A/n: If you don't agree with how my characters react to things, just keep your comments to yourself. I'm tired of deleting rude comments. Don't be rude.

They could have heard a pin drop with the silence that spread and consumed the room. Tom's heart was pounding as fast as it ever has while Elli just stood there, staring at him, seemingly emotionless. It's as if everything's just completely frozen in between them. Dead silence and cold tension. Wide eyes full of fear and faces draining of color as their breathing becomes shallow. And it takes what feels likes minutes for Elli to find her voice.

"You....you what?" She asks and her tone alone could shatter the sturdiest glass.

"I, uh," Tom looks to the floor before looking back to her, scrunching his eyebrows with words of honesty. "I'm in love with you, Elli."

Elli knew she'd heard him right but she was praying she hadn't. Where was this confession three years ago when she told him? Where were his words then? Now, of all times, now is when he's going to decide he's in love with her. Elli is beyond flabbergasted and there is this part of her that's ready to blow her top but she doesn't. She remains calm but just shaking her head, not wanting to say anything she'll regret.

"You don't love me." She says and Tom's already opening his mouth but Elli's faster. "You're not. I almost died and it's just a honeymoon phase or whatever. A few weeks will go by and it'll be like it never happened. You're not in love me, you're just afraid I'm gonna die."

Tears. All Tom can feel are tears building behind his eyes. He isn't sure what he expected but it definitely wasn't this and it hurts. He's finally getting a glimpse at how Elli felt when he ignored her words. And it's knocked the breath right out of his lungs.

"That's...that's not it." Tom stutters, trying to push the lump in his throat down. "I've wanted--"

"Tom." Elli's eyes darken as her mouth is pulled into a hard line, warning him. "No."

"Would ya listen, please?" Tom pleads and his voice cracks with the last word making Elli close her eyes. Her blood is boiling but her heart is breaking for the person she calls her best friend. "I do love you, I really do."

Elli grits her teeth, her heart pounding in her chest as her blood rushes through her veins. "If you're so in love with me and it's got nothing to do with me almost dying yesterday, why the fuck didn't you tell me earlier?"

Tom pauses and he knows she has a point. It is the fire that gave him the courage to say it. That should count for something, right? At least he said. It's better than never, isn't that the phrase? But, she is his best friend and as her best friend, he should have been okay to tell her this. He should have been able to just tell her but he didn't and now the only thing between them is fired tension.

Elli sighs and she leans back on her crutches, ready to walk off. "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Wait." Tom says and she looks back at him, eyes annoyed. "I...I just...I thought," He lets his words hang in the air and his heart is completely broken. "I thought you loved me."

Elli's chuckle is dry and humorless. "I do!" She yells but she is still fired up with anger. "I do love you! I told you that and now you're telling me you do? After all this time, now you say it? Now? I fucking love you and you know what, loving you isn't fun."

Tom's face falls and Elli's does the same, immediate regret coming over her but Tom beats her to talking. "What's that supposed mean?"

She licks her lips and shakes her head. "It hurts. I have loved you for years and you? You outright ignored me. You broke my heart." Elli's lip quivers with the last sentence and a tear falls down her cheek. "You broke my heart and I just kept going because we're friends. And friends, they can tell each other things but now suddenly you're saying you're in love with me and I almost died and that shouldn't be what makes you say it!" Her voice gets stronger and louder with every word. "You're scared! That's all it is, okay? I don't need to be broken over you again." Elli turns to go back to her room and Tom is quick to start walking with her.

"Please, I promise it's not like that and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to."

"Sorry? It's been like three years and now you're sorry?" Elli eyes him with tears of disbelief and heartbreak in her eyes. "Now? I,I can't do this." Elli gets into her room and makes her way to her closet, maneuvering to grab a bag.

Tom's eyes scan her over in a heat of panic. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"I'm going to Harrison's. I can't do this. I can't." Elli repeats as if she's trying to convince herself not Tom.

"Harrison's? Elli, don't go." Tom's voice cracks again, lip quivering uncontrollably as he tries not to let his tears fall. "Please, I'm begging you, stay. Stay with me."

Elli lets out a groan as she snaps back to him. "This isn't some love song you can remaster and make it your own! You're upset because Harrison was there and you weren't! I needed you and weren't there, Tom! It's fine, that's fine but you just feel guilty about all of this and I can't handle it. I can't fucking do it. I'm going to Harrison's for awhile. I love you but I'll be damned if it doesn't fucking kill me."

It's then that Tom breaks. Tears cascade down his cheeks and quiet cries leave his lips. He tries to wipe the tears as fast as he can but his hands are clammy and shaking. Every muscle of his body has gone weak and he feels like he can't even breathe anymore. His chest is right and the lump in his throat is just cutting off oxygen. Every part of him hurts and he never expected this. He never thought this would happen.

Elli is his best friend and what is he supposed to do without her? She's one of the most important people in his life. He's trying to understand, he is but he can't. His head is fogged with how everything just feels like he's being stabbed over and over again with every piece of clothing she puts in her bag. Every piece is like she's stuffing part of him into a bag, ready to dump it into the lake and never come back to it again. It hurts so bad he doesn't know how he'll recover and that's terrifying. Jenny may have hurt him, but this? This is unbearable.

"You can't drive." Tom says, breathing shallow and ragged.

"I'll call an Uber." Elli mutters, her voice just as shallow as if she's trying not to cry.

"I can drive you." Tom offers and he doesn't know why he does, maybe because he knows if can drive her, it might be enough to get her to stay.

"If you drive, I'll stay and I'm not staying." Elli mutters, zipping the bag.

"Please," Tom approaches her, hands on her shoulders. "What can I do? I-I don't want you to leave, I-I need, please, Elli." It's another cry that comes from his lips and Elli's chin wrinkles as she matches the sorrowful expression.

