Okay, okay, Sans could do this. He's seen movies. That meant he could do anything.

Setting down his clothes, all spread out onto his bed, he realized that he was actually shit at anything fashion related. Hoodies. Basketball shorts. And one single pair of sweatpants. That he forgot he had. These were his clothing choices.

It was finally happening. His first date. Laughing Jack and Sans were having their first official date. It felt weird to say. Felt weird preparing for it, too. Should he wear something nice? He'd basically be lying to both himself and Jack. Sans never wore anything nice. And Laughing Jack already saw him wearing shitty clothes while crushed under rubble. Couldn't really impress him after he saw Sans at his worst.

Wait, he had no idea where he was even taking him. They couldn't do some restaurant because Laughing Jack was definitely not a sight for public. Any public place was a no go. But being at home was also not a good idea because they were trying to take a date night away from Bean. To focus on what made them tick without the obvious reason to stay together.

Where could they go? Forest wasn't an option because that was Slenderman domain apparently, so no picnics or park walks. No restaurants. No ice skating or snowball fights like he and Paps used to do in Snowdin.

Oh. Right.

The Underground was abandoned. No one would be down there. It'd be a good place. Sans was familiar with the layout, and he new some things he and Laughing Jack could do. Most monsters would never dare to go back there, since it was practically their prison.

So he could just show him around. That could work. Sans liked talking, so they could talk. Get to know each other better. Date stuff. Maybe. Right? Yeah.

Sans sat down onto his bed, head in his hands. Oh man. This was going to suck. He had no decent clothes, no date topics, and probably would end up getting them lost Underground despite living there for most of his life.

Great. Just great. This was going to be terrible.

Know what, he might as well focus on Bean. Make sure she would be fine at home without them. It'd be for just an hour. Both of them could teleport back at the first sign of danger. She had food and her blankies and they had her kid shows to watch. If she got messy Sans taught Jeff how to properly clean bones. Really it was just soap and water. Just be careful because babies were slippery wet and Sans almost dropped her several times during bathtime.

Jeff and Ben stood there in annoyance as Sans listed off everything they needed to remember for the mere hour he'd be gone, listing every number to call, every emergency number, stuff like that. They'd repeat the same response for every prompt. "Yup."

He was admittedly a little nervous leaving Bean behind. Eyeless Jack was out gathering some of his supplies he left behind with his fingerprints. Jane, Clockwork, and Zero were all out. Sans wasn't really close with any new people yet, and he didn't want to hire a babysitter because he knew they'd probably find something in his house and call the police. Smile Dog would be helping, naturally, but taking care of a baby with only paws and a short height wouldn't be of much help.

It felt weird to say goodbye to Bean. He's been out before, but she always had her other Father to stay behind and watch her. 

"It's okay, your Daddy is going to be right back," Sans told her.

She whined, reaching out for Sans. Trying to grasp her little hand onto his finger to keep him there. Not much of a fight without any strength or magic, but that was his daughter trying to get him to stay and damn did that hurt so much more. Frisk gave him death so many times. But this was worse. Seeing little Bean crying out for her parents, trying to snuggle up into him when he gave her one last hug.

Man, this hour was going to be difficult. The next couple of dates would probably be more easier. Didn't mean this would suck any less.

"Ready to head off, big guy?"

Laughing Jack looked equal parts nervous and excited when Sans stuck out his hand to walk them to his car. Dressed in his usual outfit, because he didn't have any other clothing options that'd actually fit his unique body shape. Sans would have to order some custom clothes soon for him.

He didn't have enough power to teleport them all the way Underground. So he decided the best idea would be to just have Laughing Jack lay in his backseat and to drive him there. The man was too tall to sit comfortably within his car.

"Since I'll probably be getting a second car, I'll get one with a sun roof so you can at least sit upright," Sans said as he closed the door. "And, uh, I figured I'd take us Underground for our dates. Until we can figure out a better way to go on dates without having me just talk to myself since you'd have to go be invisible the whole time."

"What are we supposed to do on dates?" Laughing Jack asked after Sans started up the car, gently pulling out of his driveway.

Sans honestly never expected to be living in a suburban neighborhood. When Toriel moved into her house, he had chuckled at the location. Classic Mom move. But now he had a kid, and damn it, he moved into a suburban neighborhood. For his little girl. Passing by duplicate houses with barely any differences, he made his way out of the expansive sea of typical family homes. It was a big neighborhood.

