There was no war toiling inside of me, trying to rip me apart as my fangs were dug into the neck of some college kid and his blood pooled inside my mouth. All I focused on was the steady heartbeat in his chest, the music and chatter that was a combined sound right at the back of everything else. He had sneaked into the town with his friends, and wanted to see for himself the mysterious ghost town—all he found were monsters. 

   I pulled away from his neck and inhaled deeply through my mouth, savouring what was left inside my mouth. My eyes shifted to the boy's hooded ones, the deep brown that resembled coffee grounds. "I should keep you," I said as my hand trailed down his cheek to his chin, where I gripped it between my fingers, "as my personal blood bag."

   The boy tried to open his eyes. "Wh-what?"

   I smiled, my teeth red with his blood. "My personal blood bag," I repeated in a hum.

   "There's no need to play with food." Julian stepped to my side, laying his hand on the boy's shoulder to pull him away from me. "You need to let the others try."

   My head snapped in his direction. "I think we're all old enough to find out own food. So, how about you send your friends out to find their own?"

   Julian pulled his hand away from the boy's shoulders and laid it around my throat, his fingers digging into my skin. "You forget, Sweet Clara, but you became one of my friends the moment you turned off your humanity." There was a certain brightness in his eyes that I knew well as amusement and anger, two things that were a dangerous combination when it came to someone as unhinged as Julian. "Which means, you should share our dear friend Nick here with the rest."

   I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away from my neck. "Friends. Is that what we are?" A hum left my mouth as I took a step back, and turned my body to look back at the boy. I laid my hand on his neck, as gentle as a lover's touch "Would you share with your friends, Nick?"

   The boy did not answer. He blinked several times, tried to adjust his sight to the light and the countless people that surrounded him.

   A group of these so-called friends had gathered behind Julian, focused on every movement that I made. Their eyes focused on the way my fingers pinched the boy's chin, the way I twisted it and the crack of his neck echoed through the room.

   The body slumped by my feet, eyes open and staring at nothing.

   The group of Julian's friends stared at my mouth as I grinned, teeth speckled with the boy's blood. "I don't like to share." My voice was the only thing that could be heard in the entire bar, both loud and soft. 

   I took a few steps closer to Julian and laid my hand on his neck just like I had done with the boy, his soft heartbeat loud against the tips of my fingers. The smile on my lips did not waver as I leaned closer to him, my mouth brushing against the shell of his ears. "You don't understand what it means to turn off my humanity, Julian," I whispered. "Not only am I giving in to everything that used to make me feel like a monster, but I'm allowing myself to turn into one." I pulled away to look back into his eyes. "It means our friendship, Julian, is on my terms."

   His jaw clenched beneath my fingertips; his eyes bore into mine in what could only be described as fury. And then a smile formed around his mouth and his jaw softened beneath my hold, a calmness I had never seen since the first moment I laid my eyes on him. "You are right, sweet Clara," he said, just as soft as I had spoken to him. He laid his hand atop of mine, as if his touch was the sweetest thing. "I believe terms can be negotiated."

   "Both parties would have to agree to those terms." I let my hand close around his throat, nails digging into his skin and his blood seeping into my nails. "You will find it hard for me to agree to anything you'd say."

   He laughed. "It wasn't that hard to negotiate on something we both agree on," he said as he leaned closer to me. This time, it was his lips brushing against my ear. "Would you agree to follow me to bed, sweet Clara, if I promised you to keep the Salvatore brothers alive?"

   "I turned off my humanity, not my brain."I loosened my hold around his neck, pulled my hand away to stare down at the bloodied ends as if I had gotten a fresh manicure. "Do amuse me. Has the thought crossed your mind, Julian?" My eyes landed on him, a ghost of a smirk on my lips. "Have you imagined me naked, writhing beneath you?"

   He did not answer. 

   I let a laugh leave my mouth. "Oh, you have." I circled him, eyeing the way his shoulders became rigid and his hands closed into fists with every step that I took. "Sweet of you, but I'm not into old men. Though I have slept with the first immortal and two of the Original vampires, they didn't look as old as you so I think they don't count." I stopped moving once I was in front of him and tilted my head to the side. "I was Elena's replacement when it came to the Salvatore's, I will not be Lily's for you."