"You can't unring the bell, Tommy." Elli rolls her shoulders, getting Tom's hands off her before she turns back to her bag.

He might not be able to take it back but he doesn't even want to. What good would do it him to take it all back? He'd have it all bottled up again and he'd be silently screaming. Then, what's next? Eventually, she'd get into a relationship with someone else, one thing leads to another, and she's coming home with a ring on her finger and he's supposed to be happy for her. As her friend, he would be without question, and he'd be happy for her now but if he could take it back, if he never said it at all and she were to end up with someone else, he'd never forgive himself for not saying anything. And by then, it'd be too late because he wouldn't want to ruin her happy ending.

And, yes, she almost died and that's the thing. It is horrible that that's what pushed him to tell her. He knows that and she knows that. It shouldn't take a life or death situation for someone to finally to just open up but that's what happened with Tom. And he still doesn't want to take it back because, like Harrison said, if she died and he never got to tell her, he'd never forgive himself. They are best friends and whether she returns the feelings or not, he owes her the respect, especially with their friends with benefits deal, to tell her. But he didn't expect this, didn't expect her to leave.

"Elli," Tom sucks in a breath, watching her zip up her bag and she glances to him but only for a second and he wants to say more but he can't.

He's not even tongue-tied, he just can't find words. He could go on for days about why he loves her and when he realized it and why he's telling her now but if he does that, she might stay out of guilt. Tom has begged her and pleaded, tried to stop her and now it just feels like if he says anything else or does anything, he'll be forcing her and that's not what friends do. Friends don't force each other into situations they don't want to be in. Tears are still reflecting against her eyes and he just can't bring himself to say everything he should have said a long time ago.

His mouth opens and closes, like he's trying to say something but Elli shakes her head, tossing her bag over her shoulders and leaning back onto her crunches. "I'll be at Harrison's." Her words are so broken that it's like Tom's lungs have just been popped as if they were balloons.

"I can go." Tom offers, accepting defeat while Elli makes her way to their door.

"No," She says, trying to steady her voice. "You stay. We need--" Elli chokes on her words as she looks at him, broken and distraught. "I need time."

Tom hangs his head, tears missing his cheeks and falling to the floor. Elli bites her lip so hard she swears she's about to break skin. Everything hurts for her. She doesn't want to leave but she knows she needs to. Between the events of yesterday and finding this out, she can't do it. It's too much and she needs her own time to think and just figure out herself. There's not an ounce of her that doesn't feel guilty for leaving him like this but she needs to do what's best for her and maybe what's best for her is figuring out how to be herself without him.

In the burning building, she was scared that Tom would come. She was scared she'd never see Tom again and she was worried about Tom rather than herself. He told her he can't breathe without her and Elli understands that better than anyone because he is her breath of fresh air every single time he walks into the room. He's the light at the end of every dark tunnel of her life. He's her world and that's her problem. At least before he said anything, she'd feel she could sort herself out being around him because at least his feelings wouldn't be involved. But now they are. His feelings are out in the open and she can't do it. It's too much and now she feels claustrophobic in her safe space. It's not fair to him but it's not fair to her either.

"Bye, Tom." Elli mutters as she manages to get the door open and lets herself out.

Tom picks his head just enough to look at her. "Lemme walk you down at least."

Elli shakes her head. "You can't." She sniffles through her decline before she reaches for the door and shuts it, leaving Tom alone.

Tom stands there for a second before he leans against the door, tears freely slowly. He turns so his back is against the hard wood and he sinks to the floor, head in his hands. Choked sobs echo through the empty apartment and he's never felt so broken. He gasps for air as his hands start to shake again, his skin covered in the clear liquid from his eyes. One hand comes down to the floor, hitting the floor as hard as he can in heartbreak and frustration.

The center of his palm all through his fingers start to tingle and sting from the impact. It should have gained his attention but it didn't. He just shook his hand a few times as he brought his knees to bend in front of him. His nose is running and he's starting to cough from not being able to breathe. Nausea creeps through his stomach and everything in him is in so much pain, he doesn't know if he's ever felt something like this before. He never wants to feel like this again and it's only just begun.

Everyone has a heartbreak that sticks with them, there's always one that fucks them up a little. Sometimes it's from cheating, other times it's because the relationship just ended poorly, and sometimes, it's something like this. It's something where a friendship is being damaged, like a chisel is being hammered into the foundation cracking away until it finally falls apart. It's the heartbreak that sticks because it destroys parts of that person, parts that can be glued back together but it'll never be as perfect as it was.

Tom thought Jenny was his one, the one that would hurt worse than any other. It did hurt more than the other breakups, at the time. But this? The pain he's in right now, it's unbearable. This is the bad and destroying heartbreak everyone talks about. This is the one that scars ruthlessly and unapologetically. It's shredding his heart into pieces. Every breath is another tear and it's like he can't even take it. And the worst part is that him and Elli weren't even together. The worst part of it all is that they never even dated and her leaving, her saying she just can't with him is enough to be the most unbearable of heartbreaks. And to top it off, it's their friendship. Their friendship has just been broken and shattered. Everything is ruined and broken. Everything.

Elli's managed to wipe her tears and swallow her heartbreak as she took an Uber to Harrison's after sending him a quick text asking if she could stay. It threw Harrison off but he didn't even question it before saying she could. He knows her well enough to know something happened for her to ask to stay over, no mention of Tom. And his thoughts were only confirmed where there was a soft knock on his door and he opened to see Elli, tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, looking like she's about to break.

Harrison doesn't say anything as he opens the door and helps her inside. The door closes and Elli sniffles, her chest feeling like someone has been sitting on it for the past forty-five minutes. It's so hard to breathe and it only gets worse as Harrison walks in front her, eyes dawned with worry as he scans her face, trying to figure out what's wrong.