"Uh... I mean, usually go out somewhere and try to fall in love," Sans said, "Like going out to eat, or going ice skating. That was real popular in Snowdin. Every Valentines day you'd go out and see all of these couples skating away. Was pretty common. We could do that, if you want. I'm a real good skater. Had to skate around when almost every path was made of ice."

"That sounds fun! I've always wanted to go skating!" Laughing Jack leaned forward. "But I'm already in love with you, so mission accomplished for our date! Yay!"

"Well, that ain't the only purpose of a date," Sans said, "Don't bone me on like that dude. We're just supposed to spend time with each other and enjoy it, too. Focus on what makes us tick, just the two of us."

"Like a clock?"

"Yeah! Like a clock. Figure out what junk makes the hand move in our uh... relationship and... okay this is a fucking terribly analogy. I dunno how clocks work at all."

"Neither do I!"

Sans glanced into the mirror, seeing Laughing Jack's big grin and chuckled.

"Hell yeah, let's be ignorant as fuck together," Sans said, "So when that grandfather clock I bought stops working neither of us will be able to fix it. And it'll probably be Jeff that breaks it. So I'll just make him fix it."

"Jeff is a silly billy, he doesn't know how to fix one either." Laughing Jack moved to sit up, back turning over so his face ended up next to Sans' as he drove.

Sans chuckled. "Silly billy?"

"Yes! Like Billy, but sillier."

"Fair point, Jeff can be real smart but also real stupid all at once. Every teenager is like that, though, can't blame him. For example, when I was a teen, little old me thought it'd be a great idea to go swimming in Hotland. Place with the lava. I'll show ya it later. But there's this one spot where there's no latter, and of course that's where I went swimming. I had to go there because skeletons don't float, just bones, but then I couldn't get out. And my dumb ass forgot I had a little something called magic for over half an hour. Felt like an idiot when I finally got out."

"Aw, you're a silly billy too!" Laughing Jack poked his cheek. "That's adorable!"

"No it ain't! Shut up!" Sans couldn't keep down his smile, returning the poke. Twice. "You're a clown so I think yer more silly."

"No, just a creepy billy."

"Hm..."

Sans glanced back at him again. Sharp teeth, monochrome colors, intense stormy eyes.

"Honestly, I don't think so," Sans said.

"Really?"

Once the turn signal was flicked, Sans took a moment to glance back again. "Honestly, yer hot man. I never really got the chance to appreciate it because of when we met. But you really are. You're hella tall, got nice even teeth and you keep yourself clean. And since murdering isn't a dealbreaker since I'm an insane little shit, you're honestly just cute to me. I never really found you creepy, tibia honest. And yer personality is real fun to be around. You're silly, and sure a little inexperienced, but you're willing to learn shit. Not a lotta people do that. So yeah. You're a cute silly billy to me."

After taking a turn, Sans glanced up and realized this was the first time he saw Laughing Jack so flustered. His face was red from the compliments, mouth opening and closing as he processed it. Seeing Jack blush made Sans blush as well, realizing his face was actually really cute.

"Yeah, yeah, you're cute," Sans said, clutching at the wheel harder. "And really funny. I never know what to expect from you, and after years of always knowing what to expect, it's really nice."

Sans never realized how much he adored the unpredictability of Laughing Jack. Every word he spoke was something Sans would have never guessed. He enjoyed the silliness from him, liked how crazy and wild he was. And honestly?

