"We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick"

Atticus

---

Shu was shaking his foot, looking outside the muggy windows of the ancient taxi they were driving. They were back in Mexico. The last few days he had been training senseless with Free. Both of them together were a bad combination, they agreed later on. They were ambitious. Too much that is. None of them had any clue about the time and tended to launch themselves into hours of training without realising the time ticking off the minutes. Shu inwardly grins, reminiscing of the busy but pleasant few days with the blonde. It was a good change from these hazardous plans he was involving himself with.

"Was it exciting?" Norman asked, not trying to hide the hint of smile apparent on his worn-out face.

Shu nodded, "Yeah. I'm going to give my best out there today"

Norman nodded, "That's good."

"Any information about Lav's-" Norman shook his head, cutting him off mid sentence. It was a perfect mantra which had been escaping his lips for the past few days. He knew Liam wouldn't come back. But it was hard to let him go when his killer was out there. Free and alive. Looking for another victim to fall upon their hands. Shu nodded in acknowledgment, unable to keep the disappointment off his face. He wouldn't try anyway. Norman knew him too well.

After arriving at the location Norman dropped him off. The bluetooth tracker was safe inside his pocket. Shu placed the mask in place, held his head high and started making his way towards the beydisk. Lui had chosen a location remote from human habitat. The only sound was the call of the birds and the distant roar of wind rushing past him. As Shu made his way, he could make out the figure of his nemesis, standing with that boisterous look of his, his arms crossed. His violet eyes gleaming with mock courtesy. "Fancy meeting you in a battle" He spoke, voice dripping with venom. "Red Eye"

Shu flinched, a pit forming in his stomach. Does he know? He cast away the feeling and took his stance without a word. Their beys could do the talking. He cannot afford to lose here. The first battle was blazing from the start. Shu kept his eyes glued to the disk. He could feel the power of Luinor, pushing past his Spryzen. He cursed under his breath. Lui had gotten strong. Overwhelmingly strong that is. Shu tried to push through the barrier of strength clashing against his Spryzen. Push through, he commanded silently. The beys clashed in one final attack and went flying through the air. Just before his bey could hit the ground, Lui caught it with his hand with a feral grin painting over his face. Shu clicked his tongue in frustration, wondering for the reasons behind this shameless act. Was he trying to humiliate him? In fact, the albino knew he did not have to question it. From their first match, the two had - especially Lui in that case, had shown an intense rivalry against him. The scar on his eye, the fragments of his broken Spryzen were evidence for it. Despite all these, Shu respected Lui's passion as a blader. He was just like them, driven by the maddening passion to reach the top.

The two took their stances again and in a moment of time, the beys flew into the disk. Shu watched, his eyes hidden behind the red shaded mask. His silent command for Spryzen was to drive forward. He couldn't afford to lose this match. Ironic as it seems, the whole future of Beyblade depended upon this simple match.

Shu felt his gaze burning against his skin. If Lui did know who he was, the White Tyrant did not make any attempt to announce it. At first, Shu was confident enough to feel the strength of Spryzen breaking the boundaries and pushing back Luinor. The iron inscribed bey pushed back, slightly faltering against the massive force released by the crimson bey.

A second must've passed when the tables turned. Shu could see as clear as day how Luinor was speeding up. His heart skipped a beat, his confidence slightly altering as the monster of the past, the humiliation crawled to prominence from the back of his mind. Right now, he didn't care about the Snakepit nor about the mission. This match was personal. This was his revenge on Lui.

The two beys clashed with so much power that Shu had to avert his gaze from the glowing sparks emitting from the contact. The force was so great and hypnotising that even Lui's face seemed uncertain for a moment. Then, the deafening crack.

Spryzen was in the air bursting into three pieces.

And another crack, the remnants of his mask fell to the ground with a soft thud.

Shu felt the air rushing against his exposed face. His face, persona secured by the mask provided by the Snakepit, was gone. He was stripped naked from his pseudonym as Red Eye.

Shame.

Humiliation.

His throat tightened. His ears filled with the mocking laughter of the male in front of him. Savouring every moment of his loss. Feasting on his shame, feasting on that defeat.

"Shu?"

When the voice of his best friend invaded the laughter, Shu did not know how to react. He hadn't realised Valt was there. He had been too invested in the match to care about his surroundings. He didn't dare to look at him. Scared of what he might see. Scared that the disappointment of his best friend's face would break his already fractured heart.

"I knew it was you," Lui said, interrupting the thoughts of the albino. Shu snapped his furious gaze to meet him. "Kurenai Shu, my old friend. You have gotten great at losing, maybe even the best" His laughter echoed through the greener pastures, mocking him relentlessly.

Shu clenched his fists and averted his gaze to the ground. He felt the scream bubbling from his throat. It was because of the frustration he screamed. Frustrated by no matter how hard he tried, he never seemed to get a chance with this ruthless male. No matter how he tried, he never seemed to push past that immense power of the Luinor blader. It was a helpless feeling; to know no matter how hard you try, the end result will be the same.

