Of course, ice cream was what calmed the two men down.

How could they simply not freak out after the uncomfortable as hell situation they had to suffer through? It was so awkward!

"They think I'm in an unhappy marriage," Sans groaned, taking another scoop of ice cream with ketchup from a ketchup packet.

How could they not? It was so painfully obvious! Sans sat on Toby's lap in a full-on panicked move and was forced to play cool for the rest of the hour. If that wasn't bad enough, the two were making up complete bullshit every time those people asked questions. Toby spent five minutes talking about the time he first saw Sans, surrounded by petals in an open field, and how they fell in love at first sight, spitting out every single cliche that made Sans pinch him under the table. Didn't help that they kept pinching or kicking each other and pretending every time it was one of Toby's tics, and whispering shit at each other because they thought the other one did something really stupid. At one point Sans just wrote 'what the fuck' on his phone's notebook app and flashed it at Toby for saying their child's name was inspired by baked beans.

He wasn't offended because Toby equated the baked beans to his child's name. No, he was pissed off. After all, he had to try not to burst out laughing halfway through the brunch because he didn't realize the connection before and now couldn't get it out of his head.

"It's better over... over thinking abusive, right?" He asked, face speaking nothing but overwhelming relief from finally escaping that social hell.

"Right, yeah," Sans said.

That was true. They sure as hell looked dysfunctional, but hey, not abusive. No need to spy on their love lives or anything. And if they appeared terrible enough everyone would want to avoid them. This worked out fantastically for Sans.

"I think if I move again, I need to take charge and make appearances around instead of letting rumors like that slip... ugh," Sans said.

They sat in silence, enjoying their ice cream. Sans squirting out ketchup onto his, mixing it about with a spoon. Toby only eyed his ice cream once before shrugging, returning to his meal. No judgment here.

"Hey, uh... thanks again for that, really owe ya one," Sans said, "That was just several layers of us all fucking up that crashed and burned at once. I should have known that it did look kinda suspicious."

He moved into a neighborhood filled with people ready to gossip and didn't realize how much that'd bite him in the ass.

"It's fine, at least I'll get a favor out of it, I guess," Toby said. He paused, before putting down the ice cream. "Can I ask why you're... you're doing this?"

"Why I'm housing serial killers? Heh. Sure, I can -"

"No, not - whoop - that. Not that reason. I mean why are you so... so cool with them killing still."

Oh. That. Sans could only offer a shrug.

"Honestly, I just... don't care," Sans said, "I mean, they ain't killing people I know. So I don't care about those people. Kinda why I quit working as a Judge for Asgore, didn't care about a lot of people. Feels like I need to make a welcoming package that includes that explanation for anyone who enters my house. Could include cupcakes, too."

Toby snorted at that statement. "Yeah, red velvet."

Sans turned. "Right? Thank the lord you agree with me on the flavor, anything else and I would'a kicked you outta my car."

Sans dipped his spoon further into his bowl of red and white slop, glancing over at Toby. Seemed nice. He felt bad about how he's been introducing these new Creepypastas recently. Eyeless Jack, he barely talks to, and now poor Toby got dragged into a terrible brunch with strangers to fix Sans' mistake.

He should go talk to Eyeless Jack later and make sure everything's alright. At least Toby had Clockwork to talk to. Eyeless Jack was only kinda getting along with Ben.

"Can I ask a random question?" Toby suddenly spoke up.

"Shoot."

"I uh... I know your brother did something bad to you, I was wondering if he did what you said, during the... the brunch," Toby said quietly.

"Oh yeah. Maybe I should include that in the welcoming package too." Sans leaned back in his seat as Toby's shoulder rolled. "He took me to a place that banned monster magic despite me hating it, then tried to avoid responsibility for the shitty things he did before. Then when the building crushed my leg he left me. So there's my terrible backstory."

Toby only silently nodded. For a moment, his brown eyes stared up at the mirror at the top of Sans' car, blinking a few times as he took in the image of his face.

"Honestly, if I learned anything from my brother, it's that depending on one person alone for support will fucking backfire," Sans said, lightly elbowing Toby. "So I think it's great you get along with Clockwork, but maybe don't depend solely on her while staying at my house, alright?"

"What do you - keeek - mean?"

"Try to at least get somewhat friendly with the other CreepyPasta, alright? I would say the same for me, but we just spent an hour together and I think I know you enough."

"Yeah, no shit."

Both chuckled at that. At least they had something to be horrified about together. That was something to bond over. So Sans was already covered with getting to know Toby now.

"I don't think I'll be welco... welcomed, you know, I'm not a CreepyPasta anymore. I publicly... publicly denounced the name," Toby said.

"Eh, I'm not one of them either, they still like me," Sans said as Toby's hand started snapping.

"That's because you feed... feed them."

Sans paused. "Eh, fair."

That was a part of the reason why Sans felt so terrible. He spent time with everyone to the point where they already bonded. But Eyeless Jack and Toby? Neither really got their place in the house. Didn't help that Sans wasn't really 'desperate' for social interaction anymore.

"Yer don't have to, bud, I just figured I'd offer. Especially since we both know Clockwork ain't gonna be able to play host with ya every night."

"Right. I'll... I'll keep that in mind."

They sat in silence for a moment before Sans snickered, leaning back with a smile.

