so as most of you know , i started school this week .

i just so happen to have now TWO classes with my ex

and i literally get the biggest rush of anxiety when i see him , i get scared he'll like do or say something

anyways
i've literally had four panic attacks this week and i dong know what to do anymore

the first one was because i saw ethan in my chem class and he like glared at me and then whispered something in his friends ear and we did and talked about STUFF that were very personal and private and i'm scared he'll share that.

THEN i had lunch
we just do perfect , have lunch together.
i sit in the hall and my group of friends sit by the window of where my friend group sits. they kept knocking on the window and trying to get my attention and my friends told me to not pay attention but i'm STUPID and did. all his friends started to laugh at me which made me literally panic and start to tear up before i went to switch my schedule.

then i had another one after he straight up told me he didn't wanna be friends and said to stop talking to him. he said it in the harshest way and it made me so emotional , I CRIED FOR A WHOLE HOUR.

the yesterday i had to switch my classes and now i have another class with him in it which made me really scared and nervous because i don't have ANY friends in that class. i cried in the office for an HOUR and had a whole emotional and mental breakdown ++ a panic attack bbefore actually going to class.

then ,
someone told ethan i was " mad " at him and he texted me

IM LITERALLY SHAKINF BECAUSE WHAY IF HE GETS MAD AND TELLS PEOPLE PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY OR PAST
I HATE CRYING BUT IM CRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOW I CANT EVEN TALK

anyways i'm currently having an emotional episode and can't trust any of my friends , i want death.

i hope i die because i hate crying and panic attacks ohmygod .