He forgot about Valt, or rather chose to ignore him. His mind was already weighing with the loss, and he didn't simply have the energy to proceed to face his best friend. If he was going to be antagonised for this, then be it. He could care less about that.

The male turned on his heel and started walking away from the beydisk. From that eccentric gaze of Lui. He heard the footsteps thudding and reaching towards him. The albino didn't stop. He wished Valt would stop. He didn't want to talk. He couldn't talk with him. "No, don't leave, talk to me," Valt pleaded, trying to stop him. Shu walked past him, his eyes on the ground. His bangs cast a darkened shadow over his face, trying to compensate for the loss of the mask.

Though Shu wished, hoped and even pleaded within his mind, Valt didn't stop. He stood squarely on his path and pressed his hands against his shoulders. Shu kept his eyes ahead, focusing on the void he had become. "I was looking everywhere for you and I finally found you" Valt's voice cracked, he was brimming with emotions. Valt had always been like that. Shu loved his best friend for the way he displayed his emotions, for how he was so honest with everyone.

Shu slapped his hands away, trying to push past him. His crimson eyes wavering by the pure desire to look Valt in the eye and give in to that familiar comfort the male always offered. "You" He said, instead "Get out of my way" Shu wished he didn't see. He wished he could erase that memory. That surprised face. That face that screamed nothing but pure betrayal.

"Shu" Valt's voice was almost a whisper as he finally gave in and stared. Shu sped his way through the clear path towards the dense forest by the side of the clearing. He heard Valt's scream, the pain in his tone and the thousands of unspoken questions lingering in the air. But he didn't have the power nor the strength to answer any of them. Then again, when you don't have answers to your own questions, how would you answer the ones asked by others?

The shaded darkness inside the forest was comforting. Shu slid down the bole of a sturdy tree ignoring the bumps and the splinters pushing through his uniform. "What now?" He asked himself, sighing. He lost, does this mean everything is over? Does this mean- Shu closed his eyes and tipped his head backward letting the filtered sunbeams kiss his face. The call of the birds and the rustle of leaves against the warm breeze should've calmed him. The feeling of being under this thickly woven natural roof, the feeling of being less exposed should've comforted him.

But nothing seems to suppress the hurricane brewing inside his mind. The frustration, the anger ⸺against who, Shu didn't know. Damn it, He clenched his fist and drove it towards the ground. The spongy moss dipping by the force, dirt painting his knuckles a muddy brown. He kept repeating the action until he decided he didn't want to sit and think anymore.

Standing up, the albino wandered through the silent forest to a brook. He didn't know when Theodore or Norman would come and break the news to him. How he had destroyed their plans. Shu knew they'd choose comforting words but shallow words cannot reduce the weight of the defeat hovering upon his head. It was just there, hanging inside his mind with its strong claws raking Shu's mind bloody.

The sky was a deep red ⸺like someone had killed the spirit of light, her blood splattering the sky with crimson before darkness conquered the world again. Shu watched the flaming sphere as it dipped behind the moment leaving the remnant of orange and scarlet.

The albino walked towards the brook and dipped his hand to the warm water⸺under the coloured sky the water looked like blood. He scooped some to his palm half expecting it to look deep scarlet, taste like iron. Nausea rippled through his stomach as the scene in front of him overlapped with the dead body of Liam that night, lying in a pool of blood. For what? Shu didn't know and now he would never know.

He walked through the water until he reached the middle of the brook. The water juggled around him, small waves crashing against his boots. Out of impulse, he spun around and dropped himself abruptly to the water. The loud splash ⸺though mostly quiet was deafening to his ears. The soft sand against the back of his head, comfortable that he might as well be sleeping on a luxury mattress. Shu listened to the water rushing against his ears, whispering the secrets of the universe.

Yeah right, the albino thought in a moment of daze. What he indeed needed was more secrets. As if he's not already suffocating with the weight of the ones he already carried.

The sky was hauntingly beautiful. The colours painted even the white clouds in tints of orange and crimson. He just stared at them. The changes happened in mere minutes before slipping his eyes closed.

---

Mind is like the universe. An infinite loop of thoughts surfacing and resurfacing over and over, playing wicked tricks behind our eyes to remind us both of happiness and sorrow. Shu had seen this even unfold behind his eyes each night after he faced that humiliating defeat upon the hands of the White Tyrant. He had stayed up night after night pressing his tear stricken terrified face on the pillow trying to shut out those nightmares.

There it was again. The raging Luinor clashed against Spryzen and he was stuck in the grounds of defeat unable to move over towards victory.

His eyes snapped open in both fear and surprise. It had been a while since he had that nightmare and he was quite surprised that he passed out cold in that position. "Shu?" A voice said from the sandy bank. Shu sat down, his hair dripping with water, white locks plastered to the side of his head. The albino grimaced as he stood, the jumper sticking to him like a second skin, his boots making a squeamish sound as he walked towards the man; Theodore Glass.

