Sans didn't get to fuck last night. In fact, he didn't get too many options to do anything.

Because he fucking got sick.

Almost immediately after they finished the fight, too. Only a few minutes after they got inside of the car to drive away, Sans started coughing. And shivering.

And now here he was. Laying down at home in the middle of the night, feeling like shit as his bones rattled and shook. Magic brimming, as a result, making it feel much, much worse.

He still managed to help dispose of the car, and they had Laughing Jack drag out the woman's body and add it to his collection in his little world. But Laughing Jack was much too focused on Sans to even pay attention to the corpse until Sans had to shoo him away. The clown now had to watch Bean and stay away so he wouldn't spread Sans' sickness to their child.

Great. Just great. How the hell did he get sick so suddenly? Maybe the person they fought had some sickness only transmittable through monsters that had quick effects. Maybe it was one of her powers?

Or maybe his immune system was just shit.

Either way, he was sicker than a dog and stuck in bed. Curled up under some blankets, forced to drink herbal tea that Sans despised with a passion, glaring at the wall like it was somehow to blame.

Ugh.

He adjusted his sore body, crossing his arms with a frown. Relaxing was always a goal for his day, but he couldn't effectively laze about when his own body rejected the activity. How was he supposed to sleep when all of his bones screamed no at him, then promptly began to slap and beat him for even thinking of that possibility.

"I can't believe how fast monster sicknesses take on, you were fine just an hour ago," Jane said, leaning against the doorframe.

"Weak immune system. Skeletons don't get sick too easily since we don't have the parts for a lot of sicknesses but the moment I do it happens fast," Sans said, letting out a deep rattling cough. "Sorry for ruining our date."

"I think the girl started it."

With a sigh, she moved to sit down next to Sans.

"Oh hey, you don't have to stay in here with little ol' sick me," Sans said, "Go chill with your other dates, I'll be fine alone."

"Uh-huh." Jane crossed her arms. "I don't trust leaving you're little weak body alone, especially after Eyeless Jack's been sick for what feels like years now. And considering your only other date can't interact with you leaves me to make sure you're alright."

"I am alright, and he can interact with me. Just a little sickly." Sans paused. "He's right outside the door, isn't he?"

A nervous voice from outside quickly filtered in. "No..."

"Jack."

And sure enough, around the doorframe peeked in his boyfriend, eyes darting around Sans' bed before settling onto his face. His feet pressed right against the invisible border of the door, antsy and waiting for the all-clear to enter the room.

"But little potato, I miss you," He said.

"Yer need'a watch Bean now. I'm sick to my bones and if you carry germs to her, that little body of hers might become way worse. So yer gotta stay away now, along with anyone else who is going to be near Bean." Sans coughed again, growling at the cough. "That means Jane can't interact with her if she walks in any closer."

"Wasn't planning on it. I was with you when you got the symptoms," Jane said. She gave a long, firm look at Jack when she turned around. "You have a daughter you need to take care of."

He huffed, shifting his feet. "But... please? I can't get sick."

"Bean comes first over cuddles, Jack. Not gonna risk it."

He never really thought about what he'd do if he was sick. It happened so rarely that he didn't even consider it. How many times has he actually been sick? Five? Four?

"I promise I'll cuddle with you a lot after this." Sans offered a smile.

"It's not that. I'm just..." He glanced away. "Worried. Wanna take care of you."

Aw. Sans smiled at that response, before sneezing so hard his bones shook. The curse of being sick.

"When Bean's older yer can take care of me then, alright?"

"I um... yeah..."

Laughing Jack picked a nail at the wood of the door.

"He's not dying, he's just sick," Jane said, "I'll send Ben updates so he can tell you how Sans is doing. Every other hour."

"But that's too far apart! Every thirty minutes!" Laughing Jack whined.

Jane narrowed her eyes.

"Every... hour?"

"Fine."

With that, they were finally alone again.

"Alright, since you're going to be stuck up here all day, what do you want to do? We can watch really good movies or we can watch some shows. For example, the Blood of Zeus is available on your T.V," Jane said, picking up the remote from Sans' bedside table.

"Is that show good?" Sans asked slowly.

"No. Fucking sucks."

"... Wanna make fun of it together?"