   He laughed, loud enough to have his friends stop to watch. The rigid shoulders disappeared and his hands opened as he paraded to the bar to grab two large pint glasses of beer. "If you're this Elena's replacement, why sacrifice your humanity for them?"

   "Because I was a fool," I said with a shrug of my shoulders, grabbing one of the pint glasses. Even with my humanity on, I was not a fan of beer yet I took large gulps to push back the taste of blood that was still in my mouth. 

   "Was?"

   I finished the beer and let the pint glass fall to the ground, shattering into hundreds of shards. It crunched beneath my boots as I moved forward, towards the front door. "I think having my humanity off warrants me as nothing, since I don't feel anything that could make me a fool." The winter air made its way inside as I pushed the door open with my shoulder, dancing between tables and chairs and ruffling hairs like caring hands. I stopped and turned my head to Julian. "But, that doesn't me that will stop me from making foolish decisions. For one, the next time you lay a hand on me, Julian, the only thing beneath my boots won't be glass."

   I did not wait for him to reply. The door closed behind me as I took several steps back, into the darkness of Mystic Falls. 

   In the few weeks I had my humanity off, the town had not changed. It continued to be a ghost town, haunted by ghosts of its past that could not let go. The only living that came were those that sneaked into the town, those that wanted to see if the rumours that it was haunted were true. Once they stepped into the boundaries of the town, they would not leave alive. They became the true ghosts of the town.

   No light came from the countless buildings around the town square, except the one from inside the Mystic Grill and the clock atop the police station. Even in the dimness, I could see well. The stars were bright with no light pollution, the moon a thin sliver that illuminated as bright as the sun hidden behind clouds.

   I took a seat on one of the benches and leaned back, closing my eyes to pull myself deeper into the darkness. It welcomed me freely, with open arms as an old friend would do. And I welcomed it, because my hunger was as brazen as fire and my humanity disappeared the moment I saw the Salvatore brothers with their hearts still inside their chests.

   The soft sound of feet hitting against the ground made me let out a groan. I laid my arms against the backrest and crossed my feet in front of me, keeping my eyes focused on the sky instead of the figure that stood in front of me. Even in the silence, in the breeze that pushed his scent to me, I knew who he was. 

   I pulled my head lazily up. "Stefan Salvatore," I said his name carefully, tasting it alongside the beer and blood that blended in my mouth. "I see you have returned to the land of the living. How was that personal hell of yours?"

   Stefan stared at me, a solemn look in his eyes as he took a single step toward me. "Why?" he asked, voice breaking.

   "Those are your first words to me?" I tilted my head to the side and pressed my lips into a line. "I don't get thanks for saving you and your brother's life? You're welcome."

   He took a single step toward me but kept his distance. "Why did you turn off your humanity, Clara?"

   "That's a question I keep getting and I'm tired of answering it," I said as I rolled my eyes and pushed myself to stand, pushing my hands inside the pockets of my jacket. "Why in the world would I, someone who makes really stupid decisions for people that don't care for me, turn off my humanity?" With each word that left my mouth, I took a step closer to him.

   "People that don't care for you?" Stefan's brows furrowed together as he grabbed both of my hands and held them in a tight hold in his. His thumb brushed against all four of my fingers, his other four fingers pressed against the palm of my hands as gentle and soft as a feather. "Why would you ever think that we, that I, don't care about you?"

   I stared at him, took in the colour of his eyes in the darkness of the town and the way his lips were slightly parted. He looked back at me as if I were someone he had known once, and perhaps that was true. No longer did Stefan know me, and perhaps he never did know me as much as I thought he did. 

   I pulled my hands away from his, laid one of them against his cheek and gave him a smile. My thumb brushed against the side of his nose to the middle of his cheek, as if he were still someone I cared for. "Tell me, Stefan, what was the first thing you thought about when you were brought back from the stone?"

   In the weeks we were together, I had heard the story of the infamous Phoenix Stone from Julian. His story was that of illusions: the escape was just a length away but never truly there, the death of Lily Salvatore at his hand—everything over and over again as if it were the first time it happened. When he was brought back, the first thing that came to his mind was Lily. He wanted to see her, touch her, love her like he had not been able to do for the amount of time he was in that damned stone. The bloodlust came shortly after, followed by the hallucinations. 

   Stefan did not answer my question. His jaw moved as he swallowed harshly, and his eyes glanced somewhere away from mine. 

