I don't regret it. And Zhan has no regrets either. Our music groups no longer exist. I concentrated on my career, but only to the extent that I can still be at home every evening with my husband.

And Zhan returned to the university. He studies hard every day and when I have a gig, he is always there. Sometimes we even perform together. My mother was right, Zhan has changed me.

But only when my Zhan is with me. Otherwise, I am still the cool, dismissive and distant guy that everyone knows.

By the way, we spent our honeymoon in the wooden house. The log cabin where Zhan and I spent our first week together. And not only that, we actually bought the wooden house.

It's our home now, our retreat where we can live free and away from everything. Unfortunately for the time being mostly on weekends.

And when Zhan finishes his studies, we'll move there completely. And then he and I will start a career together. He and I together as a duo, because it's perfect for us.

But not until he's a biotechnician like his parents want him to be. They just want him to have another way to make money if his career doesn't work out.

What else can I tell you guys? I'm happy, and we're very happy together. I realized I don't even need a career, all I really need is my Wang Xiao Zhan. The man who, since his birth, is my better half and makes me a better and above all, complete human being.

And I've won! I swore I would win, and I did. I won the competition in Zhan's heart!

Oh, I have to tell you guys one more thing. Seungyoun and Wooseok got married a year ago in Korea. And the whole thing was broadcast live over the Internet. The site was accessed so high that the site collapsed. The two became inseparable and even perform together. They are now in another music group which is very popular.

But now I am at the end of my story and I hope I could entertain you a little bit. Take good care of yourself, take care of your health and above all, take care of the people you love!

End

A/N: I'll finish the book here. Yeah, I might have another idea or two. BUT it would unnecessarily lengthen the book and change the story. I think we have found a nice ending for them, and competition in your heart, has come to the end of the story. Yibo won both, the competition of the show and the competition in Zhan's heart, as he had wanted to do.

Thank you all for reading this story. Thank you for all the lovely comments and the many votes. I was very happy.

best regards to my dear: funstoriestelling