~Home Sweet Home~

                Grab my hand, I'm drowning
                    I feel my heart pounding
               Why haven't you found me yet?
                                       •
                                       NF

                                  •<>•

A smile crosses my lips as I keep my eyes fixed on the trees that look like they're moving backward and at a quick pace. Despite being tired from the long drive, I'm happy with how our brief stay at the cottage went.

"Is everything okay back there?" Mum questions as she glances at us through the rearview mirror.

Noticing the prolonged bickering that's been going on between my sister and me, she can't help but glance at us whenever possible while keeping her hands firmly on the steering wheel.

Would I call what Erin and I have a normal sibling relationship? I don't know. But all my life, this is what our relationship has been all about, constantly bickering and fighting over nonsensical things. Being four years older than me, she doesn't miss out on an opportunity to remind me that she's superior and has the right to control me.

(Huffs) Like I would let that happen. I'm 10, I'm not stupid Erin.

Though she's taller than me, I don't let that back me down from a fight, because if there's one thing I've learned from her, it is that not standing up for yourself gets you nowhere, especially without Mum's help.

Dad glares at us with irritation, exhaling sharply from his nostrils, his anger palpable even from a distance. Feeling scared, Erin and I immediately stop arguing. Before I look away from her, I playfully stick out my tongue with squinted eyes to convey my victory and to let her know that she's, well, s.t.u.p.i.d. She responds by rolling her eyes at me and then takes out her iPod and headset.

Soon after a hush falls over the car, the peaceful drive is shattered by the screeching sounds of tires. These are soon followed by screams as the car rolls down the hill and, at last, an ear-deafening thud.

My tiny body is in so much pain given that we've all been thrown out of the car, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm bleeding and have broken bones.

Though in pain, I muster the effort to slowly approach Mum who is lying motionless on the grass a short distance away from me.

Blood is streaming down my forehead, every part of my body is burning, and even though I'm having a hard time moving my limbs, I'm determined to get to Mum and make sure she's okay.

Suddenly, I hear a faint groaning and when I turn my head in its direction, I see Erin lying on her back. Though she's bleeding, I don't think her injuries are severe considering she has begun to lift herself slowly, albeit with slight difficulty.

Meanwhile, Dad remains on his stomach, a distance away from me. Concerned, I call out to him, and after a few seconds, he responds with a grunt, gradually beginning to rise.

Our car is burning in flames, smoke is rising from the ground and the heat coming from the flames is so strong even though we're not close to the fire.

Shifting my eyes back to Mum who is still lying on her back bleeding and motionless, fear and worry seep into my body and send shivers down my spine. My heart is beating harder against my rib cage — threatening to burst free and tears have already welled up in my eyes.

"Mum!" I call out once more, but still, I receive no response.

Determined to get to her, I summon all the strength I have to try and push myself on this dirt and grassy ground like a wounded snail, determined to reach her.

It feels like somebody is hammering my legs and grazing my body against a cheese grater at the same time. I'm in so much pain and yet, my main concern and determination is getting to her to help her.

I hope she's okay.

Just as I'm about to reach her, two faceless shadowy figures appear out of nowhere. They're so tall and are floating above her.

Despite my fear, I summon the courage to call her, hoping to wake her up and drive away the faceless, shadowy figures. Unfortunately, they remain unaffected by my screams as I crawl on my stomach on the grass, attempting to frighten them away with more desperate cries.

Suddenly, grey clouds take over the sky that was once blue and sunny. The faceless shadowy figures start contorting — morphing into scary monsters that are hissing at me and threatening to harm me if I get any closer.

Scared, I stop moving as I stare at the monsters. My breathing is heavy and shaking, my heart is racing and my limbs have suddenly become numb. I want to help her, I want to stop the scary monsters from taking her away from me but I'm scared and powerless.

As they lift her up, my eyes follow and the beating of my heart heightens as they start to take her away. Determined to save her, I let out a blood-curdling scream in an attempt to scare them away but this only invites more shadowy figures that are now floating above me and are pulling me further from her.

The sensation of their touch is akin to thousands of volts of electricity coursing through me, almost as if I'm being electrocuted, and their scent is burning my nostrils. They are scary to look at I can't help but cry for help. I'm kicking and screaming at the top of my lungs, begging them to let me go but they're not listening, they keep dragging me further away from Mum who's started fading into the shadowy figures.

Like they're getting a kick out of traumatizing me, the shadowy figures start to rotate around me, their faces are morphing into scary creatures I can't describe and all I can do is cry for help while Mum is slowly dissipating along with the two faceless shadowy figures that have been holding her this entire time.

"Leave me alone!" I cry but the monsters are hell-bent on making me miserable.