If he was angry, he hid it well. Shu couldn't trace any emotion in his face except for the concern which was always there when he looked at the albino. "What were you doing?" He asked, puzzled.

"Taking a breather?" Spryzen inside his pocket felt heavy. Shu looked over his shoulder at the brook, the reddish water slowly losing its colour.

"Are you okay?"

Shu nodded, "Yeah. I lost though" He uttered the last words quietly and slowly as he could, looking through his dripping bangs to see if there's any hint of anger in his eyes or maybe even disappointment.

Nothing.

"I know. We got the message" Theodore walked close to him and wrapped one of his arms around the boy. "We should get you to somewhere warm"

That's when Shu realised he was shaking ⸺he didn't know it was out of cold or something else, "What's going to happen now?" Shu looked at the arm of Theodore's uniform, now soaked in water.

"We'll see" They reached his car and the man opened the door. Shu hesitated looking at his clothes and back at the pristine seats of it. Theodore smiled, "Go ahead. A little water wouldn't harm anyone"

Shu nodded uncertainly, stepping in, immediately welcoming the lavender smell clinging to the inside. The first few minutes were in silence. Shu wondered whether Theodore did not want to say anything to him. They rode for what felt like an hour before the elder stopped the car in front of a small house in the outskirts of the city. The paths were isolated at this time of the hour and even the vehicles which were out raced through this country road towards the city where numerous lights shone like a man-made milky way.

Shu stepped out of the car and immediately regretted it. The cold air sent chills down his spine as his wet clothes clung onto him worsening the coldness. Shu quickly followed Theodore to the small house wishing it would be warmer inside.

He knocked and the door swung open revealing a cheerful male who was too familiar to the eyes. Shu stood there, stunned, unable to react at this surprising reconciliation. "Lucas?" He questioned though it was clear to anyone's eye it was him. The smiling mechanic back from Raging Bulls. The person who had stood by his side during those first days in this brand new society.

Lucas' smile faltered, "Why does he look like a wet puppy?"

Shu looked down at himself suddenly aware of the frigid air and his sorry state. He really needed a change of clothes. Theodore gave him a faint shove beckoning him to walk in. Shu did and was instantly relieved at the radiator by the power socket chasing away the cold air inside the house. Before he could ask the thousands of questions, Lucas pushed him towards a bathroom. "Change those clothes. You're going to catch a cold"

Shu missed this. Missed this caring nature of the male and his fussiness whenever it came to his well being. "Okay" Shu said.

"There are some fresh clothes in the locker inside"

Shu nodded, "Okay" He didn't realise he was still staring at Lucas with wide eyes. He was still surprised, the last person he thought of meeting today was Lucas and here he was. He laughed, petting his damp locks.

"Stop staring"

Shu blinked, "Ah yes, I'll be back soon" He closed the door behind him and gratefully stripped off from his damp Snakepit uniform. He idly remembered Theodore didn't question his mask. Maybe he watched the battle unfold. He hopped into the warm shower and closed his eyes, feeling the warmth relaxing his rigid muscles. Unconsciously, the albino reached his hands to his face. Pressing his hands flat over his face, he sighed. Everyone knew. Everyone knew he was Red Eye. He sank to the floor and sat down on the sky blue tiles repeating the questions he had been asking himself since his defeat and found himself coming up with a blank answer to each question. Droplets of warm water ran down his shoulders pooling on the curve of his elbow.

Should he go back home?

Even if he did go, the male had no idea what he would do. His friends are all over the world, improving themselves, battling famous bladers, making a name for themselves, advancing through an international level. He envied that normality and ignorance. If only he just kept his mouth shut.

A soft knock on the door startled him. "Shu?" Lucas asked, "Dinner's ready. You done in there?"

"Yes" Shu squeaked, caught unaware. "I'll be there in a minute"

He turned the shower off and stumbled into the locker in the corner. Pulling out a fresh towel, he dried himself before putting on a fresh t-shirt and shorts. When he walked out, the smell of steak and melted cheese invaded his senses. Shu didn't realise how hungry he was until he was seated on the table across Theodore who was watching him cautiously since he had met Shu by the bank of that brook.

The two waited until Lucas joined them and finally started their meal. The meal was silent except for the random questions from Lucas asking how Shu had been. After a beat of silence, Shu decided he should direct his own question to the male. "What are you doing here?"

Lucas paused for a second, "I came here to visit my favourite kid"

Shu didn't try to hide his smile, "Yeah?"

"Yeah" Lucas assured, "And also I have work"

Shu didn't ask to elaborate. He wondered if he should ask again. Theodore had been evasive the whole time. Shu didn't want to ask the question. He knew his defeat meant there was no use from him anymore. But asking what happens now means solidifying the situation. Sometimes, letting the words hang in the air, unspoken, made them less real.

Shu put down his fork, "What happens now?" He asked. There. Now the answer decides whether he's really out of here for good.

Theodore imitated his actions and placed his cutlery on the table. He leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "Depends"

"What do you mean?"

"All three candidates have lost" He said, "We're all back at square one"