"What happened?"

Elli lets out a breath and it's only followed by a cry. Harrison's eyes widen as he moves closer to her, using his one good arm to embrace her in an awkward hug, avoiding her crutches. Elli's head rests against Harrison's chest as tears flow freely and cries rip through her throat. Her legs shake as they grow weak and the only thing Harrison can do is rub her back and listen to her heart break.

He has only one guess as to what happened and that's what scares him. If she's here and Tom isn't, there's a reason, a reason that's likely due to Tom. The question that's getting to him is what the hell could Tom have done to get Elli to break? If she could stay with him after he outright ignored her confession of love for him, Harrison can only imagine what happened behind the walls of that apartment and he's scared to even find out. But, as a friend to the two of them, as a friend who has Elli crying against him, it's his obligation to find out and try to help.

"Hey," Harrison whispers, moving his hand from her back to her chin. "Why don't we sit on the couch, tell me what's wrong, ya?"

Elli sniffles and swallows the golfball-sized lump as she nods. Harrison nods back and helps her with her bag and into the living room. She takes one end of the couch and Harrison takes a seat on the other. Her eyes go to her fingers in her lap, a few tears still falling as she tries to breathe and calm herself down. Harrison watches intently, not wanting to push her.

"I dunno if I can tell you." Elli mumbles, chin still wrinkling as if she's about to burst into a fit of sobs again.

Harrison's brows furrow. "You texted me, showed up here like this, to hell if you can't tell me. What the hell happened, Elli?"

First rule of fight club, don't talk about fight club. That's what everyone says, right? It's what Tom and Elli agreed on. They don't tell anyone about their benefits. It's supposed to be a secret but it was Elli who came up with it. Tom just agreed. And now that she's sitting in front of Harrison on the brink of telling him everything, she can't remember why she wanted it to be kept a secret so much. She doesn't remember because the ache in her chest is the only thing across her mind and she wants it to go away.

"Tom's in love with me." Elli says, with a shallow breath.

Harrison doesn't even act surprised. He's tired of being in the middle and having to keep things from the other. "What's the problem, then? Thought you liked him?"

"I do." Elli says, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. "It's," She swallows as she tries to explain. "I dunno, okay? It's not fair!" Elli yells out in a frustrated cry. "I almost fucking die and he decides he's gonna be in love with me now? That's not fair! He's just saying it because he's scared and then I'm gonna be left alone! He's gonna remember that he's not in love with me and this is just some bullshit and I'm the one left hurt again!"

Harrison is so tired of being in the middle. He's tired of his friends just dancing around their feelings. It's hurt him, hurt Jenny, and now they've hurt each other. It's out of hand now and while Harrison is loyal to a fault, he can't watch his best friend break like this, not over this.

"He told me a few months ago he was in love with you." Harrison says, almost reluctantly.

"What?" Elli croaks.

Harrison nods. "Yeah, it's not the fire. He's really in love with you." Harrison sighs but Elli's an emotional trainwreck right now and she knows Tom and Harrison go back further than her and Harrison.

"You're lying to protect him." Elli states.

Harrison's widen as he takes offense to her words. "You think I'd lie to you about this?"

"Maybe! When it comes to Tom, maybe!" Elli yells and if Harrison weren't the friend he is, he'd snap.

"I'm not lying to you." Harrison keeps his tone level knowing that Elli is just emotional and not thinking rationally.

"How do I know that? You've asked me a hundred times if there was something going on? Now that Tom says he loves me, how do I know you're not just saying he told you so I go back to him?"

While Elli is pissing Harrison off with her argument, he can't blame her. It's a fair argument, in a weird irrational just got her broken state. But, fair nonetheless. Maybe if it were reversed, Harrison would be thinking the same thing and she did say that she'd be the one hurt again. Elli doesn't know Harrison knows that she told Tom she loves him. She has no idea but Harrison does know which just makes him more understanding because maybe it's so much that really thinks he's lying to her, but maybe she's hope he is. If he's lying, she won't feel this need to put her heart on the line for someone who broke her heart. If he's lying, there's that chance Elli and Tom can pretend it never happened and move on from it. So, Harrison nods.

"Okay," He says. "I'm not lying but I'm not gonna argue with you either."

Elli sniffles and rubs her eyes again. "I wanna get drunk." Elli mutters and Harrison sighs.

"I'll let you into my alcohol if you're not gonna throw a fit when I cut you off." He offers, deciding that if she really wants to get drunk tonight while he's with her, safe, he might as well offer.

"Deal." Elli agrees while Harrison gets up and goes to his liquor cabinet for one of the bottles of vodka he has stored.

He returns with two shot glass, the bottle of vodka, two glasses, and a bottle of club soda. The tears have since stopped from Elli while Harrison pours them both a shot. It's Harrison's only shot of the night and it's only Elli's first shot of the night.

The hours go by and while Harrison would love to actually get some sleep, he's busy helping Elli to the bathroom and holding her hair back. He cut her off not more than twenty minutes ago and she really didn't have as much as she usually does but with her being so upset, Harrison wanted to make her limit much smaller and it's a good thing, too. She's still drunk but it's not as bad as it could be and it seemed to help enough for her not cry. Now, it's just made her sick and Harrison hopes, after sobering up, she'll have more sense.

"Thanks." Elli mutters, reaching to flush the toilet.

"Yeah," He sighs. "Better?"

She nods. "A little." She closes her eyes as she feels the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes. "C-can--" Elli clears her throat, pushing her tears away. "Can you leave? I just, I wanna be alone."

"After you've gotten drunk and been sick?" Harrison scoffs at the request.

"You can leave the door open, 'm fine." Elli says, closing her eyes again.