"I said get away from me!" I plead, "Mum where are you? Please come back."

The monsters continue to float around me, traumatizing me even when I'm pleading for mercy.

"Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" I cry repeatedly, and then suddenly, I find myself enveloped in someone's arms. My vision is blurry, so I can't discern the identity, but I bet it's one of the monsters attacking me.

"Let go of me!" I shout, but the monster maintains a firm grip, and my efforts to break free prove futile against his stronghold.

"Shh, it's okay. You're safe," the muffled voice reassures, yet fear grips me too tightly to trust him, prompting me to persistently kick my way out of his embrace.

"Leave me alone! Get away from me!"

"Ethan, it's okay. It's me. James. You're safe." He speaks in a gentle tone, and his tranquility gradually spreads to me, soothing my uneasy heart.

"It's James. You're safe. It's alright," he says once more, and this time, his voice is not as muffled as it once was.

His soothing and reassuring voice eases my heart, and as I become aware of my surroundings, I find James looking at me with tender eyes. His arms envelop my drenched body, and his voice continues to bring tranquility to my heart.

"It's alright. You're safe. No one will harm you. You're safe," he repeats, and within the comfort of his embrace, a torrent of tears bursts from my chest, streaming down my face as my strength wanes. Helplessly, I cry into his chest, his gentle strokes on my arm offering reassurance, though safety feels elusive.

When will it end? When will I be set free from this torment? For years I've been haunted by my past, I keep having nightmares that leave me drained and wounded, and I don't know when it will all finally stop. Just make it stop.

When I'm finally calm, I leave his embrace and rake my fingers through my disheveled hair as I pace back and forth — frustrated.

"When was the last time you saw Mrs. Fletcher?" James inquires as he positions himself in my direction — to get a better look at me.

Mrs. Fletcher has been my therapist for a very long time; aside from James, she's the person I talk to about some of my issues, and she's been a huge help ever since I started having these weird nightmares. I wonder if the environment I'm in has anything to do with the fact that I haven't had a nightmare in a long time until today.

Being back in London has evoked a lot of memories and emotions including the nightmares I believed I had conquered.

"It's been a while, I don't remember. I didn't think it was necessary after I stopped having these nightmares."

"Looks like you need to talk to her," James suggests but I simply shut down his suggestion with a quick response.

"I don't think it's necessary. I'm sure the nightmares will go away as soon as I leave this place." I reply and he simply looks at me worried.

Considering the trauma I've endured and the ghosts of my past that linger, I understand James' concern. Despite just experiencing a nightmare, I am confident it won't recur. I believe that once I leave this place, the nightmares will remain behind.

     •<<<>>>•

Descending the stairs, my gaze sweeps across the lively living room filled with people engaged in conversations and the clinking of glasses, reminiscent of a festive ball. I'm sure they don't recall the purpose of their gathering.

Upon reaching the foot of the stairs, Dad greets me with outstretched arms and a welcoming smile.

Despite being taken aback by his gesture, I muster a smile and glance between an elderly couple standing beside him, both smiling at me.

"Look who's decided to join us at last!" Dad exclaims with enthusiasm. Despite the smile, I sense a hint of annoyance about my solitude since returning from Mum's gravesite. The entire party he orchestrated feels meaningless to me, considering the disrespect these people display towards my Mum. It seems as though they're oblivious to the real purpose of our gathering, and I doubt any of them truly knew her.

"It's truly a pleasure to meet you, Ethan. We've heard wonderful things about you." The lady smiles warmly, extending her hand for a handshake. Her perfectly styled pixie bob blonde hair frames her face, her brown eyes shimmer with a blend of copper and coffee hues, her lips carry a rich shade of red, and adorning her neck is a glimmering gold necklace.

Taken aback by her words, I give her an incredulous look before regaining composure and offering a handshake with a fractional smile.

I never would have imagined Dad speaking highly of me, especially since all he seems to do is criticize everything I do, leaving me feeling like I'm not enough.

After a brief conversation with the couple, Dad leads them away to talk to more people. Though our conversation was good and flawless, I can't help but feel irritated by how Dad is handling this whole event like it's not even about Mum.

His selfishness knows no bounds. He can't even set aside a single day for her. It's been 16 years since she's been gone, and yet he can't spare a day to commemorate her. Always wrapped up in his own concerns, as usual.

Furious, I walk out of the living room, aiming to distance myself from these people as much as possible. While making my exit, I hear Dad calling out to me with a gentle and calm voice, likely for appearances' sake, but I choose to ignore him. I know my actions will have consequences, but at this moment, I don't care—I just need to breathe. I'll deal with the aftermath of my actions later.