"Fucking baked beans! I can't get that outta my head you asshole!" Sans said, glaring at Toby.

"I'm sorry, I thought you fucking knew... knew already!" Toby said.

~~~~~~

Jane looked just as annoyed as he was, lips pressed together as they stood in the god-forsaken long line. The kind of line that stretched far past the few registers, full of parents shopping for groceries once their boring day-to-day jobs finally ended.

Sans would have been earlier if the brunch didn't suddenly interrupt his day. Which meant his date with Jane had to be pushed back to after he went shopping.

They planned a nice restaurant and everything. Instead, he had to cram in a grocery run, drop them off at home, then drive to the restaurant to try and make it before it got crowded.

"Sorry again," Sans muttered to her.

"It's fine. Better than other annoyances I've faced before. I'll rather handle domestic difficulties over my old life," Jane said, running a hand through her hair.

Couldn't blame her there. Comparing being on the run to a pushed-back date wasn't very difficult. That was the one thing Sans would never be able to relate to with everyone he lives with now. He could never understand the struggles of having the entire world turned against him. Constantly hunting him down.

But they couldn't discuss that in public, in a crowded line. So they settled for a simple nod with the agreement that it wasn't an appropriate topic to follow.

The line slightly shuffled forward, letting everyone eagerly claim the space for any hint of progress.

"I feel bad for the worker. Underpaid... poor thing looks overworked half to death," Jane hummed, tilting her head to the side to properly glance around the long line. "No wonder this is taking forever. There are only two cashiers."

"Well, yeah, what'd ya expect? When monsters escaped from the Underground all of these places fired their workers that expected reasonable pay in anticipation of hiring monsters for less than minimum wage before they found out our money was literally gold. Now everywhere's understaffed," Sans said.

He didn't understand why humans were so quick to think they could make money from monsters. That's all they cared about when monsters escaped Underground. Not sending them back, making sure they were safe, no. They had one thought.

"How can we profit off of them?"

Didn't go well for those humans. Asgore was a kick-ass King. Humans tried to rise the housing prices by tripling the cost when monsters tried to move above ground, so Asgore simply responded by building houses for monsters. That led to this massive fall in the human house market because no one was buying them, making them really cheap.

The moment that happened, Asgore immediately urged monsters to buy their own houses. Smart man. Because of that move, even the poorest monsters weren't exactly desperate for any low-paying jobs. They had plenty of savings. So the massive move by many businesses to fire most of their workers and try to replace them with monsters also horribly backfired. Especially since most monsters could just keep the same jobs they had Underground.

Things settled about half of a year after the monsters escaped, but the effects still lingered. Mostly because those working humans realized what shitbags they worked for and found new jobs. Kind of funny to watch from a monster's viewpoint. Humans tried to screw them over but just fucked themselves.

"Do you experience a lot of racism nowadays?" Jane asked.

"Not as much as we thought. And not as much now, either. Which is pretty cool. But if they are I can just call you to beat them up. So it works out."

Jane chuckled, raising an eyebrow slightly. "You want me to beat them up? Don't you want to be the hero in your little fantasy scenario there?"

Sans snorted. "Nah, I'll be the hopeless Princess. I bet I'd look smoking in a dress. Don't you?"

"If you're talking about one of those ball gowns, no, you'd look terrible. They look better on taller people because they slowly build out from the torso for the bottom part. But you're so short that it'd either be a damn small dress, or there'd be no torso and you'd just be wearing fabric bowl."

"Then I'd make a sexy bowl, Jane. I'm sorry that you can't see the true potential of me wearing a gown dress."

The line moved up again. They both scampered up quickly, like eager children waiting in line at the ice cream truck. Behind them, some elderly man was on the phone, muttering about the inconsistencies in someone's plan for locks and a recent disappearance.

"Is your favorite color blue, by the way? Random question, but I see you wear it a lot," Jane asked.

"Oh, yeah," Sans said, pulling at his hoodie strings. "I like blue. I also don't have too many clothes. I should fix that, but I'm a lazy bastard."

"That sucks, if only you had a girlfriend who was good at getting good outfits." Jane tapped her chin. "If only..."

"I know, I should've dated your girlfriend. Why did I date you? I'm missing out on all of the good outfits!"

"Your loss."

The line once again moved, and once again they took the number of steps allowed by those in front of them.

"Honestly, though, I'm completely down for it," Jane said, "I'm not a big fan of shopping but I like designing outfits."

"You aren't a fan of shopping? How?" Sans asked.

Without any words, Jane simply let her finger explain her resentment of a necessary evil by pointing toward the line.

"Okay, fair," Sans said.

"I just don't like crowds. A bit annoying."

"Want me to break into a mall in the middle of the night so you can shop in peace?"

"I shouldn't have to ask you, Sans, you should just do it."

More movement. At this pace, they'd maybe be out of the door by sunset. Curse the need for food.

It felt like ages when they finally reached the front of the line, eagerly piling on food to escape from this hellish place. Finally. Freedom from being trapped in social situations. He just wanted to go on a date with Jane, return home, and cuddle with Jack while they played with Bean. That was all he wanted for today. And so far he got none of that.

"Do you two ladies want a receipt?" The person behind the register asked in a monotone voice.

It took them a moment to realize what they said, but they locked eyes with Sans and quickly held a horrified expression.

"See, Jane, I said I'd pull off a ball gown," Sans said to her.