Elli is sat on the floor, leaning against the frame of Tom's door with her legs extended partially down the hallway. Her phone screen illuminates her face as she sat texting Harrison and listening to the music that was still coming from the bathroom. The shower had stopped running about ten minutes prior and it was only a matter of time before Tom cut the music and made his way out. And that's exactly what she was waiting for.

As she put her pajamas on and got ready for bed, it didn't feel right and it won't feel right until it's sorted out. They have to figure out what they're going to do about their arrangement tonight, not tomorrow or the day after. Not with the look Tom had given her.  

Maybe Elli should leave well enough alone. Maybe that could be the right thing to do but friends don't let friends go to bed with unresolved issues and they have a big issue staring the two of them down. So, she's sat outside his room, waiting for him.

Tom finishes brushing his teeth, his eyes still burning from crying and his chest still aching. But, mostly, exhaustion is setting in and all he wants to do is get to his bed. He wants to pretend like the night didn't happen and he can go to work the next day, proceed like it's all fine. He never talked to Elli. He didn't ask about Harrison, he didn't see Harrison ask her out right in front of him. He can ignore it tomorrow. Shove it into the black box with everything else.

Tom opens the door, allowing the cold air of the apartment to hit the warm and steamy bathroom. A shiver runs down his spine as he exits the bathroom, his eyes on the floor as it creaks beneath him. But, as his eyes go to look in front of him, he sees Elli resting her phone on the side of her, her eyes widen and he can almost see her holding her breath as he stops walking.

"Hey." Elli says.

"Hey...?" Tom asks, raising a tired brow before he starts slowly walking to her. "What're you doing?" His voice is raw and achy, immediately tugging on Elli's heartstrings.

"I thought it would be creepy if I waited outside the bathroom so I decided that waiting outside your room was a better option." Elli says, trying to bring a smile to Tom's face but he just stares at her, eyes distant and begging for sleep. "Okay," She sighs and stands up, phone in hand before she shoves it in her hoodie. "We gotta figure this out."

Tom runs a hand through his damp hair, his curls loose. "Can't we just talk in the mornin'?" He puts a hand on his hip, gesturing out with the other.

"You know we can't." Elli reasons.

"Yeah, well," Tom shakes his head, finding it harder to look at her the longer they stand in the hallway. "We're gonna." He moves into his room, brushing past Elli.

"Tommy." Elli says, her voice pleading. "Please, talk to me."

Tom turns to look at her, a sense of disbelief across his face. He knows she cares and that's the only reason she won't leave him alone. And he knows her well enough to know that she hates bugging him about it. The only reason she's standing in his doorway right now is because of a deal they made. Elli respects his space and he respects hers, but they don't go to bed mad or upset and they don't leave mad or upset. It's the rule.

Tom takes a deep breath and takes a seat on his bed, ready to start talking. He already planned out what he was gonna say that didn't involve the secret locked box. "Haz's in my mate." Tom says, eyebrows furrowed as he fiddles with his fingers. "Don't want you goin' out with him because I brought it up, your happy ending or whatever. Don't want you goin' out with him just to see, it's leading him on. He's my best mate and I don't want to see him hurt by you." Tom looks up to her, his eyes still begging for sleep.

Elli sighs as she walks into his room and sits beside him. "I'd never do that to him, ya know?"

Tom nods. "I'd hope not, yeah."

"I told him that I never thought about it before but we could give it a chance. I never said I liked him."

"Alright." Tom sighs, looking to her with a bland expression. "Can I sleep now?"

Elli pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing the skin but nods. "Yeah, okay." Her eyes are sad as she forces the corners of her lips into a smile.

Tom hangs his head as Elli starts to get up. He knows he's made her feel guilty and bad and he feels horrible. That wasn't his intent, not at all. The last thing Tom ever wants to do is to hurt her. All he wants, in the entire world, is to make her happy. So, yeah, maybe he's hurt that it's not him going on a date with her, that it's Harrison. Maybe he's hurt that she doesn't know what they are and maybe he's jealous because he's a secret and Harrison isn't. And maybe he's beyond pissed off at Harrison for lying but that doesn't mean he's okay with making Elli feel bad.