Harrison sighs and she's in the bathroom, she's sitting up. He can bring her a glass of water and he'll leave the door open. He does really want to get a phone call to Tom in before the night is over so, he does as Elli wishes after grabbing her a glass of water and bringing her her phone. He reminds her to holler or text him if she needs him for anything, even if it's just to talk or cry.

After he's left Elli to be, Harrison makes his way to his room. He'll still able to hear if Elli needs him but she likely won't be able to hear him talking to Tom. It's not like it's a secret that Harrison is calling him and he's gonna ask but Harrison knows that it's not something Elli probably wants to hear right now. So, he takes a seat in his room, door cracked open just enough while the phone rings.

"Yeah?" Tom's tired voice comes through the phone.

"You alright, mate?" Harrison asks.

"Elli okay?" Tom asks back, this time clearer than his original response.

Harrison sighs. "Dunno," Harrison says honestly. "She's drunk, now. What happened?"

"How bad?"

"Tom." Harrison warns. "We're not doin' that, called 'bout you. What happened and are you alright?"

Tom sniffles and runs a hand through his hair. "I told her, like you said I should. She didn't take it well so, uh," Tom licks his lips. "Nah, I'm not alright. Did you know this flat is um...." Tom trails off for a few seconds. "It's big and really quiet."

Harrison winces with Tom's words, hearing the pain in his voice. "I'm so sorry, mate."

"It's alright." Tom sniffles. "Is she coming home?"

"Nah, when she was drinking she asked if she could stay for a few days." Harrison answers feeling guilty.

It's not fair but he knows Elli going to her parents' house would be terrible for her. She'd have to answer a thousand questions about why she said she was dating him and why Tom admitting his feeling sis a bad thing. Going to her parents' house is the last thing she needs and she doesn't have anywhere else to go. So, Harrison is gonna let her stay and maybe knock some good sense into her.

"A few days?" Tom's voice cracks as he asks.

"Yeah, I'm sure it won't last, though, okay? I'm gonna talk to her."

"Please," Tom begs and it's enough to break Harrison's heart all over again. "I can't lose her, Haz .She doesn't have to be with me, 's alright but I can't lose her as a friend."

"I know." Harrison nods. "I'll talk to her tomorrow. Maybe just give her some space for right now and let her sort things out. I think there's more going on than this, more than you."

"Doesn't make it any better." Tom states.

"I know." Harrison agrees. "But, it's true. So, just, hang in there, okay? Don't do anything stupid."

"Won't." Tom confirms.

Silence falls between the boys. Tom doesn't have anything to say but it's comforting to have his best friend on the phone with him. He wanted to call Harrison the second Elli left but he figured that wouldn't be very fair to her if he told Harrison first, not with her actually going over there. And it's too late for him to call any of his family with them being a full six hours ahead of him. So, he just had to be by himself, crying and trying to sort it out himself. Which was just him being an utter mess in the living room, listening to music until Harrison called. But now, now it feels like maybe he could get an hour of sleep.

"I know it sucks," Harrison starts. "But it's gonna be okay."

"Hope so."

"It will be. You ignored her the first time and you two got past it, you can get past this, too."

"Maybe I don't want to get past any of it." Tom mutters and Harrison just furrows his brows.

"What's that mean?"

"I'm in love with her. I don't want to pretend it never happened."

There's a sense of pride that fills Harrison's chest. He knew it would happen. He knew Tom would eventually get the courage to stop lying to himself about his feelings towards Elli. And yeah, it kind of blew up in his face right now but that's not even the point. The point is that Tom is embracing it, he's not scared of it anymore even with a broken heart and Harrison's proud of him for it.

"So, don't." Harrison states. "Give her a few days and try again. You weren't there--"

"Don't start that." Tom cuts him off.

"Listen, you weren't there yesterday, you've no clue what it was like. She's gotta get over that first."

"Was I wrong then?" Tom asks, guilt starting to creep over him once more.

"Nah," Harrison shakes his head. "Timing could have been better, but I don't think you were wrong to tell her."

A dry chuckle sounds from Tom. "You just telling me that to make me feel better?"

Harrison laughs but shakes his head. "No, it's the truth. I'd tell you if you fucked up."

"Thanks, Haz." Tom says, the ache in his chest just barely lifting for the first time in hours.

"You're welcome. But, I'm gonna check on Elli, just wanted to check on you. Call if you need anything, ya?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks." Tom agrees. "Um.....just when you think it's right..."

"I'll tell her to at least text you."

"Thank you." Tom thanks him.

"Course," Harrison sighs. "Get some sleep."

Tom agrees and the boys end their phone call, allowing Harrison to head back to the bathroom to check on Elli. Tom, on the other hand, he makes himself comfortable on the couch, too exhausted to bother with his room. While the weight on his chest isn't as heavy, he knows he needs to try and sleep now. Moving to his room will risk that weight coming back and weighing him down so much he won't be able to sleep and he's got work in the morning. He has plenty of vacation days but he remembers what Elli said when him and Jenny broke up. Sitting at home will only make it worse, it allows him to sulk in self-pity but getting out and proceeding as he would, that'll make it better even if only for a few hours. So, Tom finds it in himself to close his eyes and get some sleep.

Harrison helps Elli into the guest bedroom and she's asleep almost the second her head hits the pillow. And lucky for Harrison, she sleeps through the night and only wakes up when she can hear Harrison in the kitchen around ten in the morning. Her head pounds and there's a numbness through her chest and limbs as the night before floods back to her like a hurricane. Her chest immediately starts to ache just as it did the night before but she's so tired from it all, mentally and physically, that she just forces herself to get up. Get up. Keep moving.

"Morning." Harrison greets as Elli enters the kitchen, the sound of the crutches giving her away.

"Mmm." She hums, sitting on the barstools.

"Making breakfast."

