review : no one stands alone
Book name: No One Stands Alone
Fandom: Naruto
Genre: Drama, Action
Author: Infinitely_Eternal aka Em
POV: Third person view
Content: 26 chapters
Status: Ongoing
Remarks: "I feel kinda confident in it, but at the same time not really. I think it's very original (plot wise at least... maybe?), but if that's the only thing going for it, then I can understand why (and I know it's not all about reads and votes) I have so low numbers.
I know it's not very helpful, but I think everything needs to get reviewed: characters and their interactions; the plot and whether or not there r holes or it makes sense. I have recently edited it so I think my writing style and choice of words is alright, but I can't really tell.
Overall, this is my first story I've written, so I want to make it as close to perfect as I can make it. The decrease in views and votes don't really help, so I'm trying very hard to make it as interesting and engaging as possible."
- Em
A) Cover - N/A
...1) Image [ N/A ]
...2) Font [ N/A ]
...3) Color scheme [ N/A ]
...4) Resolution [ N/A ]
...5) Implicative Aspect [ N/A ]
...6) Impact [ N/A ]
...7) Meaning [ N/A ]
B) Description - A- (9.2)
...1) Style [ A- ]
...2) Relevance [ A+ ]
...3) Mysticism [ B+ ]
...4) Neatness [ A- ]
C) Storyline - A+ (9.5)
...1) Chapter length [ A+ ]
...2) Prioritization [ A+ ]
...3) Spotlights [ B+ ]
...4) Composition/Style [ A+ ]
...5) Presence of Plotline [ A+ ]
...6) Originality [ A- ]
...7) Efficiency [ A- ]
D) Characters - A- (9)
...1) Accuracy [ A+ ]
...2) Description [ B+ ]
......a) Style
......b) Vividness
......c) Impact
......d) Originality (only OC characters)
...3) Presence [ B+ ]
......1) Scene distribution
......2) Contribution to story
E) Dialogue - A- (9.3)
...1) Accuracy [ A+ ]
...2) Density/Weight [ A- ]
...3) Language [ A+ ]
...4) Richness [ B+ ]
......a) Description of actions
......b) Linear to scene
......c) Creativity
...5) Length [ A+ ]
...6) Delivery [ A- ]
...7) Neatness [ A+ ]
F) Setting - A- (9.4)
...1) Direction [ A+ ]
...2) Number of locations [ A+ ]
...3) Vividness [ A- ]
...4) Scenario [ A+ ]
...5) Names [ A- ]
......a) Locations
......b) Characters
......c) Others
G) Technicals - A+ (9.7)
...1) Errors [ A+ ]
......a) Grammar
......b) Punctuation
......c) Typo
...2) Arrangement [ A+ ]
...3) Encapsulation of idea [ A+ ]
...4) Mood [ A+ ]
...5) Book title [ A+ ]
...6) Genre relevance and accuracy [ A+ ]
* * * * * * * *
Verdict :
Book rating: 9.4/10.0 (B+)
Potential: 36%
* * * * * * * *
A) Cover
I can't say since I was the one who made the cover hahaha x3
B) Description
The description was okay, it didn't reveal much of the plot and it mostly talked about Haruto and his problems. I would say I agree to what the description has revealed.
It got me excited, too :3
By the way, you should remove the second paragraph where you mentioned something about his kekkei genkai. It'll be more mysterious for the readers, and it's sort of out of
C) Storyline
It's kinda weird that now I've made the third review for a Naruto fanfic. It's kinda amazing how this review is working out, haha. Three storylines and all three are in no way similar to the other. I find it fascinating.
Your story idea was great. Although I was really confused with the Tsukishima clan's relationship with Konoha. I'll also be noting some things that concerns the clan and their abilities or shall we say kekkei genkai.
Okay, so the story was applauding. By far, it has no romance going on and is simply a story where a young boy learns to trust and have feelings despite his lack of experience for love. Because you revealed to us that his own father left him after the death of his mother. His guardian was no loving parent whatsoever, and I find this extremely sad that I want to strangle Kasumi so bad for destroying a boy. I honestly find Naruto and Haruto similar at some point. They both had parents, but both could not take care of them whatsoever. However, Haruto had a clan with him yet they neglected him. Naruto had no one as a relative, yet he was cared for and had an experience wherein he felt wanted—I love his relationship with Iruka honestly.
This all leads to the aloof attitude of our hero. I could see that your book is the record of his growth where he would find his purpose as a ninja. His trials so far are realistic and amazing. His tragic story didn't come from the scene where he sees his family killed, but rather by the neglect he feels from his peers. Right he said that he may try and try so hard to be perfect, to be the best ninja he could be, but he doesn't get the special treatment he wants. He's still regarded as a monster. This piles up on him when he accidentally hurts Ai, who I'm also hate so much because she's selfish when it comes to Hotaru. I'm in love with Daiki though.
Hush.
So far, I don't see any problem with the story. Except for the inconsistency of the characters and reality. By that, I mean the monsters that the clan is trying to hide. I feel that their existence will have to he explained later on, if you want to keep them in the story. But I feel that their existence is unnecessary unless you have a plan as to why the exist in the story. Also, if you want to name the original characters in the story more often, I think Haruto should create a wider picture to acknowledge everyone else's existence otherwise the book could get regarded as bad fanfiction.