"Wait." Tom says, his hand flying out, catching Elli's wrist and pulling her back to him. Her hand lands on his shoulder, steadying herself as she raises her brows down at him. Tom lets out a long breath, tilting his head up and putting his hands on her hips. "I, uh, you make me...." Tom pauses.

It's like he's just standing there, holding the flashlight to open the box and show off everything he's too scared to admit. She is right there, and he could say it. He could say anything that could float up from that box once the light is shown onto it. He wants to so fucking bad but he's scared. He's scared to tell her because it took him a long time to build up that courage the first time. And it crushed him when she came home to say she had a date. He remembers calling Harrison after Elli had gone to sleep and he cried to his best friend from the parking lot because it broke him. And he's scared to do that again. Elli just makes him the happiest he's ever been, just like this.

Tom swallows, his eyes glossing over as his eyes are locked with hers. "You make me happy." Tom finally gets the words out because she does and it doesn't have to mean anything. It does, it always does, but it doesn't have to.

Elli looks over Tom's face, taking in every line of his face and old acne scars and she doesn't want to stop. She never wants to stop. What she said the day before and day before that and the week and months before that, she doesn't want to stop. Not with Tom. She's endlessly and hopelessly addicted to him and maybe that's a reason she agreed to out with Harrison. Maybe if she goes out with him, goes on a date with a friend, she'll know she won't need this, need Tom. Maybe she won't want him anymore. But, his eyes are big and brown, rims a pale shade of pink and she still wants him, all of him.

Elli's hands glide slowly over Tom's shoulders as she presses her forehead to his. Tom sucks in a shallow breath, eyes locked with hers as he waits for her to say something. He's scared that she'll say it back but mean it differently. And he's scared that she won't say anything at all. And there's parts of him that hope she doesn't say anything because she has a date with Harrison and Tom, he will never get between the two of them. Even when it hurts.

Her lips brush over his before pressing softly. "You make me happy, too, you know that." She pauses and places a sweet but gentle and tender kiss to his lips. "It's why you're my best friend."

Best friend.

Her eyes close and Tom follows her lead, kissing her back. Elli deepens the kiss as her lips move against his, Tom's hands moving to her ass, pulling her closer to him as his hands glide down her thighs. She pushes forward, just enough for them to slowly fall back onto the bed as her hands cups his face. And Tom lets out a breath through his nose, the breath he'd been holding finally being let out and his heart starts pounding.

Tom's mouth is moving against hers and she's moving her knees to either side of his waist, straddling him. And Tom feels the ache of his chest disappear and lingering sting of his eyes fade to nothing as Elli grinds down onto him slowly, almost on instinct with her fingers threaded through his damp hair. His hands are gripping her thighs, holding her up and close to him and there's something in him that keeps going back to the flashlight in his mind, wanting to pick it back up and shine light on the box in the corner. Everything just feels right with her. Kissing, sex, hickies on him, and hickies on her, nights together, their friendship, music, everything. If Elli is involved, it all feels right.

But, he has to pull away.

Tom's hands move up her body until they reach her face, pulling them both away from each other as he brushes her hair back. "What 'bout Harrison?" Tom asks.

Elli tries to steady her breathing as she looks down at him. "We stop if you want and we tell him if you want to."

Tom shakes his head. "We don't tell him." He says without a thought. He doesn't want to deal with the questions and accusations Harrison will throw, so this can stay a secret even if it feels dirty and wrong. "But you've to decide if we stop. You're the one goin' on a date."

"Am I shitty friend if I don't want to stop?"

Tom holds a straight face, thumbs brushing over her cheeks. "I can't answer that, darlin'."

"Because if you say yes, you know I'll say we stop but if you say no, you know I'll say we keep going."

Tom nods. "Yeah." Tom chews the inside of his cheek as his eyes are sad, waiting for Elli to figure it out.

Her face is contorting, clearly fighting the battle in her head and it's not fair. The only reason she's forced to even question it is because it's Harrison. If this date goes further than just one date, she'll have to tell him. It won't feel right for her not to but he'll ask when they stopped and how long it went on for. It'll hurt finding out that her and Tom were still screwing after she agreed on a date.

But, that's the thing. Elli's mind is on how not to hurt Harrison. She's running every possible situation through her head, all of them involve not stopping with Tom and that's why she can't decide. She doesn't know how not to want him. And she doesn't want to know.