"Absolutely."

~~~~~~

Toby seriously thought he was done with the legendary Laughing Jack on babysitting duty. A one-time gig. A single instance in his life he would never forget.

But, not even ten minutes after he was relieved of his duties, Laughing Jack walked into the room he was staying inside of and dragged him out. Toby almost objected, he really would have, but one look past the tall clown to see Sally peeking around the corner made him pick up his feet and start walking.

And, honestly, he wasn't complaining. Toby would never pass up an opportunity to babysit. He adored children. With their cute little squishy faces and silly questions. Precious.

Who would have thought that monster babies would be adorable? Seriously? With her big eye sockets and wide mouth, along with her tiny little body and tinier little grubby hands. The way she cooed and whined in his arms when Laughing Jack gave her to him.

"Why do you... you keep asking me to babysit?" Toby asked when they ended up settling onto the floor of the living room, once again sending little Bean on her quest to walk and impress her now sickly Father.

"You're not babysitting. You're helping me help her walk," Laughing Jack said, as if it was a well-known fact, ruffling her hair when she reached him.

"But why - feck - me?" Toby asked.

Laughing Jack tilted his head to the side for a moment. "Because Eyeless Jack is sick. How do you think Bean learned to crawl earlier than most babies?"

Oh.

Now he felt like an idiot. Of course, he isn't the first person to be helping Laughing Jack. He's just the person Laughing Jack happened to stumble upon who had nothing going on.

His hand slightly jerked to the right, and Toby took a glance towards the kitchen.

"Did he start helping because... because you told him to?" He asked.

"He offered to help me. Said he wanted to pay back Sans for 'saving him'. Tch. I don't like him with Sans. He wasn't saved like I was."

That cemented Toby's thought. He really, truly, did not belong here. He didn't have Sans on some sort of pedestal like these other people did. He's barely interacted with the guy, then interacted with him too much. These people all had their stories, their relationships, and he was the outsider. Like before. Toby just didn't belong with CreepyPasta. Or normal people. Or demons or angels.

That was fine. He's known that for a while.

At least the baby was cute.

That's how Toby spent the night. Desperately trying to avoid Sally with everything he had, clinging to Laughing Jack's side because other than Clockwork, he was his only ally here. Well, "ally" is too strong of a word. Acceptor? Nevertheless, being with him didn't make Toby burden Clockwork anymore and it helped keep him away from Sally. She didn't seem to dare try anything with the owner's boyfriend within the room. Because, from what Toby learned, Laughing Jack would tell Sans anything if he simply asked.

"You're silly."

Suddenly, there was a hand on his hair. Pushing down extra brown strands that escaped from their brushed prison, dragging them down to cover his vision. Toby pushed that hair back up and peeked below it, seeing Laughing Jack patting his head with a big grin. Oddly... not terrifying. Just a tiny bit, but after spending the few days Toby had spent in that house, he doubted he could ever fear this clown-like he did before he arrived.

"What?" Toby asked.

"Silly. Like a funny little man. And you are a funny little man! I like silly things." With that, he patted Toby's hair again.

"Why am I... silly?" He asked.

"You just are."

Great. Fun. Being called silly by the guy Toby had been most terrified of before was so much fun.

"Especially since you're trying to leave. That's so silly! Where will you go?"

Toby paused. He glanced up, eyes shifting slightly.

"How do... do you..." He frowned.

"Intuition... And I saw you packing your bag earlier."

Bean whined suddenly, causing Laughing Jack to swoop her up into his arms and coo at her. He tickled her tummy and blew raspberries at her, before quickly giving up once her whining got louder and gave her a snicker to chew on.

"Clockwork is going to be sad if you leave. And Jane. Not as sad. But sad." The clown tilted the wrapper back as Bean chomped into the snicker like a starving baby. Despite eating just less than an hour ago.

Toby perked up at Jane's name. "What do you mean? Doesn't she hate me?"

"No? Why would she? You're gay and so is Clockwork, no possible romance there. No jealousy to be had. Like snickers. No sourness to be had. So Bean likes it!"

Huh.

That... that changed some things.

"Does she get her love of candy from... from you?" Toby asked, eye twitching with another tick.

"No, of course not! She hates sour candy. And I love all candy! We're very, very different. It eliminates many of my favorite flavors from feeding her. She gets huffy if we give her sour stuff." Laughing Jack pointed a finger in front of Toby's face, wagging it. "And I eat other sweet things! And sour things! She only eats candy. She spits out anything else. I have to shove it down, yes I do, silly Toby!"

He chuckled.

Almost as if his joy startled himself, Toby reeled back, a hand gently hovering above his lips. He laughed. He actually... that was actually kind of a fun conversation.

Jane didn't hate him. And Laughing Jack wasn't all that...

The only reason he was so scared of him in the first place was that he only saw Laughing Jack from an enemy's perspective. Of course, Laughing Jack acted violently, and looked terrifying, because Toby was fighting the dude. But they weren't enemies now.

So the clown didn't have to act like that anymore. He was just... being a Dad now.

Huh.

Toby looked at the living room around them. Piles of children's movie discs. Dirty laundry. Candy wrappers. Muffled television from upstairs. A house full of serial killers. And Toby stared, hand pressing against his lip.

Huh.

~~~~~~

Jane took one long look at Laughing Jack. Looming at the end of the hall as Jane stood in the doorway, fingers pressing together as he looked down expectantly.

"He changed his mind. I helped. I did what you said so Clockwork is happy." Laughing Jack tilted his head. "So...?"

Ugh. Jane tilted her head back. "Fine. I'll give you updates every ten minutes and help you set up a call so you can talk to Sans."

"Yay!"

The painter looked over with baggy eyes. Head slightly tilted up under the moonlight spilling in through the holes in the roof, lips pressed thin.

"What do you mean?" His voice asked, dry, limp. Dragged through every possible part of his soul and forced out.

"A present. I'll bring you a present." The figure across the room spoke, glowing eyes narrowed. "You've been... sad without her. So I'll bring you a present to help you not be lonely."

"But it's not..." He curled against his knees. "It won't help."

"It might."

"If it's what you're implying, it won't. There was no other CreepyPasta like her. And there's no normal person that could ever look at me and not scream. She was the one for me." His blue eyes glanced towards the dried red blood stains. "And she's gone."

"I..." The figure hesitated, before swallowing. "I'll find someone. I swear."