This in the sense that you're simply inserting your character into the Naruto storyline without proper introduction and explanation. You should also change the scene where Haruto, Hotaru, and Daiki were supposed to get the scrolls from Naruto and the others while they themselves had their introduction with Kakashi. This is what I call as "unnecessary involvement" with the characters. Note to make a better storyline objective as to why and how Haruto and the others should get involved with Naruto and his team. You could consult this with me if you seem it necessary, and by all means I'm available and I'm ready to help you, haha.
D) Characters
The bunch of OCs you've inserted into the Naruto storyline was great. They had a wide range of personalities, and they all really have a role in the story. Good job on that one.
And then, Tsukishima clan. Okay, so this is the issue I've been wanting to talk about. Yep, I know you acknowledged Haku's presence with his ice abilities and it got me thinking. The Ice Release itself is a kekkei genkai and it's not one of the "eye" kekkei genkai like the Sharingan, Rinnegan or Byakugan. The Ice Release is the kekkei genkai of the Yuki clan, and the only known members are Haku and his mother. And of course, you are aware of this.
What I'm trying to say is, to make things more realistic, why not make the Tsukishima clan the remainders of the Yuki clan or even be the Yuki clan itself. Because I don't think it would be logical to have another clan have the Ice Release when we know the laws of abilities set in the Naruto universe, which is indirectly stated that clans with kekkei genkai have complete ownership of that kekkei genkai. You may have added the "eye" part but that doesn't remove the fact that the Yuki clan owns the Ice Release. You have two options for this: 1) You turn the Tsukishima clan into the Yuki clan. In this way, your OCs will have more credibility as a clan. 2) You find some other ability that may be related to the presence of the moon, since the clan's name is Tsukishima after all. But I discourage using the Ice Release as a kekkei genkai at this point.
The other characters were alright. Just the hair color part. If they are under the same clan, then I encourage you to use the same hair color as much as possible unless Haruto's mother was a blond. If the Tsukinami clan is going to be changed into the Yuki clan, then you'll have to give everyone black haircolor, maybe except for Haruto, if his mom was a blonde. But if you keep the Tsukinami clan as it is, minus the Ice Release ability, then I recommend white or pale hair color so that it matches their name.
I recommend lessening the mention of characters that have barely any impact on the story because the readers would assume that they would have a serious role. Otherwise, maybe you could add interaction that would allow the OCs to be more involved with the original cast.
E) Dialogue
Reading the dialogues and how the characters interact was heart-wrenching. I felt Haruto so much, like I empathize with his emotions and stuff. He's a hurting child and no one even cares to notice. Especially the ever-cold Kasumi.
There's no problem with the dialogues whatsoever, and there's not much to discuss about it either. You did a good job writing, that's for sure.
F) Setting
Among the reviewees so far, you did the most vivid job for the settings in your story. I applaud you for that. Good job, Em-chan. It kind of reminds me of how I write, just a bit, haha. It's great though that you're doing the best you can to describe the background. I assume that you're fully aware how I'm into vivid books coming from how I'm writing my stories.
However, you still have to work on though. There was a couple of scenes that need work, and those scenes come from the missions part and several others. But when it came to the calm parts, those that didn't include a lot of fighting, that's where I noticed that you wrote those parts most vividly.
G) Technicals
In all honesty, I saw nothing wrong with the technical details of your book. Thus, it got the highest rating, haha. Unless I missed something, this part was done really well. I didn't see anything wrong with the grammar or punctuation parts.
You did a good job in writing. For a first book, you did really good. You did a good job in carrying the mood, because I could feel it while I was reading. I'm sure that you have big plans for Haruto, and all the drama he'll be going through. The first drama was with Hotaru where he got mad with Haruto for accidentally hurt Ai. The second would probably come because of his father's sudden arrival.
I really love the title. It's heavy yet mysterious. It goes well with the story plot, and it's just there. Like, it completely aligns with Haruto and his journey where he finds purpose in his life, where he discovers that he isn't alone. I'm guessing you had a hard time finding a title for your book.
Then again, like most of the reviewees, please add tags to your story. Like add, action, supernatural, drama, and etc.
* * * * *
Concluding remarks:
I have to say, a job well done! I love the fact that the OC is a male because there are only a few male OCs I'm aware of, and this is the second book I've reviewed with a male OC, and it's amazing in all honesty.
For a first book, it's actually pretty good. I hated my first books that I've put them down and thrown them away into Wattpad's garbage bin. Mmm, I only have the Damsel in Distress books left, and I can't bear reread them?? xD
Don't worry about the decrease in numbers in reads and votes. Everyone experiences that, and I don't know if there's a remedy to it. Welp, there's just some people who will find your story and love it. Appreciate the people who have continued on, and just keep writing your story. It's like me from years before: I had a lot of people wo kept requesting for covers, people who begged me to continue writing the story, and people who just seemed to love your story. But as I continued on, I've existed in Wattpad for nearly four years now, but the people who were there for me at first disappeared. It's normal, and it's nothing to worry about.
"Quality over quantity." We've all heard that. I don't know what people's tastes are anymore, but don't be discouraged. Just keep writing and do your best.
At this point, I'd like to express my thanks. As one of my fervent followers, like you're one of those people who really try to interact with me aside from -chiakki- after so long, I want to thank you for your support. Like, after a while, people disappeared, unfollowed me, and so on, but you were always there. I noticed. You even continue reading my stuff! Unless I'm not aware, you're the only person who actually still uses my graphics! It really means a lot to me, and it makes me really happy. Thank you for that. I'll support you in every way I can as my token of gratitude. Without followers (and friends, yes, let's be friends!) like you, I won't be able to stand where I am now.
- R
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen2U.Com