Tom brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, hating the look of uncertainty and guilt across her face. Friendship sometimes involves sacrifice. It's not about being selfish. "You don't have to make a decision." Tom's words are soft and caring. "We don't do this every day," Tom forces himself to nod and give her a small but reassuring smile knowing that this might be the last time. "Go on your date with Haz, if all goes well," The reassuring smile falters to sadness but just for a fraction of a second. "Won't really matter 'bout us, ya? And if you decide you're better friends, we pick this up."

He'd be dammed if he said it didn't hurt to say this. But, Tom knows Elli is going to feel guilty no matter what she would decide and he won't let you. He'd rather just deal with having to wait to get back to this, if at all. Her happiness, here, comes first. That's all it comes down to. Tom wants Elli to be happy even if it's not screwing around with him. She says she's happy, that was the point of their conversation the day before but Tom knows her better than the back of his favorite record. The two of them dancing around each other won't keep her happy forever and she deserves better. She deserves someone with the guts to not have everything shoved into a box. She deserves someone who is honest with themselves and with her. Tom isn't that person. So, he makes a sacrifice of his heart for her.

"Y-are you sure?" Elli stutters. "You said it was my decision?"

"Yeah," Tom sighs. "But you'll feel guilty no matter what you say and 'm not gonna let you do that yourself." He moves his hands down to her shoulders and to her back before wrapping an arm around her and sitting up, Elli now seated in his lap. "We're just screwing around anyway, right?"

Ow.

"Yeah." Elli nods, her voice quiet. "Right."

"All good then." Tom doesn't even give her a smile.

Elli leans in and kisses his cheek, thankful that he's willing to make the decision for her. "You know I love you, right?"

Tom gives her a dry chuckle. "Yeah, I know."

Elli runs a hand through Tom's hair, making him smile and roll his eyes. "Did you wanna sleep now?"

Tom leans forward and presses his forehead to her shoulder, her hand still going through his hair. "Yeah, I've to work in the mornin'." He picks his head up, looking up at her.

"Okay." Elli traces her hands to his cheeks, one of her hands going to his chin and bringing his lips to hers.

Tom closes his eyes and exhales through his nose, his other arm coming to wrap around her and pull her flush against him. He tries to be optimistic but he knows this could be the last time anything like this happens with her so he's going to enjoy it for a few seconds.

He deepens the kiss as Elli's hands wrap around the back of his neck for leverage. Tom pulls her against him, Elli rolling her hips to meet his.

The two of them allow themselves to get lost in the moment of lust. It's as if the previous conversation didn't happen. Their mouths are moving together as one, Elli's grinding down on Tom with his help, and their hearts are beating together as one. Tongues dance together in perfect harmony and hands start to roam under shirts and through hair. Gasps and breathless moans start to consume the air and it's just the two of them. It's the two of them as Tom forgets everything and moves his mouth to her neck, sucking a bright mark, a signature that's just his, one only Elli will understand. And Elli tilts her head and lets herself get lost because everything feels right with him. It always feels right with Tom and that's the problem.

Elli turns her head, kissing up Tom's cheek to his lips. "We should stop." She murmurs.

"Mhm." Tom hums and he pulls away, his chest moving in a steady rhythm. "Okay."

The corner of Elli's mouth pulls into a smile. "Just, for now." She nods, more telling herself than Tom.

"Okay." Tom says once more with a simple nod. "'S fine, darlin'." Tom assures.

Elli pulls her bottom lips between her teeth, her fingers playing with the few hairs at the base of his neck. "Can I sleep in here though?"

Tom chuckles softly as he nods. "Yeah, of course." He jerks his head to the right, eyes following suit. "Gotta get in your spot though."

Her spot.

Tom squeezes her hips as a hint for her to get up. Elli scrunches her face before placing a quick kiss to his cheek and climbing over him and to her side of the bed. Elli pulls the blankets back and gets underneath, Tom following right after. She takes her phone from her pocket and rests it on Tom's nightstand before stripping the hoodie from her torso, leaving her in a tank top and pants. Tom strips his shirt, grabbing the hoodie of Elli's and tossing them to the floor to be out of their way before they both lay down and as if to be on instinct, Tom moves his arm out, welcoming his bare chest to Elli and without hesitation, she moves over to him as he reaches for his remote to turn on a movie as background to fall asleep to. It's all habit. Routine. Two things they refuse to admit.