"You can't even cook." Elli mutters before resting her head on the counter.

"I can cook eggs." Harrison retorts, looking over his shoulder.

"Mhm," She hums in response.

"How ya feeling?"

"Like I got stabbed in the chest and drank too much."

"Sounds about right." Harrison states, moving the scrambled eggs to two plates. He walks over to her and places a plate in front of her before grabbing the bottle of aspirin and putting that beside her with a glass of water.

"Thank you." Elli says, going for the pills first.

"Yep." He says, placing his plate on the counter and facing her to eat. "So,"

"It's early, are you gonna start this?" Elli groans before taking a drink of water.

"You need to talk to him."

"No." Elli says coldly, going to eat her food.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Harrison's eyes widen with annoyance.

"I said no. I don't want to." Elli eats some of the eggs, surprised they aren't horrible. Tom's are better but Tom has always been a better cook than either of them.

"He's your best friend."

"I know." Elli shrugs. "But I don't want to talk to him. You can't make me."

"Will you tell me why the fuck not?"

"No." Elli responds in the same cold tone.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Harrison drops his fork into his food.

"No, I'm not fucking kidding you. You don't know the whole story and I can't talk about it but he broke my heart and I don't want to talk to him. I can't talk to him, Harrison. I need to know I don't need him." Elli huffs before stuffing another forkful of eggs into her mouth.

"What do you mean? That you don't need him?" Harrison asks, trying to solbe the rubix cube that is Elli Summers.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." Elli says. "I just, okay? I can't. I can't talk to him right now. I can't see him. I just can't. If you want me to go, I will but I'll go to parents' house."

Harrison sighs and runs a hand through his hair, fighting the push and pull of his mind. He should make her talk to him. Tell Tom to come over after work and make them sit down and talk. But, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours so he just nods.

"No, you can stay. It's fine." Harrison says before going back to his own food.

"Thank you." Elli says, looking to her plate. "You do make good eggs." A smile, a very small smile, comes to Elli's face.

Harrison laughs as he holds his head up with pride. "Told you."

The conversation ended and Harrison and Elli spent their day together, Harrison just making sure Elli is okay and Elli distracting herself. Harrison checked in on Tom every chance he got with texts. Elli might be staying with him but he's not going to leave Tom high and dry either. He's both of their best friend and that's how it's going to stay. However, what Harrison didn't expect was how long this was going to last.

He truly believed that Elli would cave after two or three days and she'd at least call Tom. She hears his voice and they'd start talking and that'd be it. She'd be asking Harrison to take her back home and everything would either change for the better between Tom and Elli or it'd go back to how it was. But, that's not what happened.

The first three days passed and Elli didn't even text Tom, not once. She was avoiding him at every chance. Tom had a set to play as he usually does and Harrison found himself going alone and apologizing profusely to Tom afterward, seeing the heartbreak and devastation on his face for the first time. It was unbelievable that Elli wouldn't even go to his show, that she couldn't even text him a good luck. It was just nothing. And maybe that hurt Tom more than he was willing to admit. But, Harrison saw it on his face. He knows it's breaking Tom not to be talking to Elli. And it only got worse.

The first week went by and Harrison found himself getting more and more annoyed with her not talking to him. Tom is a disaster without her and if she'd just send him a message, it wouldn't be as bad. It wouldn't be and Harrison knows that. Elli is Tom's best friend and Tom is in love with her. It's bullshit that she doesn't have the decency to text him. But, Harrison kept his mouth shut for that week and as requested by Tom, Harrison would keep his mouth shut until Tom asked him to say something. Loyalty runs deep.

But, then the second week comes to a close and Elli and Tom haven't spoken. Instead, there's a knock on Harrison's door and to his surprise, Tom is standing there. He's got a bag with him and Harrison's heart drops to the pit of his stomach as he lets him in.

"Uh, is Elli here?" Tom asks.

Harrison hangs his head. "Nah, she had a doctor's appointment for her ankle."

"She okay?" Tom asks in a rush.

Harrison nods. "Yeah, just a follow-up to see if it's healed or she needs another week or two on crutches. She's fine." Harrison points to the bag in Tom's hand. "What's going on?"

Tom sucks in a nervous breath and shakes his head just once. "I'm gonna go home."

Harrison stares at back Tom in shock. "Like, to London?"

"Yeah, mum's been buggin' me to come back since we didn't see each other over the holidays and I've not gone since so...I've got vacation days so, I'm gonna go."

"Are you coming back?" Harrison asks, afraid of what Tom would say.

Tom nods quickly with furrowed brows. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be back. I just," He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I can't be there without her, mate. It's too quiet and big and it's empty. It's so fuckin' empty without her. I hate it. And I miss my family. I gotta go but I'll be back, no longer than a month."

Harrison can already feel the look Elli is going to be giving him when he breaks it to her. "You don't want to tell Elli?"

Tom scoffs. "Not talkin' to me anyway." Tom states. "But," He goes to his bag and pulls out an envelope. "Can you give this to her?"

Harrison nods, taking it from him. "Yeah, 'course. This why you came by?"

"Kind of." Tom huffs, pulling the strap of his bag over his shoulder.

"Hoping she'd be here and convince you to stay?"

"Maybe." Tom shrugs. "But, my flight leaves soon so I gotta get to Midway."

Harrison nods. "Yeah, alright. I'll give her this and tell her. Call when you're back, ya? Tell everyone said hi."

"I will." Tom gives Harrison a side smile before Tom lets himself out.

Harrison holds the envelope in his hands and wonders what it says, what it's even about that he didn't just text it to her. Tom doesn't usually write letters, or anything besides his music. So, this is a bit strange and the envelope is bigger than just the standard size which is throwing Harrison off more. But, then again, it's none of his business. So, he rests it on the counter and goes back to trying to sculpt with one hand as he waits for Elli to get back.