   "There it is." My voice was soft and careful, a whisper like the cold breeze that blew against us. "There's the truth you've been hiding behind for quite some time."

   It was then that he leaned into my touch. He laid his hand atop of mine, his lips pressed against the side of it in a lovely and gentle kiss. "I'm not hiding behind anything, Clara."

   "Yes, you are." I did not wait for a beat to pass to respond to him. My gentle touch on his cheek disappeared as I lowered my hand and grabbed his chin between my fingers, just like I had done to the boy. "Come on, Stefan. Why don't you admit what you've been hiding behind? I want to hear it."

   "I have nothing to—"

   I interrupted him. "I said nothing when I had my humanity on, but there's nothing stopping me now," I told him. "You can move your mouth however you want, but we both know that it wasn't Damon or me that went through your mind when you came back from the stone." I let the edges of my nails dig into his cheeks, just like I had done with the boy and Julian. The blood was in crescent shapes on his cheek, little bloody moons on his pale cheek. "It was Caroline."

   "Don't hurt her."

   "I don't even know where she is," I said. A thick silence settled between us for a moment. "That's a lie. I know she's at Whitmore with Alaric, preparing a baby shower which she hopes I'll be able to attend with my humanity intact, or whatever. Contrary to that belief that's running through your head, I'm not Katherine. I don't care who you fall in love with or who you want to fuck."

   His eyes widened at the choice of my words, at the way I held his chin with a hard grip. 

   "Let's be honest for once, Stefan." I loosened my grip on his chin. "Since when did you realise you had feelings for Caroline?"

   It was at that moment that I thought I heard his heart break like the glass I let fall in the bar. Hundreds of shards inside his chest, pushing and digging at his skin and bones, wanting to make their way out through his mouth to lay bare everything he had hidden for whatever length of time he thought I had been blind. 

   "Remember that I have your life on my hands at the moment," I spat. "It would do you good to not lie to me."

   "Before her mother died..."

   "There it is." I breathed as if those words that left his mouth gave me a hint of freedom. "Tell me more."

   Tears began to fall down his cheeks, down my fingers. "Clara, don't..."

   "Don't what?"

   "I don't want to hurt you."

   I arched a brow and tilted my head to the side. "You don't want to hurt me?" I pouted and let my eyes drop as if his words had truly hurt me, as if everything he has ever done meant something to me. "Oh, sweetheart, you've already hurt me enough. Do you want me to remind you of how many times? I have a perfect memory."

   He shook his head. "Clara, please—

   "You know, since I'm in such a giving mood, I'll go ahead and tell you." I released the hold I had on his chin and went back to sit on the bench, leaning back and throwing my arms on the backrest as I kept my eyes on him. He stood there, in front of me, with his shoulders loose and his eyes focused on me as if I had done him some great injustice. "How many times did you choose Elena over me?"

   Once again, he did not answer. 

   "I can count a few dozen times," I continued, keeping my eyes on him. There was a part of me, and I didn't know how humane or inhumane it was, that enjoyed the pained expression he wore. He had always been attractive in pain. And I, as wicked as I became without humanity, indulged in it. "Perhaps, this could be another way you've indirectly hurt me. I mean, here I am without my humanity, which frankly was a terrible idea of mine, but I did it because I wanted to save you and Damon from Julian's clutches. So, I put myself in them instead." I waved a hand and shrugged my shoulders. "Before you even got here, Julian asked if I would fuck him." 

   His eyes snapped up, focused on me. 

   "I was flattered, but why would I want an old man?" I made a face of disgust and rolled my eyes.

   Stefan took a single step forward and laid his hands on my thighs as he knelt in front of me, as if I were some saint he would pray to. "Please, Clara," he whispered, voice full of pain and hatred and everything he had held inside of his chest for long. "Please, come back with me. Let me help you bring back your humanity."

   He should have known that saints don't listen to prayers.

   "No." I leaned closer to him, my lips brushing against his as I gave him a wicked smile. "Why would I want to go back when there's freedom here?" I laid a hand on his chin, making him look me in the eyes as I spoke. "And how would you try to get my humanity back, Stefan? Will you keep me locked and tortured for months? All the letters and the ring that brought back my humanity are burnt." I pecked his lips, but let my mouth linger close to his as I pulled that smile forward. "Good luck bringing me back this time."