------

The next day comes and goes, Tom and Elli refraining from any urge they have. It's weird because like Tom said, it's not like it's an everyday thing but now that they've decided to stop, it's like it's that much more tempting. But, they hold to their agreement because it's the right thing to do and their day proceeds like it normally would, with the exception of Tom dodging all of Harrison's texts. It's easier for Tom to ignore Harrison for the moment, just until the date with Elli is over. He doesn't want to say something he'll regret, so Thursday passes and Friday comes.

Elli makes her way into the living room, red flared dress with a few scattered white and yellow flowers, cutting just above the knee. A black leather jacket hangs from her shoulders and black and white converse cover her feet while her hair is simple and makeup kept more natural.

"So, how do I look?" She asks, standing in front of Tom as he's sat on the couch.

He looks her up and down and his mouth pulls into a smile. "You look good."

Elli sucks in a breath, cheeks turning a soft pink. "Good?"

"Beautiful." Tom specifies, eyes gentle but the moment is bittersweet.

The other night, it felt sorrow-filled, kind of like this was just something she had to do but yesterday and today, Elli's seemed to grow more excited and that makes Tom happy. It really does because bottom line is that he wants her to be happy and he knows that her being happy might not include him. But, that's what makes it bittersweet. Because he wants to be the reason for her being excited and happy.

"Thanks, Tommy." Elli pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "Um, Harrison wants you text him, by the way." She bites her top lip.

"Yeah, yeah, I will." Tom nods, brows furrowing. "Forgot to respond, I guess."

"Okay." Elli nods, running her hands over her dress, not wanting to get into the two of them right now. "He should be here soon so, I'm gonna wait out by the front door."

Tom nods. "Alright, have fun, ya?" Tom lets out a soft huff.

"I'm sure I will." Elli sends him a closed lip smile. "You doing anything?"

"Yeah, meeting Alex at the pub few blocks over." Tom smirks.

Elli rolls her eyes but a smile dances across her face. "Don't get too shit-faced."

Tom gives her a thumbs up. "No promises."

"Mhm," Elli hums as she makes her way towards the door, grabbing her bag from the table. "Have fun."

"Will do." Tom leans his head back to look at her over the couch.

Elli exits their apartment and makes her way to the front door of the apartment complex. She can't help the way her palms sweat or the way her stomach turns with nerves. It's Harrison and she's never been nervous when it comes to Harrison but now that this is a date, she's nervous.

It's different and it's simply nerve-wracking. What if it doesn't go well? What if this ends terribly and they won't be friends anymore? What if it goes perfectly? What if it's amazing and she does like him? What if he finds out he doesn't really like her but she likes him? There's a lot of possibilities running through Elli's mind as she waits at the door. But, there are also the questions of what to do. She's not sure if he'll try anything and if he does, how she'll react. She's nervous that he will make some type of move but the thought of him not trying anything, makes her heart sink which only confuses her.

But, Harrison is pulling up and now isn't the time to overthink. She needs to just go and see how it goes first.

"Hey." Harrison greets as he exits the car while Elli exits the building.

"Hey." Elli chimes, nervous smile shining against the dim lights of the building.

"You look nice." Harrison sucks in a shaky breath as he looks at Elli, always liking how red looked on her.

"Thank you." Elli blushes. "You look nice, too."

Harrison is dressed in black jeans and a black shirt with a burgundy leather jacket overtop. His hair is freshly cut, longer on the top and styled with the very front slightly spiked. His hair appears more light brown than dirty blonde at this length and it always suits him nicely.

"You think so?" Harrison's eyes are wide as he reaches to open the passenger side door, clearly surprised but ecstatic that Elli thinks he looks nice.

"Yeah." Elli giggles. "Of course you do."

"Thank you." Harrison's eyes are bright and Elli can almost see the anxiety melt off of him while he opens the door for her.