Elli returns an hour later, crutch-free and a smile dawning her face as she makes her way through Harrison's apartment door. She beams for the first time in two weeks, just happy to be able to walk again. And her mood doesn't fall as she makes her way into the living room, taking a seat on the couch before Harrison makes his way in from the back room.

"See you're better?" Harrison asks, grabbing the envelope from the counter.

"Yep! Got the all-clear, thank fuck."

"Lucky you." Harrison mocks, gesturing the arm that's still stuck in a sling for another two to four weeks.

"Sorry." Elli chuckles.

"I've got news." Harrison's smile falls as he stands in front of her.

"Okay?" She raises a brow not liking how Harrison's tone has changed.

"Tom's dropped this off for you. He went to London today." Harrison hands her the envelope. "He told me to give that to you."

Elli's heart sinks as she looks at the envelope. Her name is written in Tom's excuse for handwriting and he almost brings a smile to her face. Her thumb brushes over the dried black ink, likely from his favorite pen by the looks of the ink. She didn't think he'd leave though. But, she can't be mad, not returning his texts or phone calls. She can't complain because she left first. So, she doesn't say anything, she just opens the envelope.

It's the picture he took of her when they were at the pier for the first time in the snow. It's one she didn't know he took. Her eyes are trained at the sky, open mouth smiled decorating her face. Pink gloves cover her hands as a matching beanie sits on her head and she looks so happy and in love with the snow it's almost insane. It's a side profile but it's Tom favorite picture and Elli has to admit she adores the picture but that begs the question: why didn't he show her before?

So, she flips the picture over to be met with more handwriting:

"I've always been in love with you."

Elli sighs and the weight of heartbreak comes rushing back like a tsunami.

"You okay?" Harrison asks.

"Yeah," Elli says, shaking her head and holding back the lump in her throat. "I, uh, I....I'm gonna take a nap." Elli stands up and starts to walk to the guest bedroom.

"Are you gonna call him?" Harrison asks bluntly.

Elli looks over her shoulder. "No." She states and makes her way to the bedroom, the door shutting quietly behind her and allowing her to sit by herself.

Now she just feels like she's made a huge mistake. She should have heard Tom out. She's terrified of getting hurt by him and there is so much more to her being afraid of him being in love with her but if it's been this long, it's not fair to him. She hurt him in the way he hurt her years ago and that's so unfair. She's scared and stubborn and now she just can't call. She can't call while he's with his family and she's not even sure what to do with his. Elli completely shut him down and now she has this. It's torture. But, then Elli reminds herself of one of the biggest reasons she's staying with Harrison. Tom broke her heart and Elli feels like she is too dependent on him. And that is not fair to either of them. So, she keeps the picture but puts it with her things and doesn't look back on it.

It's a month that goes by. Tom is back home and he's just talked to Harrison. Tom's talking about how it still hurts not having Elli around and there's something with the way Tom talks that sends Harrison into a fit of rage. If Elli wanted to be mad and upset for a week, fine, but over a month? It's Harrison's last straw.

Over this month, he's tried to talk to Elli, convince her to just reach out once and she has not once done so. He might be her friend but Tom was his friend first and Tom is the one hurt now. Not Elli. Tom coming back and while feeling a little better seeing family but still being upset over Elli, that doesn't fly anymore. So, Harrison hangs up with Tom and he barges into the living room.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Harrison yells, grabbing Elli's full attention as she faces him with a dropped jaw and wide eyes."He's fucking in love with you. He's your best friend. And it has been almost two fucking months. Grow the fuck up and talk to him, damn it!"

Harrison's outburst catches Elli completely off guard. Harrison doesn't yell at her, not usually but never like his. He never just storms in and rails into her about something but he is now and Elli has half a mind to walk out and not give him the time of day. But, she doesn't take this.

"You don't even know the half of it, Harrison!" Elli yells back. "I don't have to talk to him!"

"Then fucking tell me! I'm your friend, too but you sure as shit are not making it easy! I get that you're upset he had bad timing or whatever but for fuck's sake, Elli, the boy tells you he loves you and you leave him high and dry for almost two fucking months? And you call yourself his friend? You call yourself his roommate? Friends don't do this."

"Do you really want to know?" Elli spits, ready to just let it all out. This isn't going to stop. It's never going to stop until Harrison knows everything that happened that day. And Elli knows that. And she needs it to stop. "Fine."

----- 3 years ago -----

To say Elli had a rough day would be an understatement. She was stuck working with a bunch of 13-year-old boys and their parents who all think they're going to be the next Jonathan Toews or Patrick Sharp. None of them would listen to her as she tried to get them to take even one decent group picture. Apparently, she was wasting their time and the boys should be practicing for the playoffs, not that that was Elli's fault she was hired to photograph them. And it only got worse as she was also hired to photograph the practice, parents making snide comments or demanding she move, even shoving her. Boys doing the exact same, seemingly whenever they got the chance while not on the ice, following in their parents' footsteps. It was a rough day.

So, it was no surprise that the first thing she did when she walked through her door was groan while kicking her shoes off before mumbling to herself on the way to her bed. She didn't even bother shutting the door as she entered her room and fell face first into her mattress. A dramatic sigh muffles against the fabric and every part of her just wants to go to bed and forget the day ever happened. But, Tom's home and he heard her come home, of course coming to check on her.

"You alright, darlin?" Tom asks, standing in hedoorwayay. She starts talking into the matress, her words completely muffled and incoherent. Tom shakes his head and walks inside, taking a seat beside her. "What're you sayin'? Can't understand you with your face in the blankets."

Elli looks at him with tired eyes. "Teenage boys and their parents are the worst form of humanity." Tom laughs, head tilting back and he gains a glare from Elli. "It's not funny! It's true!"