         •<<<>>>•

Returning home after hours of driving around to clear my head, I find that the party has ended, guests have departed, and the quietness has once again settled within these walls.

As I make my way to my room, a familiar voice pierces the silence from behind, causing me to halt in my tracks. It's deep and charged with anger; as I turn toward its source, my heart quickens upon seeing the man standing before me.

"What was all that nonsense about?" My father groans, his face wearing the familiar relaxed expression that signals deep anger, intensifying the pounding in my chest.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I respond, attempting to sound clueless despite being well aware of the situation.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" He scolds, his burning dark eyes incredulously fixed on me. "I ask you to do one thing, and even that is too much responsibility for you to handle."

"What? Fake smiling and ignoring that this day is about Mum just to please your guests? Is this what this day is all about to you? Building fake friendships?" I retort, and in an instant, he raises his hand threateningly, his angry gaze locked onto me. Breathing out steam, he's on the verge of taking action, and if not for my sister's and James's intervention, I would have already felt the sting of his slap.

"How dare you speak to me like that? How dare you speak to me in that tone? How dare you be so ungrateful? After everything I've done for you and this family, this is your way of thanking me?!"

"I didn't ask you to do any of these things for me, father," I respond firmly, locking eyes with his. "All I wanted was for you to, at the very least, commemorate this day for the right reasons—to honor Mum's name and spare some time for her, just this once."

"Do you believe I'm not doing that? Do you think I don't think about your mother every second of the day?!" He shouts, his voice pulsating with anger resonating through the walls. "Why do you think I'm doing this, huh? Why do you think I went through all of this?"

"Dad," my sister cautiously steps in to try and calm him down but she's instantly interrupted by his roaring voice — which prompts her to take a step back and stand beside James who has been quiet and watching us this entire time.

"I've had it with your brother," he says angrily, his seething eyes never leaving me even though he's addressing Erin. "All he ever does is whine— that's been his tune since birth. For goodness' sake, you're 26, Ethan. Grow up and be a man! Cease the whining and put that brain of yours to good use for once."

Even though this isn't the first time he's said something like this about me, it still makes my heart hurt and tears well up in my eyes. Throughout my life, I've strived to prove to him that I am capable of meeting his expectations and that I can be the type of man he envisions. Yet, my efforts prove futile, as he consistently seizes every opportunity to diminish me and criticize my every action.

"You know, for someone who messed up and nearly got me in trouble, you're a bit full of yourself tonight, aren't you?" he chuckles softly and incredulously, his gaze shifting away from me before returning to meet mine.

"But I saved the day; it's not like there was much damage done." I'm unsure where this newfound courage to challenge my father has come from, but tonight I've surprised even myself, judging by the incredulous looks from everyone around.

It's not that I'm always timid in my father's presence. Even when I muster the courage to voice my thoughts, I typically know when to remain silent and carefully choose my words. However, tonight is an exception, perhaps fueled by the pent-up anger from witnessing the disrespect surrounding Mum's Day.

"You saved the day?" he chuckles in disbelief as he runs his fingers through his wavy quiff-styled dark hair, "You barely saved the day, Ethan. Had it not been for my intervention everything would have gone down the drain."

"Even though you don't see it I'm trying. I'm doing the best I can. I don't know what more you want me to do. I mean, it's not like I want to do this anyway."

"You think you were my first choice for this responsibility?!" He shouts, veins bulging in his neck as anger and frustration erupt from him. "I knew you weren't cut out for this from the very beginning, but you put yourself in this position and left me with no choice but to give this responsibility to you!"

He takes a step closer, stopping just a foot away, glaring at me with anger. "You got yourself into this situation, Ethan, and now you'll have to bear the cross for the rest of your life. Get that into your head," he says calmly on the last part as if concluding the conversation. His seething eyes pierce into mine before he tears them away, walking away and leaving me to drown in my sorrows.

A cross I have to bear for the rest of my life is something I didn't need reminding. I'm already aware of my mistakes and have somehow come to terms with the consequences. I just wish he could see for once that I'm trying, I'm doing everything I can to keep things afloat.

James comes to my rescue just as I'm on the brink of slumping onto the ground with teary eyes, his comfort is warm as he rests his hand on my shoulder and gives it a gentle, and comforting squeeze while Erin on the other hand simply looks at me with a piteous expression, her lips pulled into a flat line before walking away; like she always does.

                                       AN

What are your thoughts about this chapter, starting from Ethan's nightmare to his relationship with his family?

     ***
Thank you so much for getting this far, much appreciated. Don't forget to vote, comment and share. It'd be nice to hear from you and your honest opinions/thoughts about the story.
                                      🧡🤎