Elli gets in the car and Harrison shuts her door before making his way to the driver's side. Once Harrison is in the car, he sends Elli a sweet smile before buckling his seatbelt and putting the car in drive. The car is quiet besides the music Harrison has playing while his thumbs lightly tab the steering wheel, something he never does, only showing just how nervous he is to be taking Elli out. And Elli is sitting, fiddling with her thumbs, watching the city lights pass by hoping the nerves and growing awkwardness will go away.

She expected it to be a little nervous but she really didn't expect the air to grow awkward. It never got awkward with Tom and that's more than just sitting in a car on the way to the theater. It's weird for this to be awkward but it not to be awkward with Tom and in the back of her mind, she knows she can't compare the two. One of them is just sex and making out and the other is actual feelings. They're different. But, the three of them are friends so she compares them until Harrison finds a parking place.

"Are you warm enough?" Harrison asks as they meet at the front of his car.

Elli looks to her legs and back to him. "Oh yeah." She smiles. "It's a short walk to the door anyway." Elli stuffs her hands in her pockets as they make their way towards the building.

"This is awkward." Harrison sighs, running a hand through his hair.

Elli lets out a breath as if she'd been holding it since they left the apartment building. "I thought I was the only one feeling it."

"No!" Harrison laughs. "Not at all, quite weird. No offense."

"Non-taken." Elli laughs with him. "Think we're putting too much thought into it?"

"Yeah." Harrison nods. "Think so. Act natural." Harrison jokes, opening the door for her.

"Mmm," She hums, looking over her shoulder as he moved beside her. "Easier said than done, don't you think?"

"We can try." Harrison challenges, putting his arm around her shoulders just as he would have done any other time. "Friends first, anyway." He looks down at her, charming smile on display.

"Alright, Haz, lead the way then." Elli meets his stare before they start walking to the ticket booth.

They get their tickets to the agreed movie and move onto the snack counter. They opt for a medium popcorn, choosing to split it and two drinks for the both of them. Harrison gets a package of cookie dough bites and Elli doesn't bother with the candy, happy to just get popcorn. After getting their things, they enter the right screening room and choose left middle, Harrison allowing Elli in first. And by the time they were settled, the lights started to dim for the film.

The film plays and the awkwardness before has completely melted away. Instead, Harrison's holding the bag of popcorn and their hands brush every few times and both of them blush, thankful for the dark lighting. They smile at each other and whisper every now and then about whatever the film was playing, sometimes even laughing and they're both having a good time. A great time really. It's fun and easy now. And a little over halfway through, Harrison has his candy open with his arm around Elli and he's pouring a few pieces into her hand. It's as if it were never awkward to begin with.

"Did you like the movie?" Harrison asks as they exit the building, his arm still around Elli's shoulders.

"Yeah, it was really good." Elli beams up at him.

"Cool." Harrison breathes a sigh of relief.

"Cool." Elli mimicks, her cheeks aching from smiling as a blush creeps back onto her face.

There is something there. Elli can feel it. It's small butterflies when Harrison smiles at her and she loves the way it feels to have his arm around her. It feels good with Harrison, like maybe this could work. There is something. And Harrison can feel it, too. He worried that he wouldn't. He feared that he might feel the same but he'd know Elli didn't and it'd hurt but that's not it. It feels right with her and there's no doubt in his mind that they could work. They got past the awkward and they could work. And he fucking wants them to.

The drive back to Elli's apartment is full of laughter and conversation. Harrison's hand is holding hers, thumb gracing over the top of her hand and it feels good. It's like they're really teetering on the edge of friendship and more and it just feels almost adrenaline inducing. There's something different about it that makes their skin tingle and hearts dance, lips pull into smiles and eyes drift towards each other. There's something about being with each other that just feels good.

"So," Harrison says, standing outside Elli's apartment door with her in front of him. "This was fun." There's hope in his eyes and anxiety in his breath.

"Yeah, it was." Elli agrees and her hands grow sweaty, knowing this is judgment time.

Harrison's heart is his throat as he wonders if he should ask for a second date or if he should let her sleep on tonight. Maybe sleeping is a good idea. But maybe it's not. He knows that her answer won't change with sleep, he knows deep down, but maybe if she has a night to think about how great their night went, she'll ask to go on a second date. He wants it to be up to her, not him but he doesn't just want to leave like this. It'll feel unfinished so, he takes a step forward and brushes Elli's hair aside, catching a glimpse of the hickey from the other night she tried to cover up with makeup. He pauses, his eyes glancing between the bruise and her and he knows he shouldn't continue because it doesn't sit right. He has a feeling but he pushes it away because maybe denial is a little less painful.