Tom continues to laugh, looking down at her. "I was a teenage boy with sports parents."

"And you probably a little prick." Elli states and Tom nods quickly.

"Oh, absolutely." His smile is so bright that it seems to start to washing away Elli's sour mood. "But, am I prick now?"

Elli bites her lip to hide her smile. "Are you?" Tom narrows his eyes and Elli lets out her first laugh of the night as she rolls over. Tom pokes her stomach, elicting a booming laugh from her and it makes him laugh to himself, eyes soft as he watches her. "Yes, you are."

"Am not!" Tom says. "I'm a bit of dick but I wouldn't say I'm a prick." His nose scrunches with another burst of laughter and Elli just shakes her head, leaning into him.

"Yeah," She rolls her eyes, looking up to him. "You're alright, I guess."

Tom smiles softly, taing her hand in his and tangling their fingers together. "Feel better?"

"A little." Elli sighs, the smile falling just slightly.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Tom offers, fingers moving against hers.

"Nah," Elli shakes her. "I'm just tired of it, I'm too good for it."

Tom bites his lip, eyes flicking between her eyes and lips. "Yeah, you are."

Elli's cheeks flush a soft tint of red before she sits up and leans into Tom. Their fingers stop moving together as the air thickens between them. It feels like breathless minutes before Elli moves forward and captures his lips in a sweet kiss. Tom's eyes flutter closed, feeling himself get lost with the feeling of her lips against his and his hand trails from hers up to her neck, pulling her in and deepening the kiss.

Elli's heart pounds in her chest and every single time they kiss it's like magic. Not the fireworks that are always described but just, magic. It's not something anyone can see or even visualize, it's just a feeling in her stomach and her heart. It's the kind that keeps her breathing even when she completely forgets how. It's a rush and beautiful all in one and it's with every single and movement of Tom's Lips against hers.

And surges of electricity jolt through her body as his lips trail to her neck and he nips at the skin before latching down. He sucks a bright purple mark to her skin, a symbol that in this apartment, she's his and she loves it. She lives for it. And now she wants to live for it in a different way, in the way where when someone sees it, they don't even ask because they know it's from Tom. They know Tom is with her and she's with him, it's the two of them. And she trails her lips down to his neck, gaining a groan before she leaves her own mark on his skin, a mark that just screams her name and she hopes he feels the same way. Marks screaming each other's name and pleading for them not to be dirty little secrets.

Elli pushes Tom's shoulder, moving him flat on his back as she straddles him, their lips not disconnecting for a single second. Their breathing is already ragged and strangled but they're not focused on breathing. They're lost in the moment of lust, something they've been becoming very accustomed to.

Tom's hands slide under her shirt and his hands are so warm, fitting to her sides like a perfect puzzle piece sliding into place. And his hands trail up to her breasts, taking them in his hands and squeezing them over her bra until Elli finally disconnects their lips and sits up. She pulls her shirt over her head and Tom gains that usual smirk he always gets and it sends another rush of heat through Elli's body, head to toe. She matches his smirk with a wink before reaching behind her back and unclasping her bra.

Tom follows her lead and sits up, taking his shirt off and before Elli can go back to her position, Tom's arm is wrapping around her and flipping them back over so he's on top. Elli laughs and Tom matches the melody, his head dipping into her neck before his eyes meet hers.

The laughing subsides and this feeling washes over him. Elli? She is wow. She's everything Tom loves and cares about. The best moment of his life is the day she kissed him for the time but there's something with the way her eyes meet his in the low light of her bedroom, the only light coming from her fairy lights. There's a new feeling here, one Tom hasn't felt before, one he wasn't even sure actually existed. And it scares him so he breaks eye contact and connects his lips back to hers before sliding a hand between the two of them and sliding his hand into her sweatpants.

Elli moans as his fingers slide her underwear aside and start sliding through her folds, collecting her wetness. Her eyes shut while her hand reaches for the nape his neck, tugging him closer to her. She moves her lips from his, kissing his cheek before she gets to his ear.

"Condom." She whispers, voice completely drenched in lust and Tom moves in seconds, reaching to her nightstand for a condom while she strips the rest of her clothes.

Tom follows her lead and slides the condom on once his clothes have been tossed to the floor. He lines himself up with her core and he watches himself slowly disappear into her heat. He groans into her chest once he bottoms out, Elli's jaw hanging slightly ajar with the full feeling.

She runs a hand through his hair and Tom picks his head up, eyes meeting hers and he's scared at the flutter his heart does. He's terrified of the way he gets goosebumps and the way he wants to kiss her like he's never done before. For the first time, he's scared of her but he doesn't let it show. He just stares back at her with heavy breaths and Elli pushes loose strands of curls back because she's scared, too but in a different way.

She isn't paralyzed with fear, it's all right there. She's in love with him and she knows now. Something clicked tonight and maybe it was just him talking to her. It's just Tom. It's always been Tom and it's always going to be Tom. And she is happy that's it's him. Tom makes her happy. Elli is happy on her own but he makes her the happiest she's ever been. And she's so in love with him.

"Tommy," Elli gasps as Tom thrusts into her and he pauses for a second, brows furrowing and Elli's breath just hitches before she continues. "I love you." She says and Tom stares at her.

All he does is stare. This is Elli. She is the fucking dream. She's his dream. She is everything that he could ever need and want and she is his best friend. She makes him so much better but she's his best friend and Tom swears up and down that he is not her person because he doesn't deserve her.

Elli is too good for him and she just told him she loves him and he can't say a damn word back. He can't say he loves her because while the feeling in his whole body is screaming that four letter word, Tom still isn't' positive he believes in it.