He really, really didn't mind that Laughing Jack killed people.

~~~~~~

Bean stared.

And Ben stared back.

It was weird, babysitting little Bean. They all knew she was a little... off. Babies should cry. Bean just sat and stared. Normal babies should express more emotions than this little thing. Instead she just grinned wide, expression a creepy mix between Laughing Jack's intense, terrifying stare and Sans' usual goofy smile.

"Laughing Jack would probably be diagnosed as a psychopath, and that is sometimes genetic," Smile Dog said, leaning forward as he sat down onto the couch. "Not to mention that he's not exactly human, so who knows what Bean will get from him."

"Hey, baby, do something." Ben pointed at her. "Say Smile Dog's a little bitch boy."

"Ben."

"What?"

"I got her food!" Jeff suddenly popped into the room, holding a warmed bottle of milk. Hair tied back into a ponytail once more. Bean had a tendency to chew on things when she got her hands on them.

"Get over here, fuckface."

"Whatever flatass."

"Why do I even bother?" Smile Dog rolled his eyes at their banter.

Jeff picked up Bean gently, moving the bottle to her mouth. The little baby huffed, small sharp teeth turning into a frown before she swatted at the bottle.

"Oh c'mon dude, don't be difficult," Jeff muttered, "Sans said you get candy after you drink your milk. Even said you get a big piece."

The schedule was pretty simple. Feed Bean her bottle of milk in the fridge, give her a lollipop, then put on some of the kid movies for her. And if they weren't home before nine, then give her a second bottle. They shouldn't be out past ten.

And they made sure to know which spots Bean liked to teleport to. She couldn't teleport very far due to her age, but when she did it became a scavenger hunt to find her before she got into something. Jeff was the one to suggest maybe having some sort of magic blocker for her, but Sans quickly shut him down. Apparently magic restrainers could severely impact a monsters development if used before they were fully grown. They weren't even recommended to be used on monsters at all unless necessary, due to a monsters need for their magic. Humans were just racist shits who didn't listen. While uncommon, there were still human places that enforced magic restrainers despite the warnings. Like that stupid restaurant. Asgore was working to make that illegal on the basis of discrimination.

Bean turned her head and growled when Jeff tried to introduce the bottle again. She then proceeded to bite at his fingers like some feral snapping turtle when he dared to attempt to feed her once more.

"She tried to bite me! Fuck!" Jeff whipped his hand away, looking over at Ben. "Wanna try? You can't feel pain dude."

"Fine. But if I lose a finger I'ma kill you."

It took a good amount of time to get Bean to drink from the bottle. When Sans fed her, she'd eat easily. When Laughing Jack did, it only took a few moments before she was greedily sucking out the milk from the bottle. But she despised it when anyone else other than those two fed her. Much less held her.

After one empty bottle, lollipop now in hand, and one teleport where they found her underneath the sink, they finally got her settled down in her baby seat in front of the T.V. with a stuffed animal for her to mess with.

"Barbie movies? Ugh, I don't want to watch these," Jeff groaned. "And Veggietales? Dude, Sans isn't even Christian, why the fuck does he have these?"

"They're good for children. I think." Smile Dog said from the T.V, scrolling along on Netflix. "Those are Sally's, by the way. We could watch something more fitted for a baby, but I doubt you'd find more excitement from those."

"Ugh." Jeff tilted his head back. "Smile Doggggg, these are horrible options."

"Then force yourself to be entertained by them, Jeff," Smile Dog said. "I think you've grown too complacent with Sans caring for you. Before we'd go months between watching any shows, and now one night is too much."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm spoiled. I get it."

Bean, at her seat, only stared at them with that intense stare. One a baby should not be able to make. It looked like she'd kill them if she could. And she just might of.

"Hey, Bean look," Jeff said, gesturing towards the screen. "It's a talking cabbage."

"That's a fucking cucumber, Jeff, what the fuck." Ben's voice sounded so done with him.

"Yeah, well, shut up."

Bean took one slight glance towards the screen before looking away, uninterested in the show.

"See, even she doesn't like this!" Jeff threw his hands into the air. "Even the baby doesn't like Veggietales!"

"Let's try the Walking Dead," Ben said.

"The Walking Dead for a three month old baby?" Smile Dog asked. "Really Ben?"

"Hey, if she got some weird shit from Jack then she might like violent stuff. And yer know she hasn't even really liked watching stuff even when Sans and Jack are here. They do normal baby stuff with her."

Ben, completely ignoring Sans' instructions and Smile Dog's annoyed stare, typed in the title of the violent, blood filled show.

They discovered a problem with this after the first episode.

Bean was enjoying it a bit more than a normal baby should. She'd giggle and grin when blood came onto the screen, babbling her incomprehensible nonsense as guns would shake and roar out bullets every so often. It was Smile Dog who turned with a concerned expression.

"She doesn't cry. Doesn't sleep. And she likes violence and blood. And she isn't above attacking any of us whenever we do something she doesn't like. Granted, it's just biting, but still." His focus was on Bean as she giggled at another zombie being shot. "I think we need to let Sans know about this."

It was true. Sure, Bean had been concerning before, but this was something else. A baby who not only understood violence, but found joy from watching it? Jack gave her some messed up mental traits. That were showing rather earlier.

He wasn't sure what to expect next, honestly.