He leans in and his lips brush against Elli's before they connect. He tastes like leftover cherry coke and his lips are soft. Elli kisses him back and it's nice. It is. Her hands go around his neck and she likes the way his mouth feels against hers. It's different from what she's used to and it makes her hold her breath for a second. But it's different.

She feels something between them and it feels good. Holding his hand, his arm around her, kissing him, it all feels good but it doesn't feel right. There's a big difference between something feeling good and something feeling right. And while their mouths move together, Elli can feel tears building behind her eyes because she knows that she doesn't like Harrison. She likes the idea of him and it hurts. It hurts because Harrison isn't Tom and that is not fucking fair.

Elli pulls away, her hands coming to his chest. "I can't." She breathes, looking up at Harrison.

She sees the happiness and hope leave his face. "It's Tom, isn't it?" He asks.

"No," Elli shakes her head, a few tears falling onto her cheeks. "It's not."

Harrison takes a step back as his eyes goto her neck. "Yeah? Who gave you the hickey? Didn't have it when I asked you out." Harrison's voice is drenched is hurt.

"Some random guy...last night." Elli lies as she sniffles. "I...I just....I want to-"

"Don't." Harrison stops her. "It's fine. You don't like me, that's fine but don't lie to me."

"I'm not." Elli croaks.

Harrison scoffs. "Fine. It'd hurt lot less if you were though because at least you'd be with Tom and--" Harrison stops himself, not wanting to have an argument in the middle of the hallway. "You said you would give me a chance but if you were out last night with some guy, feels like I never had a chance."

"That is not it." Elli says, making her voice as stern as possible. "You did. If you didn't, I wouldn't have come tonight."

Harrison looks at her, tears rolling down her cheeks and he knows she's not lying to him about that but that doesn't make him feel any better. Either she's lying to him about Tom or she's not and either way, it just feels like he never had a chance. He doesn't care if she were with someone else, he doesn't own her and they aren't dating. They aren't exclusive but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It's the fact that she could go out and do whatever with some random guy she doesn't know when she had a date. It just sucks to be him right now.

"Then what is it?" Harrison asks, the heartbreak written in every line of his face.

"You don't deserve this." She whispers.

"I know." He says, expression hard, trying to hold back his emotions. "I know I don't but you went with me tonight anyway."

"I'm sorry, Harrison." Elli says, her voice wavering.

"Yeah." Harrison says, starting to walk past her as he feels the lump in his throat grow to the size of a golfball. "I know."

"Harrison, please don't go." Elli whines, turning to face him before he heads down the hallway.

"No." He says simply, swallowing hard.

"Please." Elli begs, feeling the weight of the world starting to crush her. She never wanted to hurt him. That was the whole point but she can see the rims of his eyes turning red and she knows he's trying not to break. "I'm sorry."

Harison looks to the ceiling, taking in a breath. "I know and look, I'll call you, okay?" Harrison says and the first tear rolls down his cheek. "I just...." He squares his jaw. "I need a minute."

Elli nods, knowing there's nothing she can do now. "Okay." The word comes out a sniffled whimper.

"Goodnight, Elli." Harrison's voice cracks as he turns back around and heads down the hallway before Elli could say anything else.

Elli hands shake as tears flow down her cheeks. Her heart aches and her eyes burn, her blurred vision making it hard to open the door with her key. This was the last thing she wanted and all because she tried to do the right thing, the thing that might hurt the least, she's broken not just her heart but Harrison's. She broke her best friend's heart and it hurts. She wants to like him. Hell, she wants to be in love with him but she isn't. And he doesn't deserve any of this. It is so unfair and she curses the world for it as she enters her home.

All she wants to do is put pajamas on and talk to Tom about it. The hickey is from him but it's not his fault. It's just that he always knows how to make her feel better. He'sgoing to tell her what she needs to hear and wants to hear. It's what friends do. But, as she takes off her shoes, she sees a set of heels at the door and she can hear Chase Atlantic blaring from Tom's bedroom meaning he's brought a girl home. And it's going to be a long lonely night for her.