And he should, there is this deep and dark place in his mind that's trying to pull itself to light, trying to scream at Tom that this is it. This is love. This is what it is. It's Elli but that part of him is weak. It's fragile and scared and not loud enough. It's not even a throbbing in his mind. So, he stares at her before he starts thrusting into her again, forehead going to her collarbones.

Elli feels the burning behind her eyes as Tom keeps moving without a word. Her nails dig into his back and maybe the right thing to do would be to stop but she doesn't exactly want to. She doesn't want to stop because sex? That's easy and Tom is great and Elli knows that in a record time, Tom can get her reaching a euphoria that will make her forget this, even momentarily.

It'll relieve the lump in her throat and the stabbing and burning of her heart. Tears won't threaten to spill and her voice won't shake with heartbreak. It'd just be moans of desire. So, she doesn't say another word as she lets herself get lost in the sex, allowing herself to use this and Tom does the same before pulling his head from her neck to look at her.

Guilt. He's already feeling guilty and he should say literally anything other than what comes out of his mouth. "Do you wanna stop?" He pauses as Elli just stares back at him, brows furrowed together. "We can, if you want." He says, not moving or budging in the slightest and he wants for Elli to tell him yes, use their safe word, but she doesn't.

"No, keep going." She says, her voice uneven but her lips are on Tom's in seconds, hand on his neck to pull him to her.

"Are you sure?" Tom mutters against her lips, just needing to be sure.

"Just fuck me." Elli pulls away and looks back at him, ready to wash the remains of the eight letters from her skin.

He nods and pushes the guilt away, lips hot on hers again as his thrusts pick back up. They both use the sex to move on from the words and the guilt, pretend it slipped and by the time Elli's nails dig into his skin and Tom's teeth bite down on her neck, both using each other their orgasms hitting hard. They're lost in pleasure and lust, no other thoughts in mind until they come down.

They're on their backs and it hits Tom like a freight train, weight on his chest dragging him to the bottom of the ocean. Why didn't he just say it back? Say anything at all? Panic starts to seep in and his head turns to Elli who's eyes are trained on the ceiling but before Tom manages a single word, Elli is getting up and gathering her clothes from the floor.

"Elli." Tom calls, voice fragile and guilt-ridden.

"I'll be back." She mutters before biting her lip to keep herself together.

"Wait, Elli, come back." Tom calls back, leaning forward but Elli looks back to him with eyes turning red and they're glossed over and Tom swears that's the moment things changed.

"I'll be back, Tom." Elli says with the shrug of her shoulders before she exits the room and Tom hopes she will be but the hope evaporates as he hears her in the kitchen a minute later and the front door opening and closing. He just broke his best friend.

----- current time -----

Harrison stares at her and Elli shrugs. "So, that's what happened. You know the rest. I called you, you calmed me. I went back inside, went to sleep, and we pretended it never happened."

Harrison already knew but he'll play dumb for the time being. Especially because he didn't the know details of the event. He had no idea it affected her that way. He knew it hurt her but to hear it come from her mouth, that's something totally different. And he gets it, he understands but he also doesn't think this justifies her actions.

"Look, I'm sorry it happened and so is Tom. You and I both know that." Harrison starts. "Did you ever ask what he wanted when he called after you?"

Elli shakes her head. "No, I just forgot about it."

"Why?" Harrison says, and he's trying to be the voice of reason. Harrison knows why, Tom would have tried to stop her to make it better. He may not have confessed his feelings for her then but Tom did try to ask her out not long after so it's fair to think maybe he would have said something had Elli let him talk.

"I..." Elli hangs her head. "Because."

Harrison sighs and he runs a hand through his hair. "Do you forgive him for it? Do you really think he'd hurt you?"

"Yeah, I forgive and no......not really." Elli admits. "It's just, it hurt so bad the first time that, what if it does happen again?"

"Then it happens and you pick yourself up like you did before. You did it then and you can do it again. But, this," Harrison motions his finger between them. "What's going on with you and Tom, now, that's not about what happened three years ago. Hell, it's not even about what happened two months ago. There's more to this. Your friendship is falling apart, Elli."

"I know." Elli says with sad eyes. "I know."

"What's wrong with your foundation then?"

"What?" Elli's entire face scrunches at the seemingly random question.

"You and Tom build this house, it's falling, why?" Harrison starts, very clearly onto something.

"What the hell--"

"What keeps a house up? Keeps it standing?"

"A foundation?"

"Right. Every relationship and friendship is built on one. Some hold up cottages or small flats, others hold up castles and mansions but you and Tom? You've built a house so what's wrong with the foundation that's making it fall? I feel as though we've built something nice, a nice flat if you will, but when you told me you didn't like me or when I asked you on a date, our foundation was stronger. It's like we've been able to pack up these little holes, crevices neither of ever noticed until then and we've been friends for years, years longer than you and Tom. So, what's wrong with your foundation that's making that house fall?"

"I don't know." Elli shrugs, finally catching onto what Harrison is saying.

"Yes, you do. You do know so what is it?"

Elli stares back at him and she does know. It's not about getting hurt again. It's bigger than that because she does know that if it didn't work out, they could fix it. It's what they do. They always fix whatever problems they have between each other. Elli and Tom work so well together it is mind blowing so Harrison is right for calling her bluff. It's not about getting hurt. It'snot even about Tom's timing, not fully. There's more to this, more than goes down to the very core of their friendship and Elli just needed a push to address it.

"I need to talk to him, huh?"

"Yes!" Harrison yells, dramatic as ever even leaning forward with the word.

"Will I have a bed here if it doesn't work?"

"If you pay rent." Harrison chuckles with a nod.

"Yeah," Elli scoffs. "How much money do you even make? I can't afford half the rent here."

"Talent." Harrison quips with a cocky grin.

"Shut up." Elli rolls her eyes and makes her way to the guest bedroom to grab her things, prepping to go home and finally talk to Tom.